It had been three days.
But it had felt like an eternity.
I refused to leave his bedside. Even though I knew he was gone.
Frigga, Odin, Thor, Bucky, Steve, Sam, Nat, Wanda, Tony, hell even Bruce and Tyr had been in. Trying their hardest to get me to leave him, even just for a little while.
Bringing me food. That I refused to eat.
Checking in on me. But I refused to speak.
The bags below my eyes were apparent. My skin now dull. My eyes bloodshot and red from crying, until my body could no longer produce tears to cry. My hair was messy and I still wore the clothes from the battle. I had refused to leave him.
I felt empty.
Like a hollow shell.
My whole body was numb.
No thoughts passed through my mind. Other than how much I missed him.
Sometimes Frigga would come. Just to sit with me in silence. She was suffering too. It was obvious, and expected. She had lost her Son. Behind the scenes they were planning his funeral, but I didn't want to think about that. Because that? That meant all of this was real.
Frigga was here again, chattering to Loki. Talking to him about Valhalla. I had heard Loki talk about it once before, but I wasn't sure where exactly it was.
"Oh Loki dear, you will like it much better in Valhalla than Folkvangr. Just you wait my Son." She muttered to him. Fixing the soft sheets that covered his body.
I blinked at her a few times. My eyelids felt dry and hurt when I moved them. My head felt heavy on my shoulders and I honestly wasn't sure if I could hold it up much longer.
Hoarsely I managed to croak out from my dry throat, "Where is Valhalla?"
Frigga looked at me surprised, but she didn't make a big deal out of the fact I had spoke. Instead she began to explain to me, "Well dear. Valhalla is a beautiful place. Watched over by the Valkyrie. Where only the most distinguished warriors go in the afterlife. The elite get to live here, to remain fit for the final battle of Ragnarok."
I furrowed my brows together, looking at her in dismay.
"So...he's not getting to rest? He's going to wait for another battle?"
"Everyone who is picked for Valhalla see it as a great honour. By day they train and fight, in preparation for Ragnarok dear. Just because you stopped it this time doesn't mean it won't happen eventually. But fear not by evening they feast on the finest foods, drinking and conversing with the others."
I nodded, staying quiet this time.
"Is there anything you wish to send with him dear?" She asked, walking over to place her hand gently on my shoulder.
I sighed, fighting back tears. "Me?" I whispered.
"Oh Dear come now," she gently sat down in front of me. Her fingers slipping to my chin so as to make me look at her. "You mustn't torture yourself like this. He died, honourably. Trying to save you and his home. Protecting you and his people. He wouldn't want to see you this way and you know it too. I know it is difficult, but you will come out the other side of this."
The tears fell freely now, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. "I can't go on without him Frigga. I just can't." My voice was feeble.
"Yes. Yes you can. You must live now, for him." She smiled weakly at me. Tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Make him proud Dear."
"He shouldn't be gone," I sobbed. "We were to be married." I looked down at the ring on my finger. Smiling as I remembered when he asked me to marry him. I shook my head before looking at her, "How can I survive without my soulmate? My other half? I can't feel him anymore. I'm...I'm empty."
Frigga's face contorted slightly in pain at my words.
"I just feel so...so lost..." I trailed off. "So numb. So...alone."
Frigga took my hands in her own, "You are the furthest thing from being alone Y/N. You have a family here in us, and you have a family back on earth. That family is still rallied here now for you and they are worried sick about you."
I closed my eyes, trying to reach out to him. Even though I knew I couldn't.
Please. Please don't be gone. It's getting dark Lokes. I'm scared if this darkness swallows me. I won't ever make it back again.
But of course. There was no reply. How could there be?
He was dead.
"How about we get you cleaned up? Hmm? Out of these clothes. Into some fresh ones then you can come straight back?" Frigga chastised me, much like a child.
I nodded this time as my stomach rumbled aggressively at me. I sighed out and gave in, allowing Frigga to take me to her chambers. Where she ran me a hot bath.
Once it was ready, I allowed her to help me undress. I felt so weak, even with my new found power. She held my arm gently as I got into the bath, smiling gently at me. "I will just be outside dear. Ok?"
I nodded weakly at her and sat down into the steaming hot water with my knees curled up tight to my chest. Leaning my chin to rest upon them.
I inhaled the aromas that wafted around the room, lavender and chamomile invaded my senses and I felt my aching muscles relax slightly.
I heard a small knock at her bedroom door. Another perk of the serum. Enhanced hearing.
"How is she?"
It was Bucky.
"I have her in the bath James. She is in a dark place."
I heard him sigh, "I just...tell her I want to be there for her. If she will let me. Please?" He sounded desperate.
"I will let her know. I need to tell her the funeral will take place tonight...I'm really not sure how she is going to take it." Frigga sounded worried and I heard her sighing heavily.
Tonight?
No.
They couldn't.
No.
He can't.
They can't take him from me.
I scrambled out of the bath pulling a towel and wrapping it half heartedly around my body. As I frantically threw myself out I slipped. Landing with a loud thump as my head hit the bathtub.
"Y/N?" Frigga's voice sounded from outside the bathroom.
Before I could react the door flew open and Bucky raced in, helping me up off the ground.
"It's ok Doll, I've got you." He mumbled as he held my weak body close to his side.
"The funeral is tonight!" I was furious.
"Yes dear. We need to send him to rest." Frigga nodded at me from the doorway.
Bucky felt my body tense below his grip as the anger surged through my veins. I had yet to get a grip on this serum.
"Doll, take it easy." He warned me as gently as he could. Not wanting to anger me further.
"To rest?! He isn't getting to rest! He's going to prepare for another fucking goddamn battle!" I yelled, shoving Bucky off me. "He's getting more rest in that bed," I pointed towards the door, "than where he is headed! You can't take him from me! You can't! I won't allow it!"
My emotions flooded my body all at once, my heartbeat racing so hard as the fear and pain swallowed me whole.
"Doll!" Bucky seen it coming before I could. His arms wrapped around my torso just before my legs gave way and I passed out.
My whole world turning black.