A threat
"She's a threat!"
"She's grieving!"
The discussion had been going on a little longer and a little louder than anyone would have liked to. It was largely between Colonel Phillips and Howard. Steve sat rather absently at the table, staring at his hands. Peggy stood by the doorframe, rubbing her forehead wearily, while Howard and Phillips continued to snap at each other.
"She froze a whole train" Phillips reminded him and Howard threw his hands up in the air. "That's what you wanted! She stopped the damn train! And she succeeded faster than Jones trying to stop the train!" he retorted, upset. After Ivy saw Bucky fall off the train, she had lost control. She didn't remember doing it, but she had. With a scream, she had turned the fast-moving train into a still standing ice culture. The team was lucky they hadn't got any injuries and the ice hadn't frozen them along with it. Phillips was not at all thrilled.
"She's a threat to my men and unstable," Phillips hissed, and Howard slammed his hands on the table, making Peggy wince. Ivy wasn't here. She was in her room. If Phillips had his way, he would have preferred to ship her off somewhere else. He had known of her abilities, but after today, he saw her as a threat, an unstable bomb that could blow everyone to their deaths at any second.
"She watched the man she had hoped to spend a lifetime with die! She's grieving, goddammit! And on top of that, she's one of our greatest assets!" Howard hissed back. He'd had enough of this conversation. He would much rather be with his sister right now, who needed him more than he needed this conversation. He himself was shocked and grieving. Yes, he wasn't Bucky's best friend, but he had respected him and had begun to see him as a part of the family, as he was especially important to Ivy. Ivy, who was now still alone in her room.
"I will not expose my men to any threat," "Touch my sister and I will make sure not a single weapon of mine is in your hands" Howard threatened and Phillips looked at him in shock. Peggy's eyes widened as well and she opened her mouth to say something, but she didn't know what. Steve continued to remain silent, still somewhere else in his thoughts.
"You're threatening me and you're willing to lose the war?" inquired Phillips in horror. Howard straightened up and took a few steps toward Phillips so that he was standing directly in front of him. "For my sister, without blinking," he hissed before angrily stalking out of the room, violently slamming the door behind him.
~°~
"I'm Bucky, and you, doll?"
"Why can't you just call me Ivy? Everyone does, don't they?" "I don't want to be like everyone else, though."
"And if you had a choice?" "Then I would live in this moment forever."
"Because I love you."
"I think I'm falling in love with you, Bucky Barnes."
"You're different, but there's nothing wrong with you."
"I love you."
"Keep it. I want you to have it."
"I'll always protect you."
"I only care about the way you look at me."
"I would rather die than live my life without you."
"So this is forever?" "It is forever."
Pain. Not the kind of pain when you stub your little toe or you bang your elbow against something. The kind of pain that makes your heart feel heavy and makes you feel like your heart is slowly tearing itself into little pieces before growing back together to break apart again. The pain that makes it hard to breathe. The pain that makes you scream, hoping to feel better afterwards. The pain that leaves you on the ground and robs you of your sense of hope. The pain that is not a physical wound. That pain is the worst pain. No matter how loud you scream and how many tears you shed, it doesn't get better. It stays and gnaws at your heart, at your mind.
You start to go through each memory and retreat into them. To escape the pain there. To look into the blue eyes of the person who meant everything to you. To hear the laughter that made you smile. To imagine the familiar smell that had soothed you. To remember the hugs that protected you from the world and kept you from falling apart. To remember the warmth that only this one person could give you. To remember the words that only the two of you had shared. Remembering every little detail, hoping to see that person again when you open your eyes. And when you open them, only more pain follows.
As Howard cautiously stepped into Ivy's room, he held his breath out of shock. Ivy's whole room, all the walls, all the furniture, all the little things were frozen to ice. A layer of ice covered everything and little snowflakes danced around her. Ivy sat in front of her bed and hugged Bucky's brown jacket to her. The same jacket Bucky had given her when they first met. She hadn't wanted the jacket at first, but now it was one of the few things she had left of Bucky.
"Frosty," Howard sighed and walked over to kneel in front of her. Her eyes were red and looked so empty. She stared into space and at the same time seemed to be somewhere else. Her lip trembled a little before a single tear ran down her cheek.
Howard carefully put his arms around his little sister and squeezed her into a tight hug. Ivy swung her arms around him before she burst into tears again and began to sob. Howard gently stroked her back and held her close. He didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could say to make her feel better. The man she had loved with all her heart was dead. She had seen him fall into the depths. Bucky Barnes was dead.
~°~
She was tired and hungry. She was afraid and, above all, lonely. She couldn't remember a thing, nothing but her name. Her first memory was of running from somewhere. She had been running and she didn't know why. She only knew that she was not allowed to stop. At some point, though, she had grown tired and had hidden herself next to a gas station. Everything around her made her afraid, because she knew no one, not even herself.
When a truck stopped at the gas station and the driver didn't pay attention for a moment, she had crept up to the trailer and climbed in. She didn't know how far away the truck had taken her, but she didn't even know from where she came. She didn't remember her birthday, her family, her home, her friends, or herself.
When the truck finally stopped again she had snuck out and had been racing again. She was in a big city. Everything was covered with houses and people were everywhere. A few paid her a second of attention while others ignored her completely. The girl had been running, until her legs no longer could. She had settled in a small alley and had spent five days there. The weather had been terrible, but she personally didn't mind. Her only concern were her vanished memories, but she wouldn't have mind a little bit of food.
"Hi, I'm Howard, and you are?" the little girl looked up startled when she heard a voice in front of her. Her eyes were wide and she didn't know what to do. A boy had knelt down in front of her and was looking at her with concern. He had dark hair that was a little curly. His brown eyes looked at her with curiosity and concern. He smiled kindly at her when he saw her fear. He was the first one to talk to her, to pay attention to her and not be indifferent with her existence.
"What are you doing here all alone? Where is your family? Aren't you cold?" the boy asked worriedly. He looked older than her. The little girl looked at him with wide eyes, not sure if she should be afraid of him. He took off his red jacket and carefully put it around her shoulders. She was dressed even poorer than he was. She wore a white nightgown that had holes in a few places and was dirty. She didn't have shoes or socks, nor did she have a scarf or a hat to survive the weather of the first of December.
The girl looked at the red jacket uncertainly and snuggled into it a little. It gave her a sense of security. She looked up at the brown haired boy and looked at him gratefully. "Thank you," she whispered, and Howard smiled. Happy to have helped her a little and to hear her speak. The boy sat down on the cold floor in front of her and tried to ignore the cold. He had to get the girl off the street and into the warmth.
"You can trust me. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to help you" he assured her and the girl continued to look at him curiously. How could he help her? "What happened? Why are you here all alone?" asked Howard cautiously and the girl shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know" she whispered and Howard raised an eyebrow. He didn't say anything though and waited for now to see if she would say anything else. "I don't remember" the girl whispered. Howard could hear the pain and fear in her voice as he watched her struggle with tears. "What don't you remember?" he asked, moving a little closer to her to wipe the tear from her face. The girl flinched and held her breath as she felt his finger on her skin. The boy looked at her worriedly when he felt her cold cheek. She could be freezing to death in her condition.
The girl remained silent for a few minutes, wondering if she should tell him everything. Not that there was much she could tell. But his eyes looked at her warmly and she felt like she could trust him. He was the only one who had come to her and wanted to help her. "I don't remember anything but my name" she said, looking into his brown eyes, which widened in shock. He mused to himself for a few minutes and stood up. The little girl began to regret telling him. He would go away and leave her alone. She would be all alone again.
"What's your name?" he asked and the girl swallowed nervously before answering quietly. "Nivia, my name is Nivia" she said and Howard smiled gently at her before holding out his hand to her. "Let me take you home, Nivia" he said with a soft smile and Nivia looked at him confused. She didn't understand what he was up to and how he could take her home. Howard did not lower his hand and the gentle smile did not disappear from his face. Nivia gently reached for his hand and he carefully helped her get back up onto her feet.
Nivia's legs felt weak and it felt like she could fall over at any second. Howard noticed and put his second hand on her shoulder. His brown eyes met her blue ones and he vowed to protect this girl and not leave her alone. "I'm not leaving you alone, Frosty."
~°~
Ivy's eyes opened and she sat up. Her head felt heavy and she rubbed her swollen eyes. Next to her, she heard Howard snoring softly. After completely freezing her room, Howard had taken her into his room to sleep. Ivy smiled a little as she watched Howard sleep. They had last slept in the same bed together as children. Ivy's smile disappeared as she remembered why she wasn't in her bed and why her room was completely white.
She carefully slipped out of Howard's bed and put the covers back over him before quietly leaving the room. She had run out of tears that evening. It still hurt so much, though, that Ivy wondered if that pain would ever go away. She couldn't even focus on the fact that she now knew she was the girl from her dreams and all her dreams were memories.
She stopped outside a room and her heart began to race as she understood where she had wandered to. She had wandered to Bucky's room. Ivy's eyes started to tear up and she forced herself to open the door. She quickly slipped inside and quickly closed the door behind her before leaning against his door with her eyes closed. Memories flashed through her mind. Memories of him. Of every time she had wandered through that door to be with him. Of every time she'd had a nightmare and calmed down in his arms. Of every kiss, every hug, every single touch.
She sank to the floor and leaned her head against the closed door. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and her hands pressed her mouth shut to let the choking sounds inside her. Her one hand reached for Bucky's dog tag and she clutched it tightly. She opened her wet eyes and a tear fell onto the piece of metal engraved with Bucky's name and dates. Her finger wiped the tear from the metal. Her finger dragged over his names and Ivy pressed a kiss to the cold piece of metal that made her cry more.
Her blurry gaze wandered around Bucky's room, which had only ever seemed warmer because of his presence. She got up with caution and crept to his closet. As she opened it, Bucky's scent hit her nose and she smiled before pulling out one of his t-shirt. Her fingers trembled as she held the piece of fabric in her hands. She carefully lifted it to her face and smelled it before burying her face in his t-shirt. It still smelled like him standing right in front of her.
Ivy wandered over to his bed and carefully slipped under the covers. His smell was all around her. She pressed the T-shirt against her chest, holding it as tight as she could. But it didn't feel like him. The bed was cold and empty beside her. No one held her and made her feel safe. No one pressed soft kisses against her skin, while no one whispered in her ear how much he loved her. She was alone with her friend the pain that had never left her shoulder. Tears left her eyes as she pressed the T-shirt closer to her, trying to hold in her sobs.
"Come back to me. Please, come back to me."