"I've missed you." I hug Lottie tight. It's been a week and it's felt like a year. We spoke basically every day. Only over text because she wouldn't answer my calls I just assumed she was busy and we had a time zone difference. It's not the same as sneaking off for a cuddle or holding her hand under the table. Or hearing her voice, I've only heard it on her answerphone.
I pulled away slightly when she didn't say anything. "What's wrong?" She shook her head tears filling her eyes. I was concerned, to say the least, but with the paps out here it wasn't the time to question her not if she was upset about something. "Let's go inside," I tell her keeping my arm around her and bringing her into the hotel. "Lottie you're back," Tom said hugging her as we cross the lobby. Everyone was getting checked in. We're in New Jersey this week. We have a few down days though. "You okay?" She nodded coming back to my side like a magnet. Tom frowned at her scanning her face trying to get the information I was searching for. What was wrong with her. What had happened? Florence came running over and pulled her into a hug from my arms. "My mums just told me." She said cupping her face. She had tears in her own eyes and looked equally upset. "Are you okay?" She stepped back from her, it's like she wasn't here, she was in her head she was looking through us all like she didn't see us.
"What happened?" Tom asked Florence. "Charles... he-"Shut up," Lottie told Florence firmly. "Can I check-in?" She asked. "Yeah go," Tom told her, Robert wrapped an arm around her at the desk. Pecked the top of her head.
"What's happened?" I asked needing to know. "I think she wants to tell you herself," Florence said. Lottie had her room key and looked at me nudging her head. "We'll bring the bags up." Is Florence being nice to me? This must be bad. "Thanks." I got to Lottie and we go to her room. I closed the door and the second I did she crumbled to the floor in floods of tears.
"Baby?" I wrapped my arms around her tightly. "What happened?" "He's dead." She sobbed holding on to me. "I've got you, baby," I tell her I tried to blink back my own tears upset over this myself.
"He was fine when I left. We went riding together and he was okay." She told me. "And I landed and Linda called..." "We don't have to talk about this," I tell her. "He had a heart attack in his sleep... Now he's gone." "He loved you, and he was proud of you." "I don't care, I just want my pop's back." "We can go home. I'll get Rose and we can go home." "I have to work. I can't. All Eddie's things are there and Pop's and dads I just. I can't." "Okay... We can go to LA, you can stay with me." "I just want to work." I nodded.
"I need you. I need you." "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere okay." I cupped her face so she would look at me. "I'm here. I'll always be here." "He's gone." Her bottom lip wobbled as she fought the urge to cry. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
There were a few light knocks on the door. "Lottie?" It was Florence. "Come in, Flo," I called to her looking at her over my shoulder. "I brought your bags up." She pushed our cases in. "Thanks. Robert checked you into this room with Lottie. I'm going to share with Brie." I smiled at her "Thanks." She nodded. I opened one of my arms, she needed a hug and she was my friend. She knelt on the floor and let me wrap my arm around her. "It's okay," I tell her when she sobbed. Their families were close and I know he was a big part of her life too.
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"We can just order room service," I tell her as she pulled on her hoodie. She didn't need it, it was really warm out but I think she just wanted the comfort, I believe it was one of her brothers, I'm sure I remember it from the boxes we partially sorted through when we were at the farm one time.
"I'm fine, I just need the distraction." "I don't want you to block it out." "I can't block it out Scarlett, I have a funeral to plan. I have no choice other than to be strong right now." "You could at least just take a day." "I don't need a day. I've had plenty of practice." I sighed and she tied her hair up in a messy bun completing the look of her giving up on herself. She only wore her hair up in the house like that, pairing it with no make-up and a hoodie that was three sizes too big for her, puffy bloodshot eyes it was clear she wasn't okay.
I just didn't know how to make her feel better. "Rose is excited for you to visit in a few weeks," I tell her and that got her to smile, it was only a small one but it was better than nothing. "I'm looking forward to spending some time with her." I nodded. "Have you told her about Grandpa?" I shake my head. "When she called earlier she was rambling about everything she wanted to do in the three days we're home with her. I just let her talk." She nodded. "Can I tell her?" Rose visited the farm a lot since she was at school in England sometimes Lottie would sign her out for the afternoon if she was getting homesick so she was with someone familiar. Or I would take her out for the weekend and most of the time we'd end up visiting. Lottie was there most of the time sometimes she wasn't. "Of course." "Thanks."
"He um got her her own riding boots and kit." She tells me. "Had a room ready for her so she didn't have to share with us. Had it all laid out on her bed for the end of summer." She blinked the tears away like she had been doing for most of the day. I smiled, he really accepted us into the family. "She'll be excited." "He loved her, he loved both of you." "He made us feel very welcome and loved. We loved him too." I tell her and she nodded.
"Where are we going to dinner?" "Some diner, not far from here, but Robert got us a car," I tell her. She just nodded and pushed her feet into her trainers. We went out into the hall and people were looking at her with eyes of woe and pity. "I'm starving, is everyone ready to go?" She asked putting on a big smile for everyone's sake. "Yeah. Come on, guys." Hemsworth encouraged waving everyone on. "Is she okay? Tom filled me in?" Robert asked, Lottie, had gone with Brie in front Mackie was bugging them both which I think would be a good distraction for her, get her to laugh a little and smile. "She's 'had practice with this,'" I tell him what she told me. "A little too much practice." I nodded.
"Florence isn't doing too well... Didn't want to come to dinner." I felt awful for her. "Tom's hanging back with her, he's a little upset too." "They were all really close to him. He has photos of them on the mantle in the back lounge." He nodded. "Tom said. All their families are really close."
We got to the lobby and I saw Lottie looking around. I got over to her and snake an arm around her waist. "I'm here." I pecked her cheek. "Car's not here yet, so do you want to walk?" She asked. "What about the paps?" "I'll hold your hand. Not letting you get lost again." She told me interlocking our hands. "Okay."
We all walked outside separating to be able to go through the crowds. Lottie didn't let go of my hand once. Not even when we got there. The cast was looking at us weird but Lottie would just carry on the conversation they were having like it was normal for her to be holding my hand.
"Are you two like a thing now?" Seb asked. "You don't talk much but you ask too many questions," Lottie tells him. "Just asking, I mean-"Don't," Lottie told him simply. "Does this place serve beers?" Lottie asked looking at the menu. "No, it's a diner, they have milkshakes." "I'm not 5." She says looking at me. "I think we should just not drink tonight okay." I was waiting for her to object. I watched her drink so much on her brothers birthday and again on his anniversary. I just didn't think it's the best idea to just numb herself. "Okay." She told me simply. "I want to go shopping tomorrow? You think you could fit me into your jam-packed schedule?" She asked teasingly. "I think I can fit you in. It'll have to be after I take my girlfriend for breakfast." I say in a hushed voice. "Your girlfriend is hoping it's not too early. She's feeling extra tired." She said back looking at the menu.
I could feel everyone's eyes on our hands, Lottie held mine on top of the table not under and she leaned into my side too. "I'm sick of people staring." She says not looking up from the menu. "They're probably just trying to figure it out," I tell her. "Well, I'm going to lose my shit in about 5 seconds if people don't stop looking." She tells me, and I could tell she was already spiralling. I looked up at Robert and signalled to stop, he grabbed everyone's attention by saying something outrageous which wasn't out of character for him.
She took her hand back. "Lottie." "What?" She snapped. "You didn't have to do that," I tell her. "I'm sorry." She apologised turning into my chest. I felt her tears soak through my tank, I hold her. "It's okay. Come let's go to the bathroom." I take her out of the booth and to the bathroom at the back of the place.
"I'm sorry." "You're allowed to be sad about this Lottie." "I need to pull it together." "It's just happened baby, you can-"I don't have time okay. I need to keep it together." "You're not alone in this."
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I lay on the bed listening to her crying in the bathroom. She wouldn't let me in, she was so good at pretending to be okay when I'd knock on it didn't even sound like she had been crying. Her acting skills were killing me right now. It brought me physical pain hearing her in there. Florence and Tom have both pulled out of press this week. Flo's mum is flying in to bring her home and Tom is planning on staying to help comfort, Lottie. If she'd accept the help which is proving to be difficult right now.
She came out of the bathroom and I could clearly see she had been crying but she was changed and her hair was wet telling me she had actually managed to shower and not just cry for the past two hours.
"Ready for snuggles?" I asked her. "I'm going to go check on Flo. Tom's worried about her.' "You need to worry about yourself," I tell her sitting up concerned she was going to put others before herself again. I don't know why I'm so shocked she does it all the time. "They're my family..." "I get that. But you're no good to them if you're hurting yourself." "I'm going. So be mad at me or don't. I don't care." She said leaving the room.
I lay awake for a while until I realised she wasn't coming back. She tells me she needs me and I tell her I will be there and she ditches me. How does that work? She is so confusing. I let myself fall asleep.
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I was surprised when I woke up to Lottie laid on my chest, she must have come back in the early hours of the morning. I tightened my wrap around her and pecked her head before closing my eyes again, whilst she's sleeping I'll get my morning cuddles and my extra few minutes in bed. She's never been one to stay in bed and she always makes me get up.
She eventually woke up but she let me sleep, I was just pretending to be asleep, I have been for a while just watching her sleep in a non-creepy way of course and stroking her hair to comfort her. She snuck out of bed like she would when we were at the farm. She'd mastered changing in the dark and that's what she was doing now. "I'm awake, you can turn the lights on," I mumbled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She says coming back to me, I pulled her back to lay on top of me and I kissed her softly. "Did you still want to do breakfast?" I asked her. "Yeah... Yeah. Sorry I came in late. Tom, Flo and I were going through old pictures and I lost track of time." "You don't have to apologise baby." "We picked out photos for the funeral." She tells me looking up at me with a small smile. "With your permission, I'd like to use the photo of him Rose and I?" "Yeah, yeah of course." She smiled. "When did you want to tell Rose?" I asked her. "She's been asking to talk to you." I picked up my phone to show her the messages she had been sending. "Do you think I should tell her in person?" She asked. "I could get Colin to come to bring her." She pulled a face. "The worst part about dating you is having to be around him." "The worst part about being me is being around him," I tell her.
"I'll message Colin... See if they can get a flight out for a few days." "Okay...If you think that's best."
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"He's gone?" Rose asked her eyes filling with tears, Lottie held her hands knelt down to her height as she sat on the bed. "Yeah, I'm sorry." "Was he in pain?" She shook her head, we didn't really know if he was, because Linda said she found him in the morning. "He was asleep when it happened." "Is he in heaven?" "I'd like to think so yeah. He's with his wife and his son and grandson." "But he's not here with us... I'll miss him." She was crying but Lottie was handling her well. Colin was stood with his arms folded by the door of our hotel room. He could have shown some compassion. "Me too. But we'll remember him, every time we go to the farm and we'll get to say goodbye to him." Rose was trying her best to keep herself composed. "You can cry, Rose-y, it's okay." She reached for Lottie and wrapped her arms around her neck. Lottie held her and stood up with her bringing her over to me. "I want him back. Mummy bring him back." She asked me. "I can't baby. I can't. I'm so sorry." I tell her brushing her hair out of her face, she was still holding onto Lottie.
"Rose we should go," Colin told her. "We have tickets for-" "I want to stay with Lottie." She told him tightening her arms around Lottie's neck. "Sweetie." He tried. "No! Leave me alone!" She shouted at him. "Colin please, just give her a minute," I ask him. He looked at me his jaw clenched. "She needs a minute." He went outside into the hallway. Evans was there, he's always protecting me looking out for us.
"I want him back." Rose sobbed. "He's always with us... In our hearts. Watching us from heaven." I tell her. Rose reached for me so I took her. "Here," Lottie tells her. She took off her bracelet. "Gramps gave me this." It was a silver bracelet with angel wings on the charm. "My grandma died when I was your age and he gave me this and told me my grandma was always with me. Protecting me." She put it on her wrist. "You have to take extra special care of this okay." she nodded looking up at her with her big blue eyes shining. "He's with you. He's with us all." She tells her. Rose leans towards Lottie, Lottie tilts her head in confusion. "Eskimo kiss." I tell her, Rose and I do it all the time. She lent and rubbed her nose against Rose.
"I think Grandpa would want us to go get the biggest stack of pancakes we can find, what do you think?" Rose smiled. "Yeah! He'd like that." Lottie smiled. "Let me get dressed okay and will go."
I followed Lottie into the bathroom where she was changing. "You didn't have to give her that." I knew it meant a lot to her. "It's difficult, I was a little older than her and it was confusing and hard so if it brings her closure as it did me let her have it." "I'll make sure she takes care of it." She smiled before pulling on her top. She put actual clothes on today, not the big hoodie she had been wearing for the past few days, even in press but they have only been radio stuff but they have been photo ops. She stood in the back mostly, hiding beside Evan's who was a few inches taller than her so she mostly succeed.
We walked the hall and Colin was watching us. "Perfect fucking family." He snarled at us. "Ignore him," Lottie told me taking my hand in hers and adjusting Rose on her hip. I squeezed her hand three times, signalling I love you. She squeezed it back three times telling me she loved me too. We were trying to keep the couple stuff to a minimum around Rose, saying I love you was a little too much for us.