Chapter Twelve: Nobody, Told Me That You'd Be Here
"I always admired them as well," Hotch whispers.
In a spear of the moment, it felt as though your lungs were rejecting air. The feeling of lust you had for Aaron that was unsure, has evidently become sincere. Cars lugged across the roads and for a moment you forgot about everything. Axel, the case, the estate, the text, you could only fathom the way his hands felt in your body.
Doing this is wrong, you knew that. Being in a state of mind that you are in, it was hard to tell if you really wanted this or maybe you were just trying to fill a void that Axel had always left to starve: affection. You were blindsided to the consequences that might come from this. You've never had your first and you didn't exactly want it to be in a hotel room to your boss or guardian for that matter.
Maybe it was destined to be this way. To simply never feel ready for the necessary steps in life when it comes to men. It wasn't that you didn't trust Hotch, because you mostly did, but it was the current mental block overriding your thoughts. What the hell was happening?
"I don't know what is happening, Aaron." You day breathlessly, not nearly above a whisper. So low that the sound didn't carry through the room and even he had a hard time hearing it.
He placed a kiss under your jaw line. "I don't understand sweetheart," he says, "You know what you want, so say it now."
You placed your hands over his that were under your shirt, and laced them together. You savored the moment of his soft lips touching your hot skin and wondered if this was truly it. If what you've been waiting for is here and you need to take advantage of it. Overthinking was the devil in disguise.
"I-" you paused, "I don't know what I want." You admitted sheepishly. You did know deep down, you wanted to feel his lips against yours but you'd never care to say that out loud. That would mean submitting to something you've been scared to approach for the last few weeks.
Slowly, his hands move higher and higher until he is toying with the band of your bra, snapping it against your skin. "You know what you want Y/N, you're just too scared to say it. I can't do anything without your words sweetheart."
Lights streamed outside and you couldn't seem to take your eyes off of them. They were blue and red and white, the only sane thing keeping you from crumbling under his touch. You lean your head back against his shoulder, eyes closed and mouth agape and he kissed farther and farther down. The button to your shirt was undone leaving extra room for him to travel down to your breasts. You weren't fully exposed but it was enough to feel your hands sweat.
"If I admit what I want, what does that make me?" you question, thankful that you couldn't see his reaction. His lips curled upwards and you could feel the movement in your skin.
"A smart girl," Hotch mocked. "I figure I know your choice already. Let's hear it Y/N."
Instead of responding, you turned quickly to face him, grubbing the tie he wore and pulled his face quickly to yours. Your lips crashed together intensely and he was immediately kissing you back. It was almost as though he had prepared for this moment, his hands still under your shirt but now drawing small figures with his thumbs.
The open window provides enough light just for you to see. The kiss was quick and sloppy, yet full of so much emotion that it made you light headed. You moaned softly into his mouth and his tongue ran across your lips, parting them to invite himself in. It was lighting you on fire with desire. Your tongues danced and your lips were connected like magnets.
Soon enough your back was against the window. Even if the possibility that it would break was evident in your mind, you continued. "I've wanted you for so long," you mumbled against his lips.
"You're a drug Y/N," Aaron groans, "I couldn't stay away from you any longer."
You leaned your head against the window to allow access to your neck. He sucked lightly on the skin on your collarbone. Fog smothered the window from your heavy breaths despite you not being fully pressed against it. Your head was filled with so many thoughts that the sorting process didn't exist anymore. Deep down you came to the realization that this couldn't advance anymore, it was wrong on so many levels.
Not long ago, you could say that you've only kissed one person. It felt weird- disgusting even to feel guilty for kissing someone other than Axel. He didn't have a hold over you now but it would always feel like that now that you know he is watching. Another part felt like you were cheating on him. You hate his guts and yet he continues to take from you. You closed your eyes tightly- trying to shake away those thoughts.
"Stop-" you whispered, "Stop, stop, please."
Hotch immediately backed away, breathing heavily and hair disrupted. You crossed your arms over yourself and ran a hand through your hand. Residues from him were left on your lips. Reluctantly, you moved a hand and ran a finger over your bottom lip. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"
You shook your head and sighed. "No, um- you didn't hurt me I just d-don't think we should be doing this right now." You refused to look into his eyes.
"Y/N look at me," Hotch says softly. When you refuse, he hooks two fingers under your chin and forces you to look in his eyes. You didn't know how to explain the hold Axel still had on you. "We don't have to do anything, okay? I was out of line."
"N-no I want this- I just don't think I can comprehend it. I was with Axel for so long and he was my only person, I can't understand what's happening now. I don't feel like myself Aaron."
He cups your cheeks in his hands with a sincere look in his eyes. "You don't have to be sure of anything right now. You're tired, get some rest and we will visit the estate tomorrow, yes?"
You nodded in agreement and quickly changed in the bathroom before sleeping soundly in clean sheets.
• • •
"Are you ready?" Hotch asks.
You stare at the large estate called JM Manor. It was an absurd name that Lesly came up with and insisted was kept in place after his death. Technically, you could easily change it, but seeing as this was the main home for the Jacobs family made you keep it in place as a sense of normalcy. Axel was nearly crushed after his fathers death and you wanted to do something humane that he wouldn't know the extent of.
Truthfully, it was never clear what Axel wanted out of his fathers death. Sure he wanted money, however there was always something more that you began to conclude as closure. The home itself was in upper Manhattan and had large white pillars garnishing the front entrance. Several expensive cars lined the lavish driveway but were all really abandoned and dusty.
"As ready as I'll ever be," you breathed, "Might as well get this over with. I just need answers so let's just get them and get out."
Anxiety rises as you become hyper aware that Axel could be watching. When you woke up this morning, everything seemed more real than it did when you were sleep deprived and lust driven. He is out for you and he doesn't take no for an answer.
Aaron followed you up the driveway all the way to the door. Security used to be extremely tight here. After Lesly passed and Axel moved out of the manor, it slowly loosened with only a few guards patrolling the car garage and gun room.
"Thumb print?"
You nodded and placed your finger in the thumb reader by the door. Afterwards, you bend down to facial recognition to scan your face with a green laser. "Lesly was a conspiracy theorist, thought the government was tracking him through vaccinations."
The door clinked and began to slowly open to reveal the home. "Welcome Ms. Marie" the robotic voice spoke.
The gold trim on the walls was enough to drive someone crazy. The door closed on him and the diamond chandelier descended into the foyer slowly. "Did Lesly ever mention his life outside the home?"
"No that I know of," you sighed, picking up the junk mail on the table to quickly scan over it. "He was a closed off man. I didn't know who Axel was at first but I quickly learned. Lesly paid me to stay with him when he knew he was passing soon."
You watched him as he took in the place. He was clearly curious about the history of the home and the evidence that laid within its walls. "He was a theorist?"
"Oh God, yes. It was horrible to listen to. I think that's why my father didn't want me around this family, but he was barely there himself." You groaned.
"Did Axel ever pick up on these ideas?"
With another groan, you turned to face Hotch. You were standing by the grand staircase which led upstairs to Lesly's room. You weren't sure what you would find. "No. Axel was more conservative. Grew up believing the man had all the power while the woman stayed home. Lesly thought everyone was working against him and never allowed strangers."
Hotch furrowed his brows. "Then how did you get in?"
"Dunno," you shrugged your shoulders and began to walk up the stairs. "He just always seemed to trust me, saying I was the key to forgiveness. I never cared about what he meant. Axel's mother gave birth and ran."
Silently, you made your way to the master room. It was nostalgic to walk along these walls after five years. Before you and Axel were officially together, you lived here for two years. Law school was traumatizing and when you met him, you had to stay. When you walked in, the high ceiling and angels painted opened the room even when it felt suffocating to be inside.
A California king sized bed sat in the middle with a large black canopy. Lesly was always weird about his personal life. Never opening up or sharing details to you. Searching this room would be hard and time consuming. There were so many drawers and hidden safes, whatever might show up would take forever to find.
"Make yourself comfortable," you say, "We're going to be here for a while. I know nothing about this man."
Hotch was stone nearly, expression emotionless as if he was truly on the job. His voice was cold and detached when he looked closely at everything. "What did he mention actively? Numbers, letters, phrases?"
"Okay uh- mostly the number seventy and the letter H. He didn't speak much unless it was really important but when he did, he always mentioned forgiveness of being in debt of some kind."
He chuckled darkly, "This man couldn't possibly be in debt. He was rolling in money. Those kinds of men don't pay debts."
You began opening every possible place in the room. It was hard enough to be in here but looking through everything was even worse. There were two things you needed: an answer as to why all the money went to you, and why is Axel borderline psychotic? It may seem harsh but any key to his childhood could be a key to why he is violent in his adult years. Perhaps abuse, physical, sexual, or emotional.
Sometimes you forget that you aren't a profiler. Some may argue that the court room requires profiling skills to see how witnesses react to questioning, how the jury may be leaning. Plus, working around a high class FBI team, you latch onto skills.
"I'll check under the bed, you take that painting right there," you pointed to the large painting of a dying tree. You knew there was a safe behind it because Axel had mentioned it once when he was drunk.
You dropped to the floor and used your phone as a flashlight to see under the bed. It was extremely clean, unsurprisingly. There was a housekeeper who helped keep this place clean while it's unoccupied. Under breath was just a few shoe boxes pushed to the back of the bed frame.
"Nothing over here. His security is strict on safes. Lesly clearly was in something deeper and needed it to be a secret." Hotch announced.
His footsteps carried over to you while you were fully under the bed now. You reached for the shoe boxes and quickly peaked inside the lids to see- simply shoes. You groaned and pushed them back. "Nothing under here either. Where the hell does he keep everything? Surely he had something personal in this room."
Slowly but surely you crawled out of the bed with a huff in pain. Your ribs still weren't fully healed but you didn't want Hotch to know how much it hurt. It would flare up at night usually. Your medication wasn't strong enough anymore and you were terrified to take more of it. You didn't want to turn into your father. As bad as that sounded, you wanted to stay clean for him. After you recovered, it was easy to lose yourself but lately it's been more steady.
Hotch held out his hand for you to take. You pulled yourself up and brushed off your blouse. "Where would his most personal items be?" you loud to yourself out loud.
"Perhaps his study. People tend to scatter personal items in the rooms they spend the most time in. Seeing as Lesly was in the oil world, he was most likely a workaholic."
"I just don't understand," you admitted, "I was in here once then, he just stopped letting us in. I thought he would have something in here."
To say you were frustrated was an understatement. You didn't want to introduce the idea that maybe you're looking into this too much. Maybe Lesly just liked having you around and thought it was good for Axel, that's why you got the money. He knew how his son was- violent and controlling. That could possibly be the debt, you.
"It's okay Y/N," he placed a hand on your shoulder, "We have time to continue to look. You're putting too much pressure on yourself to find something that we can't be sure is there."
"I know," you breathed. "I just- I know this family has secrets."
"Maybe they do. But when you intertwine yourself in something that isn't looking for you, that's when we lose ourselves."
Aaron had been through this- the digging for answers. You knew that his abode was valuable and probably the best thing you could possibly hear right now. Still, the ache didn't leave and it was slowly chewing you inside out.
"Can we just check the study- then we can leave?"
"Of course."
The study was a close walk thankfully and when you walked inside it wasn't much different from the bedroom. Clean, organized, and plain. There were a few photos scattered around the walls of himself but none of his family. It made you question how Axel was treated by his father, probably not very well. You walked over to the large bookshelf and ran your fingers along the leather spines. It smelt like years of worn literature. Spencer would love this place.
Hotch took to the desk and began looking in drawers and lifting up piles of wood concealing secret compartments. There were so many. Lesly wanted things hidden only for him to see. That is what made this so-called mission so much harder. The room was a puzzle. It had twists and turns, so, so, many of them. You were running in circles.
As you continued to look at the books, you pulled out a few on the very top shelf. It was a stretch to think there might be something inside of them but you were willing to have a try. You pulled down about thirty different leather back books. All of them were old and in Russian or German. You didn't know either language so you simply opened the book and scanned the pages. Spencer being here would be very useful by now.
You were about thirteen books in before you found one with a little more weight and a thicker spine. The book was hard and didn't have real pages. It was rather a box with a compartment inside to make it appear customary to the others.
"Hotch, I think I found something." You say, slowly making your way back to the floor.
"What is it?"
You handed it to him, almost too scared to open it yourself. "Some type of box made to look like a book. My mom used to have one. She only kept valuables inside, this one is almost identical."
He weighed it in his hands before slowly opening the top. You couldn't keep your eyes away as the inside was revealed. A white envelope came into view. It was slightly discolored and clearly old. Along with it was a small key, so tiny it would be the size of a small paper clip had you compared it.
"What the hell?" you whispered. Just as you reached for the envelope, the mechanical voice of the house spoke clearly over the speaker, so loud that what she said made your blood run cold.
"Welcome Mr. Jacobs."
A/N-
AHHHH I'm so happy that I'm actually writing a lot but these won't be edited until I get home sadly because I don't have a personal computer at my moms house :( Hopefully my uploading schedule will go back to every two to three days. Love you all <3