𝟘𝟟𝕩𝟘𝟙
☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
A month after everything that happened, Mark and Amber found themselves at the airport waiting for Natalie's flight to arrive.
"There she is." Mark spotted the woman, that he loved, first. He waved her over and Natalie's face broke into a smile when she noticed them. She had just arrived back to Seattle after a short trip to her mother's hometown, in Ireland. She needed some time off Seattle, so when she was stable enough she left.
"Hi." Natalie hugged her daughter first. She squeezed her for few seconds before letting her go. "Let me look at you." She put her hands on Amber's cheeks. "I missed you."
"Me too." Amber said and smiled at her mother. Nothing had been the same since that day and Amber was wondering if now that Natalie was back, things would get back to normal.
"Hi." Natalie smiled at Mark when she let go of Amber. And Mark waited for a hug that it never came. The truth was that Natalie wasn't sure how to act around him, not after how things turned out. "Thank you guys for coming to pick me up."
"How was Ireland?" Mark asked her, trying to ignore that Natalie didn't greet him. They had been through a lot and losing her wasn't something he wanted to go through again. But it seemed to him that Natalie had different ideas.
"It was peaceful and relaxing, just like I needed." Natalie informed them. She needed to be away from Seattle, even if it was for a week. "Your grandmother is thinking about moving there. She says that her hometown is so much better than San Francisco."
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"Well, the next time, I'll leave you there." Meredith snapped at Derek as they walked out of the elevator. Natalie was at the corner and she spotted Derek, so she walked up to him.
She hadn't seen him a lot since both of them left the hospital. "What did you do now Shepherd?" She asked and the couple turned around to look at her.
"There she is!" Derek exclaimed and gave Natalie a quick hug. "How are you doing?"
"I am fine, I am fine." Natalie reassured him and smiled, glad to see him standing. "So what did he do?"
"Oh, Derek got arrested again." Meredith informed her attending.
"Meredith..."
"Reckless endangerment." She added.
"Are you an idiot?" Natalie snapped at him.
"Please." Derek rolled his eyes at both of them.
"Did he lose his license yet?" Cristina joined them as they walked towards the lobby where everyone was expecting Derek. It was his first day back. Natalie noticed that she was holding a wedding magazine and narrowed her eyes confused.
"Oh, no, because they don't charge him, because the cops worship him." Meredith scoffed.
"Because I saved some of their lives." Derek stated.
"Is there a wedding going on?" Natalie finally asked.
"Yes, mine and Owen's. We're choosing a dress colour." Cristina informed her and Natalie decided to hide how surprised she felt. "I'm not wearing white. It's sexist and... vaguely racist. No white, no veil, no rice."
"Well, what will your mother say?" Meredith reminded her.
"No mother." Cristina exclaimed.
"I'd go with a red dress." Natalie remarked. "I'll see you guys in there."
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"I'm so glad you're back." Arizona had spent the last minute hugging Natalie. "I missed having you here so much."
"It's good to see you too Arizona." Natalie's face lightened up at the warm welcome.
"Did you get cleared for surgery?" Arizona asked and Natalie didn't reply for few seconds as her eyes met with Mark's, who had spent the last five minutes that Natalie was in the room staring at her. And he couldn't look away.
"What do you mean, cleared for surgery?" Natalie cleared her throat and turned back to Arizona. "Who has to clear me?" Natalie questioned, but before Arizona could reply, Derek walked inside the room.
The staff started clapping. And Derek walked up the stairs so everyone could see him. "Right. Hey, uh, yes, good morning." He said to get them to quiet down. "Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. It's, uh, it's great to be back. First of all, I'd like to thank Dr. Webber for stepping up in my absence. Thank you." The staff cheered at the mention of their former's chief name. "Uh, I'm grateful for all of you, for all of your support during my recovery. Thank you. Uh, it's just, uh, so great to be back as chief. I'm grateful for the, uh... " He paused and he inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry. That's a lie." He confessed. "That's what people say, and, uh, the truth is... I hate being chief. I hate it. Chief Webber... Chief Webber is our chief. Um... And I'm sorry, but this giant..." Derek looked at the scans in his face. "Sorry, I gotta go look at this chordoma. I, um, I'm sorry, but... I quit. Let's go, Kepner. Come on."
Everyone looked at him surprised. And on Natalie's very first day back, she realised that nothing was the same anymore. And she wasn't sure if it would even be.
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"On the, uh, day of the shooting, I understand that you had a particularly difficult day." Dr. Perkins, the shrink who was clearing everyone for surgery, told Natalie. Natalie was standing by the window looking at the rain falling down. She tried to not go back to any of the moments of that day. She tried to forget how she was all alone and bleeding with no one to help her but herself. She tried to forget how she was operating on her best friend's chest while the very same man that shot her was pointing a gun at her. Or how she had lost the baby on the very same day she realised how much she wanted it.
"The day my ex-husband won custody over my daughter, that was a particularly difficult day. And now my daughter is with me and it's okay. Well, at the end of this day... I got shot. I got a bullet out of myself, I operated on my best friend and..." Natalie huffed... "I had a miscarriage. The, uh... Um... " Natalie stuttered. "This day was the worst day of my life."
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"Should I make rice or pasta? What do you want for dessert?" A week after Natalie got out of the hospital, she was home acting like nothing had happened. Mark was constantly with her, even though they hadn't really talked about if they were back together. But Mark couldn't possibly leave her alone, and she didn't want him to.
"Nat, sit down." Mark insisted. "You're supposed to be resting."
"I am fine." Natalie refused ignoring the pain at her thigh from standing up for too long.
"Are you though?" Mark asked. He wanted to help her, but she wasn't talking to him. They hadn't talked about the baby they had lost at all.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Natalie shrugged.
"Are you seriously asking me that?" Mark raised his voice and when he realised that he did, he tried to calm down. He was hurting so much, but he was masking it since Natalie didn't seem willing to share her feelings with him. "We haven't talked about it. At all. About anything that happened."
"Have it occurred to you that I might not want to talk about it?" Natalie exclaimed angrily.
"We both lost something..." Mark tried.
"No, I did." Natalie finally yelled. "I lost something. I couldn't keep it safe long enough. I lost it."
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And two days later the situation was still the same. "Crap!" Natalie yelled from the kitchen.
"Mom, are you okay?" Amber rushed downstairs, only to find her with a broken plate on the floor.
"I broke it." Natalie bent down to pick up the pieces. "Goddammit. I broke it." She yelled.
"Mom, it's fine, it's just a plate." Amber got to her level and tried to stop her from getting herself hurt.
"No, it's-" Natalie cried. "I can't keep anything safe. Everything I touch gets destroyed. Everything."
"Hey, what's going on?" Mark joined them in the kitchen only to find Natalie having a breakdown over a broken plate.
"Bring me some glue, I can fix this." Natalie pushed Amber away.
"Mom, please, it's fine..." Amber stood up and took a step back, feeling scared.
"Hey, hey, leave it." Mark rushed at Natalie's side and took her hands away. "You're gonna cut yourself."
"No, Amber, bring me some glue." Natalie repeated and Amber took another step back as tears started streaming down her face. "I can put it back together."
"Nat-"
"No!" Natalie got her hands off Mark's grip and picked up the broken pieces.
"You're gonna hurt yourself."
"Ah." Natalie cried when a rough piece cut her palm. "I just wanted to fix this."
"I know, I know." Mark said softly and grabbed her hand to see the depth of the cut. "Hey, look at me." He gave his attention to her, as she had started sobbing. "It's fine. I know it hurts, but we're gonna get through this, okay? Together. Okay?"
Natalie nodded her head. "Okay."
"Breathe with me. In." They took a deep breath together, Mark guiding her. "And out."
Once Natalie was calm enough to realise what she had done, she looked at her daughter. Amber was standing against the wall, scared and she was looking at them with tears in her eyes. And Natalie hated herself for making Amber more scared than she already was after everything.
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"Amber? Can I come in?" A few hours later Natalie knocked on her daughter's bedroom door. Mark had calmed her down enough and all Natalie wanted to do was check up on Amber.
"Yeah." Amber whispered and wiped her tears. She had spent the last two hours in her room crying her eyes out. Because she was too scared. She was scarred and she didn't want to see anyone. Talk to anyone. She had stopped talking to her friends, she had been ignoring all Tom's texts and calls. And even when she went to school, she wasn't participating in anything. But she was skipping most of the classes anyway. A month was enough to make her fail in 3 classes.
"Hey." Amber turned around to face her mother. And Natalie's face softened once she saw the state she was at. "I am really sorry about before." Natalie whispered. Amber didn't speak. She waited to know the truth. Because she knew that her mother was hiding something from her. "I haven't told you that, but I was pregnant that day. I was pregnant and I lost it. So... I guess I am still trying to process some things. But I am really sorry, you didn't need to see that."
"It's okay." Amber whispered, not trusting her voice after what she had found out. She was going to have a sibling. That's all she wanted since she could remember herself. She eventually gave up on the idea when her parents got a divorce. So the fact that she was going to have a little brother or sister, really messed her up.
"Do you mind if I stay here tonight?" Natalie asked her.
"No." Amber said and soon hid herself in her mother's embrace like she did when she was little and she had a nightmare. And Natalie caressed her hair until she fell asleep and for the first time both of them actually slept.
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And just few more days later, Natalie knew that she needed some time away, away from everyone. Especially away from the place she got shot. "Okay, um, I know you're both worried about me. And I am not okay, I am not going to lie. But I will be. That's why I decided to just not be here for few days." Natalie announced to Mark and Amber who were sitting opposite from her on the couch.
"What? Where are you going?" Mark asked worried.
"Ireland with my mother." She informed them. She had the best memories growing up at her mother's hometown in Ireland, and she wanted to relive those peaceful and beautiful moments.
"What?" Amber exclaimed. "I want to come too."
"Honey, you have school and you're not skipping classes anymore, okay?" Natalie said softly. "I've talked to your father and you will stay with him for few days-"
"What? No, I'd rather stay here with Mark." Amber argued, if she had to stay in Seattle, she preferred to be with Mark, especially after everything.
"Amby, Mark has his own place and his own life–"
"No, I don't mind. I'll stay with her." Mark cut her off. "Are you sure that you can do this right now? What if you need something and..."
"My mother will be with me." Natalie reminded him. "And I'll be fine. I'll be fine once I get back, you'll see."
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"Hey, are you heading home?" That evening Mark rushed to catch up with Natalie at the parking lot.
"Uh, yeah." Natalie stopped walking, letting him catch up with her. She looked at him with a mix of emotions, but most of all she felt embarrassed that he had seen her in that condition, and she felt guilty for hurting him so much after losing the baby. "I need to be with my daughter after all those days. I haven't been mom of the year the last month. Thank you for staying with her by the way."
"Yeah, it was no problem." Mark reassured her. "We had fun. I even helped her study for some tests."
"That's good, I'm glad."
"S-should I..." Mark paused.
"What?" Natalie whispered.
There was a small pause, and Mark was not sure how to ask her what he wanted to. "I've been staying at your house the last few days and you weren't there. And I'm just... I am wondering if I should continue staying or if you don't want me there. I don't know what we are, I don't have the slightest idea if you want me back." He finally spoke.
Natalie inhaled and exhaled sharply before she started talking. And as the time passed by and she realised what had happened the last month, she knew that she didn't want Mark to be in the condition she had made him be. "Mark, you've helped a lot. You've helped me and Amber and I appreciate all that. And I do love you and I do want you in my life, but I don't want to put you in that position anymore. I've hurt you so much the last month, and I know you are also hurting, but you put me first and that's not okay. And I don't even know who I am anymore, all I know is that I am not myself. And it's not your job to fix me."
"I know who you are, and if you're going through your worst right now, I wanna go through it with you. You make me happier than... Anything I've ever known. And if I can have a part in... in making you happy again, that's all I want to do. That's all I want to do for the rest of my life."
Natalie stayed still for a second and just stared at him. When the tears started falling down her eyes, Mark got worried that he had said something wrong. But then Natalie wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him tightly, like that hug was going to pull her back together. Mark wrapped his arms around her neck. One of his hands got tangled around her hair, keeping her as close to him as possible. And just like that the little pieces that were broken inside of them were glued back together. Most of them at least, because some of them were lost the day of the shooting.
☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
ᴡᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ʀᴏʟʟᴇʀ-ᴄᴏᴀꜱᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀꜱ ᴡᴇʀᴇ! ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ!
ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀʟʟ, ɪ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴛᴀʟɪᴇ ɪꜱ ᴏꜰꜰɪᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ. ꜱᴏ ʏᴀʏ! ꜱᴏ ɪᴛ'ꜱ ꜱᴀꜰᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀʀᴋ ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏꜰɪᴀ'ꜱ ꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ.
ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅʟʏ, ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ꜱᴏ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜰᴏʀ 100ᴋ ʀᴇᴀᴅꜱ. ɪ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ. ᴀʟꜱᴏ, ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ 8, ɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴜᴛᴄᴏᴍᴇ. ɪ ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴀʏɪɴɢ ɪꜰ ɪᴛ'ʟʟ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ᴏʀ ꜱᴀᴅ ᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ, ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ 8 ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.
ꜱᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɪɴ ᴍɪɴᴅ, ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴘᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ᴅᴇʀᴇᴋ ꜱʜᴇᴘʜᴇʀᴅ ꜰɪᴄ ᴏɴ ʜᴏʟᴅ, ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ɪ ꜰɪɴɪꜱʜ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴏɴᴇ, ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴀʟʟ ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀɪᴇꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴍʏ ᴘʀɪᴏʀɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ɢʜᴏꜱᴛꜱ ᴀꜱ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴀꜱ ᴘᴏꜱꜱɪʙʟᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ɪ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛɪʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ, ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴀʟʟ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀɴ ᴀᴍᴀᴢɪɴɢ ᴅᴀʏ. ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ,