A Soul That Longs For A Chance of Life
I don't dislike this.
A nothingness, almost as though a void that renders me of any perception. Like a long dark corridor with no particular direction, no platforms, no lights, no temperature--where there is only silence. I could not hear anything, nor I could see in this absolute blackness. Yet there is that emotion lingering everywhere, like something weightless and gentle passing by through an echo before disappearing again.
The emotion was almost ruthless, for it leaves that certain emptiness inside me, it's cold and deep--as though I was never used to this sensation but at the same time, I do not truly mind like a part of me longed for this peace, this tranquility. I find myself somehow fond of this sensation, but I could not perfectly describe how despite liking it so, I feel like I was never meant to be here...like I should be somewhere else.
And then come the questions, fragments of missing answers growing the more moments seem to pass. I do not have any recollection of where I am, nor why am I here. All I know is that I simply exist, alone drowning in this dark--endless space. Sometimes, I hear a voice. I have no such knowledge of where it comes from but it's there, knocking through this emptiness.
It simply talks, its voice enveloping the place carrying this familiar tone, sounding almost like a melody. It was an ironical change in this silence, yet it would come almost frequently sometimes that I cannot help myself but long for its voice. Even less frequently, I see vague scenes appearing like a chain of distant images, floating right around me and just like how sudden they would appear--they fade, the images long forgotten.
It would seem as though I am in a hazy dream, my consciousness lightly swaying back and forth in this peace I call my sanctuary. I do not desire nor greed for any more than this, I merely exist to settle in this void, feeling various flows of passing emotions. If I concentrate enough, I could even feel those lingering emotions as my own before they are able to fade out of sensation.
I like this contentment, the serenity this sanctuary exudes... but I wonder if there is anything beyond this, if there are colours, more sound--I know there is, I can feel the sensations of all life flowing from out there towards here, yet they are not my own.
I am nothing but simply a consciousness existing to watch over these sensations before their passing, so that more new ones would pass by again--a loop that I have never grown tired of overseeing despite how seemingly lacking everything is. As though there's something out there for me. But that is simply a humouring thought.
This sanctuary is me as I am one with this place. This space is my consciousness, my domain that no matter how endless or infinite this darkness is--I can feel everything in here. There is nothing out there that my consciousness cannot reach, this infinite loop of emotions flowing inside from various regions is an evident of that. I can feel the world, I may cannot see nor hear it, but I do.
These foreign emotions sometimes distract me from this seeping emptiness I feel as my own, which is why I cannot help but entertain the thoughts of what the world would feel if I could see past this blank sight and past this soundless vacuum.
"Greetings, Progenitor of Emotions."
There came that voice again, the feelings behind the sound swaying ever-so-lively around me. It felt alive...it makes me wonder if that's how being alive feels like, to know the difference between simply knowing it myself than feeling it. But there's this part of me that disliked the thought of life, as though I despise the thought of being somewhere that isn't in this sanctuary-- I recognized it as fear.
"Time passes differently for all of life, Dear Progenitor."
Certainly, that, I am aware. I can feel everything after all, those both from Death and Life, from Rebirth and Destruction--all of those in the reign of existence, I can sense them all. That includes even time and fate. Naturally, every movement of time and every twist of fate, both flow carrying emotions that I am aware.
"The Progenitor of Time adores eternity that she was the personification of time itself while the Progenitor of Fate abhors humanity that she has free control over their fates." The voice laughed. "You, the Progenitor of Emotions, desire tranquility that you can feel these sensations yet you'll never be truly at peace. Don't you think your titles fit yourselves well?"
I cannot speak, I only feel and send emotions after all. But her words always make me wonder why is there always contempt and sorrow hidden behind it. There were times the voice spoke as though she knew of me more than I could ever know myself. She calls herself The Fallen Saintess of the White, she refers to herself as the cold of winter and the gentle fall of snows--and she named herself Aiònia.
"Do not wander in my tales, Progenitor."
I understand how her tale is a lore which is never mine to tell, I know so simply because I can sense a great power restricting even the flow of emotions around the identity of this voice.
"Instead, are you not curious about your name?"
I am aware of the existence of other Progenitors, I am also aware that they are the reason why I exist. However, I dislike the thought of mingling nor interacting with other powers due to the reason it could interrupt with this peace. Still, I naturally know both have their own names. I can feel both attachments and fond affections they have for each other unbefitting of a Progenitor of their caliber.
Progenitors are silent. They simply observe, watch, feel, and exist. There are no need for words, actions, nor unnecessary dealings with one another for we are powers that must only thrive for ourselves. I cannot comprehend why must they interrupt with the world enough that I can still feel traces of Time's power graced in one of the dimensions. There were evidents of Fate's meddling too, a continuous twist and turns of fates all to secure one soul's survival.
"That soul belonged to you. If they hadn't meddled, you could have had no such opportunity to exist. Your soul could have been lost, or worse...fade into nothingness."
I was told that my previous identity failed to destroy one thing that could cease the existences of Progenitors. Without Progenitors, the Cycle of Rebirth and Destruction as well as the process of life and death--would be lost until there is nothing left, not even space--and to think my previous identity ignored that threat is simply... unfathomable.
What could possibly be the reason for me to choose existence than oblivion? In oblivion, I would simply fade, my traces or even a memory of me would be long forgotten. It is perplexing that I do not seem to understand the reasoning and logic behind such decision, it baffles me so how I would rather settle to exist than not exist at all when I would want nothing more than the latter.
Why would I choose to let that threat of a Grimoire be in the hands of lowly mortals, the same ones that created it in the first place to reduce one of us to banishment? I must have been weak, I must have been indeed. Because had I been more powerful, that Grimoire could have already been long destroyed by my own hands no matter what the consequences were.
"You speak how the 'could have been' so easily for you are the Progenitor now and not that simple mortal who willingly gave in to her own tragedy."
Life merely is a tragedy if we let others make it so for us. But most mortals are powerless against life that they can only turn to death since it would appear as the only escape. That is where humans are good at, they tend to excell well in being weak and venerable--I can tell from just from feeling every single emotion pulsing right through this void.
"You govern all the things that travel between Life and Death. You are a hallow void that feels, a nothingness that knows. You, despite being but a mere concept without any form, is what keeps all creations alive."
I know a Progenitor who is in love with life that she would constantly coexist with them as though she was a part of that painting called living. While there is that one who despise those same living mortals the other is so fond of, enough that she would not care nor bat even the slightest of glance to that canvas called life. While I am simply the Progenitor who feels, who knows even the most unnecessary things--the kind that would not truly care about life and beyond.
"Reality is much bigger than your mortal self thought it was. The disappearance of the Progenitor of Emotions brought realms and dimensions in shambles, a broken connection amongst all that exist brought chaos in space that holds both Life and Death, both the non-existent and the existing. What kept everything together, however, was the Sovereign over Fate."
That, I understood well. My disappearance was due to an object called Grimoire, created to banish Progenitors from existence. I-- a mere formless concept-- was forced to take on a mortal body simply due to circumstances of my sensitivity prowess, to destroy what known to be the Book of the Gods. My humanity was only temporary, it was something that wasn't meant to last.
Progenitors are aware that there are others of existence, but we are independent beings which have no need for any interaction. Our powers simply coexist to keep the Cycle of Rebuilt and Destruction which accompany both life and death. It was only natural for Progenitors not to know what other Sovereigns appear like, which was why the Sovereign of Fate and Time was not aware I personally handled the task of destroying that abomination of a book, I know so from the tiny bits of memories I can remember being a Progenitor centuries ago.
She only realized the existence of another Progenitor when even fate nor time did not have any affect on my soul. Moreover, it seemed that my sudden disappearance have caused chaos in dimensions, causing w disturbance. Even more so when I was told that my descending as a human triggered more of that disturbance, resulting to the existence of nether that caused a world to almost fall apart hadn't my mortal self saved it.
It was all necessary to destroy the Grimoire and yet...and yet my mortality had failed me. I had risked destroying a world, destroying the Cycle we thrive to protect due to my descension all to destroy that book and I had failed in doing so for a reason I simply cannot comprehend. I do not blame the Progenitor of Fate for feeling disappointing about my uncalled failure. I have mo recollection of my mortality, but I rather erase the cause of my misconduct-- the weakness that prevented my goal.
"If Fate hadn't meddled to carry on with your Progenitor duties, I believe realms would already be clashing before you could return as a Sovereign."
The Progenitor of Fate has the power to manipulate destiny, to control circumstances and situations-- although that does not mean she was the cause of all fates that exist, she still holds the power to change or cut it all.
Because of that, she was able to keep the damages of my disappearance in minimum that I barely had to fix anything when I returned to claim my rightful place-- also that I was only able to return for a reason that she was able to pull my soul away from any mortal constrains.
I was eventually told that she was barely able to pull my soul out because of a human interference who almost prevented my ascension. However, humans have clearly underestimated the powers of Progenitors. I must say, certainly not even a weaponized curse could do anything against us-- but I wonder if that is truly the case. Because even now, there is still this odd feeling as though I should be somewhere that isn't here.
I hear a call, ringing emotions that would make my soul tremble in grief, and I do not understand why nor how. There are no words, I am simply aware that my soul longs for something-- someone even, although I cannot explain this oddity. This must be an aftereffect of my previous mortality which means it should merely be a temporary occurrence. But as the voice said, time passes by differently for us Progenitors-- then how much more must I experience this certain restlessness?
However, despite how worse I might think of it-- it's strange how I seem to like this emotion of longing the most, it's the only thing that keeps this loneliness feel warm... and somehow special. I tend to wonder then if I am truly alive to be able to feel these emotions but at the same time, I would immediately think of it as an aftermath of the decisions I made.
"Do you miss being a human, dear Progenitor? Your emotions are throbbing in this emptiness."
I would disagree, but I truly doubt if I no longer have any more lingering attachments to my previous mortality. I spent merely more than twenty years there, compared to my centuries of existing, those years should have no affect on me. They were simply pages of written texts in this non-existent life, an occurrence that could only happen once in this eternity. If I were to put it in an different analogy, I would say my mortality was like a canvas of a humane art eventually erased for I am no longer a part of it.
"There is nothing wrong in wanting life." The voice said another, almost coaxing me into something dangerous, no matter how alluring it sounded.
I do not desire life, but I cannot deny that I long for it in ways a Progenitor of my caliber should not. I have done enough as a mortal, my duty for it is done. Being a vulnerable human isn't something I should long for-- supposed to be, anyway. But just this once, I shall allow myself such thoughts...to feel the air, to know different colours, to taste something new, to hear various sound-- ah, then came that loneliness again, only that it feels a little bit warmer now, ironic to this desolate and cold sanctuary of mine.
"All you have to do is desire for it and let the aftermath of your decisions lead you to somewhere far from here-- somewhere you might find happiness in."
There were tremors that came almost abruptly after, an unseen force working behind these sensations of mine couldn't keep up. Everything felt like they were going too fast, candid noises reverberating in all directions, an invincible tide surging that urged me to reach forward-- to extend my arm up as though it be able to grab something in this nowhere. I am a Progenitor, an existence of absolute power without any form.
However, I could somehow feel something different... I could move a part of myself contrary to my formless existence. More sounds dominated my previously non-existent hearing, as though I had ears to hear these seemingly familiar works of energy around me. Something was pounding heavily, constantly hitting my chest, the sound echoing in this tight space-- it was my heartbeat.
A Progenitor of Emotions having a heart is uncalled for. While other Progenitors have their own bodies, I'm one of those who does not have one due to the factors of my power. In other words, no body nor form could house me, the Sovereign of Emotions which domains all of Life and Death, that connects Time and Fate, and that which holds the perfect assurance for the Cycle of Rebuilt and Destruction.
I couldn't breathe, as though I simply remembered I had to in order to be alive and suddenly not being able to breathe sent a trembling panic all over me. For once, I felt desperate, my fingers constantly clawing against something hard and subtle. I could barely feel my legs, but they were there, stuck and unable to move. My chest continued to heave up and down along with a growing irritation on my skin with my hands forming into fists.
I pounded against the cover above me, the suffocating darkness and the tightness of the space around only accelerated that growing numbness on my legs. I decided to gather thelast bit of my energy, blasting the surface off-- only for my eyes to squint seeing the faint sunlight directly shining from a small portion of the glass ceiling. I found myself lying on some kind of a closed-quartered wood, a soft foam beneath my naked body, and there's that unfamiliar smell of death too.
My hair was as black as a peerless night, reaching past my feet in a way that it could almost pass as a clothing. I sat up, realizing I was surrounded by borders of soils on both four corners and that apparently, I was six or seven feet below the ground. I tried to move, only for me to stop abruptly at the sudden tremor that shook my spine, as though I haven't moved for centuries-- which I indeed hadn't.
The soil loosened when I stood up, almost covering me had I kept on lying. It was actually fairly dim, with the sunlight only reaching a small portion from small ceiling glasses above. The place was cold and almost empty except for the unused signs of torches hanging over the cave-like walls as well as the those unlit candles surrounding the coffin where this body last laid.
I inhaled, and despite having such a huge space to move around in, I felt burdened. It felt as though I was being watched even knowing well that I was alone with no other presences other than this body-- well, except for the crawling insects under this soil platform I was currently standing upon, I could even feel snakes in there. I jumped from a meter height, my bare feet touching the cold stone brick floor.
There were no other directions other than the giant glass double doors on the corner most of the overly-sized room, and only then was I able to see the old shelves lining against the wall filled with antique items and books which pages had already long turned yellow. Yet even though they all appear old already, I see no wastes nor a single peck of dust anywhere as though this place was cleaned every single day.
Escaping through the doors, a long corridor revealed itself eventually. There were no apparent windows but I could clearly see the slow pouring of snow outside, the forested terrain all covered in white. The breeze was even colder than earlier, prickling my naked skin as I continued to step forward. There were no more doors, what awaited by the exit was a single layer of barrier with a sealing spell attached on it.
The magic circle was intricate, something a Progenitor wouldn't understand since magic formulas as such were made by mortals whom I do not bother learning the ways of. However, that doesn't mean such a sophisticated spell is something I, an immortal soul of absolute energy, won't be able to break. It only took a second with a single touch of finger when the barrier shattered. But that spell must have been powerful, too powerful in fact that the entire forest shook along with the sudden bursts of pure energy that made the ground break apart.
Still, even with the tremors happening all around me, the trees swaying violently back and forth, as well as the cold whirlpools of wind on a near distance-- I continued my steps towards a huge manor behind the giant snow-filled trees, where the sky directly opened allowing streaks of the afternoon sunlight graze right through the gigantic building. I was focused on its direction given that it was the only building on this wide forest, not even realizing sooner that each of my step was causing the ground to move as though something of a huge size was walking over it.
It was simply the result of my compressed energy. This mortal body obviously cannot sustain my power that it would automatically filter itself, disappearing unless I ascend back to being a Progenitor. But the process of my energy's banishment would take a while, thus resulting to the chaos that was happening around me. More trees were cut as I past them by, leaving the previously thick forest to be almost barren as I reached the walls surrounding the building, tall enough that it hindered me from seeing behind.
It didn't prove to be a problem despite the heavy barrier sticking right through the cobblestone walls after I released my own energy, the entire line of the wall from each of my side falling down that caused some dusts particles to build up. It sounded some kind of alarm eventually, and perhaps because it was due to my own unbothered nature that I didn't care when a dozen of men wearing a fixed uniform began pointing their weapons at me.
They were yelling something, but the words they were uttering were somehow vague-- something I couldn't really comprehend considering the centuries I had been existing without ever truly learning the ways of how they live. For some reason, however, there's this distant voice that calls deep inside me, one that I understood, familiar... something that makes me feel vulnerable. My empty soul throbs for it, my heart races for this distant presence that I know would come make peace with this restlessness of mine soon.
I ignored the unconscious bodies lying one by one as I walked forward, a sign that even without doing anything-- these mortals are not capable of being in the same space as this great Progenitor. They should be glad that my mortality is setting a limit to how far my powers could make them suffer just by seeing my presence. But death is not what I seek here. I am simply fulfilling the desire, that lingering curiousity that would not leave me be. As though I must continuously seek for something I, the Progenitor who feels and knows all-- is not aware.
Yes, this is all just a temporary whimsical desire that I have to experience to better know myself more, so I could stop pondering about useless things such as why must I feel like my mortality was something I shouldn't have had let go. Being in a desperate and pathetic state like this is unbecoming of a Progenitor, and I must face the source of the problem so I could solve it-- even if it means becoming a mortal I normally care so little of.
Despite the pouring snow and the cold passing breeze of what known as winter, the surroundings began to turn hot due to the intensity of my absolute energy which my mortality was trying to abolish, the snow beneath me melting. I destroyed another wall, ignoring those people who were had failed miserably in trying to bring me down. Mentioning the poor actions of their attempts were unnecessary that I no longer bothered glancing at them.
"Who the hell are you?"
Another voice I was so sure I knew resounded through this tremor of chaos, and although strands of my hair was covering my eyesight-- I could perfectly see a somehow familiar woman with a long white hair reaching just below her waist, and a a slightly bigger handgun pointed right at where I stood.
It was a disrespectful sight, to be pointed by something so threatening...but I now, I'm starting to wonder why I don't mind unlike those previous ones before her that did the same...as though I was looking forward to how she would pull the trigger instead and I would just laugh it off. Echoes of voices reverberated from the back of my mind, my heart throbbing even more lively now that made me gulp.
"Answer her, intruder! Hindi mo ba kilala kung kay sinong bahay ang inaatake mo?"
The other voice was laced with anger and confusion, just as then as another woman landed meters in front of me after outrightly punching the floor. Unlike the former, her hair was painted in a mixed of black with red tones by the end, highlighted more by her dark eyes that seemed to be pulling me deeper-- and again, I didn't mind. Rather, I began thinking how it would feel to be trapped somewhere dark but have that odd reassurance that... I'm not alone.
I didn't exactly remember what happened afterwards, but I wasn't surprised when both of them attacked me using their weapons-- one shot countless energy bullets and the other throwing daggers that were made to assist the bullets' trajectory. Even just from that, I could already tell that these two women have been working together for so long now that all attack movements were perfectly coordinated with each other, despite having to do it so accurately and quickly.
I wanted to see them closer, to feel them and to know they are truly alive because for another unknown reason, I feel oddly happy seeing them able to live this far... but I do not understand why this human heart of mine swells so much in both bitterness and joy at the fact that they were attacking me-- yes, as though we did this countless of times before. Even when a bullet came passing through my hand, the sensation of that red blood dripping from the burning hole on the middle of my palm, I didn't mind for there was this part of me that kept saying this was normal.
However slightly entertaining this farce was, I knew my energy was going to be repressed soon to pave way to the complete transformation of my soul to mortality, which I why I have no time to keep defending nor avoiding their attacks that I sent another powerful wave of absolute energy that sent everything around me falling apart. More humans came, their poor attempts of stopping me bearing no fruit as they haven't even done as little as touch me.
"Calm yourself down, Ke'ala."
I stopped as soon as I heard that deep and tranquil whisper, the restlessness I feel earlier disappearing like ripples on the surface of water that finally went silent. Warmth spread around me as a pair of strong arms gripped themselves tightly around my body along with some kind of cloth that covered my nakedness.
I couldn't think straight. I know I should be thinking how a Progenitor such as myself was stopped in mere seconds-- but my mind was currently filled with this familiar scent that brought me to the rushing of sands, the gentle slap of waves over the shore, the cool breeze that collided against my skin-- and along with this racing heartbeat, I now understood why this soul feels so at peace at the moment. It was as though I was wrapped in something I have never personally felt so secured and safe...and it was pleasant.
"Damiel." Someone called.
It was a name that reverberated inside me, a powerful force of something tragic. His name brought me that sense of belonging, and as I grip the loose ends of his clothes tighter, I found myself breathing in the sight of this man hugging me so protectively. I do not need protection, I am a Progenitor that is capable of things a mortal could never even begin to desire for themselves-- yet I do not mind this. I long for his presence more than I've ever longed anything in my centuries of existence and it was perplexing me in ways I could not deny... that this was more than a simple attraction.
"... who is that?"
His heartbeat began to pound faster, heavily hitting against my own as the strange marks on his body glowed in a bright hue of blue contrary to the colour his platinum eyes were exuding. I recognize this heartbeat, I know this emotion so well that my earlier longing turned into a desire as though it would perfectly match his own. I breathed out a sigh, a relief I hadn't realized I have been holding for my entire existence.
Before I was even aware of it, an energy already manifested along with that white-haired woman appearing in front of me, her golden eyes looking straight into mine and she was gazing at me in ways I've never felt so nostalgic. I wonder who she is to make me feel like this, but as her fingers grazed the side of my face-- words revealed themselves along with series of vague memories that made me shudder. Suddenly, I found myself reclining to a reminescent taste of something my tongue began craving out of blue.
"I..." I gulped, the dryness of my throat making it so difficult to speak, even more so given I haven't been talking for centuries-- at least, my Progenitor existence. "I...a tea. A blend of vanilla...and jasmine."
Still, I successfully opened my lips to utter the words as though they were the first thing I learned how to speak. And just like that though, my energy finally finished rounding itself up, the traces of the earlier force that threatened to suffocate the entire place disappearing into bits of hints my mortality could no longer feel.
What came next was darkness, my eyes closing as soon as my consciousness began to fade-- before that however, I could have sworn I felt an accumulation of powerful energy as though trying to force itself above others along with a gentle touch that caught my falling body as darkness completely swallowed me whole.
I found myself floating in my sanctuary with emotions burning a turmoil that was spreading everywhere. I couldn't pinpoint where they were coming nor who they belonged to. The taste of life almost seemed like a miracle, something I would never be able to truly grasp if not for my previous mortality. I used to not concern myself with the thought of it, used to not bother with the ways of the living.
But that warmth was something I could not deny, it was something I long for even in this tranquil place. I hold the memories of the past, yet it felt like the Ka'ala of the past and the Progenitor that I am now are far different. I know what she felt reason why she went through those decisions in her life but at the same time, I could not understand that vulnerability when she had too many people to warm herself by.
Perhaps she thought being in this sanctuary is better than constantly be under the influence of life. Perhaps she thought existence is better than living, she was tired of the latter. Or perhaps she could not trust herself to live due to the guilt of the burden of sins she had committed. For despite being such a twisted person, she was truly a kind mortal who would feel bad about the littlest of things even though she was inflicting that herself.
"How is it possible?" I heard a voice said, sounding so distressed. "She's dead. She's not supposed to be here."
"Calm down, Iyana. There might be an explanation for this."
"An explanation only Celeztie can give and she's not here nor the rest of her group." The woman sighed. "Fińe, trouble you to handle looking for those supposed children of ours."
"Doctor Lucis and I are on it."
"But what are we going to do now? She being here means something is going to happen, and I don't like the implications of it."
"Angela."
"Do not warn me, Alvar. I'm speaking the truth."
"A truth that has no basis--''
"Open your mind, Brother. No matter what she is, her human existence still means the end or the beginning of something."
My breathing trembled slightly as a sign my consciousness was beginning to return. My senses became much alarmed now that I got a feel of my surroundings, my hand reaching out for that nearest familiar figure but before I could reach anything, a hand already clasped mine, interlocking our fingers that made me sigh in relief. I gradually opened my eyes, seeing those dear platinum eyes looking so gently at me.
Now that my mortal memories have returned alongside the disappearance of my Progenitor energy and power, I feel guilty of never truly choosing him the entire time I had the option to. I wonder if he still feels the same for me despite how many times I had to push him away. I wonder if he understood my reasons, my desire to leave the life that could have ended differently had I had the will to live.
I smiled, my other hand touching his cheek. I used to trace the features his face represented, memorizing every inch that made him the man I knew so well. He is an attractive mortal, one that could set my Progenitor heart into flames through simply his touches. He is an existence that sets me at ease, one that I have never realized I desire. We were both fools for feeling this way, to not choose to set things right together when we could. But it was simply a matter of a wrong and right timing, and I wonder if it's the latter this time.
I sat up, my head spinning at the sudden movement which attracted their attention, their surprised expression enough to tell me they don't exactly know what to say to me. It's not that I can blame them for feeling so weary, it must have seemed selfish of me to return now of all time when they're already living so... well. But I am not the same person they think I am. Not only I am a mortal, but I am also a Progenitor who has existed more than they could ever do.
Though somehow, them looking at me like that make it seem like I'm not truly welcomed here. Or perhaps it is simply my mind playing tricks on me, my mortal mind has always been that feeble after all. While thinking of that, another familiar woman walked towards me with a cup exuding a scent that despite my shaking hands, I grabbed it, breathing that smell of vanilla with a blend of jasmine.
I gulped the warm liquid down my throat, that smoothy texture sliding through my tongue with its usual exquisite taste. They were silent, doing nothing but stand there and watch me drink my favourite tea and I feel uncomfortable at the thought that they might just send me away.
Because like what my... sister had said, my mortal existence despite being a Progenitor, is still a Cursed Blood with pale blue eyes-- a hint of something ending or beginning, and they're on high alert because every little decision of mine could lead to something grand they might not be able to fix.
"Ano na naman ang iniisip mo?" A hand touched the top of my head, and there was Ellise looking at me with that same gentle gaze when I looked up.
"You've grown...older." I noticed, that made her chuckle.
"How are you feeling?"
"I feel odd."
"Odd?"
I nodded, averting my gaze to the window beside the bed where I was sitting with a sigh. The pouring snow outside has become stable, more calmer in a sense that I even see some people clearing the path. The sky was already painting in a line of orange along the setting sun on a far horizon. I wonder then how many sunsets have I missed over the course of time I was not there to witness them.
"As though I have slept for too long to realize everything now feels... different." I finally spoke after a while, putting the empty cup on the bedside table before slowly sinking my feet on the tiled floor. I looked back at them, my pale blue eyes sweeping the familiar faces I see. I briefly closed my eyes seconds after, then nodding my head as I placed my arms each beside to support myself, the loose ends of the long white robe they put over me fluttering below.
"It's been seven years, Ke'ala." Ellise answered, like she was the only one who could at the moment. "After the war--"
"Don't." I raised my hand to stop her, letting out a shaky breath. "I don't want to hear it."
I know about the war, the battles I came out of, the things we all did-- I have regained all my memories when my Progenitor energy was sealed away. I can imagine how heavy the aftermath of that war is even without them telling me. But I have enough of the tragedy of the past, I want to be selfish now and do things on my own pace. After all, this mortality of mine is only a temporary occurrence-- a miracle so to say.
They may hate me for being selfish, for not wanting to involve myself now that I'm back despite the magnitude of what I had caused. They may not accept me for being a threat to their peace. They may dislike my existence. But if that's the only way I can repay them for the things they had helped me with before, then I'll gladly take all their blames and hatred--
I opened my eyes when I felt a sudden grip on my hand, seeing Damiel not exactly saying anything but with that small smile...I can already tell he knows what's running in my mind right now and that simple gesture was him reassuring me...and that's right. They may not want me anymore, but I'll still have him holding me like this. I won't have to do anything because he's there, he'll do anything to keep me grounded this time. He won't let me go, and just the thought of it fills me with so much security and assurance.
"Leave us." Iyana suddenly said, still not looking at me.
Everyone seemed to have understood her intentions that all of them one by one left the room except for Andrea who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and Damiel sitting beside me. Time passed and what drowned those seconds were their silent gazes talking incoherently to each other. Andrea glared at the man near me, her eyes turning black in warning.
"Damiel." She spoke his name coldly.
"I will not leave." Still, he just tightened his hold on my hand, neither returning her glare nor looking at them in particular. "I have left her in your care because I was not the person she needed. But what did those hesitation and relenting cause me? I felt her death and knew her pain. I understood her decision, and I have accepted her peace. However, I will no longer leave her be in the hands of your so-called friendship. Because not even that relationship saved her from death."
Andrea looked away hastily, gritting her teeth as she clenched her fists. "We get it. You don't trust us. But if we're going to play the blame game here, you're at fault here too. You gave up on her, you weren't there most of the time she was suffering. Because you were a coward."
Damiel couldn't refute, he knew Andrea was right. He was a coward for not being strong enough to make me stay. We loved each other but that wasn't enough for me exchange the world for. But he wasn't the only one who was being a coward. I, too, feared venturing that foreign romance when the world was so chaotic. I did not have the time nor the will to balance both him and my responsibilities. I was too exhausted to deal with too many things at once mentally and emotionally that I chose to shut him away.
"Enough. We're all to blame for this. There's no point in making one another feel guilty." Iyana said. "We just need to talk to her, Damiel. We won't do anything--"
"Do you want me to leave?" At that single question, Iyana finally looked at me, bewildered.
She opened her mouth, only to close it again, unable to say something. She managed her bearing after a while and let a frustrated sigh escape. "Are you an idiot?"
I frowned. "How rude. I am very much wise."
"We're concerned about you, Ke'ala." Her voice slowed eventually, turning gentle. "You should know that better than anyone else already."
I smiled and decided to stand up, stretching my arms upward. "I want a warm bath a nice meal after."
"What--"
I interrupted Andrea. "Please. This body has pretty much been buried for years and I haven't got anything decent to eat that whole time."
"I'll prepare for it." Iyana said, leaving the room with Andrea seconds later.
I stood by the window, my fingers touching the cold glass. "Are you not going to ask?"
"Will you answer?"
I glanced at him shortly, seeing him look at me as though I was going to disappear if he averts his eyes away. I didn't know what to say to reassure him nor can I truly formulate the words I knew he could accept that I had to return my gaze outside like it could give me a space to breathe. I didn't know how to face him if my answers to his questions aren't what he wanted to hear.
I don't want him to leave, and I hate the fact that he could have had ignored my presence when he felt me alive but he came as soon as possible just to hold me. I hate it because it felt like even after all I did to him, he would still choose me without fail. I don't want him to suffer, to be under such an unfair treatment.
I want him to be happy and I'm scared I might not just be the one who could make him feel like that. But even so, I want to be selfish and have him for myself either way. Because I have pushed him enough to know that doing so now will cause us both nothing but regrets, I don't even want to go that path anymore.
"Tell me," I tilted my head and leaned it over the side wall, looking at him through his reflection on the window. "What do you want?"
"Let's run."
I chuckled. "Run where?"
"Anywhere." He let go of his clenching fists, his eyes appearing somber as he walked right behind me. "Away from the world, even."
"Why are you hesitating then?"
"I want to take you away, somewhere I know nobody could hurt nor influence you. But are you even willing to let go of everything and be with me?"
He knew we could simply choose to stay here together. But he was right. If I truly want an honest life with him, I have to let go of everything that would hurt us both. It already happened in the past, I chose to bore the pain rather than be happy with him because I had to, it was my responsibility to fix the world I had almost destroyed by simply descending. It was all to destroy the Grimoire...something I did not do because I couldn't.
The thought of life with this man fills me with happiness and satisfaction, it warms my heart up like a thick blanket protecting me from the cold. He knew I wanted that, too-- but is confirmation perhaps what he needed when he asked me that question? I could just answer a simple yes, to grab his hand and willingly be taken away from here. After all, the reason why I longed for mortality was because he kept calling, making my soul throb in pain every second we were away from one another.
But am I truly willing to let go of everything to lead that life where both no longer need to go to battles, deal with other people's problems, a life where we could settle down for once? Andrea, Iyana, even my aides looked so much better now. They don't need me here anymore. My presence in their peace could only mean a threat to the life they were already all satisfied with. I kept thinking they don't want me here anymore, my thoughts springing over to an assumption that they would send me away willingly.
But no matter how much I deny it, I am not a fool to not notice the lingering joy in their eyes, that overwhelming concern they have for me, and the care they would never fail to show. I know that they don't need me, but they want me here-- in this peace they built for the seven years I wasn't there. What's making Damiel hesitate is that he fears he might make me choose to let go of the chance of reconciliation with the rest of my family, that I might not be really happy alone with him.
"Your bathe is ready." It was Finé who spoke behind the door, one that I would recognize everywhere.
I walked past the man still awaiting for my answer, but even in the end...I did not have the courage to answer him. Before heading out though, I touched his face and made him look down, my lips eventually meeting the side of his lips. I wish that was enough to reassure him, and I wish everything is as simple as answering a yes or a no-- where I wouldn't have to think so deeply about it despite knowing I desire nothing more but be with him.
But I have a family here. I have left them before, and it was cruel of me to end things in that direction. If I were to leave them again, would it really make me happy? We cannot coexist in one place with those people I call my family because Damiel and I are different from them.
Damiel has visions of his own, a family he desired to start with me and he cannot do that if I keep lingering to these people who are already happy enough as they are. However, it scares me that if I leave now, they might no longer care about me. That they might have enough of dealing with me already. I don't think I can accept that because if that was the case, it would have been better if I had stayed in that cold and dark sanctuary, all alone.
"You're spacing out."
I snapped out of my thoughts, glancing at the half beast walking through this long corridor beside me. "I'm just thinking about how you've become so beautiful now, Finé."
She snorted. "The others want to see you so badly that Ellise have arranged a dinner."
"What about you?"
"It goes without speaking already, Ke'ala. I am overjoyed right now that I might do something embarrassing."
"What makes hugging so embarrassing?"
"It's out of character." She smiled. She used to have this long pony tail tied behind her head, but she's letting her long hair down freely now.
"How are things these past seven years, Finé?"
"I've been helping around in Cretian. Ellise still works as one of the Dwarf King's advisor while Doctor Lucis travels around to spread the knowledge of alchemy and medicine through the tribes he would visit."
"What about my...spirits?"
"They would often tag along with the Doctor to keep him safe due to the monsters which have grown wild around some parts of the Plains. Astoria and Amakin too have been traveling a lot to gain experience."
"Is Andrei doing well?"
"She's still teaching how to use weapons. A school have been built in the Kingdom some time ago and she was a professor there. She's healthy, Ke'ala. Don't worry. She's still together with Athena, we even doubt they're just friends."
I laughed, shaking my head at the thought. I knew way before Athena always had that deep feeling for my former mentor, but I didn't expect it to come this far. "The demons?"
"Aeryn's taking is slow recently. She would constantly go in and out of Cretian to handle some foreign trades, helping the King Admon. While Silverrium and Thana are traveling, their last reported destination was Yillusa."
"And Erhiel? How is she?"
"She's very reliable. She helps at the orphanage back in Cretian a lot and sometimes handles diplomatic relations with other tribes."
"I'm glad things are going wel."
"It'll be more great if you stay with us in the Plains."
I didn't answer, smiling as we turned around to the next corridor. A large double door met us by the end of the hall, and there was a faint smell of jasmine exuding from it when Fińe opened the room. What met my sight was a large white curtain covering an entire bathing pool which took the space of most of the room. There was a big statue fountain on each side of the rectangular pool as well as glowing lights underneath the crystal clear water.
There were benches on the corner as well as small single beds. What made the place looked even more mortifying was that it has a second floor. The dome ceiling above was made out of glass where I could freely see the raining snow. I thought this was already it, but Fińe led me to the upper floor, learning that there were a dozen of rooms on each side. My former aide led me to the first room after opening the door, my breath almost almost halting seeing how sophisticated this private bathroom is.
It was a room with a bed and cabinets hanging over the wall, along with a wardrobe which revealed bathrobes and new garments when Fińe prepared them for me. Walking forward, there was a small stair made out of stone bricks that led downward. And if I thought that earlier part of the room was sophisticated, this probably took the crown for me.
It was a big room with a tub on the middle. It was filled with a steam full of water with rose petals. Gods, even the floor around it was carpeted sprinkled with more petals. It almost seemed like a canopy bed. The room was surrounded by cabinets with mirrors and lit candles. In front of the tub was a glass wall, where I could see the lights of other buildings and houses from a distant away.
"Did Iyana really need a large bathhouse?" I asked, almost laughing as I started unbuttoning the front of the robe I was wearing.
Fińe, however, didn't bother hiding her laughter as she carefully placed the towel and other garments on the table beside the tub. "It was meant as a repayment after Andrea flaunted her spa room in their own household last two summers before."
"They still act like kids." I frowned, unable to button the second one from above.
"They're good friends." Fińe smiled, heading towards me to untangle the small lose thread that was making the buttons stuck. "Iyana's so busy with her Presidential work that her time with family and friends are very important."
"What is Andrea up to lately?"
"She mostly helps Iyana when it comes to political relations every now and then. Other than that, she's just on standby taking care of her own household chores." Fińe successfully untangled the threads, proceeding to unbutton the remaining ones. "In fact, both families only see each other every winter and summer."
"She's not actively in a position?"
"I heard from Erhiel that Andrea herself rejected Iyana's official position offer."
"She did?"
"She has two sons now. Iyana has one."
"Ah, no wonder. But I didn't expect you would become close with both of their families."
"We had our own ways. It was pretty fun watching the arguments and fruitless fights at first, but we all just came to accept one another, moving on from the past."
I smiled at the thought. Both of them having a complete family of their own makes me happy and proud that they were able to go this far off in life. It fills me with ease knowing they're going to be alright from now on like they've been these past seven years.
I am aware they must have had faced some difficulties, but seeing how well they all are now means they managed to pass those challenges by and I guess it makes me feel bitter inside because I wasn't there to witness it all-- their growth, relationships, their memories. Because when she said moving on from the past, I couldn't help but think I'm one of those they won't really need to be here anymore.
I was surprised for a moment when Fińe suddenly placed her warm hands on each side of my face, chuckling at my reaction. "Don't worry about anything, Ke'ala."
"I'm not particularly worrying."
She just smiled, moving away to check if there were things I still needed. "A maid will come later to deliver your pre-dinner food, and I specifically told them the wine wasn't needed anymore when preparing." She sighed. "I'll go bring another tea."
I nodded in gratitude, watching her leave while taking the path we took earlier. I only dropped the robe off my body when I heard the door close before heading towards the shower hidden by another white curtain by the corner. The shower's temperature can be adjusted to heat it up, but I didn't really know how and felt like it was too bothersome that I didn't care when I felt the almost frozen, icy water travel down my back as I put my right arm onto the wall for support, my body trembling at the sudden cold.
The sound of the rushing water was making me feel contented enough that I must have been in that shower for more than twenty minutes before heading out with a towel wrapped around my hair. I carefully sank my legs on the tub, breathing in a deep breath feeling the hot water contrary to my earlier shower. I do not drink alcohol that I put it beside the tub, even just the sight of it makes me feel nauseous.
Iyana must have had lots of money to spare if she has the luxury to build something like this. The entire bathhouse could even be pass as a small mansion. Just how much money did she pull to build all of this? I suddenly feel bad about destroying her huge lobby this afternoon. It was a mistake on my part. I was still in the process of sealing my absolute Progenitor energy that my memories as a mortal were still sealed away. Only when I completely became human that my memories safely returned.
Progenitors being a mortal is unheard, at least I do not know other Progenitors who have experienced such because I was the only one out there without any forms. I don't even remember the first I had existed, all I know is that I have planned on descending four hundred years ago to destroy the Grimoire. The preparation took me centuries for I had to seal away my perceptions and memories as a Progenitor.
After all, imagining myself being a human with memories of being an immortal Sovereign, I might just use it for something else. It's the same thing as being a Progenitor with human memories. We do not exist to bathe in trivial emotions, we simply exist to protect what's there, to keep everything working.
But despite being a human now, I still have memories of being a Progenitor. I wonder if it's because I descended hastily this time-- I don't even know how. In the first place, doing what I did is an impossible feat, only a Progenitor who feels and knows all are capable of transcending between a mortal and a Sovereign.
Though I can't help but feel something amiss is going on which made me descend. There should have been a huge catastrophe happening the moment my soul transferred back to this body like how the disturbance in space and energy happened the first I did. Nothing of that sort was happening now though, which is the reason why there must have been a reason for it. But no mortal is capable of suspending the inevitable effect of a Progenitor's descent--
"Are you asleep?"
I suddenly opened my eyes, seeing Ellise putting her hand on my forehead and only then I realized I was actually leaning over the leathered edge of the tub. She was carrying a tray with a plate of food and a small kettle of steaming how tea of my favourite blend. She placed it on the table on the middle of the tub and prepared a teacup for me. The familiar scent of vanilla and jasmine filled my nostrils, along with the food beside it.
"It's a famous appetizer from the western regions of the world. Bruschetta."
The plate has seven pieces of toasted breads with cooked tomatoes and other mixed vegetables on top of it, along with cheese and spices that mixed so well together when Ellise grabbed one and made me take a bite. I nodded, acknowledging the taste before she took her own bread to eat, sitting on a chair beside the tub I was in.
"Kung napapagod ka, huwag kang matulog na nakababad sa tubig." She advised, while proceeding to serve me with the appetizer, sending another bread near my mouth.
"I'm just sleepy."
"Magkakasakit ka dito. Malamig pa naman ang panahon." She seriously said, almost glaring at me.
I laughed out loud, the towel around my hair falling down on the floor behind, releasing my long hair that went down the water. Ellise sighed, grabbing my hair to put it behind the tub, slowly combing it with her fingers. Ellise would sometimes do this after I bath back in Cretian. She had always been there taking care of me now that I think about it, especially more so when Silverrium left in the past.
I don't even know what I did to deserve such service. She once said it was because I saved her from a life she did not want. She said that I gave her a home and a family, that I gave her a purpose. It was the same with everyone else but honestly? I think it was them who were constantly pulling me away from loneliness. I could feel her sincerity, even now and I wonder if she had ever felt tired dealing with me when she never really have to.
"Should I cut your hair?"
"Hmm." I hummed, bringing another bread to my mouth myself. "Why not?"
Ellise went to open some drawers out, rummaging something she could use before finally finding a scissor and an actual comb. I'm amazed at how seemingly complete this room is. Eventually, she went and put a small stool behind and started taking care of my long hair. In the past, my long hair serves as a limiter to my overwhelming energy that cutting it off so suddenly caused me to explode, metaphorically. Now that I have personally sealed my Progenitor power away from my mortal reach, my long hair proves nothing but a literal bother.
"Ke'ala." She called out.
"What?"
"You're not going to disappear again, are you?"
I shrugged, not knowing the right answer. If it were a different person, I would have outrightly said something else, masking my hesitations away. But this was Ellise of all people. She would know in a heartbeat what I want or what I need even without me saying so. She had been watching me for far too long to understand my simple gestures. She understands me so well that she asked that question because she knew my doubts, but if she's looking for a confirmation-- then I'm afraid I can't give her that satisfaction.
"I don't know, Ellise. I'm conflicted."
"What is it that's making it so difficult for you to be happy?"
"You." I abruptly said, making her stop for a moment. "The people I gathered, the family we built, the home I made you all stay when I couldn't. You've all had enough tragedy in your lives because of me. I can't bear to see that sorrow again if I leave."
"You know we'll always support your happiness."
"My happiness compared to yours is trivial--" I stopped when she suddenly covered my mouth, chuckling.
"My life compared to yours is trivial. Be happy."
I clenched my fists, my memories bringing up images of when she died right in front of me saying those same words. I felt guilty because I couldn't be happy even when she died for me, I felt so angry at myself that I swore I would slap her hard when she says it again to me. But this is unfair, she knew I couldn't just hurt her that I immediately grabbed one of those bruschetta, delivering it straight to her mouth with a glare when I turned around.
"Quit playing around," I warned, feeling distressed and sad all of the sudden.
She chewed and swallowed the bread in one gulp, grinning at me. "See? If that made you angry, what more so if you said the same magnitude in front of me? Nasasaktan din ako para sa'yo, Ke'ala. If your happiness is somewhere else at hindi sa amin, bakit ka naman namin pipigilan?"
"I don't know." I turned around again as she continued cutting my hair.
"Is it Damiel?"
"What about him?"
"He wants you to settle down with him."
"Did you perhaps hear what we talked about earlier?"
"Fińe did."
"I...is that alright, Ellise?"
"Bakit ako ang tinatanong mo?"
"Because you always did have the right answers when it came to these things."
"All I can say is that whatever it is, I'll support it. You can be selfish all you want, Ke'ala. Otherwise I would drag you to him myself."
"I thought you were the only one who would be on my side. But even you took down the path Silverrium took."
"I'm not such a loyal person. I thought I'd be satisfied just watching and doing whatever you want. But in the end, I wanted you to be happy because you see, Ke'ala, you don't have the will to lead yourself to that path. And if we're the ones who's hindering you for a chance of happiness, then we'll gladly step aside."
"You won't hate me for it?"
"Give yourself a little credit. Even if you were to destroy this entire bathhouse out of a whim, nobody would hate you for it."
I chuckled. "Iyana would shoot me if that were to happen."
"Yeah, but she wouldn't really mind."
"Thank you."
"You say that but you still have doubts."
"I just don't like how everything's going so smoothly."
"You got too used at doing things otherwise that you're scared to take a step forward. But nothing will happen unless you do, and you're wise enough to know that."
She was finally done with my hair after a while, letting me soak it on the water after she cleaned it up with some substances I don't know. My hair got shorter that it's only able to reach just a little under my shoulders, giving me a more refreshing atmosphere. I watched as she swept the hair off the floor, making sure everything was clean and proper.
"Should I just settle down with you instead?"
She raised her brow, sprinkling my face with some water. "Don't mess around."
I laughed, stretching my arms up. "Ah, I'm feeling dizzy already." I looked at the empty plate and cup, not exactly realizing I've finished them all already.
I stood up from the tub, Ellise handing me some new garments and a thin nightgown. I'm already used at changing or bathing in front of her it was basically a normal occurrence at this point that after a few minutes, she put the bathrobe around me as she helped me dry my wet hair with some kind of blower. We both headed out together, Ellise telling a passing maid about cleaning the room I last used since the petals and all those candles are still lit up in there.
Ellise mentioned about the Dinner while we were walking earlier that now she was leading me towards the dinning hall. This manor is so huge it always takes a while to reach a specific room, and too many servants around that no matter where we were at the part of the house, there'd be always someone who anyone could order around.
I thought that batthouse was bigger already, but this dinning hall certainly won in my judgment. Although it has no second floor, this was was big enough for a large rectangular table on the center to fit in, a giant golden chandelier above as well as a landscape painting designed all over the ceiling. It was a map with a scripture of Legion Empire on it. The floor was so clear that I could even see my own reflection on it
Everything was too shinny and grand they were almost too blinding.
Ellise and I were the only ones here, except for the maids putting the dishes on the table. I chose to sat on the other end of the table, with Ellise go behind me to comb my hair. She did say we might be too early, but it was better than coming in late that she insisted on combing my hair herself when we got here.
I could already smell the dishes, especially so when they began opening the lead. It was a full course dinner meal, and I could have sworn I smelled some familiar turkey. I was right, seeing one maid bring the dish right in front of me which was what needed to fill the entire rectangular, crystal table. I suddenly felt very hungry looking at the sight of so much food.
"Should I braid the loose ends of your hair on the side?" Ellise asked, oddly fixated on my hair.
"Do your worst." I urged, cutting out a piece of the turkey then placing it on my own plate.
Compared to a regular chicken, it has a more rich and darker taste. It's also very juicy, the texture is tender and even without a sauce, it's already tasty enough as it is. While thinking of that, the large doors on the front of the dinning hall suddenly opened up, revealing Astoria and Amakin who seemed to have been looking forward on meeting me. I smiled seeing the way Astoria froze, the corner of her eyes tearing up. I tapped Ellise's hand to make her stop braiding my hair for a moment as I stood.
"Come here, Astoria." I called out, spreading my arms.
She walked towards me slowly, bit eventually sinking herself on my warmth. I laughed, noticing the way she grew even more taller, even more than me. Her blonde hair was tied upward, the horns over her forehead spiralling by the end. She's grown more beautiful, worthy of a royal. Amakin, too, was taller than Astoria. He has broader shoulders, more muscular, and mature appearance.
This body never grew for seven years, making Astoria's age and I of the same which is twenty-five. And considering Amakin was almost four years younger, he should be already an adult now. Somehow, I feel even more bitter. It's conflicting. They've witnessed and experienced many things these past seven years while this body was being buried underground. It's one of the reason why I still have my doubts about leaving them. I haven't been there for years, and it'd appear too twisted of me to leave again.
"You've become a fine young lady." I said when she let go. "I can't pat you now and I even have to look slightly up to meet your beautiful indigo eyes."
"You compliment me too much." She grinned, but her lips eventually turned into a thin smile. "Please be happy this time, Ke'ala. That's my wish."
I was taken aback, but then remembered the wish I told her to think about when I left them for the Sect many years ago. I patted her head despite our height, then facing to meet Amakin. The elf came walking towards me with an expectant smile. I put both of my hands on each side of his cheek.
"What a handsome elf."
He giggled. "Most elves are."
"How's your weapon handling, Amakin?" I asked by the time I sat again with them taking their places on my right.
"Kaya ko nang talunin ang mga spirits ngayon. Tinutulungan din ako ni Kuya Thane sa training."
"He also often injures himself." Doctor Lucis said the moment he entered, fixing his glasses as he smiled at me. "Ke'ala, how are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, Doctor." I shook his hand as a greeting.
Everyone eventually filled the hall, even the leaders of the refugee camp are here. Thane, as usual, chose to bicker with me in the most petty of ways. I talked a lot with Freya and George, with the latter still the same as ever woth his stuttering. There was Angela too, always provoking me every chance she'll get, but I mostly only shake it off. It's already in her personality to pick a fight with someone.
My spirits came next, Ziandra immediately hugging me the moment she saw me. It surprised me when I saw Grisela and Laire, not expecting them to be here at all, making me even more thankful to Iyana for keeping them. The dinning hall then was filled with loud chattering and noises of their laughter, stories they willingly told me and memories they shared these past seven years.
Alaric was weary from the start, but we eventually got along together after a while, talking about power scales only he as the current leader of Exodus, could understand. For some reason, they all seemed very happy contrary to the way they would antagonize me in the past. I wonder if it's because of the change in time. All of them have their own lives now that they could easily bury the past.
However, I can feel emotions. I may not be able to manipulate energy in this mortal body anymore, but my ability to sense emotions have always remained as a passive trait no matter what my form is. Even while eating the meal, I can feel their gazes on me, waiting for me to say the thing they want to hear the most. About why I'm here, what I'm going to do now, and the decisions I'll make that may or may not affect their peace.
I drank the whole glass of water, pushing my chair back. "I'll go get Andrea and Iyana."
"They're still working by the office. Should I take you there?" Alaric asked.
"No need. I'll figure out the way."
I left the hall without saying anything much and before closing the door, I could feel the sudden change in the atmosphere-- turning melancholic. My former aides are the ones who truly ever feel such emotion for me though, and they too wanted a confirmation I couldn't give.
While walking through the corridor, I came across a garden. It was filled with glowing neon lights almost everywhere. There were different blooming flowers that the snow just made them appear even more majestic. Before I knew it, I was already walking towards the large garden, the bermuda grass beneath covered in white snow that not even these slippers could prevent the cold from seeping through my skin.
While crouching in front of red spider lilies, my eyes caught a sight of three boys on the other side of the net partition, they seem to be playing with Erhiel standing near them. That was until their soccer ball came rolling towards my position that I had to grab it and walk towards them. The boys were weary seeing an unfamiliar stranger that they began hiding behind Erhiel who just laughed instead.
"Ke'ala." Erhiel greeted, holding my hand with a sigh.
"You weren't in dinner."
"Hindi ko lang alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa'yo."
"You don't need to say anything." I gave the ball back to the tallest boy, patting his head. "You have Andrea's face."
"Kilala niyo po sina Auntie?" The other boy said, one which blue eyes reminded me of my brother.
"We're good friends."
I stayed with them for a while, getting to know the kids while catching up with Erhiel at the same time. I have learned that she took Fińe's last name making her Erhiel Weiss. Unlike before, her eyes were looking more brightly compared to the way they would space out thinking of the past years ago. She told me what Cretian has been up to, the new buildings built in there, and the different people coexisting together.
After some time, she had to take the kids in due to the weather getting too cold. She was also kind enough to point where Iyana's private office in that minutes later, I reached the end of the hall to see one door waiting there. There were voices coming from the inside, I could hear my Brother's familiar tone seemingly arguing with my sister. I didn't enter, eavesdropping as I leaned over the wall beside the small gap of the opened door.
"There must have been a reason why she's here, Alvar'ius." Ka'ela said.
"I won't let her get involved in this anymore."
"It'll only be a question, Alvar. I don't see any reason why you're so fixated on hiding it from her." Iyana replied.
"I do agree with your husband in this one, Iyana. It'll only rope her into the trouble if she were to know. Mas mabuti pang wala siyang alam."
It's so easy to talk with everyone else, but when it comes to my siblings and these close friends of mine, I can't seem to find the right words in front of them. I know they're concerned, and whatever it is that they're talking about-- it must be dire that they're even openly arguing about telling me or not. Honestly, I would rather not know. I came here to talk to find some closure with them, but if they're facing something that would get me involved, I rather just pretend I didn't hear any of this.
I was thinking of that without realizing I have already walked away. My heart was steel this time, my mind already knowing what to do as my soul began to long for his presence once more. It's easier to deal with people of my past because the Ke'ala they know before and the me now are different. I want to be selfish and claim what I desire for once. I've been hesitating because I thought they wouldn't really accept me leaving. But they've been trying so hard to show me those smiles and laughter, that they'll be fine.
And just like a wish that came to be, like a secret whisper carried by the wind that he did not fail to hear, the man I kept looking for showed himself up by the balcony-- raising his hand towards me with a waiting smile upon his face. We never truly needed any words between our gazes, the way I accepted his hand was enough for him to know the answer he has been waiting for me to hear.
We ran away that night. Amidst the cold of the winter, underneath the pouring snow, his gentle touch held me close as we flew right among the night sky. Hidden behind the clouds, I found myself holding onto him tighter than I've ever did before-- his arms supporting me from my back as he sank his lips to mine.
I didn't know how long have we been floating up, but it must have been very late by the time we landed. His figure guiding me right deep into the woods, crossing the wooden bridge to see a house settling in on a near distant. I notice then that it was a cabin when we entered. There were no lights but a single burning fireplace on the corner, but even so, I could perfectly see the way his chest heaved up and down the moment he returned his gaze to mine, dusting off his hands after lighting up the woods.
His lips came once more, sucking up the breath that stopped midway, his tongue dancing through the tune of our heartbeats. Our emotions were rising. Despite the cold outside, I could feel the sweat building from my forehead as he pulled the knot that tangled the robe over my waist. I slid my hands underneath his shirt, feeling his skin against my own, his kisses sliding down my neck-- where my pulse was beating against the touch of his lips.
Do you see the effect you're making me feel, Erevera?
Tonight as we become one, under the glow of a distant howling fire, the waves of smoke ravaging the air--I wonder if you could still hear the sound of my racing heartbeat as your hands follow along the lines that traced this body. Because yours were pounding, dangerously so, almost as though the feel of fire itself is being imprinted wherever your hands would find themselves on. Your kisses were feverish, like an impatient growl--your pupils darkening at the sight of my nakedness before your own.
The breeze stayed as a witness, but they did little in cooling down this desire of love we decided to bury ourselves in. We have taken a long road before this, away from the chaos that would constantly draw me but here, right in this seemingly eternity of a moment--you have me restrained in a way that I could no longer keep you out of my reach because no matter how much I try--it's as though we have always been meant to be like this.
You've told me once a life together would be a nightmare, but it strangely makes me happy when none of that seem to appear through the gentleness your touches would bring. You always did know the right words to silence me, at least silence in a way that I could not really utter any coherent words as though you were making sure I could never say anything at all. However, you see, if this were all but a nightmare--I would gladly have it feast me all up until I am left with the memories of it the morning I awake.
My love for you was something I could never truly describe. I was aware of it the moment I understood what it was and it was the same for you, wasn't it? It's strange. The thought of me falling in love, to have the man I desire making me feel these foreign sensations, invading my mind in a cloud of hazy thoughts--it's scary, but I also anticipate what would come next.
I wonder if you have ever thought of doing this before, because despite being both new to this--you seem to know what would drive my body perfectly to the point of crying. I have cried many times in the past, most of them which you have never seen. But these tears indicate that from now on, you will see me in my worst and best moments in life. You will see me fall, you will see me rise, every journey I take--you will be there and I would never have it otherwise.
I could feel your pulse inside me, and I wonder if you're even aware of the way the sound of your hoarse voice is breathing so heavily beside me ear--it sounds beautiful blending in with mine, along with the sound of our souls becoming one. Yes, as though they were screaming the words we have never uttered so openly tonight. But it didn't matter because this--this is the only offer I could give to match the sincerity of your love.
All the years of our partings, all those travels we had to take apart, all the battles we escaped without one another--all of those just so we could feel this moment in life, skin against another, hungry kisses, and chasing our bodies' desires-- and there, the result of the love we've both committed ourselves in.
And I touch your face with my trembling hand, your forehead against mine, my eyes closed once more with my lips capturing the front of yours, my tongue lazily dancing inside the regions of your mouth. It served as another spark to the long night we both knew we would have to witness the end of without rest. I smiled, sighing at the feel of your warmth in mine, whispering the words I knew you've always wanted to hear.
"I love you."
And you do, too--dancing with the fire you've lit, your actions enough to tell me the reply I knew would follow.
The next morning was special, it was the first time I woke up with such a refreshing feeling, especially seeing you lying there beside me. I smiled, getting out of the bed I didn't remember how we got to last night. The cabin wasn't small, but it wasn't that relatively big either. It has everything one would need in a household, he even stack up some foods in the cabinet.
I lit up the woods by the fireplace, the fire must have been put out some time ago. I trembled at the cold that passed through the windows, grabbing the robe and the rest of the clothes that fell here in the living room after Erevera hastily pulled it off me. I also took his long coat to protect my bareness form the cold before heading to the kitchen.
Underneath the stone counter was a sack of charcoal, and thankfully he still has a lot of it that I was able to make him some omelette and toasted bread. I returned back to the bedroom and just in time to see him wearing clothes. I took a quick kiss on his lips with a smile.
"Let's eat?"
He hummed, nodding like a kid. He always did have trouble focusing when he wakes up early feeling tired that I had to drag him to the kitchen to eat. I prepared a cup of coffee before sitting beside him, beginning our breakfast along with my own cup of tea.
"I have my own field on the back." He said, biting down the bread. "I'm going to harvest those vegetables later."
I chuckled. "Harvesting in winter?"
"I grew them with the help of my Aether energy, we're self-sufficient no matter what the weather is. Except when it's storming."
"I'm glad that's the case, but let's not jinx it."
"There's a town just down the path after getting out of the woods. I'll take you there later for strolling."
I gulped the batch of tea, shrugging at him. "Will nobody recognize me?"
"Don't worry, Ke'ala. I'm here. I'm thinking of moving out somewhere more secluded when I have enough savings."
"I'd like that."
We continued talking about random stuffs, most of them were just planning on how our lives from now would move forward. We never really think deeply, just the fact that we're together was enough for me.
But it also happened on that same day, as though fate was beginning to test my patience again. A loud knocking outside our front door attracted our attentions. Erevera was alarmed, probably not expecting a visitor or anyone for that matter. He looked at me first before opening the door to see who it was, only for my eyes to widen when a big man pushed him aside to enter the house.
"Hmm, a cabin, eh? Not bad, not bad. But it could use some little touches, Princess." The man said, his cane tapping onto the wooden floor as he slowly took his hat off.
"What are you doing here?" I frowned, Erevera immediately standing in front of me. "Salem?"
"Don't be too hostile, Princess. I came here to send this twerp here."
"What are you ta--" Erevera was abruptly interrupted seeing a child hiding behind Salem's big figure.
"Grandpa Sal? Sino sila?" The girl asked.
She has a long black hair reaching just underneath her waist, white seemingly jades skin, and eyes so blue they almost appear to be glowing. I sucked in a breath, crouching in front of the child. I suddenly had a feeling who she was, but Salem's words came as a confirmation seconds later that I looked back at the man behind me who suddenly gripped my shoulder, his eyes showing fear that masked my own.
"Meet Ash'ea Feyree, the last survivor of the fallen Arizole-- one of the last surviving Cursed Bloods." Salem introduced, smiling warmly as he patted the girl. "And also your sister."
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AN: I'm sorry, it's been so long. It's mostly because Wattpad just deleted the chapter I placed here last week that I had to write something different and better as a revenge. But I did it! I finished!
Also check this out!
A very close friend of mine made a fan art of adult Thane Kevins in a long blonde hair! She was experimenting with what would fit the character the most and ended up with that. Thank you lols, this really made me happy. We both had fun with this, truly amazing. Oh of course, if you're interested in more of her art, please check her Instagram or leave a follow if you like it.