She looked at herself once more in the guest bathroom mirror and blew out a deep, shaky breath, running a hand through her hair. She’d fallen asleep last night, floating on cloud nine, so happy she could barely stand it. She could still feel Rosie’s lips softly pressed against her own as the last thoughts left her mind and she drifted off. But she’d woken up in a very different state of mind, listening to the deafening silence echoing throughout the house and terrified that it would be empty. She’d slowly gotten up and quietly padded into the kitchen, standing there and listening carefully, sighing when she picked up the sound of the shower running from the master bathroom.
Okay, she’s here but… doesn’t mean she’ll stick around.
Unsure of what else to do, she’d grabbed her own things to get ready for the day and slipped into the other bathroom as quietly as she could. If Rosie was going to run out, she couldn’t stop her and she honestly wasn’t sure she could even handle watching it happen again if that was the blonde’s plan.
She leaned the weight of her body onto her palms against the back shower wall, standing under the steady stream above her, letting it cascade over her weary form. She hated that the first thing that entered her brain that morning was the possibility of Rosie panicking and taking off, but she had to be realistic about the situation, and considering everything that had transpired over the last month, the idea wasn’t that far out in left field.
She sighed, remembering the night before and that kiss that had left her absolutely floating and almost giddy with hope. It had been so amazing. So incredible. And, good god, she’d missed Rosie’s unbelievably perfect lips so damn much. When they’d finally said goodnight and parted ways, Rosie had seemed fine with everything. Hell, she seemed downright jubilant. But, they’d been down this road before and the last time something comfortable and easy had happened between them, the next morning was a very different story. Last time, they’d simply fallen asleep next to one another and it had scared the absolute crap out of Rosie. If sleeping next to one another was that bad, a kiss would likely send her through the stratosphere.
Of course, a harsher truth hung over Lisa’s head as she slowly lathered her shampoo through her dark locks. Even though she couldn’t really stop Rosie from running away if that’s what she decided to do, the blonde taking off would probably signal the end of them. They’d said they would try to start over but if Rosie was going to disappear after a simple kiss… well, Lisa realized that she couldn’t keep chasing after her, hoping one day that the hunt would stop.
But then what would she do? She’d never pictured a life without Rosie until a few days ago when that seemed to be the only available option and, quite frankly, the mere thought left her feeling like she couldn’t breathe. Without Rosie, her life would be completely different and in the worst way possible. Rosie had been the sunshine in her dark existence for so long and she knew she’d never find anyone or anything else as bright and as luminous as the plucky girl. Going back into that shadowy reality was so utterly terrifying and she knew there’d be no other way to fight it without Rosie at her side.
Finding her own fears starting to overwhelm her, she’d quickly finished her shower and after getting ready and giving herself another long hard look in the mirror, she stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed and ready for whatever the day had planned for her. To her utter surprise, she could clearly hear the sounds of cupboards opening and closing and silverware clinking against ceramic. Rosie was in the kitchen and definitely not trying to keep quiet. She slowly made her way towards the end of the hallway, peaking around once she reached it, and caught sight of Rosie, quietly humming to herself as she poured a cup of coffee into her well-loved Tardis mug, spooning a criminal amount of sugar into the dark liquid once the mug was filled.
Okay, if she is about to run off, at least she’s caffeinating first, so maybe I have a few minutes.
She cautiously stepped into the room, hands nervously shoved into her back pockets, unsure of what to say or do when Rosie looked up at her and immediately smiled brightly.
“Hey! Morning!”
“Hi.” She couldn’t help but grin herself at the smile overtaking Rosie’s beautiful face. Okay, so far so good.
“How’d you sleep?” Rosie asked as she rounded the island corner and stepped close enough that Lisa could smell her soft perfume.
“Um... fine.” Honestly, it was probably the best night’s sleep she’d had since she’d banished herself to the couch but in the grand scheme of things, how important was that at this moment? She leaned a hip against the counter, smiling her thanks as Rosie handed her a mug of coffee she hadn’t even noticed the blonde pouring and took a steadying breath.
“You ready for today?”
“Well, I have no idea what today entails, so… I guess I’m as ready as I can be.” She looked down into her mug, noticing the liquid sloshing around just a little and realized her hands were trembling. She swallowed and attempted to steady them as she looked up into Rosie’s sweet eyes and felt the blonde place a comforting hand on her forearm.
“Relax, Lisa. I’m not going to bolt,” she said, her voice carrying a surety that was not to be argued with. She set her own mug down and reached out, placing another sturdy hand on Lisa’s and smiled softly at her. “I know I messed up before-”
“Rosie, you didn’t mess-”
“I did,” she said, gently squeezing at Lisa’s wrist. “I got scared and I didn’t know what to do. But I promise you, as scary as this might get, I’m not going to do that again. I’m not going to run away from you. And… and I really hope you aren’t going to run from me either.”
Lisa felt the tension deep within her chest slowly float away and she sagged a little further against the counter, unable to fight against the feeling of her lips twitching up into a small smile. Rosie was right, they had a marathon in front of them and at some point, they were bound to hit something that left one or both of them terrified of the situation and what was to come. But if they faced it head on, together, maybe they could get through it. Maybe they’d be alright. She held Rosie’s gaze for a long minute, finally nodding when the blonde let out a little giggle.
“I’m not going anywhere, Chaeng.”
She watched Rosie’s smile grow once again as she slowly leaned forward, carefully avoiding the mug of hot coffee between them, lightly pressing her lips against Lisa’s for a few languid seconds.
Oh fuck, I’ve missed that, she thought, relishing in the warmth and comfort that were Rosie’s lips.
She swallowed hard as Rosie pulled away, the blonde’s eyes still shining brightly as she picked her coffee back up and hopped onto one of the nearby kitchen stools, clearly waiting for Lisa to do the same. Lisa waited until she was sure her legs weren’t going to give out before she stepped forward and sat next to her, sighing in relief when she didn’t trip.
“So, we’re okay, right?”
“Yeah, sorry I just…” She trailed off for a moment, looking down at her lap as she momentarily collected herself before meeting Rosie’s patient gaze once again. “I just had a little second of panic.”
“I get those too, you know?” Rosie said, bashfully and Lisa only nodded. “But, even though it may be about you or about us, you being here for me helps. A lot. I’d like… I’d like to do the same for you if you’d let me.”
“Chaeyoung-ah, I appreciate that I really do. I just…” Dammit, how the hell do I say this without hurting her feelings? “Sometimes it’s just hard, to let myself rely on you. I want to, it’s just… it just doesn’t seem right to ask that of you.”
“You did before the accident,” Rosie pointed out.
I did. I could. You wouldn’t let me fall then. But she couldn’t say that and the guilt she felt in that moment forced her to look away from Rosie’s kind eyes. It simply wasn’t fair of her to expect that from Rosie at this point in their relationship. The blonde didn’t need that kind of pressure. She hardly knew Lisa. How could the dark-haired girl expect her to just pick right up where they left off when everything else had changed?
“I know it’s different, that the circumstances are different, but… Lisa, I’m still me.”
Lisa looked up into Rosie’s desperate gaze and felt her heart ache at that thought. Rosie was right. She was still her. Right? This wasn’t a new Rosie, was it?
Fuck.
She sighed, looking away again, wishing her brain would just shut up and stop trying to see the things that she wasn’t even sure were really there or missing.
“Please, just… just talk to me, okay? I’m not going to push, but… I’m here, Lisa. And I want to be here. I want to be here for you.”
Lisa felt Rosie reach for her hand, holding gently as she captured it and squeezed once when Lisa finally looked back up. As much as she was going to struggle with all of this, she knew Rosie was right about one thing. She couldn’t expect the blonde to stick around and rely on her if she wasn’t willing to do the same. She had to try, no matter how hard it might be. No matter how risky it was to put her heart out there because not trying would be so much worse.
“Okay,” she said, simply nodding and brushing her thumb over Rosie’s knuckles twice before letting go. She took a quick sip of her coffee, suddenly uncomfortable with pursuing this conversation any further and hoping she could distract Rosie with something else. “So, what is on the agenda today?”
“It’s a surprise but… about today, I do have a small favor to ask…” Rosie trailed off, still smiling even though she was clearly nervous about something.
“What’s up?”
“Well, I have this ‘harebrained scheme’ as you’ve so kindly labeled it and we can totally take a cab or something if you’re uncomfortable with this but… I’d actually like for us to drive. The problem is… I still don’t have a car.”
Dammit, I knew I was forgetting something, she thought as the email confirmation that the vehicle had been paid off sitting in her inbox flashed through her mind.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, Rosie. Everything’s been taken care of with the insurance, I just totally forgot to-”
“No, Lisa, it’s fine.” Rosie reached out, taking Lisa’s hand in her own again and lacing their fingers together with a reassuring smile. “Really. I mean, I’m honestly not even sure if I should get another one. I don’t really need it but… well, I was wondering if we could take your jeep today?”
“Sure. Just point me in the right direction,” she said, taking another sip of her coffee and smiling over the rim of the mug.
“Well… I was kind of hoping… I could drive?” And with that question, the entire mood in the room shifted once again.
Oh. Feeling a look of dread take over her relaxed expression, Lisa watched Rosie’s hopeful smile immediately fall and instantly felt horrible about her hesitation and reaction. Goddamnit.
“Never mind, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even asked. I mean it’s your car. I just-”
“No, Chaeng, it’s not a possessiveness thing. It’s not just my car. What’s mine is yours and… I just…”
She sighed deeply, looking away and staring down, visually tracing the patterns in the countertop below her. She felt Rosie gently squeeze her hand, hoping to get her attention and finally looking up, she saw the understanding in Rosie’s beautiful honey brown eyes, but somehow, it only made her feel worse.
“It’s because of the accident, isn’t it?”
I can’t fucking lose you again, Lisa thought but instead of voicing anything, she simply nodded.
“Lisa, I know you’re worried about it, about me, but I can’t just stop living, you know?”
“I know,” she mumbled quietly. “I… I don’t want you to stop living, Rosie.” And that was true. Lisa didn’t want Rosie to stop having a life, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to be hard or that she wasn’t going to worry.
I guess we have to start somewhere. That’s what they’d been doing so far. Starting over, together. At least if Rosie drove today, they’d be together and maybe she wouldn’t worry as much as she would’ve if Rosie had gone by herself.
“Okay,” she finally said, slowly nodding. “You can drive us.”
“Really?” The smile that brightened her features sped up Lisa’s pulse and she couldn’t help but chuckle and nod again. “Yay! Okay, let’s finish our coffee and then head out. We have lots to do today.”
“Lots? Like what?”
“Nope, I told you, it’s a surprise,” Rosie said, still beaming and now twitching around atop her stool.
“Killing me, Park.”
Despite Rosie’s enthusiasm over driving again, Lisa couldn’t help but notice the nervousness flowing off of her frame in waves as they drove through their neighborhood half an hour later. And apparently keeping quiet in the passenger seat while she had her own mini panic attack only seemed to make it worse.
Rosie had been fine when they’d climbed into the jeep and she’d started the engine, adjusting her mirrors and fastening her seatbelt. But as soon as she’d shifted it into drive, Lisa watched the smile fall from her face and her eyes widen ever so slightly. She wasn’t sure if Rosie was actually nervous or if she just wanted to try and focus so Lisa had kept quiet in her own seat and watched out of the corner of her eye. No sense in making Rosie more self-conscious with her own fears.
Ten minutes into the drive, she looked over and noticed Rosie’s breathing had sped up, eyes even wider, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tight her knuckles had paled. And for her, that was more than enough. Attempting to distract Rosie, even if only a little, she began fiddling with the radio, quickly finding one of Rosie’s favorite stations and singing along to the song that was already halfway through. Keeping her gaze forward, but watching out of the corner of her eye, she reached over as they pulled up to a stoplight and took Rosie’s hand in her own, running her thumb across those pallid knuckles. She watched as Rosie sank further into her seat, relaxing just the tiniest bit from the comforting gesture, and knew she was on the right track. Feeling the tension slightly ebb from the blonde’s form, she let go as the light turned green, noticing that while Rosie was still ridged, she had started to sing along to the radio as well, slightly bobbing her head up and down as she did.
Lisa continued to furtively focus on her as they drove through downtown, her attention so completely captivated by Rosie that she didn’t even really notice where they were until Rosie made a quick right and pulled the car into a familiar parking lot. Looking up as they slowed down, she felt herself grin at the thoughtfulness of the other girl.
“The art museum? You’re taking me on a date to the art museum?”
Rosie just shrugged, smiling as she found a parking spot and killed the engine. Lisa watched as the blonde looked over at her expectantly and couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I thought we could spend some time here and then I have somewhere else I’d like to take you. Nothing big or fancy but someplace I’d like us to try.”
“You just have the whole day planned don’t you, cutie?”
“I do, and we need to get moving if we’re going to get through it all,” she answered as she quickly climbed out of the car and began excitedly walking towards the building. Lisa only chuckled and climbed out of the car after her, jogging to catch up.
***
She stared up at the painting in front of her, turning her head from side to side as though it might help her understand just what in the hell she was looking at, but it was no use.
She thought back to that awful Vordenberg class all those years ago but that wasn’t going to help her here for a number of reasons. One, they never really covered modern art, which was apparently what the piece in front of her was classified as. Two, she’d really learned nothing from the class that she remembered because… well, Lisa was really the only reason she’d learned anything, or so she’d been told. And three… she turned and looked to her right, seeing Lisa standing just a few pieces away, utterly enraptured by what she was looking at.
Well, who the hell could remember anything about a class you took if the girl you sat next to was her? she thought with a small smile, slowly walking towards the dark-haired girl.
They’d been at the museum for a little over an hour by that point, spending most of it in silence, which she was actually okay with. She didn’t know what the hell constituted good art vs. bad art, but watching Lisa carefully take in each piece was easily the most beautiful sight in the building. Her dark eyes would widen just so, biting her bottom lip in contemplation, not a hint of arrogance or teasing anywhere on her expression. Just a girl, standing in wonder amongst beautiful pieces of art that spoke to her.
“I have to be honest,” she whispered as she sidled up next to the other girl, interlacing their fingers as she did.
“About what, Chaeyoung-ah?” Lisa asked, not even glancing away from the canvas in front of her.
“I have no idea what the hell I’m looking at.” Lisa chuckled, finally looking over and the smile she shot Rosie made her pulse race to dangerous levels. She smiled and, unable to help herself, leaned in, placing a kiss at the corner of Lisa’s smiling mouth, loving that it was alright to do that now and wondering why she hadn’t just been brave and kissed Lisa before.
Then again, maybe it was better that they’d waited and let it simmer for an extra couple of days. She’d laid in bed the night before, reliving the moment Lisa’s lips had met hers over and over as she’d drifted off to sleep, a smile etched upon her face. Lisa’s lips had felt even better than they’d looked and the fact that it hadn’t been a big, over the top moment that they’d found themselves in, somehow made it that much more perfect. It made it feel more natural. Like they’d done it a million times before. Of course, logically, she knew that they had, but since she couldn’t exactly remember those millions of times before, she focused on just how perfectly they seemed to fit together during those few moments, standing in the hallway, holding onto one another, Lisa smiling into the kiss and making her giggle. It was just so… perfect.
“So you’re saying you’re not enjoying yourself?” Lisa teased, catching her attention.
“I didn’t say that,” she said with a smile. “There are… plenty of beautiful things to look at.” She paused, taking in Lisa’s gorgeous profile and stepped a little closer to the dark-haired girl. “Are you having a good time?”
“I am, Chaeng. This was a great idea. But… I know you’re starting to get bored.”
“No, not at all,” she fibbed. She watched as Lisa finally turned to her, smirking as she did and rolled her eyes at her obviousness. “Well, I wouldn’t say bored. I just… like I said, I just don’t get it. I’ve never been really great at understanding or appreciating the abstract, you know? I mean, I’m a journalist. I like facts. I like things in concrete, black and white, you know?”
“I get it, cutie. Come on,” Lisa laughed as she pulled Rosie away and towards the stairs. “I think you’ll like what’s upstairs more.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“Just a hunch.” She followed Lisa, keeping their hands locked as they slowly ascending the marble staircase in front of them and took a right at the top, moving a little further through the galleries before coming to a stop towards the back corner of the space.
“Oh wow!” Her eyes tried to take it all in at once but it was too much. Collages of newspapers along the walls forming words and images. Paintings and pictures of newsrooms. Recreations of famous events photographed decades and decades earlier. It was like the museum had purposely mixed her and Lisa’s medias together for the sole purpose of this date.
She looked over at Lisa who was currently smirking at her and suddenly was hit with that odd familiarity that had popped up a few times before. Had Lisa brought her here already? Had they previously done a date here once? She wasn’t sure, but standing in this room now with Lisa, watching the dark-haired girl smile excitedly as she looked around, it wasn’t important. It was incredible and perfect and that was all that mattered.
***
She sank further back into the corner couch, tired and thankful that the small cafe was virtually deserted. It was a little out of the way but she had wanted to try something new for them, or at least new to her, she hoped. She thought about how nice it was to hear about the things they used to do together and the places they used to go, but she also wanted to try and start creating some new memories. Ones where she wasn’t left in the dark. When they’d pulled up along the curb ten minutes earlier, Lisa had seemed just as curious about the place as she was so she took that as a good sign.
She looked up and watched Lisa walking towards her, carefully balancing two mugs of hot coffee and the two giant chocolate swirl cookies she’d ordered and smiled. The dark-haired girl had insisted she’d carry everything out once it was ready after they’d ordered and sent Rosie off to claim the beige corner sofa that was the furthest away from the few patrons sitting near the front.
“Here you go, cutie,” she said as she handed Rosie her cookies and sat the coffees on the low table in front of her. She moved around it and sat down, keeping a few inches between them as she did and making Rosie roll her eyes and let out a soft giggle. She was starting to think Lisa was just as stubborn as she was, but that didn’t mean she was going to give up.
“So, did you have a good time today?”
“I had an amazing time today,” Lisa said, smiling softly at her. “Thanks for… planning all of this.”
“Were we not big planners for dates?” she asked, taking a bite out of the cookie currently in hand and moaning in delight before continuing. “Because I find that a little hard to believe.”
“No,” she chuckled. “There’s usually a plan. Yours tend to be very structured, but always amazing. Mine are a little more fly by the seat of our pants and always totally awesome.”
“That actually sounds about right.” She leaned in, letting their shoulders brush as she did and feeling Lisa sag a little into her. “Well, this was actually all that I had planned for today. I figured we’d be at the museum for a while so I didn’t want to rush. But we can grab dinner or something if you want. Maybe a movie? Whatever you’d like.”
Okay, chill out. You don’t have to try and sell every little thing, she thought, cringing at how desperate her voice had sounded in her own ears.
“This is just fine, Chaeng. We can just… sit right here and talk or… whatever.”
“Did Seulgi and Taeyong get back to New York okay?” She broke off a piece of the soft and gooey cookie, holding it up to Lisa as she did and handing it over when the dark-haired girl smiled.
“Yeah, I got a text from Taeyong boy late last night. Oh, these are so good. We’re totally coming back here again.”
Yes, new place!
“So what was more awkward, me meeting them this time or me meeting them the first time?” she teased.
“Oh god,” Lisa chuckled. “Can it be a tie?”
“I don’t know, what happened the first time?”
“Oh, now you want that story?”
“Well, you told me about you meeting my dad. It’s only fair that I get to hear about meeting your family.”
“I suppose, though compared to my family, I think I got off easy with Mason.”
***
Six Years and Three Months Earlier
Lisa nervously fidgeted in her seat, tapping at the armrests, and Rosie was finding herself both worried and completely fascinated by this new, strange behavior. She’d never seen Lisa this nervous before, even when she’d first met Mason and she honestly wasn’t sure what to do.
“Lisa, are you okay? I mean, are you going to be sick? Do you get airsick?”
“No, I’m fine, I just… I’m fine.” She watched the dark-haired girl continue to fidget in her seat, her eyes locked on the seat in front of her, clearly the definition of not fine.
The bumpy flight to New York hadn’t exactly come as a surprise. Taeyong had asked Lisa a little over a month ago if she could find any way to make the trip home for a quick visit. He’d just finished up his undergraduate degree that May and after taking the summer off was getting ready to take on the next chapter towards his coveted law degree at the illustrious Harvard University, much to Lucy Morgan’s utter pride and pleasure.
Lisa had tried to hold off on committing to the trip home for the stuffy party Lucy was throwing him but after constant pestering by both Taeyong and then Seulgi, she’d finally agreed when she’d found a cheap enough flight. Rosie knew that even though Taeyong had chosen the easy path, Lisa was still proud of her big brother and that she really did want to see and spend some time not just with him, but with Seulgi as well.
What had come as a surprise was when Lisa had asked Rosie if she’d like to come with her. It was only a long weekend trip so she wouldn’t really be missing much in the way of classes and she had more than enough money stashed away to cover the ticket there and back. But the fact that Lisa wanted her to now meet her family had been shocking.
Sure Lisa’s relationship with Seulgi and Taeyong was great but inevitably at some point over the weekend they’d have to deal with her mother, and Rosie really didn’t think Lisa had any interest whatsoever in introducing her to Rosie. After all, as far as Rosie knew, it had been well over two years since the two had even spoken, let alone seen each other.
“Are you sure, Lisa? I mean, of course, I’ll go if you want. I just… please don’t think you have to invite me for this just because you met my dad.” They were sitting at one of the local Chicago coffee shops, enjoying their second cup when Lisa had broached the subject.
“No, this isn’t a tit for tat thing, Rosie. I mean, I do want you to meet Seulgi and Taeyong but it’s not like I’ll really be spending much time with them if I know my mother and the party she’s undoubtedly planned.”
“What about your mom though? I mean, from what you’ve said, I doubt she cares about meeting me.”
“Look, Chaeng, my mother is not going to be pleasant to deal with and if you come with me and she so much as even acknowledges you exist, I’ll be completely shocked.”
“That’s… really?” Rosie couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice. “Like, saying hello is just too much for her?”
“You definitely won’t be getting a ‘hello’.” Lisa let out a humorless chuckle as she looked away for a moment, eyes lost only to turn back a moment later, her dark orbs now holding a sadness that absolutely broke Rosie’s heart. “But, please don’t take it personally. It’s not you and it has nothing to do with you. It’s me, okay. She just… she just doesn’t like me.”
“Well, that’s insane!”
“I’m not saying she’s right, Rosie, I’m just telling you that if you come, that’s what you should expect. Look, I get it if you don’t want to go. I’m not exactly selling it here. But…” Rosie watched Lisa lean forward, reaching for her fingers and wrapping them together. “I just… I’d kind of like you to be there. Just, for me, I guess.”
“Well, okay then, I’ll go,” she answered immediately. She tried not to but she couldn’t help but laugh at the look of surprise that instantly took over Lisa’s face.
“Really? Just like that?”
“Yeah, I mean, I doubt we’ll get to do much sightseeing, but I’ve never been to New York and… well, I’m happy to keep you company for a few days,” Rosie said with a shrug and a smile. She didn’t have to say anything more. Lisa understood exactly what she was implying and smiled softly at her, bringing Rosie’s hand up to her lips and leaving a sweet kiss on her knuckles.
“Thanks, Chaeng.”
Rosie had bought her ticket that afternoon and they’d found an inexpensive hotel nearby that Lisa had insisted on covering. All in all, the logistics had been fairly simple but Rosie couldn’t help but notice that Lisa had been extra quiet ever since.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, we’ll be landing in about fifteen minutes so just sit tight and welcome to New York.”
Rosie watched as Lisa gripped both armrests tightly, blinking rapidly as she stared down at her lap.
“Seriously, Lisa, should I call someone? I thought you said you didn’t have a problem with flying.” She reached for one of Lisa’s clammy hands, carefully sandwiching it between hers and holding tight, and for that moment, it seemed to give the dark-haired girl something to focus on.
“I don’t, I just… sorry, I’m fine.”
“Should I not have come? I mean, you asked me so I thought-”
“No, Rosie, I want you here. I want you to meet Seulgi and Taeyong. I just… you know I haven’t been home in a long time. Just a little anxious, that’s all.”
Rosie just nodded, accepting the explanation for now, but keeping Lisa’s hand wrapped in her own, only letting go after they’d safely landed and had taxied to their gate. They made their way off the plane, bags in hand and Rosie let Lisa quickly and silently pull her through the unfamiliar airport and outside to a row of waiting taxis faster than she could blink. She’d honestly never seen Lisa move so swiftly and it only served to heighten her worry.
“We’re going straight there?” Rosie asked when Lisa gave their cab driver an address that was definitely not for the hotel they’d booked and looking down at her plain t-shirt and faded jeans.
Ugh, I look like crap.
“I promised Seulgi I’d try to get there around the same time she did. Safety in numbers and all,” Lisa said as she stared out the window, clearly not sharing in Rosie’s fashion crisis.
She wanted to ask more questions but Lisa was already on the verge of shutting down completely. Even though the dark-haired girl had gotten a million times better at talking to her and letting her peek inside over the last few months, there were still times when it just got to be too much. And Rosie had learned, pushing never got her anywhere. But if she waited and just stood there by Lisa’s side, the dark-haired girl always eventually came around.
Rosie slid over into the middle seat of the cab, reaching for one of Lisa’s hands and pulling it into her lap. She watched as Lisa kept her eyes focused out the window but felt the other girl slowly melting into her side as she ran her fingertips along the back of the soft skin, occasionally even moving them up to brush inside Lisa’s wrist. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough. It was a comfort they both needed and craved at that moment. They could talk later, but for now, Rosie just wanted Lisa to know that she was there and that she loved her.
The drive from the airport took about thirty minutes but she was so hyper-focused on Lisa, she didn’t even really notice. Nor did she notice the neighborhoods getting nicer, the grass getting greener, the houses getting bigger. Finally looking out her window as they slowed down, Rosie felt her jaw literally drop as the cab pulled up the long, winding gravel drive towards a mansion hidden far off the road behind an imposing wrought iron gate.
“Holy crap, Lisa! This is your house?!”
“It’s my mother's house,” she answered, her voice already heavy and tired.
“It’s the biggest I’ve ever seen!”
That was actually an understatement if there ever was one. The place was enormous and probably could’ve easily fit everyone in her old neighborhood, with room to spare. The cab stopped and Rosie took a moment longer to admire the beauty of the stone structure, only getting out after the cab driver sent a loud, purposeful cough her way. She looked out, seeing Lisa already standing a few feet away, giving her a questioning look and quickly clambered out of the backseat. Hoisting her bag over her shoulder, she looked up again, taking in any detail she could from the numerous, large white paned windows, spaced evenly apart along the front of the mansion to the vast slate roof, pristine as it was and looking like it had never seen a day of adverse weather.
“You coming?”
She quickly closed her mouth with an audible snap and jogged forward to catch up, following along as Lisa led them up a massive cobblestone path towards the stairway that led to the enormous front door. As they stopped in front of it, Rosie found her eyes roaming back over the structure, unable to stop the total and utter awe that had overtaken her mind.
“Thanks for coming, Rosie.” She turned from trying to take in every detail of the elaborately designed mansion, catching the small, grateful smile on Lisa’s lips and immediately nodded, her brow furrowing when Lisa actually rang the doorbell instead of just letting herself in.
My dad would have an absolute fit if I did that. ‘This will always be your home, pumpkin, never forget that.’ She looked up half a second later at the sound of heavy locks being turned and swallowed hard. Okay, meeting Lisa’s family. You can do this.
“Ah, Ms. Manoban.” A tall, graying man in a finely pressed suit stood on the other side of the open door and gestured for them to enter with a small smile and a nod.
“Hey, Peter.” Lisa actually cracked the first genuine smile Rosie had seen all day, the effect immediately giving Rosie some reprieve from her worry. “Still on door detail huh?”
“Yes, miss. However, I’m afraid you’ve caught me a bit unprepared.” Rosie frowned in confusion as this was clearly the most put together man she’d ever seen. “We weren’t expecting you.”
Oh, that.
“Yeah, um… probably shouldn’t admit to letting me in then. She might dock your pay,” Lisa joked.
“Very well then, Ms. Manoban.” He nodded, still smiling before turning to Rosie, nodding politely at her as well and closing the door behind them. “You’ll find Ms. Kang and Mr. Lee out on the back veranda. Please let me know if there’s anything else.” And with that, he turned and walked away.
Now that they were alone, Rosie felt her mouth fall open once again, taking in everything from the gorgeous marble floors, stone walls and pillars, all the way up to the high ceilings where extravagant chandeliers hung. Everything fell into white or a whiter shade of white color spectrum and so bright it was practically blinding. Even the beautiful art that hung strategically on the walls was subdued and quiet.
Oh god, do not touch anything, Park. Pretty sure they have a ‘you break it, you buy it’ policy here and you’re clumsy as hell when you’re nervous.
She felt Lisa pull at the hem of her shirt to get her attention and she followed the dark-haired girl through the magnificently massive first floor, taking note that each room they passed was just as beautiful but also fairly sparse on the contents, only the bare minimum of furnishings taking up space here and there.
Guess they aren’t much for comforts around here.
Beyond the minimum contents of the house, Rosie noticed the quiet hanging in the air, despite the number of other people milling about, all clearly there solely to take care of the house.
Holy crap, they have servants?!? Like actual, real servants? I thought those only existed in movies!
Some glared at them as they passed but most offered polite nods or smiles without saying anything as they went about their business.
Despite the lack of comfortable possessions occupying each room, they somehow each seemed to grow more extravagant as the two passed through the house. Perhaps it was the size, as each one seemed larger than the last and she began to wonder if, even in all its beauty, Lisa ever had ever gotten lonely inside the cold stone walls of the mansion.
They eventually made it to a gorgeous set of french doors, exiting out and onto the back patio, which in stark contrast, was surrounded by lush plants and flowers, finally adding some color to the extreme sterility of the house and bringing in some warmth that it was sorely lacking. Rosie followed close behind as they climbed down another intricate cobblestone staircase and around the vast balcony towards a lone table off to the side where a young man and woman were sitting, carefree and laughing under the beautiful sunny day. Rosie took in their flawless appearance as they approached and immediately knew they were Lisa’s siblings. She looked down at her own simple clothes once again and immediately cringed. She should’ve worn something a little more fashion forward.
Except you don’t own anything like that.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here? She actually decided to grace us with her presence.” Rosie watched the gorgeous woman make eye contact with them and stand, smiling as Lisa moved forward, the two laughing and embracing for a long moment.
“Well after the two of you kept blowing up my phone, what choice did I have. Besides, I had to see it with my own eyes.” Lisa turned to the boyishly handsome man and hugged him just as hard, laughing when he lifted her a few inches off the ground, squeezing her tight. “Congrats, Taeyong boy.”
“Thanks, little sis. Never thought the day would come,” he said with a smile as he put her down and let go.
“So how much did you have to pay for them to actually let you graduate?” Lisa teased.
“I may have just hacked into their server and changed my grades,” he smirked back and the three siblings all chuckled fondly at one another and Rosie realized, in that small moment, just how important they all were to each other. Even though they hadn’t seen each other in ages, they seemed to pick up right where it was that they’d left off. She smiled fondly, feeling her heart lighten up as Lisa smiled brightly while the three did their initial catch up, ribbing one another at lightning fast speed.
“And… who do we have here?” Rosie’s smile disappeared and she swallowed hard as three sets of incredibly intense eyes turned to her, raking over her form as they sized her up. She suddenly wished she’d planned for this a little more since even though Lisa had waved off her anxiety with a ‘don’t worry, they’ll love you,’ meeting her siblings was still a very big deal and she desperately wanted to make a good first impression.
Lisa smiled softly at her, stepping back towards her with a wink, before turning back to her siblings.
“Rosie, this is Seulgi and Taeyong. Guys… this is Rosie, my girlfriend.”
She watched the two of them look at each other in faux shock, Seulgi placing a hand over her heart and Taeyong putting his hand over his open mouth before they turned back with wide eyes to Lisa.
“Oh really, Lili?”
“Girlfriend, why I never…”
“Don’t fucking start. I’m not putting up with your shit in addition to mothers so just knock it off and stop trying to make me look bad. Yes, I have a girlfriend. Yes, this is her. You knew all of this and you knew she was coming, deal with it.”
“Calm down, Lisa, we’re only teasing,” Seulgi said, slipping back into her relaxed stance with a smile and an eye roll. “There’ll be plenty of time to panic and be frazzled later. Now, you…” Seulgi turned to Rosie, smiling mischievously.
Oh no.
“My my my… after all the little strumpets Lisa’s paraded around in secret, you are not at all what I expected.”
“Seulgi, don’t,” Lisa warned, taking hold of Rosie’s hand and pulling her close.
“What, I didn’t say anything bad,” she said with a chuckle.
“Yet,” Taeyong added.
“Seriously you guys, be nice. I know it’s not in your DNA but just try. For me. Just this once.”
“You’re no fun, Lili,” Taeyong said before turning to Rosie and letting the playful smile slip from his face. “Pleasure to meet you, Rosie.” And just like the proper boy he was raised to be, he reached over and shook her hand with a little bow.
“Miss Manners would be so proud,” Seulgi said, rolling her eyes again. “Now, Gidget, we want to know all about you and how you managed to seduce our little dark monster.”
“Oh, uh, well…”
“Seulgi, normally you say hello before you start an inquisition,” Lisa cut in, wrapping a protective arm around Rosie’s waist and pulling her close.
“I wasn’t planning on an inquisition but if you insist…” Seulgi trailed off with a smile and Rosie watched Taeyong chuckle lightly at her while Lisa merely shook her head, attempting to hide her smirk.
“Taeyong? Are you out here darling?”
Rosie immediately felt Lisa tense up beside her and then pull Rosie behind her, letting go of her hands once she was moved. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Seulgi and Taeyong also step forward, almost as if they were shielding her from whatever was coming, all three siblings now wearing the same dark, defiant expression.
She looked up, watching as a beautiful middle-aged woman rounded the corner from the stairway and came into view, a condescending and superior air coming off of her in waves. Her gray eyes narrowed as she approached the group, stopping just a few feet away and towering over the foursome as she finally reached them.
“Ah, Seulgi. Lisa. I wasn’t aware that either of you were planning to attend the celebration this weekend. And I’ll have to speak with Peter about what sort of riff-raff he lets into my home.”
“I let them in, mother. And I invited them,” Taeyong spoke up and Rosie noticed, despite his outward appearance, the confidence from just a few minutes earlier had left his voice. “It’s my party and I wanted them here to celebrate.”
Holy crap of all craps. She hadn’t even sent a glance in Rosie’s direction and already, the blonde was absolutely terrified of this woman. How did Lisa deal with this for years?
“Hmm, well then. I suppose they may attend the festivities tomorrow if it’s that important to you, dear.” She stared hard at both Lisa and Seulgi for a long moment, her face awash with obvious displeasure before speaking again. “I expect you’re both staying at one of the local motels because quite frankly, we just don’t room for you here.”
There’s like a billion rooms in this house! What the hell?
“Don’t worry, I don’t think either of us thought you were going to roll out the welcome mat mother.” Where Taeyong cowered, Seulgi seemed to grow even more defiant.
“Ah, well you’ve always been somewhat bright, Seulgi.” The two stared at each other, eyes challenging before Seulgi finally looked away, nodding at Taeyong.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, little brother.” And with that she turned and walked away, heading around the perimeter of the house, her heels clicking on the stone walkway that followed it.
Rosie turned back, noticing Lucy’s hard, unflinching stare had made its way to her, and despite the warm August sun, she felt a chill run down her spine.
“Taeyong, I came looking for you because there’s a small matter in the kitchen that requires your attention. Please go see to it.” Her tone left no room for arguments and Taeyong quickly nodded before sending Rosie and Lisa a quick smile and running off to the house.
“Who is this?” she asked, her voice harsh, eyeing Rosie like she was something she’d just scraped off her Manolo Blahnik’s.
Rosie felt Lisa reach behind her back, searching for her hand, which Rosie quickly offered. She squeezed once, she seemed to stand a little taller, her chin brazenly jutting out just the slightest bit.
“Rosie, this is my mother, Lucy Morgan. Mother… this is Rosie, Roseanne Park…” Lisa paused for a moment, swallowing hard and squeezing Rosie’s hand behind her back once more. “My girlfriend.”
The moment of silence that followed was louder than anything Rosie had ever heard and she waited, terrified for whatever was to come next.
“Ah, yes,” Lucy said, her face remaining hard. “Of course.”
And then the silence again. What should she do? Should she say something? Attempt some of that awesome Park charm and hope for the best?
“It’s um… it’s lovely to meet you, Ms. Morgan,” she finally squeaked before clearing her throat. “Your house is incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like it. It’s… it’s really beautiful.”
Good, that’s good. You didn’t stumble. You were polite. She can’t fault you for that.
She held Lucy’s hard stare for all of five seconds before she looked away, staring down at her feet, her toes nervously dancing within her worn out tennis shoes.
“Lisa, the next time you come home, I expect you to follow the rules,” she said, her unforgiving gaze now on the dark-haired girl in front of her and completely ignoring Rosie in the process. “And not to come unless you are explicitly invited… by me.”
She glared at Lisa for another long moment before turning and walking away without another word. Rosie felt Lisa’s hand go limp in her own as the other girl sagged and looked away.
Wait, no. What…?
“Lisa, I… I’m sorry, what just happened?”
“Pretty much what I expected,” Lisa mumbled, her voice defeated.
“Did I mess this up? I didn’t mean to.”
“No, cutie, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Lisa turned back to her, frowning and frustrated. “I just… I shouldn’t have come.”
“But you came for Taeyong.” Lisa just shrugged, looking down at her feet, like that lost little girl that she kept hidden inside. “Lisa… would it have been better if I hadn’t come?”
“It wouldn’t have mattered, Rosie. Whether you’re here or not… I’m still gay and she still hates me because of it,” she answered with a shrug as she looked off into the backyard. Shaking her head, she turned and walked in the direction Seulgi had gone, clearly not intending to go back into the house. “Come on. We can head to the hotel and come back tomorrow for the party.”
***
Present
“Wait. So she cut you out of her life because you’re gay?!”
“Well, among other things. I mean, it was never the only reason I was a huge disappointment, but it was the final, big nail in the proverbial coffin.” Lisa shrugged like it was no big deal, but Rosie couldn’t imagine that that was true. She could never picture doing anything that would make Mason stop loving her. That would make him push her away from him and out of his life. Out of her childhood home.
“Lisa, that is so completely and utterly insane. I mean, what difference does it make who you’re attracted to?”
“It made a big difference to her,” Lisa answered as she took the final sip from her mug and placed it on the table in front of them. “It’s messed up but… I never understood why until…” She sighed, looking down at Rosie’s hand, held captive in her lap and again, Rosie waited silently until the other girl was ready to continue. “She apparently fell for her best friend when she was younger and when the girl’s parents found out and threatened to cut her off, the girl chose the money over my mother.”
Oh wow.
“And when Lucy’s parents found out, they didn’t give her a choice. They just sent her packing. She had no one. She had nothing. She had to rebuild everything on her own to survive. And she did but… it really messed her up.”
Rosie was dying to say more but waited as patiently as she could for Lisa to continue. Patience, she was learning, usually meant a bigger payoff as far as the dark-haired girl was concerned.
“I know that’s not an excuse for what she did to me. And I know I shouldn’t feel anything good towards her. I mean, there were so many things about me, that she made it abundantly clear were not acceptable. But at the same time, she gave me things that I never thought I could ever have, that I never even knew existed. She gave me a roof over my head and food in my stomach. She gave me a really good education before I went to college. She gave me books that took me away from the real world and tossed me into lands of fantasy. She gave me my first set of charcoals and paints and I figured out that I could actually do something with my love of art. She… she gave me Seulgi and Taeyong. She gave me something almost normal, almost ordinary. She gave me hope long ago that I… that I was normal and ordinary. She chose me out of all those other kids for a reason. And even though, in the end, she took all that away, I still have the memories. And I know that probably doesn’t make much sense but… for the longest time, that was all I had.”
“I get it, memories are important, Lisa.”
Lisa quickly turned to her, eyes wide and cringed.
“Oh, shit, Rosie, I didn’t mean-”
“No, Lisa, I wasn’t looking for a pity vote with that! I get it. You have some good memories of her and those are important. And you should hold onto them. Just because you don’t have her in your life anymore, that doesn’t mean that those things didn’t matter before.” She watched Lisa slowly nod and reached out, placing her casted hand on Lisa’s knee. “What… what happened?”
“She was already pissed that I chose UChicago. She refused to pay for it and… well, I was okay with that because I never wanted her money. But halfway through my first semester, she came to visit. I didn’t know she was coming but, apparently, she was hoping that I would be so miserable there that she could change my mind and send me to Columbia like she’d planned. She showed up outside my dorm and… I just happened to be bringing someone else home.” Lisa paused and looked up, gauging her reaction. It wasn’t pleasant to think about the fact that Lisa had a very colorful past before she’d come along, but that wasn’t the point of the story. She squeezed Lisa’s hand and simply nodded, waiting for her to continue. “She saw us and I didn’t notice her until it was too late. She never said anything, just turned around and walked away. About a week later, I got a couple of boxes in the mail with the rest of my stuff from the house and a letter from her attorney saying that I would no longer be receiving my trust fund when I turned 21 and that I was completely cut out of any and all finances.”
“She took away your trust fund?”
Lisa just shrugged and nodded.
“I mean, like I said, I didn’t care about the money. I just… it doesn’t matter.” Lisa pulled her hand away and Rosie watched her close in on herself, hating that she felt so absolutely powerless at that moment. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. We were having a nice time and-”
“Hey, you didn’t ruin that.” Rosie waited for those intense dark eyes to finally meet her own, smiling softly when they did. “So, I guess now I understand why you don’t really have a relationship with her… why you don’t really talk to her.”
“Well…”
“What?”
“Initially, yes. I didn’t have anything to say to her and she had even less to say to me but…”
Rosie watched the dark-haired girl struggle, something warring in her brain that was not being said. She bit her tongue, waiting another full minute before getting an answer.
“Rosie…” Lisa trailed off for another moment, looking away, an unfamiliar pain in her eyes. “My mother… she passed away a few years ago.”