Siddharth closed his eyes. He knew she was watching his every move. This was a test. He understood that much from the glint in her eye but he couldn't imagine someone else touching her or kissing her. His fingers curled into a fist. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him with her cat like cunning eyes. Besides, he was testing her too.
"My baser instincts would've made me punch whoever that was. But..." He took a calming breath and opened his fingers. "But I don't have any right to be mad at you for liking someone and seeking comfort, carnal or emotional, elsewhere when I wasn't available here."
Something in her eyes told him he had passed. There were things he had learnt about Sakshi that he never knew before. He learnt that she didn't have an arrogant bone in her body. She wasn't capricious or selfish or bratty or ice cold like he had believed her to be. Infact, he learnt that she purposely made people think she was all these things, when deep inside he admired her for being selfless and down to earth.
In high society, attending a gala and writing some cheques counted as charity. But Sakshi was so rooted to the ground, it was as if she could sense where there was a lack and put her whole soul into filling that the best she could. She was smart and she was witty. Could a man ask for more?
He realised long back that she didn't just have the brain and the cunningness to be a politician, she also had the heart for it.
How did you woo a magnificent woman like that? He wondered. And he had a theory. With honesty and vulnerability. So he had bared his past in front of her. And now, he waited to find out if his theory proved to be true.
"Who was it?" He asked.
"Dhruv."
"Ohh." He breathed out a sigh of relief. He saw her narrowing her eyes at him. "You should've told me so. As much as he annoys me, I wouldn't punch him."
His wife scoffed and put her hands to her hip. "Whyever not?" She said offended.
"Ever woman likes him. He's just charismatic I guess." He shrugged. "From the men I got to know that Aghanya had a thing going on with Dhruv too and Janvi was his ex, wasn't she? It's like he's a woman magnet. I'm sure you couldn't help it either."
And also he knew how much he was devoted to his own wife, Kushi. He had first hand seen it. He knew there wasn't a chance in hell that he'd do anything to break his wife's trust.
She huffed. "Men."
He chuckled. Oh how he loved her. She looked beautiful washed in moonlight.
"And I know you want me too."
"What?"
"You desire me."
"That's a load of -"
"I heard you."
"You heard what?"
"I heard you moan my name."
"Lies."
"If I slip my hands down there, I bet you'd be wet for me."
***
That itself had made her wet. Her cheeks flamed with mortification. God damn it why had she pleasured herself with him there?
Deep down she knew why. She wanted him to wake up and groan darling in her ears and take her. She wasn't willing to admit it. A fresh pool of desire washed over her.
"You wouldn't do that." She said.
"Why do you think so?" He teased her.
Maybe if it was a few weeks ago, she would've feared him. But she knew her husband well by now. And she knew the amount of self control he could exhibit. "Because you told me you'd never touch me if I didn't ask you to."
"That is true. I am glad." He grinned as if he was a child handed his favourite toy.
"Why?" She laughed.
"Because it means you trust me."
She stood with her mouth agape. He was right. She did trust him in that manner. She felt hot all over again. He had trusted her enough to open up to her and she felt the same obligation but she wasn't quiet yet ready for intetcourse with him.
Her whole body tingled. She wanted him. She desired him. She wanted to build this intimacy between them. So she decided to take a leap too.
She smiled and leaned closer to him. "It is true. I desire you. But that doesn't mean I can't be satisfied by other means. I have options."
"Options?!"
"While you were gone, I had plenty of companions who kept me satisfied."
She almost laughed when his expression soured. That's what you get for making me think you had mistresses for the past years. She thought.
"Would you like to meet them?"
"Sure?"
She grabbed her hand and lead him inside and pushed his shoulders down once they reached the bed, he sat down.
She opened her night stand drawer and took out the locked box she kept inside.
"Unless they're Lilliputians, I don't get how they could fit in there."
"Promise me, you won't judge me."
"I promise." He nodded.
She out in the lock combo and presented it to him.
***
Siddharth was nervous. He didn't know what to expect. She had companions. Had he misheard that night? Did she even call out to him? He tried to remember similar sounding names to his own but none came to his mind. What did the box hold? Momentoes from her companions.
He took a deep breath and opened the box. It was velvet laden and inside it he found things he didn't even expect. He chuckled.
She felt him hit his shoulder. "You said you wouldn't judge." Her voice was a whisper.
Keeping the box aside he drew her closer so that she was on his lap again. "I am not." He wasn't a stranger to them. He had used it while he was with Rose. She had taught him all about it.
He nudged the box closer to them. "Which is your favorite?" He ran his fingers through the three. He felt her squirm and hitch a breath.
"This one." She pointed out.
"Ahh figures."
"So? Why aren't you surprised?!" She stood up from his arms and paced the room. " I don't think any Indian man would have this reaction if his wife showed them their sex toys!"
He noticed that all three of them were clit stimulators but none of them were actual phallus shaped. That was interesting.
"Did you want to shock me? I can try acting like I am shocked, if you want, darling."
"Noooo but this is just - how are you so being so cool?"
"You're forgetting I user to visit a sex worker before we got married. These are... well...mild before that."
It amused him when her eyes widened as if she had that realization. "So you have tried them too?"
"Yes."
"Were you scared the first time?"
"Yes. I was. Rose was patient with me."
"The point of this whole exercise was to make you jealous not me."
"Why are you jealous of her? I promise you whatever was between Rose and me was over years ago and it was nothing more than a physical relationship. Last I heard of it, she is dabbling in politics now." He said in all honesty.
****
She narrowed her eyes at him. Did he keep records on what his exes were doing recently? She shook her head. She was probably over thinking it. He had opened up to her and subconsciously she did trust him at a deeper level now.
She wondered if she could tell him about the video. Would he understand? Baba hadn't. And it stuck with her. She wanted this marriage to work. She didn't want a divorce anymore. If she didn't, she wouldn't be scared to tell him but she was. She was so afraid of losing him.
"I struggle a lot with intimacy...." She walked over to him and cupped his face. She ran her fingers through his hair. She saw him closing his eyes. "I don't push you away after we get close because I regret it....it's because...I feel guilty."
She snapped her eyes shut and a breath trembled down her chest. She wasn't used to this but she wanted him to know this.
"And because it is scary....intimacy is scary to me." She opened her eyes when she felt his hands grasping her waist. She looked down at him and he was already looking at her. She was fully clothed and yet she felt so naked in his gaze.
She brushed the hairs off his forehead. "I wasn't aware that I was pushing and pulling you back. I didn't think about it from your perspective, I guess. But, I'll try not to pull away."
"Oh darling." He said and pulled her closer. She shifted and settled herself firmly across his lap. His breath warmed her face and her fingers tightened around his neck. "Sakshi. My love. My darling. If you need space after, you can take it. I just wished we had communicated it. And I won't force you. I won't do anything unless you want it. I promise you this. And if you ever want me to stop. Want us to stop. At any point. You can tell me to. And I will stop. I promise you this too."
"Thank you." She whispered against his lips. "Now, kiss me please."
***
And he did. He kissed her wrapping his arm around her waist a bit tighter. She trusted him. That was what he had realised today. He just had to be honest and let her trust him and she had.
She moaned against his lips as she kissed him back with that much fervor. His chest was bursting with warmth. He loved her. He wanted to say it. But he knew that him saying it now would spook her. He would be patient with her. He promised himself that. He would give her the chance to come to him.
He pulled his lips away. "Have you ever tried using these with someone?" He nodded toward the box.
She shook her head sideways. "Do you want to try?" He asked again. He saw her eyes widen.
"Yes."
***
A/N: i wanted to write more but honestly i so sleepy. Thanks for reading.