Of course I want kids and a family with Reagan. Why would she say "I don't know"? I thought she'd want a family. Or maybe she does and just not with me.
Then she was subconsciously rambling about the college she was accepted in and my heart dropped for her. How could I take so much from her?
I told myself that I physically and mentally cannot let her go, cannot be without her but look what I'm doing to her. Look what keeping her here is doing to her. She can't possibly be happy.
"I haven't seen you or Grim in a while." Macavity states. "You didn't end up killing him did you?"
I blink towards him to conjure up a response. "No, I just missed him." I laugh.
"I can't believe you went after the Remembrance Gala. That's Charlie Wang's business!" Macavity laughs.
Charlie Wang is like the heir of an heir of an heir of the founder of all Mafia, mobs, gangs etc. He is actually a nice respectable guy, but he and my father just never got along therefore I'm screwed as well. So I really only targeted his Gala because that;s what my family does. What the "Great Italian Mafia" is known for.
"Well, Joseph Collins is a coglione idiota." I spit. Collins is a mod leader who pisses me off quite a bit, so I killed him. One of my men almost got his daughter, and another almost got Grim who is a gang leader on the other side of my Italy. He is an okay kid, just ballzy.
"Damn right!" Macavity exclaims. He is crazy.
He is very violent. I'm surprised he landed a girl. He likes to start trouble in America just to end it with a bloody war. I'm happy he has a person, Evelyn and him seem close. But I'd rather not get into any merde with him just because I know he'd show up out of nowhere and shoot up the damn place. So, I have befriended him and don't bring up conversations with him that could raise an argument. Of course I can take New York, but I'd rather not. Maybe a few years ago I would have, but not now. That's not the kind of person I am, or want to be.
I used to embrace this whole thing because that's what I had to do. But it's all gotten old, and really, it's disgusting.
"C'è conflitto in fondo alla tabella. Vorresti che questo andasse avanti?" One of my guys comes up to me and whispers into my ear, telling me there is conflict at the other end of the table and asks me if we need to move this along.
It took Matteo and I an entire week to write that damn seating chart. Dinner was long enough, little more than an hour.
"Sì." I replied.
A few minutes later I stand and announce to everyone that the dance will be in the next half hour and that until then they may order any more food or move into the other room we were all in before.
People begin to get up and move into the other room. Others stayed and flagged over waiters. Reagan walks beside me with her head down. Evelyn talks with her and her head lifts up. Her eyes catch mine for the briefest moment before looking back to Evelyn. I walk beside her, wanting to hold her. But I don't. I know she just wants to be with her new friend right now. We can talk about dinner another time.
"I'm going to go and check up on everyone, okay?" I say calmly to Reagan.
"Okay." She replies with a shy smile.
I kiss her eyebrows and squeeze her hip. "If you need me, come find me or someone you recognize." I tell her. "I love you." I say before walking away.
"Love you." She says back to me.
She still loves me.
I make my way around to my inner circle. "Anything?" I ask.
"Damn English, you too?" Frederico complains. "Anyways," He moves on when he sees my glare. "Everyone seems more scared of you than ever." He tells me.
"Sì." Montez says. "They all are too afraid to even brag about themselves. Even Petrov."
"We all know he loves to run his mouth." Frederico snickers.
"Begin to ask about finances." I order them.
They nod their head and disperse around the room. I stay back for a while before moving. I look around for anyone to talk to. My eyes land on my mother and father at the open bar where my father is flagging me over. I internally groan and roll my eyes before making my way over.
"What?" I spit.
"What? I can't just meet with my son?" He wonders.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath. "Well. I don't know, you beat my wife." I growl, trying to keep calm. Just looking at him makes me want to ring his neck for laying a hand on Reagan. My mom hands my father his drink before focusing back onto the ground.
He chuckles like it's nothing. "That's what women are there for."
I almost lunge at him when I suddenly feel a hand on my low back and see it's Reagan. "Are you okay?" She asks me. "Why don't we come over here? Yeah?" She suggests with a cool voice. I glance at my father before following Reagan away. "You looked tense, I don't want your night to be ruined." She chuckles softly.
"It was from the beginning." I complain bitterly.
She looks at me with a caught off guard look. "Don't be upset." She pleads.
"Well I am." I exclaim a bit too loudly. People look over for a moment and I drag Reagan out of the room, bringing her to the balcony. "How do you love me?" I ask the question I've been dying to ask her.
Her brow rises in question. "How do I love you?" She repeats in disbelief. It'd be silent for a while.
"Honestly—" I begin.
"I love you because you give a shit about me here. I felt unsafe whenever you weren't there. And when you are there, all I want to do is talk to you and just be in your presence. You somehow made me happy in this shitty situation." She tells me, her eyes getting teary.
"Reagan—"
"I love you because you let me be goofy, you smile at me for Christ Sake. No boy even paid attention to me when I was in school. You make all my insecurities disappear. I'm confident when I'm around you. You hold me when I need it. You're just always there for me."
It is silent and it's like she didn't even know she could be so bold with her feelings. I'm shocked, but so cazzo happy she said it.
"I— I just love you." Hee voice breaks. "Why would you even ask such a thing?" She is quiet when she asks this.
"Because I didn't know how you could love me." I admit. "You know what I do, what I've done, you know the soul reason you're here for yet you've fallen for me." I pause for a breath. "But you don't understand that I've fallen for you so much harder."
She wipes her eyes with her knuckle.
"I want to be different for you. Be the man you deserve."
Reagan reaches up and kisses me softly, nothing much, but it's passionate. After the sweet moment, my forehead rests on hers and we stay like that for a while.
"Goodness that went emotional quickly." Reagan chuckles, leaning back.
I laugh for a brief moment with her. "Always such a romantic, Reagan." I tease.
"Bologna!" She exclaims. I tilt my head in question. "It means 'bullshit'." She laughs at the fact I didn't understand. "You are the emotional-romantic one!" She swats my chest.
"When have I been emotional?" I gasp.
"That one night when you were drunk and just the other night!" She tells me.
I wave my hand. "I was never drunk."
"You were too! You came into the room and that was like the first night we like— snuggled. You were a hot mess. Such a lightweight." She laughs.
"Oh stop!" I roll my eyes.
Reagan laughs at me. "You know I'm right." She points a finger at me, waving it around.
"Oh come on." I spin her around and smack her bum. "Let's go dance."
She groans, mumbling all these excuses on why she "can't" do the dance.
Thoughts?