Chapter 32
Treasure
I wiped my tears as I lay on my bed. I didn't know how long I'd been crying nor how much I had already cried. All I know is tears won't dry and keep descending from my eyes, and I'm waiting for them to stop on their own. Something I'm not even sure if possible.
These few days, it became the mouth of pain I couldn't express and tell my own.
That day was wrecking. It got the best of me and beats me to everything. I still remember how it feels to learn that the love of my life was promised to someone else and gave up everything for me that way.
It was an emotion that I didn't know was possible to be felt, confusions, doubt, betrayals, blues, anger, pain, fear, and everything all together. My heart beats fast, and my chest gets tights and feels repeatedly squeezed and pierced by sharp objects nailed from where I was. Fighting those emotions that even you want to calm, there's no way because you won't be just able to think straight, and all sensations of emotions will get the bad out of you.
We both cried hard, I never saw him like that, and that was the most heartbreaking sight I have seen in my entire life, him tired, broken, suffering, and lost asking me to stay. Begging me with his eyes and as the world is above him, ready to crush him anytime.
It's indeed painful knowing someone you love, perhaps couldn't trust you and chose to fight for the both of you without you knowing it. But it was more painful knowing what he had gone through alone for the both of us.
The thought he had it hard than I imagine just won't let me sleep at night. It's been days since I knew everything but the pain didn't leave me alone nor became less, Just greater with the different scenarios in my head.
I already forgave him for hiding all of that from me, I love him never less despite knowing he was promised to someone, and we might not end up together, perhaps.
But I seem to couldn't forgive myself for having him go through all this. Not only this but for everything all by himself.
Maybe he won't go through this if he doesn't have me, perhaps he wouldn't lose everything if he just won't have me, perhaps non of these are happening.
I find it really funny how could I even think of that when clearly I will choose the same path all over again. I can't even imagine my life without him now,
But that got me wishing for him to choose a different path instead. The path without me. I wish he would as that much will be better than seeing him lose everything and having a hard time because of me.
I would rather be hurt alone than see him crumble because of me and regret choosing me if there will be a time like that because I won't be able to live with it.
I wiped my own tears when I heard someone at the door. I glanced at the wall clock and saw it was already three in the dawn,
"Love?" A familiar gentle voice of Jay called me. I wiped my face more even it was useless, hoping that would erase the evidence. I was about to open the door when "Are you still awake?" he asked behind my bedroom's door in a soft low tone,
I smiled as I opened the door and immediately welcomed him with warm hugs as I wrapped my arms around his nape and slid my face on his neck, also a way to buy time to calm my swollen eyes.
He laughed softly. There's already no space between us, but he wrapped his arms more around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
"I haven't showered and changed yet." he reminded me in a soft tone,
I could tell that as he was still in business clothes. It must have been another tiring day for him. "It doesn't matter," I replied as I snuggled to his neck more. He giggles softly.
"I miss you, Love," I whispered to him, Tears starting to build up again, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to cry in front of him as it's been a while since he went home here at our dorm. He might not be physically present here, but I know he never failed to come home to me.
"I miss you more." He said softly, "Can I see you?" he asked with a pleading voice. I nodded and simply wiped pooling tears on my eyes and looked at him with a smile,
He stared at me with a solemn expression for a while, observing me, I avoided his gazes, turning my head at the side, but he held my chin softly, guiding me to look at him,
I bit my lips, afraid tears would fall, but he just smiled and kissed my forehead. That was the last trigger for the hot tears to fall. He wiped it and placed his forehead on mine as he caressed my cheek softly. Full of care, I leaned on his hand, cupping my cheeks, and closed my eyes to feel his warmth as priceless crystals continued to befall.
"It's okay Love, You don't have to hold your tears in front of me." he comforted me, "I'm sorry for being the reason," he added that broke me more.
I don't mind crying a river for you.
It was still the same tears, tears of pain, worries, and fear of losing him anytime, and every new creation of moments of us will be the last moments of ours.
I wiped it and laughed softly, trying to mask it, "I just missed you." I replied to him, partly true as I always do. I stared at him, this time with a genuine smile. I tiptoed to plant a kiss on his soft lips,
He raised his eyebrows as he looked at me, more suppressing a smile.
"Welcome home, kiss?" I told him, couldn't help but smile softly.
He leaned forward again, then kissed me. His soft lips touched mine devouring my lips softly, up and down as his hand rested on my nape, guiding me as his kisses turned deeper. The other one remained on my waist, pulling me more closer to him.
I kissed him back and returned all his kisses. I rested my hand on his shoulder and tiptoed as I lifted my chin more to give him better access to my lip. The way he kissed me told me how much he loves me and misses me. It wasn't forceful nor hungrily but a slow and passionate one.
He broke off the kisses. I didn't know how long it lasted. He rested his forehead to mine as our nose touched, smiled serenely after a long time, and said. "I should come home more often." in a low tone as he rubbed our forehead and tip of our nose slowly softly.
"Kissing monster," I replied. Teasing him as hues of pinks warmed my cheeks because butterflies wanted to escape in my stomach, something Jay could only give me.
"You can't blame me, though. You're that addicting," he said, chuckling.
I hit him softly as I rolled my eyes heavenward. "Love, you should change," I remind him.
He looked at me, suppressing a little laughter, "There. My One is back." he joked. I looked at him, confused. "You always tell me to change first," he added. Catering to my confusion.
Now he said it. It seems like I do since we became boyfriends, the thought of 'we're boyfriends' still gives me butterflies like the first time. I couldn't help but smile, "I don't want you uncomfortable, Love." I explained as we both chortled.
He's about to enter his room when he asks me a question, "Can I sleep next to you, Love?" He asked me with pouty lips, He was trying to act cute for me, and he does look one.
I laughed a little and nodded, "I'll wait for you, Love." I replied.
It wasn't long when he arrived at my room. He was wearing long pajamas. He soon lay down beside me and scooped me for a back hug. He rested his head on my shoulder. As I caressed his arms around my waist softly.
There's an only shadowy white lampshade that lights us up. I watch our smooth silhouette in the wall, reflected by the lamp that somehow calms the thoughts in my mind. Being in his arms also helped a lot.
"Jay, aren't you tired?" I asked him softly. I know he knows what I meant by that question.
I could see him glancing at me in my Peripheral vision. The confusion and worries in his eyes are apparent because of it,
"It's okay, Love, I just want to know. I want you to answer me honestly," I assured him.
There was a long silence between us, He's embraced tighten, and I continued to caress his arms,
"I am," he said. I told him to be honest, and I'm glad he did even it could bring me blues,
"It sure tiring, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but never of you, One," he said. "Everything was but not you. You are my strength and rest," he added softly. I bit my lips, trying hard to control another set of my own tears. Those words gave me so much relief.
"I know what you're thinking, Love," he whispered, "You are the decision I will never regret making," he added.
My tears fell, and I immediately brushed them away. I turned around to face him. I stared at him with a genuine smile. He planted a kiss on my forehead before meeting my eyes.
"Thank you for choosing me when everything is against us," I said almost a whisper as tears escaped my eyes.
"You did too," he said, then smiled as he wiped my tears.
I only nodded as I moved closer to embrace him, resting my head against his chest. I could hear it beating for me just like the first time. Even his heartbeat says it is me. I couldn't help but smile with my own thinking as tears continued to descend. He wrapped his arms around me and ruffled my hair delicately.
"I love you, One.' he whispered. I secretly wiped my tears and glanced at him, "I love you more." I replied with a honey-like smile.
I don't even want for this night to end, but it still needs to. He should rest. "Let's sleep love, You still have a long day tomorrow." I told him, "Good night Jay." I added as I beamed more.
"Goodnight, Love." he replied, "Is there any goodnight kiss?" he asked me that made me look at him with disbelief as I hid peel of laughter in my lips.
"What?" he asked innocently, teasing me.
"You're joking, right?" I asked him, "We just kissed a while ago." I said shamelessly. Trying to tease him back and bring out the embarrassment in him but, he just raised his eyebrow and replied, "I could kiss you all day, One." confidently.
I laughed, defeated as I shook my head but still gave him a peck on his lips. He was about to kiss back when I covered his mouth with my hand. He pouted, which made me laugh more.
I missed moments like this, moments without heaviness in our hearts.
"No more, Love, I'll give you a good morning kiss tomorrow, so you better sleep now." I urged him as we both laughed.
It's not long when we both drifted to the dreamland.
I woke up with unfamiliar sounds. I saw Jay's Hyung phone ringing on the side table. It's Sunday today, but he has still to work.
It shows six in the morning. I turned it off and decided to wake him up myself, "Love." I called him as I tapped his shoulder but to no avail, "Love, you should wake up now you still have work." I tried again, this time tapping his chest, and it worked,
He Slowly opened his eyes with a frown, but it vanished as soon as he saw me, "Good morning, Love." I greeted him.
He smiled at me. "Good Morning, Love ' he replied while pulling me into a hug, "I miss seeing you first in the morning," he said. I nodded at him as that's precisely how I feel.
'Me too.' I want to start the morning with you and end it with you, Jay. I thought at the back of my mind.
"You should prepare now, or you'll be late. I'll prepare your breakfast, anything you want, Love?" I asked him.
He looks at me with this smile that can't leave his lips, "We're basically husband." he said, which made my stomach twirl from butterflies flying in circles. I stood up to hide my burning cheeks from so much blush of pink. I was about to walk away when he said, "You promised your husband good morning kisses as far as I know." he reminded me with a hint of teasing.
The term husband made me blush, but I tried my best to put calm upfront unaffected even the zoos inside me are having their disco party in my stomach.
I stared at him, sitting on the bed, and leaned to give him his good morning kisses. I intentionally tapped the side of my lips after, checking if there was a dried droll on it, but he was frowning when my eyes landed on him. He seems to misunderstood something.
Before I could explain, he had already pulled me in and planted another set of kisses on my lips, "Don't wipe it." he told me, offended and looking quite hurt. I laughed at his reaction,
"I'm not Love. I was just checking if there's a dry droll on the side of my mouth. I don't want you to have it for breakfast.' I said, couldn't help but let out soft touches of laughter.
"Oh!, You should have asked me instead. There's nothing like that. Even there is, you don't have to worry," he said. "I won't mind anyway," he added, making us chuckle. I just hit softly on his shoulder, blushing at what he said.
He started preparing after that, same with me, who's now making simple clubhouse sandwiches for breakfast. There's no time to make something grand because we wasted almost thirty minutes flirting with each other.
It was not long when he was finished preparing and came out from his room wearing these business clothes. I couldn't help but be charmed like always by him, blown away from so much admiration in all of him. My heart was beating so fast at the sight of him. Can't believe this man in front of me is someone I can call mine.
I mean, just how? I might have saved the entire universe in my past life.
He was wearing black straight trousers, a white shirt, and a relaxed black blazer coat. There is just something about him every time he wears a blazer coat. Something I couldn't even point out, describe and explain.
I walked towards him and fixed his tie for him, "When God made it rain of visual, You must have caught it all." I commented, lost in the trance of the moment.
"I was donating," he said softly that making us chuckle. I looked at him to see these proud smiles on his lips and his expression as he met my eyes. Yes, baby, you should be. "You must be proud?" he asked teasingly, "Having a Park Jongseong," he added, looking so satisfied.
I do Love, beyond proud.
I acted dissatisfied and replied, "Not bad." as I shrugged my shoulder.
Proud is beyond understatement.
He just laughed and kissed my forehead, "You don't have to deny it. I know you do," he added.
I finished fixing his tie and tapped it.
He's now having breakfast. I put the sandwich I made for him in his bag as a packed snack. I also changed into more decent clothes as I wanted to send him off to the parking lot.
"Love." He called me. I went straight to him with asking eyes, "Yes, Love?" I asked him, but he just smiled, "Thank you for breakfast." he said. I just ran my fingers through his hair to array it softly, "Always welcome." I replied with a smile.
We're now walking in the corridor holding hands. He looks at me, satisfied. I am aware there are eyes around us, but there's just so much going on to worry about the eyes and people's lips around us. When I said yes, I knew this was part of it, and I gladly accepted it,
The only reason why I hesitated making contact with him in public at first was that I was afraid Jay would find it uncomfortable but didn't mind and just cared for us.
We reached the car I hadn't seen for a long time. I couldn't help but feel blue as I was reminded that he had lost this and all he had just a while ago because of me, and about to in the future with the same reason me, I could feel tears, but I masked it with a smile,
"Tell me in advance if you could make it home. I'll prepare us dinner." I told him as I watched him open the driver's seat.
"There's a lot of work at the office, I'm not really sure, but I'll let you know, Love," he said,
I learned that those days he was not coming to our dorm. He wasn't also coming home to their mansion but working all shifts in his dad's office. Making it another home for him when there are only workloads on it.
"I'll come back home and see you soon, Love," he said softly as he met my gazes and kissed my forehead,
I nodded with a honey-dew smile and replied, "I'll wait."
I waited for him to get on the driver's seat, but he pouted, asking for a kiss. I let out a laugh as I found him really incredible. "Are you serious?" I asked him with disbelief, with a small smile on my lips.
"You gave me welcome-home-kisses? There should be go-to-work-kisses, don't you think so?" he asked me as he raised his eyebrow with me, trying to make sense.
I laughed with his cute logic, but, "No, what are we gonna do if someone sees us?" I refused him laughing, "What's wrong with kissing your boyfriend?" he asked innocently.
"I'll just add it with my welcome kiss next time," he said with a hint of teasing. He gave me another forehead kiss and said, " I'll be going now." with a soft smile,
I watched him sit in the driver's seat and was about to close his door when I stopped it. I bent down and let my upper body in his car to meet his gazes,
he was surprised by my sudden moved but looked at me with his gentle eyes and a serene smile on his lips. I did the same and gave him a peck on his lips.
"I love you, Jay," I whispered with a smile serene as him.
"I love you more." He replied, "It be hard to go work if you're like this." he said, sounding frustrated. He meant it even there's a sound of teasing.
"Finished early then," I added, then laughed and closed his car door. I wave goodbye to him as I see him drive his car away till out of sight.
I was about to walk away when I saw familiar people I didn't even know but kept seeing them everywhere. Not just here in our dorm building's parking lot but everywhere I go.
My eyes met the eyes of one of them. I saw him panicky avoided my gazes. I was about to go after him when my phone beeped for a text message. I was expecting it was from someone I knew, but it was from an unknown person.
Someone burst all the bubbles of dreams and serene of yesterday's night and today's morning, bringing back the pain, worries, and fear and everything of losing someone as I read her text.
From: Unknown
Let's meet, 4PM, Modern Restaurant.
Somi.
All I could do was hold my phone tight as emotions of yesterday's rushed back and felt once more vividly. As if she was the ghost of all of that and reality, I need to be warry, no different from the hunter after and trying to get my most important treasures.
Perhaps she's really that ghost, reality, and hunter. She was after Jay, after all, no different from my life and my most important treasure and possessions.