Chapter Seven: It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Looses Their Mind
You woke up with a groan. Chatter ignited downstairs and laughter came from the TV, presumably cartoons. Jack was here already. You couldn't answer how long you slept for just that you needed the rest. Deep down, you were scared that you wouldn't be able to protect yourself if you were asleep.
As silly as it sounds, you had watched way too many serial killer movies where people got murdered in their sleep. Now you were looking out for Axel. Two days ago you would be able to say confidently that you didn't think he was a threat. Perhaps the new surroundings were getting to your head.
You threw on a sweatshirt and sleep shorts from your bag and creeped down the stairs.
"Daddy look! Mom always said I could do it if I never gave up!" Jack's little voice squealed, carrying down the halls of the empty house.
You peeked your head around the corner from the stairs so you could get a clear view of the living area. Hotch was seated with Jack on the floor gazing over a large Lego structure. "Put the last piece on, Jack." He suggested.
Handing the child a police department sign, Jack stuck it in front of the building. "It's like where you work! Mommy said you catch the bad guys," Jack explained.
With a small chuckle, Hotch slowly got off the floor. "Something like that buddy." He ruffled his son's hair. You took the last few stairs quietly but he still noticed the creak in the wood.
It was so different here. At the mansion you could remember where to step so avoid any sounds. It was the only way you could keep Axel away. His eyes locked with yours for a moment. Jack shot off the ground with a gasp.
"Y/N!" he yelled, running at you full speed, crashing into your body with open arms. You groaned, face contorting in pain.
"Hi buddy," you choked on your words. "I saw your Legos, pretty cool huh?"
Hotch watched you carefully, brows furrowed with your reaction. "I didn't know you were here. Daddy said you wouldn't come here often."
You glanced at him with a confused smile. He simply shrugged and turned on the stove. You crouched down to Jack's height with a soft smile, running a hand through his messy hair. You noticed how little he looks like Hotch, taking after Haley more.
"Well that was before," you said simply, "I will be around for a little bit. Is that okay with you?"
"Of course!" Jack screamed. He ran off quickly to get back to his toys. You laughed and walked over to Hotch who was attempting to crack an egg. Cinnamon, milk, some sugar, among other things also decorated the table.
"Need help?" you teased.
He grumbled under his breath before backing away. You stepped forward and grabbed the egg, cracking with one hand easily. Next, you poured the other ingredients, whisking it with the fork he had placed next to the bowl. "Easy, even a child could do it."
"Was that an insult?"
You turned around with a charming smile, "Absolutely,"
Jack called out just as Hotch was about to respond, "Can we go to the fair?" he begged, focusing still on his toys. You glanced at Hotch with a tight lipped smile to surpass the laugh bubbling inside of you.
Outside was remotely cool, the city had an annual fair that you used to go to when you first moved to Virginia. By the look on Hotch's face, it was clear that saying 'no' wasn't on his mind. He dipped a piece into the mixture.
It sizzled as it hit the hot pan. "If Y/N wants to go, then yes."
A strange feeling overtook you. Why did it have to be okay with you? He didn't want to leave you here alone, that was the most logical explanation. Was it so surprising that he had concern? God, why were you like this!
As Jack nodded, pleased with the answer his father had given him, Hotch turned to you with a stern expression. It took a minute for him to speak, categorizing the words to not sound overbearing. After all you were just staying with him, he didn't have an obligation to tell you what to do when it came to your well-being. Perhaps morally he did.
"You might like the air, the fair has seating and we won't stay for long," he explained in a whisper. You studied him as he flipped the toast, "Jack is content with a stuffed animal."
"Why can't you take him?" You asked almost stubbornly. You wanted to leave the house but also didn't. The sense of fear was still crawling your skin and the cool temperature outside wasn't cool enough for your complete liking.
"I can't leave you here alone, it's protocol."
There wasn't much to think over about that statement. You had studied the protocols numerous times for work. Staying at his house willingly doesn't go against anything. Hotch was committed to protecting everyone and you didn't like the way it felt.
Sure, it's fine for a little while but after being with Axel for so long, you got a taste of freedom- recollection- of the past.
"I'll be fine here alone. You have knives and things to keep me protected. My ribs are still practically shattered." You protested, motioning around the kitchen to objects of protection.
A bowl, knife, hot pan, even the tea kettle. Plus you could hold your own. Shooting a gun wasn't on your, I-Can-Do-This list but it would be soon. His worries are unwanted.
"Doctor said you needed sunlight," Hotch shit back angrily, "I'm not leaving you here alone, end of story. There is too much on the loose and I can't afford something happening to you."
You scoffed, "I thought it was my choice!"
He set the completed piece of toast into which he plated and continued into the next. His voice was softer now, "It is but it will be good for the both of us. I get to make sure nothing happens and you can just enjoy yourself for once. When was the last time you enjoyed an outing, truly enjoyed it?"
"I-I don't know, Halloween maybe?"
It wasn't the best answer considering the events that took place but it was the only thing you would think of. You were on edge that night but you got a look inside of his brain, the thoughts Hotch has as a unit chief. True pressure is what he doesn't need to impersonate because it is already a bit too prominent.
Hotch never answered.
• • •
Turning up at the state fair wasn't a surprise. Neither was the small child scarfing down cotton candy that Jack insisted he needed the moment you stepped foot onto the grounds. The atmosphere was buzzing with laughter and chatter amongst families. You wrapped your arms around yourself despite not being cold and glancing around you.
Different color rides we're hosting children screaming in laughter while their parents took videos. For a long time kids were on your mind but now you don't know if you could really stand having your own, let alone protect a child.
Hotch was standing next to you, jeans and a soft gray t-shirt with his hair roaming free from the gel cage it's usually in. His tense muscles showed he was on edge. You knew that he wanted you out of the house simply because he could be your personal bodyguard. Saying you were having fun was being a bit dramatic. Sun was shining right down on you and toasting your skin like a human turkey.
"This one next!" Jack insisted, tugging on his dad's shirt towards the ferris wheel.
Hotch nodded slowly, obviously hesitant about going on the large ride. "Why don't we wait buddy?"
"No!" Jack said in protest. You couldn't help but laugh at the way an eight year old could be so easily honest. "I want to go on that ride."
You glanced at Hotch, his locked jaw and foot stuck in place told you enough. It didn't take a profiler to see what was really going on here and once you found out, you couldn't help but gasp a laugh. Hotch turned to you with a stoic expression that made you laugh even harder. Pain was shooting like rapid fire but it was mixing with the enjoyment of your realization.
"Are you afraid of ferris wheels?" You asked with one brow raised. Jack glanced between the two of you, lips pressed together.
"I'm not afraid of a ride," Hotch defended almost too quickly. "The line is long and we could be making better use of our time."
Gears turned in your head because he wasn't controlling his micro-expressions all that well. The sweat building his hairline and vein popping out of his neck. Just this one time you truly wanted to have fun.
You placed a hand over your ribs with a soft groan. "Hotch I don't think I can do anymore walking around, please let's just go on the ferris wheel. I can sit down and Jack can enjoy it."
You studied him again, it was almost automatic to do it. In a courtroom you watch for reactions, pry them out of people. Now you're simply doing it for entertainment. He ran a hand down his face before a quick and raspy 'okay' slipped past his lips. Jack screamed in joy and you were off.
You had to admit that being out set your mind off Axel. The fear never left you, a small pit always bubbling in your stomach. Glancing around, you catch a look at everyone in line before you are called up by the worker. You sit on the opposite side of Jack and Hotch- who was terrified despite trying to hide the evident expression in his face.
When the cart started moving, you looked out the window, hands fumbling in your lap. Nervousness was taking over you, a good kind of anticipation. It had been years since you'd been on a ferris wheel. Axel never did like the fair.
"It's beautiful up here," you whisper to no one in particular. Clouds dancing together to make shapes, your body lifted above everyone.
Hotch watches you intently. "I'm not afraid of ferris wheels." He repeats once again.
"You were scared," you smile. "How could someone be afraid of something so-" you stopped mid-sentence, shaking your head at the words nearly falling from your mouth. Jack was preoccupied watching outside.
"I know he wouldn't let you," Hotch says calmly, "That's why you truly wanted to come here, you didn't want to say so."
Damn profilers. The little stunt you pulled to get him in here was for laughs but inside you knew that you needed the nostalgic feeling of stopping at the top of the wheel, holding your breath as you waited to come back down.
"Maybe so, but I wanted to piss you off even more. You didn't want to come up here." You suppressed a smirk as he gave you a warning expression for your language around Jack.
Slowly but surely the ride came to an end and you were pulled into more games and endless rounds of water balloons. By the time of night fall, Jack had acquired five stuffed animals and gave one to you, a purple turtle. Almost everything that Jack one was because of your help. Fair or carnival games were one of your greatest talents besides burying yourself in studies. The night air was slightly chilly but you welcomed the cool air in your skin to outweigh the sweat creeping your neck out of fear.
Your body was screaming to rest. Hotch could tell how tired you were, watching you slug your body. What was supposed to be an hour turned into five and you were ready to collapse on the ground.
"I don't think I could ever forget how easily it is to lose track of time," you laugh quietly.
Hotch was holding Jack on his hip who was sound asleep. "How are your ribs?"
You sighed, "Could be better. The medication is trying but not hard enough. I think I need to just sleep it off."
"You can't ignore injury Y/N. We should've gone home sooner."
"You're overreacting Hotch, this isn't that serious and you did say I needed to have fun."
He smoothed a hand down Jack's back, "Did you have fun?"
You nodded and glanced at the sky, the moon was full and brightly casting a glow on the three of you. "I think it's what I needed after everything. To get my mind off things."
"I talked to Garcia. The money will be wired to you soon, Axel has no real power over it."
"I never understood," you admit, "His father left me so much but why? I wasn't married to Axel and I had no real ties to his father. These past few years just haven't made sense."
"Had you met his father recently before he passed?" Hotch questioned in his FBI agent voice. He was trying to get information and you couldn't blame him. With how closed off you've been with the team, they craved to know.
Looking in from the outside would never make sense. Hell, you didn't even make sense of it. Millions of dollars left in your name for nothing. You met Axels father just before he died but he never mentioned you being in his will.
"No. His father was closed off just before his death. I didn't know he put me in his will before I inherited all the money. Sometimes I feel guilty for taking so much when I had everything I could ever want."
A soft wind gust. "We will get you the money and dig later. Strauss is already curious about us being too close to this case."
"I don't care about the money," you say, "I care about finding Axel. I want to see the look on his face in court when we take him down."
You can already imagine the smug look you would hold while being on prosecution, taking the stand against him. Just the image was enough to send goosebumps over your arms and spine. First you have to find him- Hotch had to find him. Scarification is all you sought now and you just prayed that you wouldn't get in the way of what you truly want.
"You remind me of myself," said Hotch as you approached the car. "Driven in the courtroom, persistent on getting a boost."
"Is that a good thing?"
He locked eyes with you, "I don't have an answer for that."
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