Seb slipped his sunglasses on as he exited the hotel the following morning. He had one hell of a hangover, and one hell of a guilty conscience.
It would have been easy to blame the alcohol for his behaviour the night before, but the truth was it had been jealousy, and it had been him being a complete and utter dickhead.
He'd not been thinking at all. Well, not with his brain. It hadn't occurred to him that Alyssa would hear him and Tanya having sex. What the hell had he been thinking having sex with Tanya anyway? He didn't want her, he wanted Alyssa, but he'd totally blown any chance of that now.
There was no way in hell Alyssa would even think about giving him a chance now.
And he'd totally pissed Tanya off when he'd called Alyssa's name out when he'd been shooting his load inside her. He groaned. The last thing he needed was a bitter Tanya making his life hell, and
she would, he just knew it.
"Hard night boss?" Antti asked, joining him in the bright Barcelona sunshine.
"You have no idea," Seb muttered.
"Hangover? That will teach you. Have you taken any paracetamol?"
"Yeah, that might help with the headache, but nothing can help me forget what I did last night."
"What the fuck did you do?" Antti asked with a big smile on his face. Seb glanced around to see if anyone was within earshot. Satisfied that no one was close enough to overhear, he continued.
"I fucked Tanya," he stated.
"Yeah, I expected you would. That's become your after race ritual," the Finn replied.
"I fucked Tanya and called out someone else's name," Seb continued. It sounded even worse when he said it out loud.
Antti snorted with laughter.
"I bet that went down well with Tanya didn't it? Whose name did you say? Let me guess. It wouldn't be the name of a stunning brunette, who just so happens to live with you would it?" Seb nodded, causing Antti to laugh even more.
"It's not funny! Tanya stormed off calling me a fucking prick. She'll probably never talk to me again."
"Are you really that bothered? You've been salivating over Alyssa since she came back into your life. Now's your chance man."
"Yeah, about that..."
"What did you do?" Antti couldn't help laughing again. Seb looked so fucking uncomfortable.
"She left with Lance, apparently to his room. And Lance's room was next door to my room. She heard me and Tanya fucking."
"How do you know that?"
"I texted her after Tanya had left and made a fool out of myself. I all but begged her not to fuck Lance. I told her she was the one I wanted. It didn't go down too well. She replied telling me it didn't sound like I wanted her from the noise Tanya and I had made. She also told me that if she wanted to fuck Lance she would, and that maybe she already had."
"Ouch. You're screwed."
"Thanks Antti."
"You're welcome. Don't look now, but Alyssa has just come out of the hotel with Shannon and Joel."
Seb subtly turned his head. Alyssa and Shannon were laughing at something Joel had said. She looked amazing in a pair of denim shorts and a pale yellow vest. His mind was bombarded of images from the previous night, of her and Lance kissing.
"Antti, go and get her case. I'll wait in the car." He stomped off to their hire car. He unlocked it and put his case in the boot, before opening the door and getting into the passenger seat.
A few minutes later Antti came over, with his case but minus Alyssa's. He put his case in the boot with Seb's, shut it and got into the driver's seat.
"Where's Alyssa?" Seb asked.
"She said to tell you she's getting a lift to the airport with Connor, and that maybe you should offer Tanya a ride."
"She's really pissed with me, isn't she?"
"Yep. You've dug yourself a deep hole there boss." Seb groaned loudly.
"She'll meet us at the airport."
Seb ran his hand through his hair. He'd been looking forward to the flight home. He'd managed to book Alyssa into First Class with him and Antti. He'd hardly seen her all weekend and had been looking forward to catching up. Now he was dreading it. It was going to be awkward as fuck. All he wanted was to ask her if she'd fucked Lance. It was driving him crazy. He had to know. Deep down he knew he had no right to be pissed off if she had, after all he'd fucked Tanya, but his jealousy was consuming him.
When they reached the airport they handed the car keys in to the car hire company's kiosk. Then they checked in and found a seat in the First Class lounge.
"Do you want my advice?" Antti said.
"No, but I'm sure I'm going to get it anyway," Seb replied.
"Just plant one on her. Kiss her into submission. If you try to talk to her you'll just dig yourself an even deeper hole."
"Antti, I fucked another woman. She heard me. She isn't going to want me to kiss her. She'll probably kick me in the bollucks if I even thought about it."
"I didn't think you were such a pussy," Antti continued.
"I'm not a pussy."
"Prove it. Look, here she comes."
Seb turned and saw Alyssa approaching, dragging her case behind her. She looked extremely pissed off.
"Hey Antti," she said, totally ignoring Seb.
"Morning Alyssa," the Finn said brightly.
She sat down, leaving a couple of seats between her and Seb.
"So," Antti said, trying to break the awkward silence that had descended upon them. "Did you enjoy your first race weekend?"
"Yeah, it was fun. I made some new friends. Shannon and I are meeting for lunch after she gets back from Monaco."
"You should come to Monaco, it's a magical place."
"Nah, it's far too posh for someone like me. I'm looking forward to having some time alone, I can concentrate on writing and job hunting. When are you going?"
"Seb and I are flying out on Wednesday evening. He's got a sim session tomorrow, haven't you boss?" Seb grunted. "Don't mind him, he's got a hangover."
"Good. He deserves it." Antti laughed. Seb ignored her jibe.
"So are the others are flying straight to Nice?" Antti asked.
"Yeah, apart from Connor. He has to go back for a family funeral, he's missing Monaco. That's how I got a lift, he's on the same flight."
Alyssa kept sneaking glances at Seb. He looked rough as fuck. Serves him right, she thought to herself. If he hadn't been all over Tanya on the dance floor she'd have never have left with Lance. She was still furious with him over his text message. How dare he tell her not to fuck Lance? It was none of his business. He had no rights to her. He'd made it clear that he saw her as a kid and that it would be a mistake to get involved with each other.
Still, it wasn't all his fault. She'd been stupid to think that she could interest a man like Seb, and she'd been stupid to kiss Lance. She was just lucky that he wasn't the type of guy to push things. In fact he'd been a complete gentleman.
Soon they were called to board the plane. Once on board she sunk into her seat, put her belt on and put her headphones on. She closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She wasn't talking to Seb. Let him stew.
Seb watched Alyssa. Her eyes were closed but he had a suspicion that she wasn't asleep. She was just avoiding talking to him. He couldn't blame her really. He was a dickhead. He shut his eyes. He hadn't been trying to sleep but the next thing he knew Antti was shaking him awake.
"We're approaching Gatwick boss." He glanced over at Alyssa. She was staring out of the window. Perhaps she'd talk to him when they got home, even if it was just to call him a twat. He knew he had a lot of grovelling to do. He just hoped that eventually she'd forgive him, and that his behaviour wouldn't come between them.
***
The drive back from the airport had been silent. Antti had tried to start a conversation but neither Seb or Alyssa were in a talkative mood so he'd soon given up.
He parked up outside Seb's house and got out. He took his case out of the boot and put it into his own car, which was parked on Seb's drive.
"See you Wednesday boss. See you soon Alyssa."
"Bye Antti, take care," Alyssa replied. Seb grunted.
Alyssa dragged her case across the gravel.
Seb unlocked the front door and opened it, quickly tapping the passcode into a keypad to deactivate the alarm.
He then dragged his case inside, Alyssa following behind him.
As soon as the door shut behind them Seb turned to face her.
"I'm so sorry Alyssa. Please just talk to me," he urged.
"There's nothing to say," she replied.
"Please, I'm really, really sorry," he said, reaching for her hand. She snatched it back out of his reach.
"Maybe apologise to any guests at the hotel that had to listen yours and Tanya's porn movie!"
"You sound jealous! Well maybe if you hadn't been making out with Lance, and then left with him..."
"Why shouldn't I? There's nothing between us Seb. I'm a kid remember! So fuck Tanya all you fucking want. And I'm not fucking jealous!"
"I don't want her Alyssa, I want you!"
"I don't believe you. Now if you'll excuse me I want to go to my room. I'm tired." She pushed past him and dragged her case up the stairs.
Seb swore. He'd really messed up. He wished he could turn back time and refuse to go on that dance floor with Tanya. He wished he'd just taken Alyssa in his arms and danced with her instead. That he'd kissed her, made love to her and only her.
He just hoped that with time she would forgive him.
One thing was for certain though. He and Tanya were done. Even if she hadn't been pissed off with him for calling out Alyssa's name he knew he couldn't bare to touch her again. Alyssa was the only one he wanted. He was obssessed with the thought of making love to her. Maybe he just had to do that to get her out of his head.
He'd lost any chance he had of doing that though. Now he'd just have to watch her move on.
***
Alyssa woke early the following morning. She'd spent the entire evening in her room the previous day. She still had no wish to talk to Seb, or even see his far too handsome face.
She'd dodged dinner the night before, just snacking on the tortilla chips she had in her handbag from the flight.
She heard him moving about getting ready to leave for Silverstone, planning to go down and make breakfast on e he'd gone.
He left about 8.30. Once she heard his car pull off down the drive she got out of bed. She went downstairs into the kitchen. As she went to open the fridge she saw a note attached to the fridge door by a magnet. She took it off and began to read.
Dear Alyssa,
I am a dickhead. I am so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to, I'm just so dumb sometimes, and I've been trying so hard to fight my attraction to you.
You aren't a kid, and I no longer see you as one, but I feel so guilty for wanting you. I'm supposed to be your friend, and you're Sienna's sister.
I didn't lie when I said I wanted you. I want you so much it scares me.
I was jealous Alyssa. I know it doesn't excuse my behaviour but it's the truth. I saw you kissing Lance and I lost it. I wanted to be the one kissing you. I can't bare the thought of him touching you.
I know I have to accept your choice. If Lance is the one you want then I'm happy for you. Jealous as hell, but happy. I just want you to be happy. If it's with Lance, then so be it.
But please don't shut me out. I don't want to lose our friendship. You mean a lot to me. Please say you'll forgive me. I'm begging you.
Seb X
She screwed the letter up and threw it across the room towards the recycling bin, screaming in frustration.
He thought a letter could take away the memories of hearing him having sex with that vile woman?
He had to be fucking joking. It would take more than a poxy fucking letter.
He wasn't forgiven. He had a way to go before he was even close to being forgiven.
***
Seb kept looking at his phone all day, desperately hoping Alyssa would message him, but she didn't. Had she found his letter?
He'd attended a compulsory dinner with Lawrence Stroll and one of the team sponsors after his day at the factory, and he ended up getting home late.
He looked up at Alyssa's window as he pulled into the drive. Her light was off. He decided he'd speak to her in the morning and try to clear the air before he had to leave for Monaco.
After a night of broken sleep he got up just after eight and headed downstairs. He noticed an empty cereal bowl in the sink. Alyssa had already been up.
It was then his turn to notice a note on the fridge.
Seb, good luck in Monaco. I've headed out early. I'm spending the day with Sisi. We'll talk when you get back. You're still not forgiven, but I'll miss you.
Aly x
He smiled. Maybe he hadn't totally lost her. Maybe there was a chance. Small, but a chance was still a chance.
Maybe the time apart would give her a chance to calm down. Maybe when they talked she'd find it in her to forgive him.
Antti arrived to collect him shortly after lunch. As Seb put his seatbelt on he noticed the Finn was looking at him, grinning from ear to ear.
"Are you still in the doghouse?" he asked.
"Yep, but we're going to talk when I get back."
"Are you going to stop being a pussy and just kiss her?"
"Antti. That's not the answer. We need to talk things through."
"Pussy."
"Shut up."
Antti chuckled to himself as he pulled off down the drive. Seb had it bad for Alyssa.
Seb looked towards Sienna's house as they passed it. He could just about make out the white Porsche parked next to Sienna's Mercedes.
He was going to miss Alyssa so much. He just hoped that when they talked they could get things back to how they were, at the very least.
Failing that he may just have to take Antti's advice and kiss her into submission.