I danced around the lounge with my wife, the kids were napping and Scar and I had a few minutes to just be us again. We used to always dance when we first started to date, it was our own private dance floor. I spun her around holding her hand and she smiled enjoying herself.
"Mummy?" Rose said coming in from the farm. "Yes my sweet girl." She said stopping dancing, I wrapped my arms around her waist pressing her back to my front resting my head on her shoulder looking at the door waiting for Rose to come through.
"Theres people with camera's at the fences it's scarying the horses." She told us. "Are you okay?" Scar asked her moving from my embrace to check her over. "I'm okay." She said pushing her mum away from her. "But the horses aren't." She says. "I'll go." I tell her going to the mudroom to get my boots on. I was glad it was summer it wasn't too cold out.
I walked over to the fences seeing the group of people when they noticed me the cameras began flashing, i pulled my hair to cover my face. "Look this is private property and it's harmful to the animals so you need to leave. Off the property or I'll call the police." I say firmly. "No need for that we just one some photos." "It's private property, yu're invaiding my families privacy, you're breaking serval laws so please leave." I say trying to stay leavel headed. "Please leave the property." I say again before going into the stables to calm the horses.
"It's okay girl." I say stroking Luna's mane she was getting old now. "It's okay." I brushed my nose against her resting my hand flat on her side. She neighed and seemed to be calmer. "That's it, good girl." When I go back out the camera's were gone at least they listened. I went back inside. "All sorted." I tell them kicking off my shoes.
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I was in the office doing work and clicked on an email of an article.
Lottie Kloss was seen for the first time since giving birth without her children on a date night with Wife scarlett. The couple were pictured at a high profile restruante before attending Inked in the VIP lounge.
Kloss was looking well after giving birth only 4 months ago, though people can see the differences in her body pre=pregancy to her body now.
I swallowed the lump in my throat seeing the comparisson photos from a date night with Scar before Noa was even a thought in LA and the pictures from this weekend just gone. It felt weird looking at them seeing the differences. My waist was a little bigger now, my hips wider, my thighs thicker. I didn't look like a ballet dance, I didn't have a small danity body anymore it had lumps and bumps where I didn't have them before.
I went on google and googled myself, reading hate comments about what people thought, some where nice others were completely horrid, so horrid pulling me apart. Some going as far to say I was fat. I knew I wasn't. But I defiently wasn't my old self anymore.
"Hey." I looked up from the computer quickly exiting the tabs off and smiling at Scarlett. "Dinners ready." "Okay." I nodded standing up from the desk. "Are you okay?" "Yeah just business emails." I tell her not completely lying.
We ate together as a family, once it was finished I asked Scar if she minded if I headed into town. I wanted to train, to get my body back my strength my skills. "Can you take me with you?" Rose asked. I nodded. "Where do you need to go?" "Hannah's." "Sure thing." "What are you going into town for?" Scar asked as I cleaned up the dishes with Noa in my arm. "Dance." "You sure the article then." She says. "What article?" I asked playing dumb. "Nothing." "Tell me?" I pretend wanting to know what she was talking about. "It was nothing." She dismisses it. "Okay." I smiled pecking her cheek.
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I was in my ballet uniform my long hair tied back in a tight bun sercured with a net and pins to make sure it didn't move as I danced. I looked in the mirror, normally I wouldn't be examining what my body looked like but how it moved, if my toes were pointed if my lines were perfect, if my arms were strong, my elbows held up. But now If my waist was tight enough, if the fat on my legs wobbled when i jumped, if my arms were flabby or if they still looked toned.
I turned the music on and pulled my thoughts away though everytime I would get a few counts that were slowly where I had a few seconds to really look at myself my thoughts would go back to my body. This wasn't me, I never cared about my body. I liked the way it looked and i was annoyed at myself for letting the comments get to me, for even reading them in the first place.
Rose came into the studio after she was finished with her friends. I didn't even realise the time I had been dancing for 3 hours. "Sorry, Bubs, I'll be ready in a minute." I say turning the music off and picking my joggers up I slipped them on over my tights before sitting on the floor and unlacing my pointe shoes.
We drove back and we had typical chat and sang to the music we had playing, it was our musical playlist filled with all our favourites. We go all out it's like a preformance in our car. When we get back to the house I am immediatly welcomed by both my daughters crying. I scooped up Noa. "Is someone hungry?" I asked her. "I was just doing her bottle." Scarlett says as I entered the kitchen with her in my arms. "It's okay, I need to pump anyway so I'll just feed her." I tell her pecking her cheek. "EB? What's the matter?" I asked her, she didn't look happy at all as she walked around the ground floor crying. "she dropped Flopsy in the mud so she had to have a bath." Scar explained seeming stressed about it. Flopsy was EB's comfort teddy, she slept with it every night. Once we forget it when we were visiting Scar's family and she had a complete meltdown. "Oh dear, shall we see if we can find something else to play with?" I asked her. "Flopsy." She pouted. "Flopsy had to have a bath my sweetie." I tried to explain whilst I shushed Noa. "I'm going to head up to feed her, I have a loetard on." I explained and scarlett nodded picking up EB.
I feed Noa and then went to help Scar with EB's major meltdown, Rose was hiding away in her room. "Sweetie, you need to calm down." I tell her holding her hand in mine. I could see Scar loosing her patiences with her, she must have been crying for a while. I felt guilty for leaving her with both of them all at once and so suddenly too. "Why don't you go have some time alone." I tell her with a smile pulling EB on my lap. I still had Noa in my other arm. "No it's okay." "Seriously Scar, I'll do bathtime with them. You did me a solid." She smiled thankful at me before disappearing upstairs to have some downtime to herself.
"Little lady, I need you to listen to Muma a minute." I tell EB looking at her, her big blue orbs met my much darker ones. "Flopsy is in the wash." She pouted her eyes glazed with tears. "This means that we have to pick a new stuffie for tonight okay." I explained to her slowly. "Flopsy." She moaned. "We'll have Flopsy back tomorrow baby. Muma promises." I hated seeing my eyes sad even over little things like this, though to EB this was the end of the world. "Shall we go see if we can find another friend for bedtime?" She nodded. I stood up with both the girls the best i could and we went to the back room which was the playroom. I laid Noa down on her playmat and she looked up at the dangling toys reaching for them and mumbling to herself.
I helped EB go through the big truck of Stuffies as we tried to find a decent replacement for tonight. She's had Flospy since she was a baby. She was a gift from The Holland family, Noa got one too but istead of a rabbit hers is a elephant and it hasn't got a name yet. "What about Emma?" I asked holding the brown bear. EB snatched it from me and hugged 'Emma' before discarding it on the floor. "Not good enough?" I asked her and she looked at me. "Okay, let's try again." I say looking through the trunk for a teddy similar to Flopsy. "Here we go." I say pulling out Rose's old Rabbit, what was his name again? "Max?" I say unsure. Rose would be so annoyed at me right now for not remembering the names. Everytime I played with her she'd tell me the names and get supper sassy when I couldn't remember. "Good enough?" I asked. EB seemed satified and wandered around the room holding 'Max' by the ears as she played with the wooden toy kitchen. I moved over to Noa and spoke to her to keep her entertained for a while.
Eventually it was time for bathtime so I took the girls upstairs and got started. We put the splash playlist on, which EB demanded when she was in the bath. I sa along with the music making her giggle when I'd tickle her. We had to make wiping her face with the flannel into a game because she hated it. And then I washed her hair. Wrapping her in her towel and drying her off slipping on her bathrobe and handing her the Ipad to watch for 15 minutes whilst I do Noa's bathtime, he's is a lot more simply with less theatrics, it was just wash her body, wash her hair dry her and done.
I creamed the two of them giving each of them a leg and foot massage as I did relaxing them both completely before putting on their PJ's. I took them both into our bedroom so they could say goodnight to their mummy. Scarlett was watching a film on the laptop. She smiled seeing both the girls. "How was she?" "We're using Max as a sub for tonight." I informed her holding up the older looking teddy. "I can't beleive we still have that thing." She said. "I'm glad we do because she threw about 7 animals whilst we were trying to find something sutiable." Scarlett chuckled.
We put EB to bed together and then I feed Noa again before we laid her down for the night. We checked in on Rose and she was on facetime to her friends. we warned her not to be up too late as she has chores in the morning, she promised she would go to bed at a reasonable time. We both kissed her cheek before leaving her for the night.
I got in the shower in which Scarlett joined me. I felt insercure in front of her all of a sudden. I felt so stupid for feeling that way too, within 24 hours of knowing her I was basically naked in front of her walking around the hotel room, now I'm married to her with kids and suddenly I feel insercure? How ridiculas is that.
"What's up?" She asked me pinching my chin in her fingers making me look at her, her brows were together with concern. "Nothing." "You were frowning, you only frown when you're overthinking." She told me, i wanted to roll my eyes at how well she knew me but we didn't need to argue right now. "Nothing baby. I'm good." She didn't beleive me but who wants to argue in the shower. I rinsed my hair and stepped out leaving her alone, I wrapped myself in the fluffy towle before entering our room and going down the hall tot he walk-in to grab some clothes to sleep in. I changed in here before heading back to the main room where Scarlett was drying off.
"Seriously what's wrong?" "Nothing." "Did something happen in the city?" "No, I'm fine." I tell her trying to sound as innocent as I could as I went back into the bathroom to grab my hairbrush. "You're lying to me." She says coming in once she was dressed and picking up her own hair brush from the draw and coping my movements.
I tried to keep my eyes on my face as I brushed through my hair in the mirror and not my body, despite it being completely covered by baggy clothes that I wore whilst pregant I could just imagine the way my body rippled when I jumped dancing. "Lottie?" "What?" I questioned her looking at her through the mirror, I completely missed what she had said. "I said you read the articles didn't you." "What articles?"I asked looking at her. "Don't play dumb, I saw your search history." "Then why ask me? If you're so sure." "Because I'm your wife and you're meant to talk to me about things that upset you. We're a team." "I'm fine, it's just a bunch of men behind keyboards comment on something that's not theirs and never will be." I say dismissing it.
"So you suddenly deciding to go back to dance today after the article was realsied was just pure coicedence?" "Yeah." I say putting the brush away and braiding my hair in a simple three strand braid at the side of my head. "You're perfect." "Now who's lying." I thought, well I thought I thought it, turns out my inside thoughts are now escaping through my mouth. "When have you ever cared what people say about you?" She asked shocked. "I didn't know it would effect you this badly." "It hasn't." I leave the bathroom sick of looking at my reflection and continued to finish my hair as I sat on our bed.
"Charlotte." "Do you still find me attractive?" I asked her looking at her making sure we had eyecontact so she couldn't lie to me and if she did I would know. "Of course I do! Nothing has changed." "I had a baby and now I don't look like I did and everyone sees it and I've been deluding myself into thinking I'll ever get back to that." "I didn't marry you for your body Lottie. And if I did I certainly wouldn't be getting a divorce let me tell you that for free." She tells me. "I didn't know you were bothered by things like that." "I'm not, I just- I saw the photos and I-" You had baby and still manage to look that amazing, it doesn't look like you've even had a baby." "It does." "Lottie you're tiny, you have abs four months after having a baby bump, you're frick perfect. I so you've put on a bit of weight, you still look amazing baby. So fricking good." She put her hands up my shirt rubbing the pads of her thumbs along my skin, I tensed at her touch. "Please don't let them effect you. It's bullshit what they're saying, anyone with two eyes can see that." She pulled me closer to her so we were flushed against one another.
Her hands traced my body, i relaxed in her touch after a few seconds. "Are you going to take that top off or am I going to have to do it myself?" She asked cocking an eyebrow. I chuckled and she smirked taking the hep of the top and pulling it over my head. "Thats better." She said pushing me on the bed. I laughed as I landed she crawled up my body and laid on me. "comfy?" I asked her. "Very."