Chapter Eleven: Meet Me In The Afterglow
Truth be told, you didn't want to be here. Not the earth, just the stuffy police precinct that was full of pin boards and old people who needed a quick career when they were young. Details regarding the case weren't lingering in your head as you had no true purpose of being here other than pretending to help. What you heard on the jet became irrelevant because they didn't ask for your help.
To no surprise, they were walking on eggshells around you. Ever since Halloween it's been that way. You can see it in their eyes, the pity and sorrow. JJ offers to get you coffee three times a hour, even suggesting going to Starbucks to get out of this place. Each time you declined you felt more and more tired.
Excuse after excuse and yet you couldn't fathom how they didn't catch on. Maybe they pretended not to, for their own sake and yours. You scrolled through your phone mindlessly as Hotch rambled to Garcia over the phone about a location. The black slacks felt like second skin and you wanted to get them off as soon as you could.
"No that's not what I said Garcia," he sighs angrily, "I want you to locate Nancy Jenkins."
"Sir that isn't possible she is off the grid with no pings on any cell towers n-no recent credit card activity. I can only go so far." She stammered off quickly, the panic rising in her voice.
Hotch runs a hand through his hair and places his hands down on the table, leaning over it with a sigh. "That will be all."
Garcia nodded through the screen and ended the call. You glanced up at him but not for long as he didn't make an effort to create eye contact. You slowly took your feet off the table and placed them back down, leaning over on your forearms with a raised eyebrow.
"She can only go so far. She is already scared shitless of you and this case is putting pressure on the entire team." You say.
It was the earnest truth. The case was stretching thin just for the first day. There wasn't a rush to get anything done but Hotch seemed to want everything checked off the list in one day.
"I don't have time for her slacking off," he grumbled, now turning to look out the window that had a view of the city, "Garcia understands the pressure of this job and I can't have her giving up now."
You shook your head in disappointment, releasing the position you were in to go and stand next to him, hands gripping the table behind you. You turned your head to catch a view of his side profile and sharp jaw. It was a sight- an even better one than what was already in front of you. You let your head hang for a second once you turned away.
After you fell asleep last night you could only imagine Hotch didn't return to his dreams. Of course you felt guilty but you didn't want it to show. Eye bags coated his face like a relentless cycle of depletion. He never once let go of you even after you woke up and pretended to still be asleep when you both knew the truth.
"We have time, the house isn't going to disappear. Garcia can't find a location, you even know that it's impossible with the circumstances. She is overworked and overwhelmed- a horrific combination," you laugh.
Cars beeped and drove past with ease. "I know," he finally admitted, "I'm scared we won't be done in time for us to go to the estate."
Admittedly so, you weren't so persistent on having time. The faster the case would be done, the faster you would have to visit yet another reminder of the past. At the moment it seemed like a fantastic idea, now it seems terribly embarrassing that you would still cling to Axel after he is already gone in the wind.
"We will and even if we don't- we can always push the flight." You shrugged like you didn't have a care in the world and smiled at him when he finally turned to look at you.
"I know this is important to you Y/N. I want to make sure it happens even if it means rushing to get a case done."
His hard expression didn't alter with his kind words. Redness flushed your cheeks and you looked away quickly, clearing your throat while you could even though it was dry. The city lights were causing you to see thin lines. In New York, it was already cold, too cold.
"To me, it's important that this case gets priority. People are dying, I can wait," you tried to say light heartedly, "Plus...how about we grab something for dinner? You can rest and I can too." You turn to fully look at him only to find his eyes already on you.
Your breath caught in your throat but you made no effort to move away. His eyes were hypnotizing, a swirl of honey that you couldn't break away from. Heat coursed your body despite your will to stay calm from being in his presence. How can he do this? Make you so nervous yet safe at the same time. Reluctantly you looked away because of the ding erupting from your phone.
Saying a quick excuse me, you walked over to the table angry that the moment of bliss was interrupted. You pressed the on button to see an unknown texted you. You glanced at Hotch before abruptly turning the other direction. You don't know why you didn't want him to know. Maybe it was because he would amount to panic instead of thinking this through.
1-(800)-198-1798
I'm surprised you're back. Welcome home babydoll. Don't trip.
It only took seconds before your hands felt like jello but by some miracle you held onto your phone tightly. Your breathing became so fast you wondered if you would pass out. He's here. Axel is here.
"Everything okay?" a voice distantly echoed. It wasn't a deep one, it sounded more like Emily. Whoever it was, they sounded so far yet so loud at the same time. You gripped onto the wall tightly to prevent you from passing out. Your mouth was slowly drying up and you wondered if you would ever get words out.
It felt as though a chainsaw had cut through your vocal cords. Someone grabs your hips to keep you steady. Hotch.
"I'm okay," you say but it came out more as a whisper, "I'm okay I just- my food isn't sitting right."
JJ comes behind you. You don't know when everyone began to file in or how long you've been in the same position. "Let's sit down." She says firmly, guiding you over to a chair.
Your vision starts to piece back together. Emily, Hotch, and JJ are here. Hotch looks the most concerned, grows furrowed as he kneels down in front of you, gripping your cheeks lightly between his hands. The girls say something before leaving once again. Hotch nods in agreement at their statement and quickly turns his eyes back to you.
"What's happened Y/N?" he asks quietly. You can't fathom an answer right now. You stare at him blankly like he just spoke a different language.
Two weeks ago, you believed that Axel was harmless. You thought that once he was gone with his own money, he wouldn't care about you. He isn't stupid and he knows that the team is looking at him. The amount of risk Axel is showing doesn't make sense. He's not a risk taker, he is a coward. Why is he fighting all of a sudden?
If he knows you're here now, what else does he know? Is he dangerous? Or is this just some harmless stalker prank you happen to be the receiving end of? The big question is if he would do something if he found you. There is nothing else for you to give. All of your money went to Celia except a few thousand, you're worthless in his eyes. The only thing you carry is information and a witness.
As a lawyer you would say that is the most powerful thing, as a victim- you don't know what to think. No matter what happens with Axel, you will never truly feel safe from him. Hotch brings the sense but that is never fully secure. Temporary security is worse than none at all because you know that one day you will have to go back to living in absolute fear, a bubble from society.
"I just don't feel very well," you choked out, "Hotel breakfast obviously needs to be reviewed." You laugh sadly. Tears swell your eyes.
Hotch obviously doesn't believe your statement but decided not to push. "Maybe we are spending too much time on the case. Why don't we get dinner like you said and call it an early night?"
That idea was the best he's had in a while. "Yeah that sounds good," you breathe, slowly pushing out of the leather chair. Hotch loops his hand around your waist to stable you. Your breath is still disturbed despite the slight calming method that Hotch did.
You two grabbed any bags you needed and began to leave the precinct without a word. It was empty because of the late hour. The police department departed only a few hours ago and the team was too busy digging their faces into more files. There was a small restaurant not far from where you were already working and was a few minutes back to the hotel. You appreciated the silence once in the SUV.
Clearly you overreacted. Axel is violent, yes, but would he really risk something like that? A shiver forced you to sit upright even though the heat was already on. Hotch had one hand on the gear and the other on the wheel, jaw clenched as he tried to keep his words from falling out. It wasn't that they were bad, but he hurt you weren't going to tell him what was going on.
He believed that the two of you had built a trust over the few weeks since the incident. Another part knew that you still are healing. You're still in a state of shock. The streetlights illuminated your face every once in a while and that's when he would sneak a glance at you. Now you are composed with a resting face of peace though he could still see through it. The diner had a big sign that was barely lit in front of it and only a few customers.
You silently got out of the car, following him inside. You waved to the worker, a young girl with red hair that reached her elbows. Hotch chose a booth in the corner where the entire diner was on display for him.
"I'm surprised this place is still open. It isn't exactly an early night like you said," you smiled to ease the tension. "I love diners like this."
"Why is that," Hotch asked, grabbing two menus for the both of you. His body was tense against the chair.
You shrugged. "This is going to sound cliche, but I always liked the old time vibes. The 80's is my favorite decade and places like these keep that alive."
"I always found them overrated," he says, "so many people come to places like these."
You laughed at his statement. "Isn't that what makes it better? That people can appreciate the fact diners are still up and running? The only other place that looks like this is steak and shake- and their food isn't all that good."
In response, he made a face of disgust with a shake of the head. Even with the text you got earlier, you began to feel a little at ease. It wasn't the best feeling knowing there was always that nagging in the back of your head, but you enjoyed being alone with him- away from all the chaos.
The red haired woman came over to a small smile. Her hands were shaking as she held the pen and paper in her hands. "What can I get started for you?" she asked in a high voice. Red brimmed her eyes, similar to the color of her hair. She avoided making eye contact as you and Hotch ordered.
"Chicken and waffles," you say. Hotch orders the same and she glanced at you one more time before rushing off to the kitchen. You shook off the weird feeling she gave off and returned to your conversation with Hotch.
Locking your hands under your chin, you studied him. The fine lines on his forehead from raising his eyebrows, the smile lines from laughing with Jack, and his rough hands from years of work. "Biggest pet peeve?" You asked finally.
Taken off guard, he stumbled over his words for a moment. Perhaps it was because of how intensely you were focused on him but he made no effort to say anything. After some contemplation, he ran a hand through his hair. "Messy kitchens."
Your smile turned down slightly but your mood only lightened. "Messy kitchens? Seriously, that is your biggest pet peeve? I thought it would be something serious." you laughed.
"Why would it be something more serious?" He asked.
You sighed and relaxed in your seat with your arms crossed over your chest. "I imagined something like- horrible organization, maybe even disloyalty."
It was evident that he thought those were basic answers. You didn't understand his ethics but you soon couldn't hold back your laugh. It was such a silly thing to get aggravated over. You aren't the cleanest person but then again, you haven't had to clean in years despite protests. You like to ask people their pet peeves: you see it as an opportunity to understand a person from how easily they get agitated.
Seemingly, Hotch doesn't simply. Working with so many people would open the doors for mistakes and all he can worry about is having a clean kitchen. It shows how much trust he truly has in the team. Your admiration for his skills in leadership never transmute.
"And yours," he brings your attention back, "It's only fair that I ask, as I can now say I'm interested in your answer."
There wasn't much thinking involved before you spit it out. "Long nails typing on keyboards. I've never been so distracted until I hear the clicking over and over again until I'm barely holding onto my sanity," you say. "Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl."
He is not impressed or surprised in any way. You were expecting that reaction. You're used to working alone and the team picked up on it in the short three months you occupied an office at the BAU. Before, you had to sit in cubicles during law school and the woman sitting next to you always typed loudly. You ended up investing in noise cancelling headphones to drown out the sound.
The food came quickly and you both ate in silence. It was peaceful to finally feel at ease for a little while. You weren't sure how you would tell him about the text, but it would be soon, hopefully. Hotch tended to overreact in a silent way. He would remain calm, however he would order so many investigations for Garcia to partake in that it could become overwhelming.
When the check came he of course insisted on paying. You left a large tip in cash on the table and you walked out. The waiter watched you walk out, eyes like broken daggers. You averted your gaze and continued to the SUV. Neither of you spoke until you made it back to the room.
"I hate when they turn the AC on, it's always freezing when I come in. I'll have to put a note," you shivered. Hotch was still standing by the door as you walked over to turn down the cool setting.
There wasn't exactly a mood shift between you two but last night had added tension to the room as you both remembered. You could remember the vivid feeling of heat blanketing your neck and the way you were so gravitated to him. His moment was shifting across the room while you stood frozen in the window. It didn't take over a second to notice his presence behind you, slowly creeping.
"The city is most beautiful at night," he says slowly, hands moving to move a piece of hair behind your ear. You suck in a soft breath. His touch was like fire on your skin.
"I agree," you breathe out, shutting your eyes shut as his mouth moves closer to your neck, lightly hovering over the skin as a tease. "I always admired the views."
You were only spewing nonsense. You did love the city but you were more aware of his breath on your neck and the way it made you feel. Hotch didn't move, only peppering small kisses ever so lightly behind your ear. So lost in a trace that you barely noticed his hands slipping into your waist, bringing a hand under your shirt to feel the skin over your stomach.
"I always admired them as well," Hotch whispers.
A/N-
Jesus I'm in Hawaii which seems to be a rescue ring theme when I write. So anyways, I am way behind on uploading because school is literally pegging me in the ass crack! I'm getting the iPhone 13 tho so life is all good! I hope you are all doing well and let me know how you like the story! Love you all and please take care of yourselves <3