Julls POV
I ask Jeff to drive me to my favorite bar but the man has a defiant look on his face, you know the reason I didn't have a driver of my own even after my dad insisted was because I really hate giving people orders and it also makes me feel dependent and I hate that the most. I prefer doing things on my own but now I'm married I can't even drive myself and I should thank my parents for this.
"Jeff I can drive myself" I inform him without stuttering. He gives up and drives me to the bar.
When I get there I sit by the corner and order black rose Gin with lemonade and keep them drinks coming to ease me from my heartache. I am not saying it's a good method but it is effective for a moment. I am not a role model and I don't try to be.
Jeff comes in and searches for me I assume as his eyes were scouring the place until they found me and he made his way to me.
"Mr Zayn wants to talk to you mam" he says already handing me the phone. I glare at him but pick up the phone
"what" I say to my husband on the phone
"Julls there's alcohol at home. Jeff is taking you there now" he responds leaving no room for discussion. My husband is also a control freak, I find out.
"well Antonio, I like it here and thus I will drink my Gin here in peace, but thanks anyway." I tell him and hang up on him. He calls again but I cancel the call.
"I will hold on to your phone" I inform Jeff the snitch.
"mam please let me drive you home" he says
"Jeff wait in the car for me or you can go back to the mansion but I will remain here" I say to him looking him straight in his eyes daring him defy me but he understands this luckily. I would gladly take out my frustrations on him otherwise, I am not about to be bullied by him.
"I will wait here" he says, well not so lucky then but I wave him away from me with my hand and he listens and gets a sit by the counter. Jeff is a very intimidating man, he's all muscle as though he's a bouncer. I guess he serves as a protection shield since no 1 dares to come near me, I mean those who are my fans. I don't even dream of men anymore incase you didn't get the memo, I am a nun.
My heart already felt heavy with just my mother alone but Antonio had to add to that, just thinking about what my life has come to I brake down and cry alone by the corner there and luckily no one tries to comfort me not even Jeff.
I hate being this helpless, being dependent, being controlled and being so out of place. I have nothing. My freedom has been taken away from me and there's nothing I can do about it. I drink alcohol to ease my heartache.
I continue to drink to release my mind from all the depressing thoughts and it works.
I can tell that I'm intoxicated now even my eyes get heavy and I'm not sure if it's because I was crying or the alcohol but I allow sleep to take over.
***
I'm awoken up by Antonio very gently, this Antonio is different from the 1 who wants to control and order me around.
"Julls come on, let's go home" he calls his place my home. He helps me up from the chair and I stagger so he hugs me close to him to support me and we walk to his car.
He opens the door for me and helps me in then goes on the driver's seat and drives off.
We were silent for 5 minutes before I felt I could tell him what's on mind, it may be his calm state or the alcohol I'm not sure.
"I didn't want this.." I mumble out but he understands because he reponds
"that makes the 2 of us" he says and this warms my blood
"I didn't agree to it." I say more clearly now angered because he could have said no. Why did he agree?
"trust me I already regret it" he says and looks at me. I keep quiet and we drive in silence for some time before I come again.
"you're such a control freak" I say more calm already feeling sleepy again. He says nothing and I sleep.
When we get to the house he wakes me up again and I walk on my own this time. I trip on my heal and sprain my ankle but Antonio was not so far behind me so he catches me before I fall. Walking in heals when drunk is a bad idea, I'm giving you all good advice here.
I cry from the pain and Antonio scoops me up and carries me the rest of the way inside the mansion. The way he's caring for me is so unsettling but I need the help so I say nothing but try not to cry out like a child.
I take this time to look at him because I really don't know the person I'm married to. As I had said before he is good looking, he's 6.3' tall with broad shoulders that are muscle packed I can tell this from how easily it is for him to carry me and I'm also very comfortable.
He keeps his black hair short, trimmed on the sides while his beard is nicely trimmed short and clean, he has very bushy eyebrows and has a strong jawline it really suits him. His complexion is chocolate.
I continue with my exploration up to his lips, they are darker and full, they look so appealing to me but I don't wanna think about this so I quickly divert to his eyes and I find them staring at me, big and brown and beautiful.
My breath gets caught in my throat, my mouth dries up in seconds, I don't know whether it's being caught red handed checking him out or it's the intensity in his eyes. I couldn't hold his stair so I diverted to my hands embarrassed.
I want Leo. I need Leo. With Leo taking care of me everything is easier, I don't have to deal with all these emotions and feelings I don't understand. Even my dad's bodyguards are better than this. I wonder why Micah has never been bothered with aiding me when I'm drunk, I think to myself trying to distract my mind from Antonio, but it didn't work out as I could still feel his eyes on me and it made me warm.
Antonio cleared his throat bringing me from my thoughts but I continued to stare at my beautiful hands for a minute feeling nervous for some reason I don't know. The elevator opened inside the house and Antonio moved to take me to my room.
What am I doing here?