We both flopped down on the bed rubbing our faces completely exhausted from lack of sleep. Working and having a newborn at home... Not fun. Not at all. Luckily my film is almost over and I'll be at home all hours of the day to help Scarlett with our baby... Yes, our baby.
6 months after the wedding we started to try for a baby... Scarlett carried them as my schedule wouldn't allow for anytime off for a long while. It was summer so Rose was home too. Luckily for us, she was old enough to do a lot for herself. And she helped out with the baby so much. I looked at Scarlett and she was already looking at me. I pecked her lips. "Get some sleep," I tell her. "What if She wakes up?" "I'm more than capable," I tell her sitting up. "Are you sure?" "Yes Scarlett, I'm sure I don't mind looking after my daughter," I tell her covering her with our bedsheets. "Thank you." "You don't have to thank me... We're in this together." As I said that she began to cry. "I got her, you sleep." I stroked her hair off her face and went into the nursery.
"Oh, what's wrong baby?" I asked picking her up and rocking her, she soothed really easily. She just hated being laid down in her crib. I grab her blanket and take her downstairs. "Morning, Rosey," I say when I see her in the kitchen. "Morning." She yawned. "Can you drive me to Megan's?" "When?" I asked her. "12? She's invited me over to go in the pool." "Yeah sure... What time do you need to be picked up?" I asked her so I could plan my day around drop off and pick up. "Megan's mum said she'll drive me home." "Okay... Well text me when you're on your way back and I'll open the gates." She nodded. "Do you want me to make your breakfast?" I asked her adjusting her sister in my arms. "You have the baby." "Doesn't mean I can't make my princess breakfast," I tell her cupping her chin. Scarlett and I have been trying to still give Rose a lot of attention and energy not wanting her to feel replaced, or pushed out. Especially by me. EB is my first child but Rose will always have a special place in my life, I love her the same as EB I treat her the same. And I didn't want her to feel like things will change.
"Can you get me the carrier?" I asked her, she nodded and went off to the mudroom. Bring back the baby carrier. She held EB whilst I got it on and then we put her in. She was sleeping against my chest. This carrier has been a lifesaver, we wouldn't get anything done without it. "What do you want?" I asked her. "Can I have avo on toast with scrabbled eggs please?" I nodded and got to work. She spoke to me the whole time telling me about her friends and her plans this summer. It was nice having her home, we miss her around the house.
"Are you going to your dads this summer?" I asked her. "No." She hasn't seen him much since he broke in. I think it shook her up a little bit. "I can come with you... We could go to the coffee shop nearby him? Or the bowling alley?" "You'd come?" "If you wanted me there." "Can I think about it?" "Of course." I pecked her head as I set her food down in front of her. I made some for myself too.
"Is mummy sleeping?" "Yeah, EB wouldn't settle last night so she's getting some shut-eye." She nodded. "You think we could go out this weekend? Do something together?" "Yeah, I have Sunday off from work... We could find somewhere to go. Do you have anything in mind?" I asked her taking a bite of my food. "We could go on a hike? And then for ice cream." "I like the sound of that." "Could we go to the mall too? All my friends have these new trainers and I would like to get them too." "We'll have to ask mummy about that." Scarlett has been a lot more anxious since having the baby and going into very public places really triggers her. Rose and I have been doing the grocery shopping since EB was born because the first time she went she had a big panic attack and I didn't want to put her through that. "But we could maybe order them? Here." I hand her my phone from ym sweats pocket. "You find them and we'll order them to the house." She smiled up at me. "You don't have to do that." I shrugged. It was just a pair of trainers. "Thank you, Muma." "Anything my for you," I tell her with a smile.
"You want to go get breakfast ice cream after this?" I asked her with a smirk she nodded. "I'll feed EB when she wakes up and get us both ready and then we'll go okay." "Yeah." We ate together before she went to her room to get ready and I got EB's bottle ready knowing she was stirring.
Once she was feed I got her dressed and myself before putting her in the car. I left Scar a note saying where we had gone and that we were all okay before leaving. I drove us to the closest Ice-cream place and we enjoyed a lot of ice cream as we sat there. EB was actually really settled and was just chilling. "Are you and mummy having another baby?" Rose asked me. "I'm not sure... It's something, we'd have to talk about as a family." I tell her. "Well, I'd love another baby." She tells me with a genuine smile. EB's the best. And I want more of her." I chuckled. "EB is great."
I dropped Rose off at Megan's and spoke with her mum about what time she'll be home. They were going to have dinner together so she would be home later this evening. "Call me if you need me, Rose," I called to her. She nodded before coming back down the drive to peck my cheek. "Love you." "Love you." "Love you EB." "She loves you too," I tell her.
I drive home and Scarlett was still sleeping She clearly needed the rest. I brought EB into the office with me so I could go over my lines and do some work at the computer. I got distracted by her and ended up playing with her pretty much the whole time I was in there.
Chris stopped by to see EB. "She's still sleeping?" "We had a long night." "I can tell. You look awful." My jaw hit the floor before I hit his arm. "That's mean," I say shocked he came out with that, but he was laughing. "You look great considering you're on about 3 hours of sleep a week." "Something like that." I sat down on the sofa tucking my legs under myself, Chris was holding the baby. "How are things? Are you okay?" "Yeah, great," I say admiring my daughter in his arms. "You sure?" I nodded. "So fricking tired but I'd give up sleep forever for her," I admit. "She's the best thing... Just the best thing." I say getting emotional, I'm blaming the lack of sleep. He wrapped an arm around me pulling me into his side. "How's Scar?" 'Anxious... But she's okay. I think when she gets more sleep she'll settle a bit more." "None of you are sleeping?" "I'm working most nights and then I come home and I want to be with my family." He nodded understanding. "Scar's at home all day every day with the kids and she has no time to sleep... This one poops a lot." I say causing him to chuckle.
"I could have her for the night." I looked at him like he was crazy. "No," I say bluntly. "Not a chance." "Why?" "She's my baby. I'm not sending her off with you." "I'd look after her." "Not happening," I tell him amused. "You'll have to let her go at some point." "You when she's 18 and going to uni," I tell him. "Protective muma bear." "I just don't want anything to happen to her." "What if I have her here... You'll both be in the house." "It's okay, Chris really..." I tell him. "Do you want to feed her, her bottle?" "Yeah... Yeah." He smiled.
There was no way my 2-month-old was staying out, not a chance. She's our child. Our responsibility and I only have work for 3 more weeks and I'll be home full time and it'll all be fine. I got him her bottle and then started on dinner. "You staying Chris?" "What you cooking?" "Stuffed peppers with Chicken?" "Yeah, I'll stay." I nodded to myself and got to work. Chris came into the kitchen when she finished her bottle. She was wide awake making noises. "Muma's here," I tell her looking at her in his arms. "What you doing? huh? Are you with Uncle Chris?" I asked her like she could answer me back.
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Scarlett came down for dinner and EB was actually sleeping so we got to eat together for once. "Rose is at Megan's," I inform her when she looked at the empty seat. "When is she?" "7 ish, Megan's mums going to drive her back." She nodded eating.
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"Chris." I smiled greeting him, he came over to my car. "Can you help me?" I asked him with a smile. He nodded. "Can you grab the car seat?" "Car seat?" He asked looking in the back of my car. "Scarlett needs rest so EB and muma are doing work together today," I say opening the door. He grabbed her out and I got her Moses basket and bag out of the trunk, along with her stroller. "Let me help," Tom said coming and taking the bag from me. "Bring your daughter to work day, huh?" "Mummy needed some rest didn't she EB?" "I need everyone's help today, please." "You got it."
We were filming my film, my second film and that meant I was in most scenes meaning I needed someone with EB at all times. "Where's Rose?" "Kacy's... They're having a pool party and a sleepover." "Lot's of pool parties this summer." "Well we normally take her away for a few weeks but I'm working and with have EB so she's finding things to do," I say opening my trailer and setting up her things so she'd be good to go for the day.
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Filming with your baby on set was hard. Any noise she made I wanted to go over to her and make sure she was okay. And I wanted to hold her and talk to her and feed her and play with her. Everyone was a big help but I wanted my baby.
When our last scene for the day wrapped I spent 30 minutes in the trailer with her just playing with her before I started to pack up and head home. An assistant helped me to my car with all the things and then I drove home. I tried to call Scarlett a few times but she didn't pick up. I called Rose to check in with her and she was fine, seemed to be having a lot of fun. She asked how EB was and I told her about her day. She wanted to come to set with me and I agreed easily, she was a pleasure to be around.
I got home and all the lights were off. "Scarlett?" I called out. No answer. It was 6 o'clock she should be home for bath time with EB. She never missed it. I locked the door and looked around the house there was no sign of her. I called her again but no answer. I texted her telling her I was going to start Bathtime with EB and then got started.
I sang to her throughout bathtime and spoke to her like she understood every word I said though she understood nothing. She was smiling and gurgling nonsense in response to me. When she was in her PJ's I made her a bottle and tried Scarlett again. Nothing. I texted Chris to see if he had heard anything from Scarlett. Where the hell was she.
I took EB to the nursery and fed her in the rocking chair singing baby mine, a tradition that stuck. She fell asleep and I laid her in her crib switching on the baby monitor. I went back downstairs and did a bit of washing and cleaned the house a little as it was getting messy with all of EB's things everywhere.
I tried Scarlett a few more times. But got no reply. To say I wasn't worried would be a lie. I was so scared. Where was she? What was she doing? Was she okay? Was she hurt? I went into the garage and checked for her car. It was still there... What the fuck. Where the hell had she gone without her car.
I called Chris. "I'm worried," I say when he answered. "Scarlett's not answering her phone, her car's still home but she's not...Where would she have gone without her car?" I asked him. "I'll be over in a second... Does the house look normal?" "Normal? The House hasn't looked normal since we had the baby. I wouldn't know." I say referring to the mess everywhere all the time. Though I had managed to tame it. "I shouldn't have left her this morning," I say into the phone. "What happened?" "She had a meltdown... A panic attack and then she kept saying how she wasn't a good mum and- I put her back to bed, and took EB for her so she could rest because she's not be sleeping and now she's gone. But I should have stayed home and looked after her." I tell him. "It was bad?" "The worst I've seen her have," I admit. "I'm going to drive around before coming over... Keep trying her phone." "Yeah... Okay. Could you pick up Rose? I want her home." "Yeah, yeah of course."
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"Hey sweet girl... Sorry to ruin your night." "Is mum okay?" I nodded. "Where is she?" "Your mum's gone out for a bit," Chris answered for me. "Out?" "Just go shower and get ready for bed okay... Do you need anything? Food? Drink?" "Food? We was about to order pizza." "Okay baby, I'll make you something." "Thanks." She went upstairs. She wasn't dumb she knew something was wrong, she heard her mum this morning. I just thought it would be better to have her here.
"She'll show up." I nodded biting my lip. "She will." He assured me hugging me. "What if something happened to her?" "Don't think like that okay... Have you called the police?" I nodded. Before you came in. "I'll call the hospitals... You focus on the girls okay." I nodded. i went into the kitchen and found something to make Rose to eat and made it before she came back downstairs. "Where's Uncle Chris?" "In the office," I say handing her, her food. "Thanks... Is mum okay? Really?" "She will be. Yeah." She nodded. "Don't worry okay..." "Can I stay in your bed?" "Yeah... Of course." I pecked the top of her head. "How was the pool party?" "Good." She smiled. "We had a diving contest." She went on to tell me about it. Her endless rambling was a great distraction. I checked my phone a few times. Robert told me he was going to come over, but I told him to wait for Rose to be in bed as she'd get more worried the more people turn up.
She goes off to bed an hour later. Robert comes over and envelopes in in a tight hug the minute I open the door. "It's going to be okay Kiddo." He told me. We come in the house and locked the door back up.
Chris had called all the hospitals and she wasn't there, meaning she wasn't hurt, or she was laying in a ditch somewhere. But I kept that thought to myself. I called her again and to my surprise, she answered. "Scar?" I say shocked. She sobbed down the phone. "I'm a bad mum." "No, no you're not. Where are you?" I asked standing up and going to the mudroom to put my shoes on. "You're good with the girls. You don't have meltdowns." "Baby, where are you?" I unhook my keys and leave the house. Between Robert and Chris I knew EB and Rose would be just fine.
"I'm so sorry, Lottie." She cried. "Scarlett, listen to me. You're not a bad mum. You're amazing! You're the best mum the girls could ask for... Please, tell me where you are." I say speaking calmly but I wasn't calm at all I was frantically getting the car started. "I don't know... I just walked." I took a deep breath. "What's around you?" "Hills... Feilds." She'll be near the hiking tracks. I went in that direction. "Don't move okay." "I'm sorry." "It's okay. It's all going to be okay." I breathed out. Hearing her voice calmed me slightly knowing she was okay. "Are you hurt?" "No. Are the girls okay?" "Yeah, Rose is a little worried about you but she's in our bed," I tell her. "And EB?" "EB is fast asleep." "Who's with them. RDJ and Chris." I tell her. "You should have married Hunter." "I don't want Hunter." I heard the slur in her words for the first time... she was drunk. "Is there a bench near you baby?" I asked. "Yeah, sit on it for me," I tell her. I heard movement and then she sighed. "I married you because I love you. I don't want anyone else but you." I tell her flatly. "You all deserve better. You'll look after them, right." "Baby." I parked the car up and took off in a run not even bothering locking my car. I ran up the track, I knew which track she was on the only one with hills was the one to the left, the other one was the Hollywood sign.
I ran. "Baby, you still there?" "Yeah." She said. "I'm nearly there okay." I say trying to run fast to get to her. Thank God for the Marvel training because I couldn't run for five seconds before. "You should go home. I'll be okay." "No, I'm going to bring you home. So we can be with our girls." I tell her. I looked around before spotting her.
"Baby." I breathed out hang up and diving on her pulling her close to me, she sobbed again. "I'm here it's okay. It's okay baby." I told her peppering kissing all over her head. "I love you." I tell her. "I love you." I repeated. I've never felt more relieved. "We're going to be okay. I promise." I cupped her face to look at her, she was okay. Physically anyway. "I can't do this." "You can." "I thought it would be easier, with you helping but it's not. I can't. I'm a bad mum." "You're the best mum Scarlett. Our girls they adore you. You make them feel loved, and special and protected and safe." I tell her. "That's everything they need. You give them that." She nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I scared you." "Don't even think about that right now... I'm here." I took my jacket off and put it over her shoulders she was only in a tank and it got cold here at night. "You warm enough?" She nodded.
"Do you want to go home?" I asked her. "What if I hurt them?" "Scar you could never." "I left... I left." "You went to clear your head. You didn't leave them they were looked after. Rose was at her friends, I had EB. You didn't have to be home. You didn't leave." I assured her. "Lottie." "It's okay." I pulled her back into my embrace. "I got you."
I was just glad she was safe. On our way back down I texted home telling them I have found her and she was safe. On the drive home I held her hand only letting go when I needed to.
"I don't deserve you." She said when we pulled up at home. I looked over at her, brushing her cheek. "You deserve the very best of me..." I pecked her lips. "Let's go get our girls." I tell her. She nodded.
We go inside and Chris hugs her straight away. "How's the girls?" I asked going into the lounge. Rober was Holding EB feeding her. "Hey baby, Muma's home." I tell her kneeling in front of her. "Rose still asleep." He told me. "Good." "Scarlett?" "She's um...Can you stay with us for a while?" "Yeah... Yeah baby." He pecked my forehead. I'd need someone home with Scarlett whilst I was at work. I'd take the girls with me, have the nanny come to set so she can help too. She's been Rose's sitter since she was a baby, Scarlett really trusts her so it'll be easier for me to trust her too with EB.
"Are you okay?" I shake my head. "I thought I was going to lose her." I say trying to hold back the tears. "Oh baby." "I just need to get her to bed." I say. "Kiddo? It'll be okay." I nodded. I take EB and wind her and then take her Scarlett. "Baby, she wants her mummy." I tell her she takes her slowly. EB just looks up at her with her big green eyes that matches her mothers beautiful ones. "I missed you today." She told her. "She missed you too." I tell her. "Let's get to bed, Rose is waiting." I tell her.
"The spear rooms are ready to go." I tell Chris. Scar took EB upstiars. "Thank you." I tell him. "What are you going to do?" I shrugged. "Robert's going to stay with her, I'm going to take the girls to set." "I'll be there to help." "Rose's sitter is going to come... I texted her earlier." "Good... you going to actually let her look after EB?" He asked amused. "She's my baby... I don't trust anyone with her but Scarlett." I tell him. "But Scar trusts her so." I say with a shurg. "Get some rest..." I nodded and went up.
I laid in bed and Scar passed me EB, she laid on my chest, we don't normally co-sleep but tonight it felt needed. Rose cuddled into her mums side and Scar held my top in her hand. "I'm right here baby." I whispered to her. "Thank you."