Recap:
Harry has asked Paige to join him on tour as his opening act due to an emergency with Jenny Lewis. She accepted and got ready for tour. She was able to go to England for the holidays with Harry and meet his family and Harry went home with Paige to meet her mom however some painful memories were brought back and revealed. Paige was sexually assaulted by her ex, Dean, when she was younger and bumped into him hen she was home. Harry learned of this past experience and supported her. They got her ready for tour by putting together a small band with friends from her school and getting everything ready for tour. They just finished a successful first night of tour but at the end of her performance, Piage thought she caught a glimpse of her past yet again. Was Dean really there in Italy or was it a figment of her imagination?
january 12th, 2022
bologna, italy
Paige
The face that had haunted my dreams.
The face that I worked so hard to keep from crossing my mind had been one in a crowd of thousands.
I feel my heart skip a beat and drop to the floor. My breath hitches and gets caught in my throat.
Why was he here? Was my imagination playing tricks on me? Maybe all the adrenaline pumping through my veins was causing me to hallucinate.
When I left the stage, I was greeted by a beaming Harry with arms extended wide open for an embrace. The scent of vanilla and woody tones calms my racing heart and brain and I smile into the comfort of his chest. After the compliments and kisses were shared, he walked on stage ready for his leg of the performance. The bubble of comfort he had created in those five minutes had popped the second his body had been taken away from mine and my brain started to race again.
I feel faint.
I walked back to the dressing room to get changed into a simple t-shirt and jeans and grabbed a hair tie and a water bottle. I took a few deep breaths before I walked back to the audience.
Before stepping into the sea of people, my eyes scan over the spot where Dean had been standing.
He wasn't there.
I blinked a few times and looked around the area again, but no sign of the man who caused my heart to race four times its normal speed. With deep breaths, I walked into the crowd to watch the performance. I wanted to be taken somewhere else, just for a little bit. I wanted to just have a distraction.
Was it real?
Was he actually here in Italy?
No.
There is no way.
My adrenaline was pumping at an all time high. My brain was just playing tricks on my eyes. I tried to clear my mind and enjoy the performance in front of me. At one point Harry had gotten two cream pies to cream Sarah and Mitch on stage. He even spotted two girls in the pit dressed as bananas and added a little intro verse to Watermelon Sugar in their honor, which brought a smile to my face.
I stood in my spot and watched him with intent and complete adoration during Cherry. His voice had always calmed me even before I knew him, but now it went an extra mile.
I had started to be able to sense his presents and an instant wave of calm and relaxation washed over me from head to toe. Right now was no different. Even in a sea of people, he was able to make me feel like I was the only one there. He looked at me during one of the choruses and smiled.
I swear I melted into the floor right there and then.
Every thought of Dean had washed away and only Harry filled my mind. Only joy and happiness ran through my veins. That rush was soon ended when I was ushered back to the dressing room as the show ended.
Walking back through the doors I swear I caught a glimpse of blue eyes and blonde waves with that terrifying familiar build, bolt out a door.
Once back in the room and on the couch, I was alone.
Alone.
Alone with my thoughts.
Alone with mind.
Alone and vulnerable.
Thoughts began to run circles in my mind once more.
It couldn't have been him? There was no way right? And if it was, why was he here? Why was he in Italy on my first night on tour? Was it a coincidence?
No.
If it really was him, there must be a reason.
Dean always has a reason.
He always had a plan.
Always had a motive.
My mind kept racing and my anxiety kept climbing. The door had opened and a small wave of calm swept through my body as my eyes looked up to see a sweaty and smiley Harry in front of me as he made his way over to me. I stand from my seat on the couch and walk into his open arms.
"Hello darling," he says more into my hair and for the first time in hours my heart doesn't skip a beat due to intruding thoughts of a nightmare.
"You were wonderful out there angel," I say, pulling my body away from him but still entrapping his body in my arms. "But what was I expecting?"
I see a shift in his eyes on the unexpected name that slipped from my lips. The green blinds me into a calm serene state. The smell of vanilla that swirls around with the bits of sweat as a result of the time spent on the stage wafts through my nose to numb my mind.
He pushes his lips against mine and the whole world falls away. I was safe in his arms. My hands climb up to cup his cheeks to keep him pressed against me as he makes his way down to my waist to pull me in. There is something between us that wasn't there before.
A strength.
A power.
His lips open a fraction of an inch and I take the opportunity to slip my tongue in to tangle with his. His hand runs up the length of my back to hold the back of my neck keeping me close. I pull away to look at him, a stray curl falling over his forehead. I push it back with the others and smile at the blush in his cheeks and the feeling of his breath coming out in small pants against my lips. His forehead pushes forward to meet mine.
"Let's go home," he said in a tone just shy of a whisper and in that moment that word took on a whole meaning to me.
Home.
It's not a place.
It's a feeling.
...
I am still not entirely convinced that this whole thing is real.
The sunbeams are flooding in from the french doors, along with the memories of leaving them open after the champagne and fruit we had on the balcony last night under the moonlight.
The floor was decorated with my shirt and joined by Harry's pants leaving a trail of where we had been leading to the bed.
The sheets are a crumpled mess at the foot of the bed. Only one remained at the top covering us as we drifted to sleep. The feelings of safety and reassurance last night that flooded from the man sleeping next to me.
He held me in my arms, not even knowing how much his actions were helping me and calming me. He took care of me without even knowing my anxieties.
He made sure I felt good.
Felt comfortable.
Felt cared about.
Felt loved.
I lean up on the pillow below my head on my elbow to look down at him.
Him.
He slept so peacefully.
On his stomach, his head facing me with hair falling over his shut eyes and a small pout on his lips. He looked relaxed. There was no crease between his brow. No frown of concern. His arm was out stretched across the bed and creeped to hold onto my waist. The sheet coming up to the small of his back and leaving his back and calves exposed.
I smile down at him and my free hand goes down to gently and softly run my fingers through the loose strands on his head. He is not always a heavy sleeper but I found when he is in this one hundred percent relaxed state, it takes a lot to wake him up.
His arm tightens on me in his sleep and his nose buries slightly into the pillow that cushions his head. A small, breathy laugh escapes my lips as I continue to run my fingers through his hair. The smell of fresh air from the trees outside is carried in on a breeze of wind and a trail of goosebumps run along my nakes shoulder.
On the side table next to me, I hear a soft buzz alerting me to my phone getting a notification. I ignore it, determined to let nothing break the bubble surrounding me at this moment.
It buzzes once more.
Then another, until finally I can no longer leave it.
I quietly and quickly lean down to place a gentle kiss on Harry's head before stealthily escaping his grasp and slipping off the mattress, my feet hitting the floor softly.
I lean down to pick up my underwear that had been flung off in a haste of lips and limbs and pull them up along with pulling on Harry's button down shirt that had joined the other clothing items in the moments of last night. I get the hair tie laying on the side table and quickly brush my hair up and out of my face before picking up my phone and walking out to the balcony and sitting in one of the wicker chairs. I pull my knees up to my chest and unlock the device in my palm.
Unknown: You had a great show last night. It was wonderful to watch you again.
Unknown: I want to meet up with you today before I leave.
Unknown: I have a few things I would like to discuss with you, Cherry Blossom.
My heart sinks.
There is only one person in the entire world ever to call me by that name.
It was real.
He was there last night.
My hands feel clammy, my heartrate has shot through the roof, the lungs have left my lungs in one gust. I turned to look back into the room to ensure that Harry was still peacefully asleep. He already had so much going on and didn't need anything else to cause his any worry or stress.
I turn back to my phone and my thumbs begin to fly across the screen.
Paige: how did you get this number
Unknown: I have my ways flower
Paige: don't call me that. what could you possibly want from me now dean
Unknown: Well a lot actually sweet pea. How much time have you got?
Unknown: I'm just joking. Meet me at this address in 30 minutes or you'll have real problems. And I would highly recommend you don't tell loverboy about this. I have my ways of finding out if you do. It will only make things worse for yourself.
He attached a location with his message and with that I feel every once calm that had been restored to my being had been sucked out.
I can physically feel all the color leave from my body to leave my cheeks chalk white. I feel cold despite the warm breeze blowing against my naked legs. I put my phone against my chest as my mind begins to run wild with thoughts.
Do I go?
Do I ignore it?
No.
I can't.
I know Dean. I know how he works. He doesn't make promises he can't keep. I know he will do something to harm me or worse, Harry.
What on earth could he want from me?
Does he really still have something over my head?
After all these years?
What should I do?
...
The cobblestone clicks softly as I cross the street to the small Italian cafe. Dressed in light wash jeans and a silk button down of Harrys with my hair twisted up and clipped on the back of my head, I peer through the black lenses framing my face to the demon haunting my dreams.
The demon I thought I had overcome.
The demon I thought I had out run.
Sandy hair and ocean eyes is the view that makes my body run cold.
"Well, how lovely to run into you here cherry blossom," Dean says with a malicious grin as he stands to pull out the chair for me across from him.
I have changed. I am strong.
I will not let him belittle me any more.
"I told you not to call me that," I say as I sit crossing both my arms and legs, my voice as chilled as a winter frost.
"I'm sorry. I guess it's true what they say. Old habits die hard? So, what fancies you here?" he asks, referring to the menu in front of us.
"Same order as always? Latte?" he asks.
My eyes grow colder.
"No. much like I have, my coffee order has changed too," I say, removing my sunglasses and putting them atop my head.
A waitress walks up to us to take our order.
"I'll do a black coffee and a croissant," Dean says, his voice oozing with the facade of kindness.
The same familiar tone that once ensnared me into his devious trap.
"And for you miss?" the waitress says to me.
"I'll do a cappuccino, thank you," I say, handing her my menu.
"What? Nothing to eat for you? That certainly is a change," he says, as the waitress walks away.
I feel a piercing at my heart and confidence at the cruel snide comment made towards my past self.
"Why are you here? What do you want from me?" I ask, wanting him to get to the point as quickly as possible so I can leave and return to the comfort and warmth of Harry.
"Well here's the thing angel."
I cringe at the nickname I had used only hours ago for the man that truly encapsulates the whole entire meaning of the word. The way it had felt so beautiful and truthful only hours ago and how it felt so cruel and cold now falling from those vile lips.
"You have everything I want. You have money, rising fame, success, and happiness. All things you robbed me of all those years when you decided to destroy my chance at a perfect life."
"How on earth was I the one to destroy your life? I think out of the two of us, I was the one who ended up with the trauma and pain while you walked away a free man," I say, my anger growing inside of me.
"That's where you're wrong. You see, you reported me to the police and all though my father was able to seal the case and ignore it but that doesn't mean it vanished for good. I got into some trouble at school with something and they decided to shove their noses where they didn't belong. They started snooping around where they don't belong and your little report became uncovered. They found out about it and kicked me out. My reputation has been ruined. I lost my scholarship, my status, my friends, all of it. My family practically disowned me after I was kicked out and they completely cut me off. Then I scroll through my social media to find your face plastered all over it. You are living the life that I should be living. The fame, the money, the status, the success. Then you showed up in town and it was too perfect. People have been suspecting you and your lover having a secret love affair but really with no proof. You two have been able to debunk those rumors pretty well, but I have my sources and I know about the two of you and how blurred those lines of professionalism and love have become to the two of you."
I shift uncomfortably in my chair.
How does he know? What does he mean sources?
"I have photos. Of everything Paige. One little email. One little click of a button, and I could ruin you. I could ruin him. I could ruin every little thing you've ever tried to achieve. I suggest you listen very closely to me," he says.
My lips are set in a firm line, trying to conceal the consistent feelings of worry.
"What do you want, Dean?" I ask him in a stern tone.
"I want whatever I want. I want money if I request it from you. I want trips to wherever I want. I want to be in on whatever social circle I can get into. I want to be accompanied by you whenever I want. You will give me everything you tried to take away from me without complaint or failure," he finishes, leaning forward with a malicious grin forming on his face.
I'm sure a look of shock is apparent on my face as his grin grows even wider.
"Why on earth would you ever think I would agree to any of this?"
"Because," he says, reaching down to open up the messenger bag sitting at his feet to pull out a manilla envelope. "I have this. In this envelope contains everything I would ever need to expose you for the manipulating whore you used to be and have become."
I reach forward to grasp the envelope in my hand but he quickly tugs it out of reach.
"Ah, before I hand this over to inspect, I want to make one thing clear. You will tell no one about our agreement. Not to your friends. Not to the press. And especially that fool you have tricked into loving you. As far as anyone would ever know, we used to be old friends and have recently started talking again. Am I clear?"
I have no choice. I have no doubt that whatever is inside that envelope would be detrimental to me and possibly those who I love. I grit my teeth and fight the tears battling to come forward and escape.
"Yes," I said after a moment.
"Good," he says, pulling out a few bills and throwing them on the table and standing up. He tosses the envelope in front of me on the table and lights a cigarette.
"Have a lovely day, cherry blossom. I'll see you again very soon," he says with a wink before walking away down the street.
I watch him disappear from view before leaning forward to carefully open the envelope. I turn to check that my surrounds are clear before pulling the paper inside out slowly. I stopped breathing completely at that moment.
Photos of Harry and I in intimate moments in the studio. Backstage. Getting in cars. Everything you can imagine.
Photos of Maya and Anna on a date holding hands and kissing in central park.
Photo after photo exposing me and my loved ones secrets and the things we hold closest to us.
Finally I reach the last photos paperclipped together and I feel like I might throw up.
The photos of me the night Dean raped me.
The photos I never thought I'd have to see again are in my hand.
My hand comes up to my quivering lips as tears finally spill over the brim of my eyes. I push the pictures away.
Unknown: Do whatever you please with those. You know me. I always have copies and hundreds more :)
...
I'm backkkkkkkk!! Hey guys it has been so long. I am so sorry I fell off the face of the earth1 When I tell you life decided to go a million miles an hour I mean it. So baby life update for you if you care. UM I LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY NOW?!?!?!?! Like what is life I can't. Currently living out my dreams. Well aside from opening for Harry. Still working on that one. I saw Harry not once but TWICE!! And I'm trying to get tix to another show if I can. I was at Harryween night 1 and NYC night 2!! As far as updating goes, I'm gonna do my best. I am SUPER busy. Like I can't even breathe. I want to wrap up this story pretty soon as I have ideas for a second one that I am really excited about. I would say we probably have about 15-20 chapters left max. ALSO!!!! FUCKIN OVER 100K reads!!!!!! WTF!!!!! I screamed when I saw that. I never thought people would EVER read this. I literally did this as a little project to just release stress and for stupid fun and wow. Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy!! As always....
Treat People With Kindness
xoxo
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