The moonlight reflects off the snow, tinting the world with an ethereal silver glow. It's too peaceful compared to the turmoil inside me. My mind rages against itself, and my emotions war each other. Above it all, anger reigns.
I shouldn't be so reluctant to go home, to serve my country, to lead the people I love. I shouldn't have allowed myself to become so attached to the people here.
In the darkness, the forest trees around me look like skeletal dancers outfitted in shining ice. I clear the snow away in a large enough circle for me to sit and cast the temperature adjustment spell. My fingers drag the chalk against the frozen ground, scraping out a circle inch by inch. I raise the temperature within my little circle just enough so that the cold stops biting my skin and numbing my bones. That's all I can manage.
I don't want to say goodbye to Leavi. It's stupid, but I can't. I can't acknowledge to her that we will never see each other again, that even if we somehow do, I would never be allowed to have anything to do with her. Agraund's oft-repeated words echo in my head: Princes of Morineaux do not associate with lowly serving girls.
I'm never going to see him again, either. My uncle, my master, the man who all but raised me—is dead. I set my jaw against the pain rising within me. Now I'm the one Morineaux expects to lead their wizards, and I'm not even there. Despair and frustration threaten to overtake me.
"Why can't I do anything right?" I yell at the trees. "Why do all my decisions only make things worse? Why—" My voice cracks, and I fold in on myself.
My country is in danger.
My uncle is dead.
My people need me. And instead of being there, doing what I need to, I'm moping in a freezing forest like the dimwit I am.
I shove to a sitting position. I refuse to be what Agraund always railed at me not to.
Yes, my situation is bad. Yes, I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life as nothing but a pawn for Morineaux's well-being. Yes, I'm going to be eternally surrounded by sickly sweet courtiers trying to carve their way up the political ladder. Despite that, I have a place. I might not be good enough, but I'm the best they have; I'm more acquainted with the laws of our land, with magic theory, with strategy than almost anyone in the Corps.
I can lead them. I will lead them. My magic might not be as strong as it should be, but I will be the Second Son they need—and I will lead them well.
Tomorrow, I cross half the world in one step.
Tomorrow, I forget the mistakes I've made here.
Tomorrow, I take on the role of the Second Son of the Court.
Tomorrow, I take care of my land and my people. I do whatever I need to. I become whoever I need to.
Tomorrow, I make my country all that matters to me.