Nephele
I had marched in solidarity beside Eris the rest of the afternoon, but I knew better than to say anything. I couldn't bare the cold look in his eye as he stared straight ahead, our army marching closely behind us. Gone was their merry banter- the brother of the High Lord was dead, a son of autumn. Even if Lev wasn't good, the land would mourn him.
I know why Eris hadn't lingered with his brother. It was a public execution in all respects. Regret and remorse were weak, useless feelings to a man like Eris Vansera. He would never let his men see him shake.
The best I could do was follow his lead, not forcing my hand into his as we walk, deflecting attention when we finally did arrive at camp. "He's just off on a walk," I had told Hopkins, Nesta, and Cassian. Not a lie, though the words to follow were. "It's my fault, really. I had trouble sleeping last night, and he told me he knew of an herb that grew close by that cured sleeplessness, offered to fetch it for me while I ate dinner."
"Awfully kind of him," Cassian says, definitely suspicious.
I shrug casually in response. "I think he just grew sick of me tossing and turning," I chuckle, rolling my eyes. "If you think he's a grouch normally, you should see him without his precious eight hours." Lie. Eris hardly ever sleeps it would seem, but from what I've found, he maintains the same level of grouchiness regardless of rest. Still, the three of them laugh as I excuse myself back to my tent before sneaking out of the backside to find my husband.
I'm not sure if it's whatever mating bond lies between us or divine instinct, but I find him with relative ease, laying across a tree that seems to have fallen over in the clearing, tossing an apple up to himself as he gazes skywards. "You shouldn't be out here all alone," I call out to him, only half joking.
He doesn't bother even looking in my direction, like he had known I was there the whole time. "I'm not alone," he points out bitterly as I walk towards the tree. "I'm with you."
"Do you want me leave?" I ask, biting my lip. I can't tell what he needs. I can't tell if he needs me.
"Don't," his voice cracks as he finally looks at me, sliding my hand in his. I nod hesitantly, hopping onto the trunk, scooting to lay his head in my lap.
"Do you think he really was alone?" I ask cautious to bring up such a subject. "Where was Darian?"
"He was alone," he answers hoarsely, near certain. "Darian never would've advised this plan, and even if he did, he never would've let Lev have the crown over him." He had told me once that Darian was the one of his two full brothers to watch for, the smarter, more cunning of the pair. It wouldn't have made sense for him to be there- I just can't understand why they ever split up. Where is Darian now?
I nod, stroking his hair soothingly. "I'm sorry," I whisper.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he replies hollowly.
I shrug. "True enough." I'd strike down anyone and anything that ever threatened him, and I wouldn't for a second regret it- I know I don't regret what I did today, even if I regret his pain. "But I'm still sorry."
He shuts his eyes, letting my words settle in the sweet autumn air. "Poor kid," he mutters, almost to himself. "He never had a chance."
"He had as much of a chance as you, Eris," I run my fingers gently over his closed eyelids, hoping he can find peace in my touch. "You gave him a fighting chance. You did everything you could and more."
He ignores me, stuck in his own head. "We're all too much like him," he says with disdain, hating his father with every inch of his being.
I shake my head in disagreement. "Not you."
He laughs hollowly. "Well, I'm certainly not like my mother."
"No," I agree. "You are your own person. In every conceivable way, I've never met anyone like you, Eris."
"This is going to break my mother's heart," he opens his eyes, rolling his apple back and force between his hands restlessly. He's spiraling, everything wrong flooding his brain. So much so that he can't see what is right.
"Not as much as it would break her heart if it were you instead," I answer, brushing my thumb over his lips. "And what about your heart, Eris? Talk to me. What are you feeling?" So focused on the pain of others that he doesn't let himself feel, bottling it within himself.
He laughs clumsily, chucking his apple into the river as it flows past. "That's funny," he replies amusedly. "Most people believe that I don't have a heart, and yet, you want to know so much about it."
"I care about you, Eris. I want to know everything about you," I reply, massaging his scalp.
He shuts his eyes, breathing a breath out. "I don't regret it," he says at last, his fingers tapping restlessly on his abdomen. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat. For you. Because I wouldn't let him have you. For Autumn. Because I wouldn't let him have our land."
"And yet...?" I hedge.
"And yet," he replies, his eyes sliding open, glossy in the moonlight. "I mourn him. A brother I could've had. Our lives didn't foster a very brotherly relationship between us, but I mourn the little brother I could've had in another world. Another life."
"And that's okay," I smile down at him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "It's okay to mourn something you never had." I do it all the time, constantly mourning what it might be like to have a true father and mother. A true childhood. Those are things I will never have, so I mourn.
He pulls my hand to his lips, kissing the inside of my wrist before burrowing deeper into my lap. "I love you," he murmurs, raising up to meet my lips for a brief and simultaneously promising peck. Promising more. "I could go a million lifetimes and never deserve you." He slants his mouth against mine again, his tongue so gently exploring the space between my lips, slow and steady.
I pull back gently, running my fingers over his neck. "I love you, too," I whisper, offering another quick peck on his lips, my fingers tightening around his collar, pulling him to me. "But I won't hesitate to push you off this log if you ever suggest that you don't deserve me again."
A smile spreads across his face as he pulls closer, my hand sliding up his neck, by thumb burrowing into his throat. "I love it when you're rough with me," he murmurs, trying for my lips again, but I push against his neck, keeping him at bay.
I shake my head, clicking my tongue teasingly. "Is that why you try to piss me off all the time?" I tilt my head mockingly. "So I'm rough with you?"
He chuckles, his hands abruptly pulling me into his lap. "I'm the ill tempered one in this marriage while you're infuriatingly patient- I have to do what I can," he taunts, his grip tightening on my ass.
I roll my eyes, pretending to be unaffected by his touch as my hands slide down his chest, his lips only hovering a breath from mine. "And here I thought you were just difficult," I murmur, my tongue reaching out to snake across his lips. My eyes flicker to the river beside us, a devious idea forming in my head. "I think we should go swimming."
He follows my gaze, raising a brow. "Do you?" He murmurs. "I'm afraid I hadn't packed a swimsuit."
I grin, pushing his hair from his brow. "Who said anything about a swimsuit?" I tease, hopping out of his lap, bending over to untie my boots. I smirk over my shoulder, turning to face him as I pull my shirt over my head, delighting in how he swears under his breath.
"Nephele," he says in a panic, sliding to his feet to press his body against mine, casting worried looks over his shoulders. "Soldiers could be walking by."
I shrug, looking down at my breasts innocently as I run teasing fingers over them, knowing his eyes track the movements. "What? Do I have anything to hide?" I raise a brow up at him as I take a step back, slipping my pants down my thighs.
"Nephele..."
"If anything, what better to inspire the devotion of our men!" I laugh vibrantly, pulling my hair down to hang freely over my back. "In fact, if we aren't going to swim, maybe I should just head back to camp-" I begin to stride past him, abandoning my clothes when he grabs my arm sharply.
"Get in the water," his eyes narrow on me. I bite my lip, turning from him and slowly walking into the river. We're pretty far downstream, so the water isn't too cold, picking up warmth as it moves quickly down the mountains. Only my breasts peak at the chill, the water not deep enough to protect them from the expose of the night air.
I hear rustling behind me, but I don't dare turn around. I'm not sure how Eris would feel if I watched him undress, but I know I'd likely like it too much if I saw what's left of his body. I lick my lips, crossing my legs beneath the water as I hear him wading towards me in the waist deep water, his arms sliding around my waist.
He trails water up my abdomen as he buries his lips into my neck, his hands sliding higher to cup my breasts. My head tips back a bit as he firmly pinches my nipple between two warm fingers, his teeth digging into my throat sweetly. "Look who's pissing who off now," he murmurs, licking up the column of my throat.
A breath shudders out of me. "Are you always this hard when you're pissed," I murmur tauntingly, feeling his erection press against my hip, bare, not a layer between us.
He bites harshly on my ear lobe, making me cry out in pain. "No," he replies. "Only when I'm pissed at you."
I chuckle quietly as his mouth finds my throat again, gently digging his teeth into my shoulder as his erection rubs against my hip beneath the water. My arm curls back to hold his head in place, my lips parting as a breath fumble from my throat.
"I don't understand why we can't stay in the camp," an unknown voice whines, interrupting our passion with a startle. Eris clamps his hand over my mouth before the theatric gasp leaves me, his other arm snaking around my breasts to cover me.
"Because, Reed," another voice replies, exasperated. "I refuse to suck you behind the stables again. Some privacy might be nice. Maybe some place away from the smell of horse shit." Eris only weaves a glamour just in time before the two soldiers walk by holding hands, the blonde one smiling teasingly at his brunette boyfriend, who looks wholly grumpy and simultaneously in love. Despite my panic, I could laugh. They could be me and Eris in another life.
They stumble across our discarded clothes- that Eris forgot to conceal in our haste, and they slow to a stop. "Are those not the clothes the High Lord and High Lady were wearing today?" The brunette shifts, but the blonde smirks.
"Looks like we weren't the only ones looking for privacy," he smirks, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.
The brunette rolls his eyes, tugging the blonde the other direction. "Let's go this way instead," he suggests warily.
"Why?" The blond pouts, slipping after his boyfriend. "You don't think they'd let us join in?"
The brunette shoves the blonde lovingly as they trot off, and when Eris finally removes his hand from my mouth, a silent laugh bubbles out. "I hate to say I told you so," Eris has trouble containing his laugh himself, referencing his warning that anyone could walk by.
I roll my eyes, turning to face him. "No you don't," I chuckle. "You live to be right."
He laughs in return as I take his hand. "Let's go before we get in anymore trouble," I tell him.
"Hold on," he says anchored in place, clearing his throat. "I need a minute." I frown, my first thought thinking that he needed more time to himself before he shifts a bit beneath the water. A smirk spreads across my face as I take a step back towards him, pressing my lips to his with a well of passion, rubbing his erection deliberately with the lift of my thigh.
I pull back abruptly at his groan, cutting contact. "Make it quick," I wink at him, taking another step back.
"Shouldn't have any trouble with that now, thanks," he grunts in reply, and I laugh, winnowing back to our tent.