Word Count: 2274
~Avia
For the rest of the night, I couldn't sleep, and the next day, I avoided Isaiah until evening hit.
Finally, I rise from where I've been curled up under the sheets, head crammed full of contradicting thoughts, the twisting feeling in my stomach not releasing it's tight hold. Through it all, I've devised a plan.
I'm going to speak to Isaiah. What I'm feeling isn't real. He's an attractive man, whose way with words and brutal honesty shook me to the core. I'm not going to let myself mistake that for feelings for him...I'm in love with Kadrick, and the rebellion. Not the Alpha.
So I will continue with the plan. The way he is feeling about me is good, it means it's working. And when I get the chance, I'm going to use that trust to go through his things, reveal his plans, maybe give the rebellion a better insight into his next move.
It almost feels like a recreation of last night, as I tap gently on his office door.
He doesn't respond, so I peer through the gap in the door, smiling tightly at him. "Can I come in?"
"Of course." He seems surprised to see me, dropping his pen as he gestures for me to enter.
"I want to apologise for last night," I admit sheepishly. I ran off like a coward, although I'm grateful for my time to consume my emotions, and sort them in a rational way. Now is not the time to let my emotions best me, when we are so close to nailing this. And it won't be for Malin, or anyone else...
He shakes his head. "You don't need to-"
I cut him off, stepping forward. I can't stop fidgeting with the ring on my finger, that is owned by Kenna. All of my own jewellery is sitting in a box at the compound. Seems as though my entire identity has been discarded there too.
"I do," I whisper, keeping my gaze pinned on his, even though it wants to wander down to whatever he is signing. "Your admission scared me. See, I'm starting to feel that way too, but if I indulge in those feelings, I'm only going to get hurt. There is no engagement waiting for me at home. I'm simply me, as I am."
I'm surprised by my own admission...At some of the truth in it.
Isaiah breathes in slowly, contemplating that information. He's like that...Thoughtful. He takes time to think when I speak, to let it mean something to him. It's a quality about him I didn't think could exist in an Alpha, who is plied for favour by all sorts of common people.
But he always looks at me, with that burning emerald gaze, like I'm actually important to him, like he's taken by me.
"I know, which makes this so hard," he says eventually, clearly toying for the right words. "Why am I feeling like this? I hardly know you."
I lick my lips, unsure about that too. "That's okay..."
He stands, all dressed up in his tailored black jacket and pants, his button-down black also. He's been out today, being an Alpha, doing his duties. His need for me is diminishing, as the upper-class in this Pack have been reacting well to some of his proposals, even if the lower-class are pushing back, rioting and fighting to be heard.
I'm getting sick of the flutter in my stomach whenever I see him, especially when he strides closer, like he is doing now, sitting on the edge of his desk in front of me.
"Tell me something about you," he requests, less so like an Alpha would, and more so like a man would, who is borderline desperate. "I want to know you, Kenna."
Just hearing him say that name...
He doesn't know me. He never will. And that is why this will never work, even if I allowed myself to want it to, even for a second.
"I'm not very interesting," I admit, shrugging as I look at the painting behind his desk. It's an oil painting of his father...one I can only imagine he would like to burn in the fire on the other wall. When the rebellion seizes this place, it's going to be the first thing I destroy.
"Do you want to live in the Love Pack forever?"
There's more to that question than what he is innocently proposing. He's really asking, do you see yourself living here?
"Honestly...I don't know where my future is heading," I admit honestly. Once we take over the Pack, his manor, my life's direction will cease to be so clear. I've spent forever wanting revenge for my family's deaths. Nothing else has ever had meaning comparable to that.
"Is it bad of me to say I don't know if I want to live in the Passion Pack forever?" he asks gently, the slightest wince creasing between his dark brows.
Seems as though it's the first time he's admitted that to himself, let alone anyone else.
"Wow, who do I need to tell that to in order to make you lose your position as Alpha?" I joke, although the amusement hardly registers.
"If only it were that easy," he smiles, although his eyes are sad. "Do you plan to work, or study?"
I'm almost flattered by that. He thinks I'm a Noble's daughter, and yet deep enough to want something more with my life than to be forced about by authority. I suppose first impressions are hardly fair, and haven't proven to mean anything since I met Isaiah. He's almost the complete opposite of what I was imagining he would be like.
"I would love to study," I say softly, glancing down at his hands.
They are gloved. They always are, when he's had to be an Alpha for the day, and yet something in what it signifies bites at my already churning stomach. He doesn't want to find his mate. Doing so would be detrimental for him...
"Study what?"
"I'm not sure. I haven't had the chance to think about it." I rub the back of my neck. Seems like such a far away dream. If I'm studying, Isaiah will no longer be Alpha...He may even be dead.
"Do you believe in the Rebellion's rhetoric?" he asks suddenly.
My heart plummets in my chest.
There's no amusement in his eyes as he stares down at me, suddenly so close I'm afraid he will see the sweat gathering at my brow, see the little fight his question gave me.
I force a smile onto my face, and nudge his arm with my hand. "That's too personal to ask..."
He grabs my wrist, the quiet firmness of it making me ridged. I can't pull away, so I just stand still, staring up at his face and searching eyes. Has he caught me? Has Zire divulged my secret to him, and now he's going to toss me into a prison with no mercy?
Was everything he said about his feelings for me even real?
"Seriously, though?" he murmurs.
Gently, I tug away from his grasp, clearing my throat. "Obviously not, I'm here, working for you."
His eyes close for the briefest moment, and his chest deflates with relief.
"Thank you," he responds, smiling tightly. "I can't blame my people for hating me, but it's nice to hear that from someone who is actually in my space, that is getting a chance to know me."
I share his relief, for entirely different reasons. He doesn't know...He felt vulnerable, admitting all that he did to me, and he doesn't want me having any doubts about him. And strangely, I feel bad for lying to him, the guilt like a sharp edged shovel, driving itself into the pit of my stomach over and over again, until nothing is left but a cold chasm of darkness.
Maybe if I slapped myself hard enough I would come to my senses...
Isaiah reaches forward, tugging me from my thoughts, resting his gloved palm against my cheek. Despite myself, I rest my head into it, the comfort of that sweet gesture making my worries drain away.
"I want to kiss you so bad," he breathes, brushing his thumb along my cheekbone.
Just kiss him, Avia. That's what you're here for.
Malin's voice echoes through my head. Were she in my situation, she would have grabbed him and kissed him by now...Maybe even more. She would have taken his first offer when he handed it to her, like he did with me.
She should be here, doing this. Not me.
"I'm considering it too," I say, gripping his hand gently with mine.
He bites the edge of his lip, cupping both sides of my face now. The feeling of the glove's fabric is a sharp reminder that if he kisses me, they won't matter...Not that I think we are mate's, but I think it shows what Isaiah is willing to risk by doing so.
He leans in, letting me glimpse all his stunning features up close. Aside from his cool, dark green eyes, the sweeping edges of his jawline and cheekbones are a reminder of how attractive he is, of how easy it will be to kiss him, and how hard it will be to pull away...
"Isaiah?"
We both flinch away from each other, the sound of a guard's voice cutting through the moment we had become wrapped in. I mean, I was inches away from touching my lips on his, finalising all this talk and teasing.
The guard stands at the door, the slightest wince on his face, knowing he shouldn't have interrupted.
Isaiah sighs, giving me an apologetic look before leaving the room to address the guard. It must be important for him to leave me unattended in his office like this.
Or maybe he finally trusts me.
Elation doesn't reach me like it should be. For a moment, I just stand, cold and lost in thought.
I was about to kiss him.
Shaking my head, I pull myself into reality, turning to the desk. This is my chance, so I waste no time, glancing at the ajar door, as I round Isaiah's desk.
Frantically, the desk is a mess as I sift quickly through endless amounts of paper. Most of it is financial stuff, so I open his desk draw, pushing through stationary until I find an envelope, already opened, but with the letter still inside.
Tugging it out, I lay it open flat on the desk.
~I know this is unconventional.
I've been thinking this over, what I want to do and how I want it done. You are an important friend of mine, and with everything going on, I trust you can do this with discretion. You will be paid handsomely, of course.
Make it quick. He hardly visits, but I can draw him back if necessary. Make it look like a rebel, ideally.
Am I a monster?
What sort of son wants his father dead?
It must be done, and soon. The better my freedom is granted to me, the sooner I can do what is needed.
Best. Isaiah.~
I gasp, stepping back from the paper, staring at it.
The ticks of the clock accompany my thoughts, as I simply stare.
It's an unsent letter, but Isaiah clearly wrote that. He wants Kit dead...He's planned it, even has someone to do it for him. Even if he hasn't sent the letter, it's damning.
Quickly, I fold the letter and shove it back into the envelope, pushing it underneath a layer of paper in his drawer. Even on the verge of nausea, I continue digging, looking for something else.
Sure enough, I find a letter addressed to Isaiah, that has been clearly screwed up and then smoothed out again. Unfurling it's edges, I examine the smudged writing closer.
~Listen, Isaiah. Your frustrations have been heard by myself and the committee, but you must understand the implications of what you are asking.
You are Alpha, and your word is final. However, what would your father say?
Stopping these developments would be detrimental to our prominent families...one's which have supported you since you became Alpha. Without them, you are nothing.
Being Alpha requires you to make decisions that are not always moral.
But this is important, for the people who actually matter.
Don't make a mistake. Don't call off the developments.
Arthur.~
I let my head fall into my hands. Seriously? Isaiah is trying to call off the developments? They have been doing on for almost a decade now, and these latest one's under Isaiah's reign are going to be the most damaging to the community.
Putting the letter back where I found it, I make my way to the door, thoughts swarming me, overwhelming me.
I need to rethink this.
I need to find out who Isaiah really is.
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"Tomorrow, we don't have to speak of this again." I hardly know what I'm asking. I just know I want whatever it is.
He watches me with an intensity that I know only he is capable of. "Put my hand where you want me to touch you."
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