Novak just nods approvingly. He had apparently brought a fork with him when he went to pick up the trays. He takes the fork off his leg and stirs it in the trays of food. He takes a bite from the fork and a puff from his cigarette, a nasty combination if you ask me.
Soon after, he finishes the cigarette and throws it in the fire. Novak takes the tray from the fire and puts it in front of us.
More and more I start to wonder how I thought I was going to survive on my own. I consider myself lucky that Novak is sitting next to me. I bet I wouldn't have lasted a week on my own here. In castles, they clearly don't prepare you for life outside those walls. Maybe that's how they keep you in.
'Here, you must be hungry.' I look at the fire. Novak holds out a tray to me with a few pieces of bread on it. I gratefully take it from his hand and look at my dinner. In the tray is a red sauce with all sorts of vegetables in it. The bread is dark and full of seeds. Everything is different since my departure from the palace, even the food.
'It's a kind of vegetable stew, the first I could find.' I take a piece of the bread, use it as a spoon to pick up the stew and take a bite. The flavour is mainly herbs and tomato, something I like.
'Tastes good,' is my sincere reaction. Next to me, Novak himself starts eating from the other bowl. It still amazes me that vampires eat normal food. Sometimes I seem to forget that Novak is a vampire at all. I haven't seen the vampire side of him yet and I don't know if I want to see it.
'So you're Franders' wife?' I almost choke on my food. I look at Novak like a child who has been caught taking a sweet. I swallow my bite of food and begin to nervously dip the bread into the tray.
'Yes,' is my only and honest answer. Every time Christiaan comes up, I feel the fear run through my body.
'How did he treat you?' Novak doesn't mince words, let that be clear. I let a sigh slip from my lips. How do you describe it? He treated me terribly in so many ways that I can't find a word that sums it up. So the only word that comes to mind is the only answer I can give.
'Terrible.'
'Was he the reason for all your wounds and bruises?' I don't want this topic of conversation on the table, I want to hide it in a place where it can never come out.
'Yes.' I don't know who I blame more, my father or Christian. I take another bite of the food and look at the fire. It's quiet for a while, to the point that I wonder if Novak is going to say anything to my confession. I take the last bite of my food. I set the tray next to me in the grass and pull my legs up.
'Should you have the idea that I have the intention of doing something to you against your will, it is not so. I don't hit others, if they don't do anything to me, and I'm certainly not out for sexual contact against someone's will. If I do something you don't want, tell me and I will stop immediately, even if it is something small.' Although I already suspected he didn't have the intentions, it feels like a relief to hear him say it. I smile slightly, but don't look up from the fire.
'Thank you,' I murmur softly. I let a blade of grass slip between my fingers until the cold wind sends shivers down my spine. Novak gets up from the grass and holds out a hand to me. I look up from the fire, gratefully take his hand and pull myself up from the grass.
'Let's go to sleep, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.' Despite his reassuring words, the idea still hasn't quite landed in my head, nerves continue to rise. I don't answer his announcement. We walk towards the tent together. His hand grasps the front flaps of the tent, opens them.
'Do you want to change?' he asks. I look at him for a second, confused by his proposal. If I wanted to change, it would mean that I would be lying next to him in only my underwear. That is something I would like to avoid in any way possible and besides, sleeping in a small tent with him is already a big thing for me.
I shake my head and resign myself to the fact that I will be sleeping in my tight dress. Novak nods. He enters the tent and disappears from my sight without a word. I stand in front of the tent for a few seconds without moving a finger.
The tension in my body is palpable. My muscles feel as if they are chained to the ground, my fronts seem to be rusted.
'Are you coming?' I hear from the tent. I realise how strange my behaviour must have seemed to him. He knows that Christiaan is not the man you want in a relationship, but not in what way that has manifested itself. I conquer my fear and step into the small tent.
The fabric walls do not make the difference between the temperature inside and outside the tent. It is cold, bleak. The only difference is the disappearance of the wind, now only audible against the fabric.
I sit down next to Novak on the various blankets that have been laid out on the tent floor. There is no mattress, no pillows either. It is anything but comfortable, but I hadn't set myself up for that. This tent and Novak's presence are more than I had expected when I left this morning, always better than the castle.
I hesitantly follow Novak's example. Now that I am lying here, I only notice how cold it really is. Despite the blankets, the ground is cold and damp. I pull the blanket further over me as goose bumps spread over my body. With the state I'm in now, I'm sure there won't be much sleep for me this night.
'Are you cold?' I hear behind me as I lie down with my back to Novak.
'No,' I mumble. My lie has no footing at all. I speak my answer as my jaws are pushed together from the cold.
'You are lying.' I say nothing as I press my legs closer to my body. A shiver slides over my body as soon as the wind hits the plastic.
'Do you want to borrow an item of clothing from me?' asks Novak. I slowly shake my head. My stubbornness and the ingrained rule of life that showing weakness is the worst thing you can do prevent me from accepting his offer.
'No,' I clarify myself. Novak says nothing more, does not answer. It is quiet, the only sound is the wind rushing past the tent. I hope my body gets used to the cold but for the time being nothing seems to change. It is so quiet that I begin to assume that Novak, behind me, has fallen asleep.
My muscles feel cramped and my jaws ache from clenching. As soon as my jaw starts to chatter from the cold as well, I don't know what to do with myself any more. I lie down a few times in the hope that it will improve a little, but it does not. This way, it will be a long and sleepless night.
'Come here,' I hear softly behind me. I lift my head and look at the blue eyes that are staring at me, they are questioning. Novak has opened his arms to me while holding up his blanket a little.
He asks me to lie down in his arms and that immediately brings out a fear in me, a fear that I am beginning to find irritating. On the one hand, I have little choice if I want to sleep this night, his warmth might be the only thing that makes my body stop shivering. On the other hand, I'm afraid of physical contact with men and that doesn't go away with the little trust I've built up for Novak. He seems to notice my doubt.
'I'm not doing anything to you, I just want to keep you warm,' he clarifies his offer. I observe his gaze for a moment before I push aside my fear for the second time this evening. I move myself across the floor towards him and come to lie in his arms, doubting. I place my head on the floor next to his shoulder, something that is not entirely comfortable. It feels uncomfortable, unnatural too.
For a moment Novak doesn't move until he wraps his arms around me, pulls me closer to him and puts the blanket over both of us. He has pulled my head onto his shoulder, my hand is on his chest. His body heat immediately makes my body relax more. My head, on the other hand, is working overtime, thinking up every wrong scenario.
'Less cold?' he asks softly. I nod slowly. It takes quite a while for my body to completely settle down with the new situation and my head seems to accept that it's okay. I begin to relax myself in his arms and feel the fatigue. Novak's chest slowly moving up and down with his breathing makes my breathing calm down too.
I close my eyes, allowing the fatigue to set in.
Novak's breathing eventually evens out to such an extent that I assume he is asleep. That is the moment the sleep takes over.