24;; Everything and nothing
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When Riki woke up that morning, Jake and Eun had already eaten breakfast and gone out, presumably to take Layla on a walk.
He wasn't too bothered about it; Jake had told him the night before and he was glad that he was finally getting time to spend with his family. That was the whole reason Riki had bought Jake to Eun's house in the first place. He wasn't quite sure why he was so surprised when Jake send him a text like he usually did when he had practice – checking if he was okay.
Quickly responding to the text, Riki made his way downstairs and popped two pieces of bread in the toaster. He hummed quietly to himself, not used to being home alone.
He guessed it was because Jake was always there when everyone went out, calling each other over to their houses whenever their parents went out.
He shrugged the thought off and placed the freshly toasted toast onto his plate, the slightly ajar window allowing his skin to cool off in the warm weather and cancel out the jarring silence in the house. He took a seat on the large dining table and didn't know why a chuckle left his lips – it was so big yet so empty.
Riki took a shaky sip of his cold water before taking a bite of his breakfast, eyes averting the large window which displayed the empty roads that seemed to drag out for miles on end. He thought he might as well check up on Konon after he ate his breakfast since he had some time on his hands.
He quickly finished his food and washed his plate clean, unknowingly fumbling around with his pockets to find his phone. Riki waits patiently for Konon to respond, taking a seat on the sofa and switching on some show he knew he wasn't going to pay attention to.
"Hi Konon," Riki began when he hears his sister on the other end, "Have you eaten breakfast yet?"
He smiles upon hearing his sister's response, glad that his sister seemed to be happy by the way she spoke. He nods softly even though he knows she can't see him, eyes suddenly scanning the living room.
"Of course, I have – have you?" She asks and he can hear her sneaky grin from the phone, wondering what she was working on or up to nowadays.
"Yeah, I just made myself some toast," Riki mutters, "Anything exciting happening today?" he muses, the question never failing to make him smile. It used to be something Konon would always tell him at breakfast until he would wake up early and had the chance to steal her line until it was both of theirs.
"I wish," She sighs half-heartedly, "But all I and Yoo Mi have time for is studying – your summer holidays start earlier than ours so that's fun," Konon shakes her head and waits for Riki's laugh that always rung on cue.
"So, while you get to relax and do some cool fun things with Jake and your friends, I'm stuck here, studying until my brain explodes from stress and annoyance," Konon exasperates with an annoyed tone before she lets out a chortle, the younger male nodding with a wide grin.
"At least you get to have Bisco," Riki suddenly brings up the dog that he missed oh-so-much and even more now that Jake could probably take Layla home again.
"I could let you have him for a while if you want, otherwise I will use Bisco for my emotional support for the time being," Konon explains with a matter-of-fact tone.
"Is exams really that bad?" He teases but really, he hopes his sister is alright and could maybe get time to visit her in their break, "If it is, I wouldn't want to strip you from your emotional support," he chuckles mindlessly, carding his fingers through his hair.
She pauses for a second, "Yeah, exams are um... really, really t-tough this time of year," the wry chuckle that passes her lips and reaches Riki's ear made his carefree smile crumple up into a mere tight-lipped purse, nodding slowly.
"Hey, Konon?" He called out, voice so soft he wasn't sure if his sister had caught it over the phone, hoping that he hadn't said anything wrong because if he did he wasn't sure what he would do.
His heart nearly dropped when he heard a few soft sniffles on the other end, eyes widening as his grip around his phone tightens, "Konon?" He mutters again, slightly panicking when she didn't respond.
"I'm sorry, Riki..." Konon whispers softly, a few sniffles still evident in the silence and for once he wished there was silence instead of sniffles and heavy breaths, "I don't mean to worry you... I'm sorry,"
"What's wrong Konon?" Riki questions and wasn't able to contain his concern from spilling all over his words, blinking rapidly when his muscles tensed as he waited agitated for Konon's response.
"Riki," Konon mutters, choking back another sniffle before she spoke but her heavy breathing gave it away, "I-I didn't want to tell you this so just hang up," she mutters with a weak but stern tone.
"No," Riki shut his eyes for a moment too long.
"Hang up,"
"No." He echoed, pursing his lips when he heard his sister again, "Why don't you just hang up?" he asked.
A heavy sigh was all he heard from the other line, "I-I feel like I'm robbing you of knowing the truth so I... I can't," she mutters, the heavy guilt she passed through the phone made Riki cringe, clamping down on his bottom lip.
"Is it about," he paused, throat closing on him when his breath hitched and eyes watered, "m-mum and dad... and Mi-" his voice suddenly faded away before he could finish saying his younger sister's name, his heavy breaths making him feel breathless.
"I-I'm sorry Riki,"
And with that, a single tear rolled down Riki's cheek, lips crumpling together as his eyes blink rapidly to cancel out his blurry vision, but the tears just keep brimming up. He nods slowly, licking his lips and nodding again – still not comprehending his reality.
"Are you okay, Riki?" Konon was the one whispering comfortingly this time, the youngers throat was too dry and lip too numb to speak, "Riki? Are you okay – please tell me if you're okay," she whimpered.
"What happened, Konon," Riki muttered through seethed teeth, eyes squeezing shut to get rid of the tears in his eyes, "just tell me – please," he cried, nails digging into his clear phone case.
"Miyu, she... she," He could tell Konon wasn't crying anymore – heart too dull and too tired to carry on crying into her own shoulder to care anymore, "She- was not sure she's going to make it out of her surgery."
✩ ✩ ✩
"Riki," Jake hums warmly as he stood by the door, the younger one sitting on his bed, back pressed up against the wall silently, "Are you not gonna eat dinner with us?" he smiles meekly, stepping inside the otherwise empty room.
Riki didn't respond and merely fluttered his up for a moment to look at Jake before his eyes flickered back to his fumbling fingers, pursing his lips again when a silence broke.
It was almost evening, Riki had held up his facade for the time being but when he remembered that morning and Konon, he just broke. He stayed silent and hoped he wouldn't disturb anyone but of course, Jake noticed.
And so, he took a seat on the edge of the bed.
The older male turned his gaze towards him, and his pathetic attempt of a simple smile was crushed under the weight of his half-frown, a sigh falling from his parted lips which he thought was better than holding his frown. All Riki wanted to do was squeeze Jake into a tight hug until that warm smile fluttered against his lips again, feeling guilty that he couldn't hold up his smile for long enough.
Jake sucked in a shallow breath and carded his fingers through his hair, scooting closer to him.
"I will gently feed you if you're not gonna eat at least something," He scoffed with that same tender smile – but it wasn't that smile – just some smile he managed to muster.
"I'm good," Riki managed to say, leaning back against the wall, "And gently feeding me isn't really a good threat," he tries to smile but his lips are too numb to fake anything.
"Are you suggesting that my threats should force you to eat instead of being kind and caring towards my dear old friend?" he chuckles half-heartedly, fingers toiling with his cold fingers as he sighs, "Because I can be aggressive and scary if you want,"
"Sure, you can," Riki doesn't notice a ghost of a smile forming on his lips, but it was so faint even Jake could barely see it. His eyes wander off to the side of the room. He glances over beside him when he hears Jake shuffle closer to him, watching him blankly.
"You wanna bet that you stronger than me?" Jake mutters slightly amused as he raises an eyebrow, "We can have an arm wrestle right now or we could try to see who can carry the other person the longest – I can assure you that it's me,"
"Your just gonna win because you're heavier than me," At that, Jake couldn't help but laugh and he couldn't help but crack a half-smile.
"Muscle is heavier than fat," Jake points out nonchalantly and nudges his side, "also another reason why I'm stronger than you," he grins.
The younger shakes his head and lets his lips curve upwards into a genuine smile, eyes glances over at Jake who's still smiling foolishly to himself, "Okay then, let's have an arm wrestle," he cracks his knuckles and holds out his left hand in front of Jake who scoffs.
"Okay then," Jake's eyes flutter to his for a second before falling back to their arm wrestle.
Riki wasn't quite sure why he tempted Jake – he knew Jake was stronger than him, but he still tried – but for a different outcome. Even though he didn't mind if Jake won, he still put in his best efforts, straining his muscles until his knuckles turned white.
"Ah—" The soft cry left Riki's lips when he was still fighting back Jake's hand from crushing his hand onto the covers, the older male quickly letting go of his hand.
"I'm so sorry," he squeaked.
Holding his defeated left hand, Jake squeezed his fingers gently, "Sorry, sorry," he mutters gently, the younger still hissing in pain.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Jake continued, panicking even though he was perfectly fine, "I'm sorry, very sorry," he whispers softly.
He massaged Riki's fingers over and over again and even though the younger was completely fine, he didn't stop Jake from tending to his fingers and instead watched silently.
"Ah, ah—" Riki hissed again when Jake squeezed his pinkie finger, "your gonna kill me – how does that even help?" he seethed through his teeth when Jake continued massaging his fingers.
"Gives feeling back to your fingers,"
"By crushing them again?"
"Yeah," Jake hummed as if what he was saying made sense, "though it's not meant to be numb just a little red after,"
"Wow, now you're actually trying to rip my fingers from my sockets— ah-" He scrunched his right hand into the duvet when Jake pulled 'gently' at his index finger, squinting his eyes as he tries to oppress a scream.
"Not really my intention," He mutters as a grin plays on his lips, "It's supposed to tend to your pain,"
"Can't you tell that I'm in pain?" Riki grimaced at that the older shrugged, "You're really weird Jake – you just killed me and now your gonna do it again?" he raised an eyebrow at the younger.
"Are you saying I'm stronger than you?" Jake teased as he eyed Riki who just rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Oh please," He taunted and looked away, "I let you win that one," Jake tried to hold back his laughter, glad that Riki was finally enjoying himself after the streak of silence.
"Yeah, says your white knuckles and 'ah's," he teases with a smug grin that forces Riki to grin.
"Oh, shut up," He quietly muttered but of course, he didn't and only laughed louder, face searing a light pink while his right hand played with the duvet that had flower patterns.
"Well, by the fact that my gentle squeezes make you hiss in pain I'm gonna say I'm stronger than you," Jake said in a matter-of-fact way, his quiet flex matching with his proud tone.
"Why did you let me win?"
Riki shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno – I guess..." he trails off, eyes following his fingers foil around with the covers.
"You guess what?" Jake muttered actually curious behind his reasoning even though he knew Riki couldn't beat him to an arm wrestle, "Is it too personal?" he teases.
"I guess I like it when you massage my hand," He whispers quietly, words muffled by his embarrassment.
"Really?" Jake mused with a raised eyebrow, "I thought you said I was gonna kill you and rip your fingers off?"
"Yeah but," The younger glanced up at him, a ghost of a smile twitching onto his lips.
"It's not really the massaging I like, it's the gentle sorry's and the... kisses on my knuckles and fingers,"
"Oh, you coulda just said that" And with that, Jake pressed quick pecks all over his knuckles and redden fingers.
"Does this make your fingers feel better?" He mutters between one of the pecks, "or the massaging?"
"Your so annoying Jake," Riki groans, the tease making his face burn red, "you're lucky I like you so much – I would've broken all your fingers,"
When Jake pressed the last kiss on his wrist, he smiled against the younger hot skin when he realised that he'd made Riki smile again. He wasn't quite sure how, to be honest; he swore Riki wouldn't even glance in his direction a couple of hours ago – too upset to speak.
Eventually, he pulled away from his wrist and couldn't help but quickly peck the back of his hand, squeezing it softly before placing it on his knee, hand on top of Riki's.
"But why were you so upset?" Jake whispers softly, letting his finger gingerly tuck Riki's hair behind his ear.
Jake expected something like a sigh, or 'do I really have to' or even maybe another silent waiting game – but it was the exact opposite.
"My sister," Riki began, lips pursing between his pause as if he were trying to keep his blank expression for as long as possible.
"She has lung cancer – you know, Miyu," He gestures, the older male nodding as he rubs his hand, "She...um," he takes a long pause, the silence beginning to fiddle with his attempt to calm himself down, breathing in heavily.
"She uh..." he groans, a broken chuckle falling from his parted lips, "She had a surgery, it was planned for last year, but she wasn't ready then – I got to see her, she was so excited,"
"She went into surgery but, but..."
Jake hushes him with each tender rub on his warm hand, the hazy colours of the evening sun shimmering against his comforting smile which seemed to calm down Riki's rapid heartbeat and uneasy breaths – something drawing him closer to the way the gentle twinkles of pinks and oranges highlighted the best parts of Jake – all of him, everything.
Sucking in a deep breath, "Miyu... she went to surgery, but I guess she still wasn't ready and this time, I didn't even get to wish her luck or anything."
"She's probably forgotten about me," He sighs harshly through his nose, "I'm the worst aren't I Jake?"
"No, you're not," He smiles fondly, scooting closer to the younger so he could cup his cheek. Their eyes met for a moment; neither of them said a word and just silently sat there – not daring to look away.
"You know what'll make you feel better?" Jake raised an eyebrow at him, his hand brushing through his hair and settling on his shoulder, "Come on – I'll show you," he smiles and clings onto Riki's hand, dragging him along.
"Where are we going?" Riki mutters, the swift movement was so jarring his mind had only registered his hand being towed along by his best friend to God-knows-were. He lets his eyes flicker around the house, eyes falling back to their hands.
"C'mon," Jake gestured, both hands firmly wrapped around his own as he pulled him out of the open window. He nearly screamed when he felt the warm summer winds brush against his cheek and through his flimsy blonde hair.
"Are we even allowed to be here?" he squeaked.
"Yeah," The older states nonchalantly, and in fact, Eun's roof was flat which surprised him because he could've sworn it was pointed, "I always go here with Eun whenever I visited."
"Really?" Riki glanced back at Jake who nodded, picking himself off the rood and walking over to his side, "Have you ever fallen?" he suddenly asks when he looks down.
"Riki," He forced the younger to look at him, "do I look alive or dead to you?" he teases, nudging carefully at his shoulder.
"I dunno," Riki shrugged and turned his attention back down to the ground, the long-distance making him take a few steps back, "I'm not afraid of heights but why am I so afraid of falling?" he squeaked.
Jake pulled him closer by his waist and squeezed his side, his free hand slipping under his chin to make Riki stare into his eyes as a faint smile danced across his lips, "Are you afraid now?" he whispers ever so softly that Riki wouldn't have been able to hear unless they were a mere inch apart.
He didn't respond and just leaned in forward, hand securing himself by holding onto Jake's shoulder as he pressed a kiss on his lips. He wasn't quite sure why he did but all he knew was that he did feel much better now. Smiling against his lips, Riki pulled away, gazing into the olders eyes again.
"Now I feel better," he smiles lazily, the hand on Jake's shoulder trailing over to his cheek, running his fingers through his dark hair which made Jake flinch slightly. A warm smile fits on his lips at Riki's actions, pulling him in closer.
"Can I steal a kiss from you," Jake mummers as his breath tickles over his redden lips, "to make me feel better?" he adds, the younger nods slowly before he presses his lips against Riki's.
Kissing Riki was never boring, in fact, it was quite the opposite – all so knew yet so foreign. He always had the faint smell of cinnamon and fig that made him smile against his lips, and how he always seemed to let the kiss drag out longer than the previous one.
Jake pulled away first, letting go of his cheek and gesturing Riki to look at the scenery. They both gazed at the setting sun, fingers still wrapped around Riki's waist.
Riki subconsciously rested his shoulder on Jake's when he squeezed his waist gently. He glanced around the familiar sunset but for some reason, it felt so new, so different from the time he watched it with Eun.
"Why are you—" The older shushed him and gestured at the landscape.
The scenery knocked all the words out of his head. The sunset was just about to leave the horizon, the large houses being tinted with a gentle orange and a hazy pink that flooded the neighbourhood. The sun slowly kissed the edge of the world goodbye before setting for the new moon that would dawn with the stars.
He watched as the people walked slowly along the streets to bask in every second of the summer heat, the occasional cars catching him off guard as they zoomed past and seemed like everyone had a place to be.
The indigo sky sunk under the hazy pastel colours that streaked across the thin clouds, blurring into the streaks of light the sun managed to muster before it fully disappeared behind the skyscrapers and hills – holding onto the beautiful day as long as it possibly could.
Riki didn't notice himself getting caught in the trance of the sunset.
The only thing that drew him back to his reality was the boy that let him rest his head on his shoulder and steal kisses from him.
"Isn't it so breath-taking?" Jake mutters gently against his ear.
"Yeah... it really is," Riki glances to his side to admire Jake for a split second, the soft winds whipping through their hair tickling gently against his cheek, "it's so... breathtaking," he hums.
"Jake, I don't know what I'm saying but—" Riki pauses, waiting for Jake to squeeze his waist or to hum but nothing, he didn't respond to which he let out a slight sigh.
"I-I wish," he muttered more to himself than Jake, "I wanted to see Miyu again – just once – but I was busy here doing nothing but dancing and some stupid matchmaking that didn't even work and now... I'm enjoying the world,"
"Riki—" Jake finally spoke up, drawing him closer to his side at those words but Riki pressed his cupped hand to his lips.
"While she can't."
"I wish," Jake began, ears perking at that response.
"I wish I could make you feel better, but I really don't know how," He sighs, almost a cry at how weak and broken it is.
They're both facing each other now, silently gazing into each other's shaky eyes and somehow, their uneven breaths seem to match into a broken symphony that only they can find some comfort in.
"I wish I could fly," He mutters with a ghost of a smile.
"I wish I could fly," Jake echoed, "Fly you home and take you back when school started and drop you off again, to make you smile because then you could be there with Miyu and your mum and dad – I would even fly Konon to Okayama with you,"
"Jake, your really... something," Riki whispers softly when he mindlessly twiddles with the older's dark hair that swayed under the wind's touch.
"Really weird?" He mused.
"No," Riki rests his arms around his shoulder with a sweet smile, "really special,"
"Can I tell you something, Jake?" Riki perked his eyebrow at him, the older nodding, "I always feel useless – I'm too young to help like Konon does and too far to help Miyu with her recovery – I wanted to dance so at least she could somehow live her dreams without actually dancing,"
"I want to be with her but also be here," He sighs harshly, gripping tightly onto Jake.
"I want to be with my family Jake – you know that but I-I after what happened last month I just feel so useless, last time I did something dumb and now I feel like it's happening again," he mused, a pathetic scoff covering his cries of pain.
"I'm so embarrassed – I'm such a mess,"
"What do you mean?" Jake whispers carefully as not to hurt his Riki, holding him tighter, "and by the way, you're not a mess," he smiles fondly, pressing his forehead against the younger with a wide smile.
"When we started doing this matchmaking thing," Riki began, "I did it because, in a way, it was like helping people who didn't have anyone to lean like me before I met you and the others, it was like helping someone who was in my position."
"I know you already know this, but it was like my gift to the world and something that made me feel like I wasn't a complete idiot," Riki smiles meekly, Jake freeing one hand from his waist and tucking his hair behind his ear as he spoke.
"Matchmaking was like my outlet from feeling like a complete failure for my sister, dancing and matchmaking my only gifts but now they don't feel like anything," Riki stares intently into Jake's eyes.
"After I messed up with Minsong and Jungwon – after I couldn't control my emotions in practice... I can't do anything right, actually like it's hard for me even though Miyu is the one dying."
"Riki," Jake whispers against his lips, his warm breath making his heart still with each caress on his cheek, "You're not a failure – you're still perfect even without matchmaking and dancing,"
"I know," Riki mutters out blankly, "I guess now I know; can I tell you something, Jake?" He waits for his silent nod, gulping down his worries before he begins.
"I-I only began matchmaking not because it worked out with Sunoo and Sunghoon but because I finally felt at peace when I was doing it with you,"
"After we made YunKi's matchmaking services – I called you my best friend – do you remember? Because that was when Miyu was at her worst, we couldn't even call anymore but you were there – even when I was nothing," Riki was smiling so hard but only Jake could notice it.
"I was nothing, yet you made me everything," He confessed, "after I saw you, I tried harder to make the world better – just as you did to mine."
"Riki," Jake hushed the younger for a second, leaning in closer as his thumb traced over his cheek, "You made me everything... you are my everything."
At that, the youngers expression finally eased, and a smile fitted nicely against his lips. His heart wasn't thumping out of his chest, it was stilled and calm, a little hasty still but he liked it that way. Jake knew what that meant – that was his everything in a single heartbeat.
"You don't have to do matchmaking to be a good person, Riki – your perfect the way you are," he whispered softly and swiped his thumb under the youngers eye.
"If that makes you happy like dancing does then do it – Miyu doesn't care about things like that, she cares about your happiness and if she's living through you, wouldn't you want her to do the same?" He smiles warmly, eyes not leaving Riki.
"All your mistakes, all your laughs, all your sad days, all of you is why your perfect – is why your family is still holding on, is why your parents are still waiting, is why you're still dancing and matchmaking," Jake watches as Riki's eyes fluttered shut when he traced his lips, "is why you're special to me."
Riki opened his eyes as a smile engulfed his lips, "I'll take you somewhere one day so that you're never upset – ever."
"Riki," Jake whispered ever so gently.
"Yes, Jake?" Riki whispered back.
"I'm glad we did the matchmaking the matchmaker," He joked, watching carefully as Riki let out a sweet chortle.
"Same, I told you it was a good idea," Riki mused, leaning forward so that their foreheads were leaning against one another's again, "I'm so glad this all happened, I usually don't like to think about mistakes, but this one?"
"This one doesn't make me feel like a complete failure," He grins, gaze locking with the older as the sun encapsulates his features for the last time that day, unable to fight back the foolish grin that blossomed over his lips.
"I know mistakes are not meant to be repeated," Riki breaths unevenly against his lips, gaze not faltering when Jake stumbles closer.
"But can you be my everything too?"
Jake hummed, smiling too hard to respond with words and instead pressed his lips against Riki's. They fluttered their eyes shut as the sun closed its eyes for its slumber, holding onto each other so tightly as if they would disappear if they didn't.
Nothing else mattered at this moment, because right now, as much as this moment held nothing, Riki had his everything right there and so did Jake hold his everything just as tightly.
✩ ✩ ✩
There come the bar ice cream
Yuh
Cream (x3)
I got lots of money (yah)I got lots of cars
Bitch,
I'm the bar ice cream
Comin' through with the bars
(Ay, yuh)All iced out but I got no cream
Call me pista 'cause I got green
Melt some grape up in my lean
May be cold but I bring that heat
— Bar Ice-cream (Danny Gonzalez)