season 3 episode 18
meredith quickly dismissed any of her friends concern as she told them her mother was in an urn in her closet before they turned to veronica.
veronica rolled her eyes, "i'm fine. i'm alive, let's work."
cristina nodded before changing the topic, "does anyone know who the new chief candidate is?"
"chief's bringing in a ringer in case he doesn't want to give the job to either one of your boyfriends," george responded.
veronica snorted quietly.
"o'malley, jennings you're with shepherd today. yang, dr montgomery. stevens to the clinic. karev, jane doe. grey, scut," bailey instructed.
"once again, i am fine," meredith argued. "and you haven't put veronica on scut."
"you can tell everybody you're fine till your blue in the face. your mom died and you almost joined her, you're taking it easy. jennings almost joined her too but she didn't lose her mom, and she has been cleared," bailey explained.
veronica had gone to a therapy session after almost dying in an attempt to get cleared, and it worked. she had after all had enough practice in finessing therapists into thinking she was working through her problems. she knew it wasn't healthy or something she should do but she would have time to work through her trauma after she became a surgeon.
veronica had cornered derek, finally.
"you're avoiding me."
"no i'm not."
"yes you are. you blame yourself, mer told me."
"she shouldn't have."
"we're the twisted trio, there are no secrets. well, barely any," veronica responded, with a slight roll of her eyes.
"dr je-"
"don't dr jennings me, asshat. you chose to save meredith, just like i did, just like i would have, just like i would have forced you to do if i could. i chose to jump in. i chose to try and swim. i chose to. you didn't force me to do any of that, so stop blaming yourself. i lived and i'm okay and i don't blame you so why should you, huh?"
he said nothing, only stared, tears rimming his eyes as he looked at the young woman in front of him, the one he had seen without a heartbeat not too long before that.
"please, just forgive yourself, derek. i know i have."
she turned and walked away, she needed coffee. she needed something to get her through the day with derek, seeing as he was walking on eggshells around her.
she turned back, "and i'm on your service so start talking and stop avoiding."
---
"hey there mark," veronica greeted as she grabbed the labs for derek. "how's it going?"
she smiled at him.
"what did you do?" he asked.
she pulled the coffee from behind her back, "remember when i said if you were nice people would buy you coffee, well this is me buying you a bone dry cappuccino from a friend instead of someone you forced to."
"why?"
"because you've been uncharacteristically nice and non flirty for the past couple days and it's weird but nice. so i got you a coffee."
veronica wouldn't admit it but nice mark made her feel a sort of way. she wanted to be around him more.
"addie, hey," veronica exclaimed, seeing the woman walk up behind mark. "how are you?"
"okay, i know your nickname is sunshine but you're being very cheery, even for you," addison spoke.
"cristina thinks it's post-almost-death number two or whatever," veronica responded, shrugging. "but i'm fine. my therapist cleared me."
"you have a therapist?" addison questioned.
"a one time thing to speed up the back into this kind of thing. i've been a shit ton, it's the same everytime," she explained.
"a shit ton?"
"eh, nothing worse than what other people deal with, it's fine, addie."
with that veronica was on her way to derek, with the file he needed.
mark watched her go.
"six months, mark," addison reminded.
it was that interaction that left veronica wondering. did she like mark as a friend or more? she shook of the thought, ignoring the panic it made her feel.
"doctor shepherd," she greeted. "here's doctor crawford's file."
"thank you, ronnie. and thank you for earlier," he spoke. she raised a brow. "you're right. i'm sorry for ignoring you and i'm sorry i didn't pull you out quick enough."
she quickly hit his arm, "quit apologising for the last part."
"okay, ow."
veronica sighed as doctor crawford decided it was the last time they were removing part of her tumour, since it took forever to recover and they couldn't remove it completely since it was in a dangerous place.
---
veronica joined meredith, who was trying to check out the chief candidate. cristina joined soon after and then there was twelve of them, izzie the last to join.
cristina bragged about her professors loving her as they watched.
"shut it, cristina, i'm trying to concentrate," veronica hissed.
"on what?"
"i don't know, lip reading?"
burke walked up to them, facing meredith and veronica, "how you doing?"
"oh, we're fine sir. thank you," meredith answered.
"they don't like it when people ask," george whispered.
"the ringer is in there with the chief," cristina informed.
"yeah and whoever it is loves cristina cause everyone at stanford just loved cristina," izzie mocked.
veronica chuckled.
"shut up."
"she's a motivated student, nothing to be ashamed of," burke defended.
"thank you."
"bit of a kiss ass but that's hard to control," burke finished.
"ha, he thinks you're one too," veronica quipped.
"okay, they're coming out, look away," george spoke up.
"that's colin marlow," burke informed.
"like the marlow transplant?" alex asked.
"like the greatest thing in cardio-thoracic surgery in a generation," burke elaborated. he went to introduce himself, only to be cut off by doctor marlow, who had spotted cristina. #
he went in for a hug with her, placing his hand on her ass.
"oh they definitely fucked," veronica muttered to alex beside her.
"for sure."
cristina looked more than uncomfortable.
"that's gotta be assault of some sort," she spoke, worriedly.
---
veronica was on her way down the hall when she spotted mark. she was quick to hide in a closet, not wanting to face him with her new questioning feelings about him.
meredith joined her a few minutes later.
"why are you here?" veronica questioned.
"my father is out there. why are you here?"
"i think i like mark and he's a manwhore," she admitted. "so, i'm avoiding him so that if i do, no feelings can grow. i'm hoping for him to give me the ick if i do like him. like if he goes swimming and he takes it too seriously."
cristina joined them just as she finished talking.
"what the fuck?"
"this is my hiding spot. my father is out there, go somewhere else," meredith warned.
"why's sunshine here?"
"i have feelings and i don't want them."
"okay, well, i need this closet meredith, ronnie."
"colin marlow," veronica spoke up, with a knowing tone.
"yes, he was my professor. we were close."
"he had his hand on your ass, i sure hope you were close," meredith mocked.
"so you were the girl who fucked the professor? huh?" veronica chuckled.
"we had one in my class, she only got to the radiologist though. no one got near the cardio guy..." meredith recalled.
"i was too young in college, couldn't get to any of them, although we had a really hot neuro gir-person," veronica told.
"yeah, yeah, yeah, i scored big. you know what, hide in the bathroom," cristina suggested.
"my awkwardness with my father is well established. you and the cardio god on the other hand have loads to catch up on," meredith argued.
"what about you sunshine, go hide somewhere else," cristina exclaimed.
"i was here first, plus no one saw me come in here, or at least the person i didn't want to see didn't," she fought. "you should have to hide somewhere else, not me. go face the cardio god, pussy."
"i don't wanna talk to the cardio god."
"you know we can hear you in there, right? loud and clear," colin marlow called from the other side.
"it's a recording," veronica blurted. "and besides, if we don't wanna come out, we don't have to. you don't work here yet!"
cristina was the first to leave, leaving meredith and veronica to leave next. susan entered before they could.
"that's my cue to leave, see you," veronica rushed out.
"sweetheart, hi," mark greeted as he saw her.
"meredith, let me back in," she whispered. meredith pushed her out.
"mark, hi, how's it going?" she cheered, hiding behind a smile. she almost scolded herself, her heart racing ever so slightly at the sight of him. "i have to go, bye."
she rushed off, leaving him dumb founded.
---
"alex, help me," veronica hissed from inside another broom closet.
"what are you-"
"come here, now."
he moved into the closet, "why are you in here?"
"i'm hiding from mark sloan," she revealed. "i like him, and he's a whore and i like him. how do i stop this? i hate feelings. i stopped having feelings like two years ago," she ranted. "well feelings like this, alex. you know about the cancer, so i need your help with this as well."
"let's go to lunch, take your mind off of it."
it worked, sort of. izzie kept asking cristina about sleeping with colin marlow. meredith kept telling them about callie being rich and the dinner she was having with her father, which veronica was going to be forced to be at.
as if the day couldn't get worse, veronica saw someone she hadn't spoken to in years. her mother was wandering the halls. she didn't know if she was looking for her or if she had moved to seattle, but she didn't stick around to find out. she made her way to where she knew she couldn't get to her. she went to the or board, looking at all the surgeries, one she was scrubbing in on, with doctor shepherd.
her silence was interrupted by mark and addison arguing about jane doe, who was close to losing her baby. derek soon joined in, siding with addison, who she admitted had a point.
"can you guys like shut the fuck up?" veronica yelled. she was crying. she had a thing with yelling, it wasn't something she could deal with, not after years of her dad screaming at her mum and her and hitting her mother.
"ronnie?" addison questioned, softly.
"what's the matter?" derek asked.
"my mums here and you're yelling and i can't do yelling, not since- i can't do yelling," she mumbled.
"your mum? the one meredith said left you?"
"that's the one."
"i'm sorry."
"can you get alex?" she whispered, staring straight ahead at the board.
addison didn't ask questions before she rushed to get alex, the pair trading places.
"i'm here," alex spoke, reaching out to hug veronica. he wouldn't usually do this but he could tell she needed it.
"my dad- he used to yell and-" her voice was quiet so only he could hear her.
she didn't need to say anything else. he got it. he also knew how to help her. he had seen cristina and meredith do it on a few ocassions.
"are you really gonna let those assholes make you cry?"
veronica looked at him confused.
"they left you, are you going to let them do this, after all this time?"
"no. fuck them," she spoke as strongly as she could.
"exactly. fuck them," he repeated.
"i'm done crying," she mumbled. she wiped her tears. "i'm done."
"there you go."
mark watched on in jealousy.
"you can stay with jane doe now. i know there was a complication. check on her," she instructed.
alex nodded, doing as she said.
mark waited until everyone else had dispersed before he went up to veronica.
"veronica-"
"please don't, mark."
"i won't. i'm just gonna stand here until you're okay."
they stood in each others company, their hands almost touching as they stared at the or board, not doing anything.
veronica sighed quietly. this was not helping her get over him.
---
alex and veronica arrived home at the same time, being pulled into the family dinner with thatcher and susan. it was awkward, and it got even worse when thatcher thought a picture of molly was a picture of meredith.
"oop-" veronica muttered, staring at her plate.
then the power went out.
eventually cristina barged in, talking about how colin marlow was about to ruin her relationship with burke.
"oh shit. colin marlow is wrecking like every relationship at the hospital. derek, mark, and addison had an argument then burke and derek. he's like bulldozer. or a wrecking ball. i don't know. it's crazy."
---
veronica couldn't sleep. she crept down the hall to alex's room. she knocked, entering quietly.
"alex?"
he grunted in response.
"i can't sleep."
"what do you want me to do?"
"i don't know. i just can't sleep. i keep thinking about my mum and my dad and i can't-" she stopped herself. "usually i sleep with meredith but cristina is in bed with her."
alex sighed, lifting up his blanket, "come on then."
veronica rushed over, climbing into bed. she snuggled into the pillow.
"thank you."