Monday night:
I was seated beside Harry in the Great Hall. I continued to eat at the Gryffindor table and so far no one has caught me or even suspected me yet. I'm honestly surprised since I'm sure most students have figured it out by now. Perhaps they are just minding their own business.
A lively conversation took place at the long, extensive table. But even as I made idle conversation with everyone around me, I could not help but think of the boy I was over, done with, tired of. Yet his glacier blue eyes and cocky grin still crossed my mind. Just the thoughts made me worried and overall anxious. I was overthinking it, I knew. But no matter how hard I tried to convince myself I was just overwhelmed, I couldn't help but wonder-
Why is he in my head?
"Holly?"
I had been too caught up in my own thoughts to even hear and acknowledge Harry.
"Sorry," I muttered, cheeks pinking, pushing all thoughts of Draco Malfoy away. I was with Harry. Smart, wonderful, precious Harry. I drew in a deep breath. "Can you say that again?"
"It wasn't anything important," Harry said, gently brushing my hair behind my ear. His brow furrowed with concern.
"Are you okay? You seem a little out of it."
He rested a hand on my shoulder and my heart melted at his touch.
"Just thinking," I replied, forcing a tired smile. "I think I'm just going to head off to bed."
Disappointment flashed across Harry's face, and my heart panged with regret.
"Are you sure you're ok?"
I rested a hand on his, unable to meet his eyes. "Yes, Harry. I'm just tired. That's all. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night."
"Sleep well, ok?"
While I genuinely hated lying to Harry, I felt something that I've been putting off for a long time needed to be taken care of. I was on my way to talk to Draco.
I walked quietly through the corridors of the castle, searching for Draco. Though night had fallen outside, you would not have known if not for the windows, for the hallways glowed with light. My steps echoed throughout the extensive halls. When I found no use in checking every single corridor, I headed for the most obvious place- the Slytherin common room.
To my surprise, I did not spot him.
Where could he be?
I seemed to run into him everywhere but when I purposely wanted to see him, he was nowhere to be seen.
Having been defeated, I headed to my dorm room. However, during the long hours of the night, I started to become bored and despite how frigid it was outside, I went to the Astronomy Tower.
I felt the cold gnawing at my skin as I crept up the winding staircase. Immediately, I felt the cold of the night rush over me like a mighty wind. I drew in a deep breath as I took in the freezing air around me.
But then I caught sight of him.
It was Draco Malfoy. It was the boy whose face always crossed my mind even at the most inconvenient times. The first night I spent at Hogwarts I could not remove him from my mind and I have yet to know why.
He was leaning onto the railing, staring off into the distance. The ongoing gentle breeze had blown his platinum blond hair in every direction possible. From where I stood, his eyes appeared as a soft metallic gray and not their regular shade of blue. However, I knew if I stepped closer I would be able to see the true color of his eyes.
"What brings you up here so late?" asked Draco, his voice quiet and deep.
"Got bored," I replied.
I saw as his warm breath appeared in the freezing air. I went to stand right beside him. His eyes met mine.
"I did not expect you to be up here either," I added.
"Yeah. What a coincidence."
I could not explain it but the way he made me feel in that moment was strange. Was I mesmerized? I had to be more confused than anything. Nothing about Draco Malfoy made sense to me. Everyone knew he was a difficult person to know, yet I wanted to figure out this strange boy whose mere presence and actions made me befuddled.
I did not know what to think of the way he made me feel. Although, it did not seem much to think about but rather my mind wandered into the never-ending darkness of the night sky.
"What are you thinking about?" asked Draco curiously.
Why was he asking?
"Oh I-."
For some reason, I had lost my words. I had originally set out to find Draco so I could finally tell him about Harry, however, I still could not muster up the courage to tell him.
Draco furrowed his eyebrows at me. I realized I had not even finished my sentence.
"Nothing really," I quickly answered, "Just thinking."
I blushed in my own embarrassment. Not only could I not set my thoughts straight, I could not even speak English.
"Is something bothering you?"
Draco shot me another look of confusion.
"No not at all," I said.
"Your cheeks are pink," he said as he suddenly grazed his finger tips across my soft cheek.
What was it with Draco and touching my face?
"I'm fine. I'm fine," I said hurriedly, "I'm just-."
"Do I make you nervous?" he whispered, smirking.
"In your dreams, Malfoy," I rolled my eyes.
Draco was always one to flatter himself. He seemed to think everyone loved him when in reality only the Slytherins saw him as their king. He was considered to be more of a prideful arrogant snob to others. I tried not to think of him as that. I always thought of him as my best friend, one who was merely misunderstood. One whom I could trust. I'm yet to find out if he is truly trustworthy.
"So,"he said, glaring at me with his familiar gaze and his glacier blue eyes, "What do you want to talk about. I don't want to stand up here in silence."
"What even is there to talk about?"
"I don't know. You're the one who came up here."
"Well I didn't know you would be up here in the first place. Why don't you pick the subject?"
He ran his hand through his messy hair.
"Where were you today?" he asked.
"I went to Hogsmede with Kasper. I wanted to do something together that would make him happy."
Draco glared at me, his expression unreadable.
"Was he sad or something?"
"Well, we have been dealing with stuff lately with our unstable family," I said, feeling that feeling of depression overtake me.
"Like?" he asked, his eyes not even sparing a single glance at mine.
I didn't feel it was right to tell any of Kasper's business to Draco. It wasn't like he cared anyways. Well, he may feel sorry for me but I'm not always sure. I've told Draco many stories about my parents, and he has even shared some of his crazy conversations with his dad. While he doesn't necessarily care about the Death Eater thing, he never liked to hear me talk about the abuse. It made him sad to hear about it, yet I don't know why I was ever able to talk about them to him.
"I don't want to talk about it," I whispered, a slight strain in my voice.
Draco nodded his head as he took one hand and adjusted the collar of his sweatshirt.
"I'm sorry," he said.
I thought I was hearing things. Did he really just-
"For what?" I asked, while also in the process making sure I heard him right.
"For your messed up family."
"Thank you," I said, smiling brightly.
Still, he did not meet my eyes but I knew in some way or another he actually did care. In a way, he was not an arrogant snob but a caring person. In a way, he had a burden for the things I had to go through. In his own way.
"What?" he asked when my smile didn't go away.
"Nothing. You have just never said you were sorry for me before."
"You don't think I care?" He cocked an eyebrow.
"Well no it's not that. I'm just happy you said that that's all."
He smirked and shook his head. And after that, it was silent. I knew during the moment of silence was the perfect opportunity to tell him about Harry. I dreaded the conversation yet I could not keep putting it off. He needed to know.
I had to tell him.
I began.
"Draco?"
"Yes," he asked, his eyes meeting mine once again. The eye contact seemed to make it worse.
"I have to tell you something," I let out, my chest tightening in the process.
"Is that so?"
Every word he spoke seemed to make me weaker. I forced words from my mouth.
"Well, it's quite the surprise," I said as I let out a nervous laugh in order to try to defuse the tension that was building up inside of me.
"Go on."
He inched closer towards me. This made my insides squirm.
I can do this I convinced myself.
But when I went to speak, Draco suddenly lifted his hand and grabbed my chin, tilting my head up towards him. It seemed as a hesitant but a confident act. I honestly did not know what it was in the moment. All of time seemed to have stopped when I looked up into his eyes. I felt myself drowning, losing my grip on reality. I tried to speak but words never came out of my mouth. I felt every breath he breathed. We were that close.
God did it feel so wrong for him to be doing that to me. It felt so wrong for him to be touching me in that way yet I did not pull away. I could not pull away. I felt my body was paralyzed.
Why am I letting him do this?
Why did he make me feel this way?
It was an uncomfortable feeling yet why did I think he was so mesmerizing, so pretty. His eyes, his lips- I began to feel sick.
"Draco-," I breathed.
He seemed so confident as his eyes stayed attached to my lips, meanwhile my knees were on the verge of buckling.
"I might have something to say as well," he whispered.
His words were so soft, so delicate.
Don't give in, I pleaded with myself.
He leaned in closer. I was not going to do this to Harry. To me.
"I'm dating Harry," I quickly let out before I lost my nerve.
Slowly, Draco stopped when his lips were barely hovering over mine. The tension was unreal once I had spoken those words. He pulled away, backing up two or three steps. His movements seemed to change. He stood completely still and although I did not meet his eyes, I could feel them probing me.
"What?" Draco hissed, voice harsh and cold.
I casted a downwards glance at my boots.
"I'm dating Harry," I repeated breathlessly.
The feeling between us seemed to have changed drastically. The atmosphere felt unsettling and it was exactly how I imagined this conversation would go.
I finally forced myself to look up at Draco. Just from staring at him I could already feel the raging anger building up inside of him. Why did I ever think he would understand? Both his fist were clenched. He was more angry than I had imagined.
"And I'm happy with him," I added, "And I would think you would be happy for me."
"Are you serious? How could you ever date someone like Potter! Please tell me you are joking. Have you lost your mind?"
But something else seemed to gleam in his eyes rather than anger. Confusion? Frustration?
Jealousy?
"You don't control me!" I shouted, my voice booming. "I am happy with Harry and I thought you would understand. I guess not."
Now I was angry and I felt I could have punched Draco in the moment;however, I refrained myself from doing so.
"I knew it! I knew there was something between you two. And I-."
He stopped abruptly in the middle of his sentence. Instead, he stormed off, leaving me alone once again.
Except this time I had figured it out.
Draco was jealous.