As soon as I turn the first corner of the hallway we came down before, I see Carson walking in my direction. He sees me aswell and says something along the lines of 'hey' or 'how did it go?' I don't respond. Instead I walk straight into his embrace, inhaling and exhaling trying to not cry for what seems like the millionth time this month.
"Are you okay?" Carson asks, his voice calm and soft, yet loud because his mouth is so close to my ear. "I am an experiment." I say back staying in my place wrapped in his arms, as close to him as I can possibly be. The silence that follows tells me that he probably doesn't understand, but he doesn't ask anything and I don't say anything.
We pull away some minutes later. Carson keeps his around draped around my shoulder as we walk closer to the exit, taking a seat in a couple of chairs just beside the door. Walking home would be a far walk and it's still cold out so it would be better to just sit and wait for my father to return. The chairs are metal with a pale blue crushion on the seat. Not the most comfortable chairs in the world, but leaning my pounding head on Carson's shoulder makes up for it.
My mind keeps trailing back to when the word "experiment" left my mother's lips. I know this isn't the right time to ask anything about any of the topics that were just discussed, but I want to know what Carson was asked and I also want to know anything he might have to say about this whole experiement. "Don't get mad at me, but I need to ask. Did you honestly not know I was the person your father was looking for until the bookstore scenerio?"
He sighs, "No- well, at first I was pretty clueless but soon as things started to not make as much sense I had an idea, and finally that day in the booksotre, that was it. I knew it right form then, my dad's picture on the screen was all it took. But I didn't say anything obviously. I just came home everyday telling my dad no luck."
I think for a moment, wondering just how to reply to that. His father asked, everyday? That's not creepy at all. Just kidding. . . that's insane. I know Carson has no control over that, he didn't know but I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I think back to what my father said about Carson. He said he didn't mean it, but once you say things, they can't be unsaid. Just a simple word can haunt someone forever even if they say they're fine. I don't have to worry about responding because soon Carson begins to speak again.
"And anyway, I couldn't say anything even if I had found out earlier then I did. Right when you jumped into my life, or I jumped into yours, whatever you want to call it, I instantly fell in love with your personality, they way you rolled your eyes at me and tried to run away, it was all sweeping me off my feet. To put it into simpler words, you're hot."
I gasp, swatting his arm. "Why do so many boys keep saying that?" I mumble without even thinking. Images of Elijah- wait no, Eliot, pop into my head. Carson laughs for about a second, no more then that, then he stops immediately. "Wait what? What boys?" I feel myself stiffen. Well great. The jealousy and anger in his voice is clear, most of the girls in book find this cute and attractive, not me. The tone in his voice is scary, rather then cute. Deadly reather than attractive. It's the kind of tone that makes you think he's going to get up and leave you stranded for the rest of your life. This tone scares me because it makes me think he's going to leave me.
"My brother's friend. He was being a creep though, don't worry about it." I say truthfully. His muscles don't relax though, neither does his breathing. "Are you kidding me? Forget about it? Yeah, ha-ha let's just all go out for some ice cream and pretend that your brother's bestfriend is drooling all over you, right? No big deal!" He spits sarcastically. Weird thing is, he was trying to be sarcastic yet he was totally right about the drooling part. Eliot did infact do that, I don't bring it up though. Instead, I begin to get mad, I'm getting yelled at for something I didn't have any control over yet again.
I guess I was wrong to think he understood me. He's like everyone else I've had in my life so far, such a mirichle at first, and a disgrace in no time at all. I throw his arm off my shoulder forcefully. "And that's my fault? Because everything is my fault! Isn't that funny? Oh and a house across the world caught on fire? Let's blame that on me too!" My eyes decide to tear up just when I thought I had control over my emotions. Why did I have to be born so senstive? No, this isn't my fault, this is my mother's. It's anyones but mine.
"Sara thats not-" Carson begins. I don't let him say anything because it's not going to help the anger and hurt boiling in my blood. "Gosh Carson when did you become such a fiend!" He looks taken back. I stand from my chair and turn, walking away hoping to find a water foutain or something, I begin feeling lightheaded. I've been crying so much I wouldn't be surprised if I'm becoming dehydrated.
Carson grabs my arm, forfully turning my body around to face him. "Sara don't go. I'm sorry." He wears a sad expression that I can't bare to look at. So I don't. I focus on the way my shoes shine under the light coming form the ceiling. Truth be told, I can't stay mad. It's impossible is what I've found. He's exactly what i've always needed and yes we fight, but who doesn't? I find that I'm not really even mad anymore, I just need to find some water before I pass out, and I think Carson just needs a minute to think to himself, so he can calm down.
"I need to find some water-"
"I'll get it for you-"
"No. I want to do it myself. Just sit and I'll be back." With that I'm off down a hallway looking at the labels of the rooms until I find a break room. Weather it's for the staff or the people being brought to court, I don't care. I walk in anyways to find a stack of cups and beside that, a water dispenser. I'm on my fourth cup of ice cold water satisfying the dryness in my mouth when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I jump back in surprise, moving the cup from my lips when I see Mason.
"Hey!" I say suddenly feeling excited and happier then I was minutes before. He smiles, "hey there, are you enjoying yourself?" He asks nodding towards the cup in my hand. I laugh along with him taking a few more sips of my water before asking, "so, what are you doing here? I doubt this is where you hang out." I half joke. He scratches the back of his neck, a familiar guesture I've seen almost too many times. "Yeah, I was just here for my brother's case. He got accused of vandilism."
"Oh, I'm sorry." I say. There's an awkward silence that follows making me feel uncomfortable. I want to say something else but the mood suddenly seems like it got all too serious and I don't like it. Thats why I practically jump in the air with excitement when he finally says something else. "It's okay, I know he didn't do it anyway."
"You do? How?" I ask intrigued by the conversation. He smiles, "because the guy is a total asshole."
I laugh until my stomach nearly cramps. I can feel the water moving arround almost mkaing me nauseous. When our laughter dies down I tell Mason about Carson and how he is here, in this building, waiting for me to return at this very moment as we speak.
"Well I'd love to meet the fella, I think I should approve of him first." Mason says in a joking manner. I laugh again. It's so funny how I just met Mason yet I feel such a strong connection to him. Not in a way I feel with Carson of course, but a friendly one. Like this is the start of a new friendship meant to last forever. I try to imagine Carson meeting Mason. Theres an uneasy feeling that comes with it, somewhere in my head, a voice is telling me that would be a terrible thing. In all the movies the guy character is never happy about meeting his girlfriend's guy friend, there's always jealousy and fights that follow. I wonder if Carson is like that, I shouldn't be comparing him to the characters in the movies but I can't help it, this is all new to me.
"We'll see," I say. "I gotta get him past the jealousy stage first." Mason chuckles nodding. "Ah, I see. Just a little protective."
"Just a little." I reply. We both laugh again and say our goodbyes reminding eachother to text one another later and then I'm back down the hall ready to return to my boyfriend with a cup of water in my right hand wearing a smile on my face instead of the frown I came with.
Carson stands when he sees me coming down the hall towards him. "Are you okay?" I nod in reply.
"What took you so long?" He asks. We sit down in the plush chairs again waiting for my father's return. I turn to Carson and raise a brow. "What do you mean what took me so long? I wasn't gone very long." I didn't keep track of how long I was gone but looking for water didn't take as long as I had thought it would and my conversation with Mason couldn't have been longer than five minutes.
Carson puts his arm around my shoulder and chuckles, "Ten minutes Sara." I roll my eyes. "I just ran into a friend after I found the water, that's all." I smile at him and he smiles back. "You made a friend already? Little miss popular. What's her name?"
I open my mouth to say something but pause. Her? Carson automatically assumes it's a girl? Somehow that makes me worried. I let out a breathy laugh, usually this is the part where the crazy obsessed boyfriend begins to get mad, suspecting his girlfriend is goofing off with other guys. I remind myself to quit making assumptions because Carson doesn't seem like the crazy obsessed type. He sits there staring at me with his right eyebrow raised confused by my facial expression. I close my mouth quickly thinking how I'm going to word it. The sides I've seen of Carson isn't crazy nor obsessed so that's a good sign. Right? Who am I kidding, I've known Carson for like a month!
"A-actually, his name is Mason." I say calmly looking Carson right in the eyes, watching his expression change. It goes from confused, to realization, to confused, then it's unreadable. "I see." He says in a low, steady voice. He looks past me, refusing to make eye contact. Is this bad? This is probably stuff I should already know by now. I'm sixteen years old and I can't even figure out if my boyfriend is about to throw a fit. He removes his hand from my shoulder and shifts in his seat. "Carson?" No repsonse.
"Carson, what's wrong?" I snap in his face, he blinks but doesn't look at me. I want to scream in frustration. This would be so much easier if he would just talk to me instead of driving himself crazy inside his head.
"Carson! Speak to me or I'm leaving!" I yell earning a few glances from bystanders. I glare at them and they go back to their business but I'm almost 100% sure their ears are still in on the conversation. He sinks into his chair. folding his hands over his stomach and slowly turning his head in my direction. "So, how long have you known him?" I look at him with an expression as if to say, 'really?' He doesn't do anything in reply. Just waits.
I huff, "I don't know like a day or two." I say crossing my arms. Carson laughs, "That's not a friend Sara. That's another person to get through your little head and make you more insane." I gasp, Carson conintues to laugh. "You know what? Right now he seems more like a friend then you are. I'm starting to learn to see this wicked side of you, and I don't like it."
I stand to leave, feeling so much energy and adreneline curse through my veins. He stands as well, suddenly not laughing anymore. I begin to walk away shaking my head when he grabs my elbow, forcefully pulling me back to him. "I'm not your friend Sara, I'm your boyfriend."
I look at him, shocked. It's like another person inside of him has taken over and he is no longer Carson. The one I knew. "What the hell Carson? What is up with you? There shouldn't be a difference if your my friend or my boyfriend. If you loved me it wouldn't matter what title you have, all that should matter is the importance you have in my life, but right now, I'm beginning to think I don't want you in my life anymore. Not if you're going to act like this."
"Nothing is up with me! I'm angry because you always complain about how messed up your life is, but this is why! You let people in right from the beginning! Do you realize how much some people can hurt you? Those are the type of people you don't need." He yells back.
I don't feel the pain of his words right now but I will later for sure. All I can focus is fighting back, being small innocent me is over, I'm done letting this keep happening in some sort of cycle. "Then I guess I don't need you."
Didn't edit this because i've been thinking of deleting this book...