"Alright, now, I know business has been... a bit slow recently, yes." A tall, red imp dappled in white splotches walked into the front of a white board, wearing a troubled expression. This imp wore a torn black collared coat with red buttons, black boots with red tipped toes, and large, fingerless black gloves with yellow eye-like buttons on the back of the hands. And on his neck was a red skull charm, befitting his line of work.
He placed his hands on the table, looking over his colleagues at the table.
"It's no one's fault, okay?" The lanky Imp looks around at his employees; which were two other imps, one with white haired male in a trim, navy blue suit wearing a grumpy expression and the other a black haired female who's attire was more punk style with a simple black choker, a cold-shoulder black crop top with gold buttons with torn black pants and fingerless black gloves, much like her partner.
And an anthromorphic wolf-like demoness sitting across from them dressed in punk styled attire, with a spiked black choker and a grey crop top with straps shaped into a star resembling that of an inverted pentagram over her chest. Like her colleagues, she wore fingerless gloves and shorts with a crescent moon on the right side. She had her digitigrade legs crossed on the table, showing her black toeless stockings and is barefoot. To complete her look was a piercing on her right eyebrow and two piercings in her left ear while her right ear is torn. Her focus was on her phone, as she appeared to be ignoring everything else outside of it.
The imp continued speaking, his main focus being directed to the other imps. "I'm not naming any names here... Moxxie." His eyes briefly glance over to the white haired imp, who in turn gives him a look of offended bewilderment before continuing. "Now, does anyone here have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?"
The female imp jumps up with the first thought that comes to mind. "What about a car wash?"
"This is hell, millie," The boss imp reminds her with a bemused expression. "Nobody cares about cars being clean here, okay?" He then thinks to himself for a moment. "Ooh, what about a billboard?"
"We can't afford a billboard, sir." Deadpanned the white haired imp, moxxie.
"Helpful, moxxie," sneered the tall imp as he slinked over to his smaller colleague's side with a bitter expression. "Really glad you're in the room right now," he then roughly shoves moxxie away as he pulls out a remote. "Have you guys forgotten what service we provide??"
With a press of a button, the TV flashes to life.
On the screen, showed images of the imps hard at work, brutally murdering the mortals of the overworld, with the latter thwacking a man in the face with a mallet, moxxie mercilessly shooting at a helplessly bound man in the mouth and their hellhound, swinging a poor human in her mouth like a dog would to a chew toy. To top it off, it ends with millie decapitation a man with a harpoon, and letting out a laugh in satisfaction at a job well done.
"Ahh, those were good times." Reminisced the boss imp dreamily as he held up a bowl of popcorn for his two female employees to munch on.
Moxxie wasn't convinced, however. "I don't need any reminding, sir.... Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week." he reprimanded with a stern annoyance. "One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches."
"Uh, hey, excuse me." This appeared to have offended his boss. "What's so obnoxious about a super-fun jingle, all right? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullsh*t!"
"People love musicals, sir." Millie assured cheerfully.
"Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical." His visage then faltered as he points an accusing finger at moxxie. "Are you going to crush my dreams like my dad did?"
"...Sir-"
"'Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's a**hole talking to me." He then conjured the most pitiful look he could muster. "Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside..."
Moxxie appeared mildly disturbed by the act as millie looks over at her partner with a playful grin. "Are you trying to crush his dreams, moxxie?"
"I... what-?" He looks over at his dark-haired lover as she leans closely go him. "I thought I knew you.~" she playfully sticks her tongue out at him, in which he rolls his eyes with a thin blush and smile.
"I can't believe you, moxxie!" He was brought out of his temporary light-hearted mood when he heard his boss's 'hurt' voice again. "After I made you employee of the month!" He then holds up an employee of the month plaque, emblazoned with moxxie's anguished face pictured on it.
Finally, moxxie gave in. "Okay, sir. I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre." He dryly explains. "Nobody actually likes the jingles."
"I liked it." Millie admits.
"Do not--"
"Yeah, and so did this!" The boss Imp suddenly produces a much smaller, chubbier imp, one with stubby color horns that match their (mother/father)'s horn pattern and had white freckles dappling their pudgy cheeks. They were being held up by the scruff of their dark (color) onesie. They giggled innocently in the older demon's grip, tail wagging in a confused joy.
Moxxie tensed up once he realized what his boss was holding.
"Put our baby down!"
~~~~~~~~~
"Hi, there! I'm Blitzø! The "O" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.!"
"Are you a piece of sh*t that got yourself sent to Hell, or are you an innocent soul who got F**KED over by someone else?!"
["After lovingly killing my wife for F**KING A DELIVERYMAN, you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me! I really wish I could STICK IT to that YAPPY JOGGER who saw me hiding the body!"]
"Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!"
🎵When you want somebody gone🎵
🎵and you don't want to wait too long 🎵
🎵call the Immediate Murder🎵 Professionals!
🎵Hand grenade or cyanide,🎵
🎵We'll make it look like suicide🎵
🎵The Immediate Murder Professionals!🎵
🎵We do our job so well,🎵
🎵because we come straight up from Hell!🎵
🎵We'll kill your husband or your wife🎵
🎵We'll even let you keep the knife
🎵We're the Immediaaaaate...🎵 Murderrrrrr... Profession--
BANG!
"AUUUGH!"
A young boy suddenly collapses to the ground from a stray bullet, prompting the 3 imps to pop out of their hiding spot to stare in shock. They looked at moxxie who was holding a rifle as he stared in disbelief, as he looked down at his dormant weapon.
Their gazes then trail to your small form, who was teething on a glock, hardly aware of the situation they inadvertently caused.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doctor, he's not responding!" Exclaimed a feminine pink haired nurse in a surprisingly masculine voice as she stared down at the unconscious boy on the gurney.
"Cool water, stat!" Suggested a blue haired Nurse, urgently.
In response, the pink Nurse retrieves a bucket of water, but instead of simply dousing the boy, she smashes it over his face, leaving a welt on his cheek.
"It didn't do anything!"
"Dammit! I'm not losing another one." A glasses clad Doctor exclaimed in frustration, with a set of paddles on his hands. Following suit, the other two retrieve paddle of their own, putting them on various parts of the young lad's body.
"CLEAR!"
In a big surge of electricity; the child gasps loudly, signaling his consciousness.
The medical team stares at the half-dead boy in shock.
"Holy sh*t, it actually worked."
Outside the room, Blitzo, Millie, and Moxxie awaited the boy's condition. Blitzo was reading a magazine, while Millie comforts Moxxie, who looks devastated as she cradled you in her lap, who was contently playing with your hoofed feet. The doctor finally comes out of the room with a clipboard.
"He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery." Informed the doctor, fixing the trio of older imps with a steely stare. "Now what insurance provider do you freaks have?"
They all stared at the man in confusion.
"The f**k is insurance?"
~~~~~~~~~~
SMASH!!
Suddenly the four imps bursted out of the hospital window, still containing the unconscious child as they plummet several stories toward the ground.
🎵Kids die for freeeeeee!🎵