Over the years, Cheryl had learned to keep certain emotions hidden. Love, attraction, and lust were kept under lock and key in her mind. She'd gotten so good at blocking them, that most of the time she didn't think they were there anymore. But, every once in awhile something would try to push them to the surface. It never lasted longer than a minute or two, though. Cheryl made sure of that. She remembered one of those times bitterly.
It had been when her mother had taken her and Jason to see a ballet show. They were both around 13 at the time. During the show she must have stared at one of the dancers far to intensely. Because when she glanced back to her mother the woman had never looked angrier. Once the show was over and they had arrived home it didn't take long for her mother to explode.
"You need to control your deviant thoughts, Cheryl. The look on your face tonight was absolutely disgusting. Girls do not look at other girls like that, understand?"
Cheryl went to bed that night feeling defeated and angry with herself. Even Jason, who had snuck into her room later, couldn't find the words to help. From that point on she had promised herself to close off all emotions.
When Jason died, years later, it only solidified her feelings. He was the only one that seemed to know she was holding back. They told each other everything, but never talked about relationships. With him gone she was free to build wall after wall in an attempt to block out everyone.
Cheryl found that she was amazing at keeping her feelings quiet. She didn't dwell on the fact that it was because nobody cared enough to see that she was hiding something. For instance, when Veronica and Betty shared their pathetic kiss at River Vixens tryouts. She didn't even bat an eye as she let out a snarky comment.
It was so simple to lie to everyone. Extremely simple, until Toni Topaz had waltzed into her life.
"Why don't you come over here and say that to my face?"
" Happily queen of the buskers."
Cheryl didn't show it on her face in the moment. But the interaction had startled her. It wasn't that she was scared of Toni. Or any of the other serpents for that matter. No, it brought out one of the feelings she was so dead set on hiding. Attraction. The way Toni had stared her down and angrily retorted. Cheryl was so very attracted to her, and that couldn't happen. It's why only seconds later she was threatening Archie about his kiss with Betty. It helped her ignore the sirens currently going off in her head. She couldn't handle whatever the hell was happening. She'd decided then to avoid Toni at all costs.
That had been over a week ago. Her life had gone somewhat back to normal. Well, besides the fact that she couldn't stop thinking about Toni. Or the fact that her heart would pick up speed anytime the other girl passed her in the hall. She never dared make eye contact with her. She was angry that this random serpent girl had such an effect on her.
The simple plan of ignoring the girl fell apart as she wandered into the gym for Vixens' practice. She immediately noticed Toni, clad in a signature yellow shirt, talking to Veronica. Neither of the girls noticed her slowly approaching from behind. Her anger building with every step she took. It wasn't until Veronica noticed her over Toni's shoulder that she spoke up.
"Why is there a snake currently in my gym?" Cheryl spat, putting her hands on her hips. "Explain yourself." Toni turned around and rolled her eyes immediately at the redhead.
"Well, hello to you, too, Bombshell," Toni answered not hiding the snark in her voice. Cheryl ignored her increased heart rate at the nickname as she glared back. "I'm here to try out for the River Vixens."
"No, absolutely not," Cheryl replied without hesitation. Toni crossed her arms and sighed.
"You can't just tell me no. Veronica already said that if I danced well then I'd be on the team," Toni said. Cheryl immediately turned her glare to Veronica, who was standing there silently. She shrugged when she has Cheryl's glare.
"Why in the world would you want to join a cheerleading team? You're in a gang. Don't you just want to play with knives in your spare time?" Cheryl knew that her insult wasn't the greatest. It was hard to focus when Toni was staring at her like she knew all the redhead's secrets.
"Extracurriculars look good on college applications," Toni responded, shrugging her shoulders. "And for the record, I don't really play with my weapons. I'm not that kinky." Toni winked and Cheryl felt something inside her snap. She tried her best to ignore the sudden bombardment of feelings before sighing.
"Whatever, let's get this over with," Cheryl retorted, turning away and walking towards the other girls. Veronica took that as her cue to go start the music. If Cheryl was already feeling flustered, it was nothing compared to when Toni started her routine. The girl was amazing and had obviously had some type of professional lessons before. She knew exactly the right amount of risque dancing to mix in with the hip-hop.
Cheryl was holding her breath as she watched. It was torture and she couldn't look away. She was the cheer captain, afterall. The more she tried to fight the attraction and arousal, the harder it fought to come out. After denying herself of these feelings for so long it was like they were intensified. After what felt like hours, the music cut out and the other girls began clapping.
Cheryl felt herself starting to reign in control over her body again. As the feelings faded, the shame and anger started to kick in. She felt disgusted with herself. It wasn't right of her to be thinking about Toni in that way. Her mother would be furious if she knew what just transpired. She wanted nothing more than to run out of the room as Toni made her way over to her.
"So, did I impress the queen of Riverdale High?" Toni asked and Cheryl hated that the girl didn't even seem out of breath. Cheryl wanted to yell 'no' in her smug face, but she knew she couldn't. Toni was good and the other girls clearly thought so too. If she rejected the girl it would only look suspicious on her end.
"Congrats, you've just added another bullet point on your college applications," Cheryl answered as the other girls gathered round. "Keep in mind, though. If you so much as miss a second of practice. You're cut." Toni didn't seem at all affected by Cheryl's threat as the others started to congratulate her.
Cheryl didn't know how she was going to get through the rest of practice after all that.
________________
Hours later, after a tortuous practice, Cheryl just wanted to go home. She needed to be alone to clear her thoughts. The universe had other plans for her, though.
Cheryl jumped when she turned around and saw Toni standing behind her. She had thought she was the only one left in the locker room. Apparently not.
"Woah there, bombshell, didn't mean to scare you," Toni said, holding up her hands innocently.
"What do you want, Topaz?" Cheryl answered angrily. Why couldn't this stupid girl just learn to leave her alone like everyone else.
"Stop with the bitchy act. There's no one else here but us," Toni responded. Cheryl rolled her eyes and slammed her locker door shut. Anything to avoid eye contact with the serpent.
"It's not an act, you just really piss me off," Cheryl answered and grabbed her bag. This caused Toni to take a step forward, blocking her exit. She was desperately trying to escape this situation. "Move." Cheryl did her best to add as much authority to her voice as possible.
"I think the reason you're so hostile with me is because you like me," Toni smirked. Cheryl felt her lungs collapse at Toni's words. The girl knew and now she was rubbing it in her face. When Cheryl didn't respond Toni took another step forward. Cheryl moved backwards causing her back to hit the lockers. "Is Cheryl Blossom, Queen of Riverdale, and notorious ice princess speechless?" Toni joked in a seductive voice. It only made Cheryl's throat close more, breathing was becoming difficult.
"Not speechless, just shocked that you would ever think I feel anything other than disgust when I think about you," Cheryl quipped back, hearing the shakiness of her own voice. Her mother's words ran through her head on a loop. This was getting bad. Toni didn't look like she was going to back down anytime soon.
"Oh, so you've been thinking about me?" Toni replied without hesitation. "I'm honored." Cheryl had never been so nervous in her entire life. It was impossible to win against this girl. She wasn't afraid of Cheryl at all. Toni lifted her hand and rested it on Cheryl's arm. Cheryl almost flinched but composed herself at the last second.
"Get your sapphic serpent hands off me!" Cheryl yelled, slapping the other girl's hand roughly. This only seemed to spur Toni on more as she smiled widely.
"Ya know, you're really hot when you're angry," Toni said before taking another step forward. Her and Cheryl were basically chest to chest at this point. "I thought you were gonna rip my head off today. Then I saw the way you were looking at me while I danced. I realized, you didn't want to rip my head off. You wanted to rip my clothes off."
As Toni spoke, Cheryl could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes. Her mother's words were screaming in her head now. Drowning everything else out. Cheryl didn't want to cry in front of Toni, but it was inevitable. Right as Toni finished her sentence Cheryl couldn't stop the sob that erupted from her lips. The tears began rolling down her cheeks immediately after. Toni stepped back in shock at the other girl's outburst.
"Oh my god, jesus, Cheryl. I'm sorry," Toni apologised, not understanding what was happening. She watched as Cheryl dropped the bag she was holding and continued to cry.
"Please, just don't tell anyone. If my mother finds out..." Cheryl sobbed out, trailing off at the thought of her mother knowing. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have been looking at you like that. Please."
"I'm not gonna say anything to anyone, I promise," Toni responded desperately, not exactly sure what she was agreeing to. "Just calm down and talk to me. Tell me how to help." Cheryl was still crying as she moved to sit on the nearby bench. She was beginning to feel light headed and was struggling to hold herself up. Toni wasn't far behind as she sat down next to Cheryl. She made sure to leave some space between them, not wanting to cause more stress to the other girl. The guilt she was already feeling at making Cheryl cry was painful.
"My mother will be upset if she finds out I'm having deviant thoughts again," Cheryl mumbled out, trying to wipe tears from her eyes. "I was always so good at hiding them. This shouldn't have happened." Toni could feel her heart breaking for the other girl.
"Cheryl, your mother's wrong," Toni said, finally getting Cheryl to look her in the eyes. The girl looked exhausted, but still beautiful. "You're not deviant for having feelings for girls." The point blank statement made Cheryl suck in a breath of air. "And I'm sorry for making you upset, but I would never tell anyone anything you didn't want me to." Toni finished, ignoring the urge to reach out and comfort Cheryl. The girl was still crying silently but had been listening intently to Toni's words.
"I thought you were confronting me and then you were gonna go and tell everyone what happened," Cheryl explained. "Tell everyone that the emotional anorexic did have feelings, perverted ones." Her mother had called her that recently, emotional anorexic, she found it ironic how untrue it was. Her mother only wanted her to have feelings if they were towards a boy.
"I would never do that to you. Like I said, you should be able to love whoever you want. You, Cheryl, are capable of loving whoever you want. It's no one's decision besides yours," Toni smiled softly, trying to be as genuine as possible. Cheryl just shook her head and looked down at her sneakers.
"Then why did you say those things to me? If you weren't planning on gossiping with the others," Cheryl asked in a quiet voice. Obviously this girl had been through a lot of emotional abuse in the past. Still, Toni didn't understand how Cheryl didn't know she was being hit on. However embarrassing it was gonna be for Toni to admit, she knew she had to.
"I was coming on to you," Toni responded causing Cheryl's head to lift back up. The redhead was looking at her with shock written all over her face. "Every interaction with you just made me want you more. I thought you were just playing hard to get." Toni finished sheepishly as a light blush covered her cheeks. Looking back she probably shouldn't have come on so strongly. Hindsight is 20/20.
"Wow." Cheryl said still keeping her eyes locked on Toni's. "I've never...no girl has ever said anything like that to me before." This made Toni smile.
"Well, get used to it, bombshell. You're hot, and any girl that plays for your team is gonna want in your pants," Toni joked and it was Cheryl's turn this time to blush. There was a moment of silence as Cheryl started to think about Toni's words. Before she could stop herself she was blurting out her thoughts.
"We could still have sex," Toni raised her eyebrows at Cheryl's bold statement. The other girl blushed realizing how juvenile she sounded.
"Buy a girl dinner first, bombshell," Toni jokingly answered. "What brought that on?" She added when Cheryl was still looking at her intently.
"I don't know, I just...you're the only person who's ever looked past my cold attitude. And you're so confident in yourself and what you want," Cheryl said in a low voice. She wasn't used to complimenting people and being genuine. Toni continued smiling and reached out to gently hold Cheryl's hand in her own. The other girl let out a quiet sigh at the contact.
"As much as I want to ravage you up against these lockers, I don't think that's the best idea right now," Toni explained, causing Cheryl to blush and let out a laugh. "But, would you, Cheryl Bombshell, do the honors of going on a date with me? We can get milkshakes at Pop's, no pressure if you don't want to."
"Yes, I want to," Cheryl answered quickly. She scolded herself in her head for sounding so eager. It only made Toni smile wider at her.