𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐀.
10.9k words; minor errors: warning: detailed talk of self-harm, struggling with self-harm, the guilt of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, hospital, violence, bleeding, unsafe driving, brief mention of drugs, neglecting, temporary insomnia, distancing, drowning, uncontrolled anger, talks of burning.
"I love you, Eren," You unwillingly tear up as Erenʼs broad structure becomes no more than a sickening blur. Brandon huddles the knife further into your depleted frame, to calculate where the finishing blow was bound to remain.
"I love you, too," Eren softly returns from afar as the cracking of his knuckles begin to flow into the atmosphere as Brandonʼs fawn, upturned eyes flit to his in subtle disgust.
"Eren?"
"Brandon." Erenʼs too livid to allow lengthy words to pass by the reticent seam of his lips. He approaches Brandon with such fragileness, yet such abnormally evolved anger. Heʼs rather cautious as Brandon bares the knife against your neck. He presses against it with such hostility, as if he's threatened by Erenʼs position, as he remained closing in on him with such anger seething off of him.
"Do you know her?" Eren canʼt sit by and watch as you slip from his palms in a matter of seconds. He loves you too much to even consider such a thought, feeling and action to be gone through with as you are the soul that entwines with his own. The soul he needs to function. As what is the earth with no sun and moon to create a mere balance? What is cold with no heat to insulate the atmosphere of your home in a season where hot chocolate becomes rather apparent?
"Do I know her?" Brandonʼs words appear cold and gruelling as his knife is steady against your neck. You begin to fail to glance at Eren as consciousness begins to slip by you.
"If I did know her, what exactly would you do? What would you do without that weapon in your hand?" Erenʼs words are taunting as he glances at the two of you. His body is unmoving as only his thudding heartbeat is the only thing that binds his sanity as one. It implies, just merely implies that heʼs alive, and this is no delusional dream that can be ended with eyes being flickered open.
"What happened to you ever minding your business, Eren? Ever since that night where Zeke had overdosed, you have been different. You left me, you grew morbid and everything changed, you didnʼt even try to contact me," Brandonʼs demeanour is nonchalant as he witnesses the vibrant hues of red as you lightly winced at the cutting of fresh.
"Maybe because I wasnʼt into cocaine like you people," Eren begins to heighten his voice at Brandonʼs words. Heʼs livid right now. Every buying moment, he knows Brandon could lash out, so he does as heʼs promised you.
He would freely die in the moment if it come down to such a tragedy.
Eren feels like he has fulfilled his stubby life in the moment, but then a known fact pieces together in his mind, bringing him to the consequences of his actions. Eren knows he canʼt leave you at this moment, even in balance for your happiness as he would rupture you further than your brittle heart could carry. He was aware of what would sever you and what couldnʼt break you. It was honestly abhorrent that someone held that much knowledge about you. However, it was moderately beautiful that such detail and knowledge he was able to absorb and quell within his mind. Eren knew, with the balling of his fists, he would sacrifice himself for you in an instant as he had to fulfil securing your safe return.
Eren cautiously flits over to both of you. His usually tender breathing far is from familiar with his naturally gifted pattern as he targets Brandon with an assault to the face – despite the fact his knife was seconds from slashing your bare throat. If Eren was a second too late, you would have been dead.
"Thatʼs my fucking girlfriend. Who the fuck said you could touch her like that?" Eren roughly bundles up his hands with not an ounce of care as he settles on burying his fists into Brandonʼs face at the anger that overtook him. Eren couldnʼt lose you, you were his everything. He had lied about dying at this moment. He couldnʼt imagine allowing himself to die and you spending life with someone else, someone who wasn't him.
"You love her? This whore? Someone with no worth?" You feel yourself grow afflicted at Brandonʼs unfiltered wording. It brought back a jaded concept about your past as you sunk back onto the unpredictable railing. A light headache fondled with your head as you were at a disadvantage with holding yourself up. Blood poured from a far from minuscule wound from your neck; it was ample and deadly.
"Whoʼre you calling whore? Cause I know youʼre not calling my girlfriend a whore?" Eren proclaims; rain begins to relentlessly exude from the sky. A crimson hue begins to trickle off of his knuckles as he bludgeons Brandonʼs face, leaving you to slowly regather yourself as you allowed the rain to drown you in misery.
Erenʼs balled fists moved simultaneously. He continued on bruising every ounce of Brandonʼs body in your honour, hoping he would bring you an ounce of closure as you had suffered enough. Suffered at such a selfish price. A price that you weren't obligated to pay. But someone selfish was so keen on forcing you to salvage pieces of yourself to gift to him, to pay the price he so desperately wanted you to pay, all because of the dire mistakes he had committed. At the drum of his fingers, he used to have you at his side, although he shared little love for you, but it was just so he could belittle your worth. He built you up so he could break you, as that was just who Brandon was. The one to write a mind-altering script to dictate the life of another he hated.
As you slung slowly along the dampened rail — that rested behind you as a sort of leverage — the rain miserably clung to your bleeding frame as you witness such a sight. Your body yearned for you to guide Erenʼs mind to the light, as you couldnʼt allow him to darken his soul further with the treacherous sin of murder, for your purpose. You wouldnʼt, nor could you, allow Eren to commit murder as you were aware it would all narrow down to you because youʼre the source of this very situation occurring.
"For one who loves to belittle, you sure canʼt fight, Brandon." Erenʼs nose scrunches as he drives his fists through Brandonʼs bloodied face.
You press your pruned fingers against your neck before realisation slowly settled inside of you; youʼre slowly dying of blood loss from trauma to the neck. The slickness of the blood trickled between the gap of your ring finger and middle finger as you panicked in nervousness; the blood tainted the promise ring Eren had gifted you. A light commotion writhed within you as you found yourself becoming faint. Brandon too was starting to become unresponsive. Even as Eren had broken his knuckles, he still inched on, allowing his pain to be on a sort of mute so he could express the ablaze anger that taunted his mind to a point that resembled a switch; he was at his wit's end.
With the remaining energy you held within your body, you dragged your frame towards Eren in a pathetic struggle. You were sombre that his darkness had effortlessly clouded him so sickly. Nonetheless, not once could you shift blame on the poorly-reflected man. He had just unknowingly encountered his girlfriend, his soulmate, being threatened at knifepoint, all because a manʼs rooted hatred still remained inside of him, swimming evilly.
Journeying over to him felt like an unearthed hell within you. Your dress pinned you down as the rain drowned out the screams of Eren as Brandon remained unconscious. His chest only rises as Eren continued to beat him in a blinding rage. Eren's mind was consumed by hatred he had let remain dormant in him, in a past he now began to stray away from. He wasn't one who was keen to resort to anger after being with you, so after his emotions contrasted his morals, he had no restriction, the dormancy was no more.
It was only a short distance between you and Eren, but the movement of your body was rather restricted because death was bound to kiss upon your lips. Death may be at bay, but you were closer to Eren. You had to free him, free him from the shackles of the desires he had tried so hard to bury. You were within a foot from him. You dropped to your knees, tears flowing from your eyes as you draped your arms around his damp neck, feeling a light blow to your arm as he hadnʼt noticed it. Eren only turned and halted, his eyes meeting yours as tears formed in his eyes. "That didnʼt hurt, Eren. But come on... Letʼs go, you canʼt kill him, I wonʼt let you. Youʼll give him the easy way out, baby."
"But he hurt you, Y/n." Eren protests in your arms as you faintly hold him, his tears swirling painfully with the demonising rain as you whispered to him.
"I would be more hurt if I see you fuck up your knuckles more than you have, Eren. Eren, I love you. Promise me youʼll always love me? Okay?" You tear up, your voice cracking in fear as you feel yourself grow fainter as blood gushed down your neck. But then thatʼs it, the end of a prestigious chapter between the both of you, the star-crossed lovers who weren't fated to be with another, or thatʼs so one could think. Who knew that despite a place where rage remained, love still wavered in the thick air? "Babe, what do you mean by that?"
Eren shook you, softly, you only clung onto an ounce of life as he held you. His viridian eyes began to tenderly water as he felt you grow limp within his broad grip. He places you within his arms as he ran, ran inside of the venue, his eyes blinding him as he had left the deserted spot. His voice is strained as he whispered sweet things within your ear. You laid in your silence, the first time the silence was within your favour.
"Babe, you canʼt leave me. You promised me we would have a life together. You said you would lounge outside whilst our kids chase me with water guns, you can't leave me? God, I need you. You keep me sane." Eren ran further through the venue, the crowds coming to view as he held you close to him, desperate to keep you warm despite the dampness that clung selfishly to him.
Everybodys' eyes met with Eren in shock as they viewed such a sight, horror bestowed upon them. Eren couldnʼt allow himself to get caught up in the words of concerns for the fact that you were heavily bleeding from multiple wounds on your neck. He had to take you to the hospital, take you to a place he heavily feared. He hated the hospital, as its front resembled the era of time where Zeke was heavily infatuated with drugs. Zeke's mind was iffy, cotton-balled one would say. It was heavy with a sense of unawareness as the drugs overtook his mannerisms. It fed into his self-doubt, his will to not act upon the words people would say. Eren was scared, deeply scared.
"Eren, what happened to Y/n?" Leviʼs voice protrudes as all harmonies halts. But Eren couldnʼt bring himself to selfishly halt, only allowing fragments of words to leave his lips so he could allow Levi to piece it all together in his racing mind.
"Brandon, he stabbed her." The look on Erenʼs face was a sort of hollow look that scarred Leviʼs heart as he was aware of the outcome of a situation like this. Levi was afraid of leaving you all to Eren as he was aware of how careless Eren grew to be when under an immense amount of pressure. Time slipping from his grasp, itself a fan of observing the subtle frustration that creased Erenʼs face as his ears grew rather crimson in a wealthy truth.
"Eren, stop!" The voice that seeps within the dull atmosphere is rather indescribably calming as the door suffices Erenʼs momentary desires. A light pathway thatʼll inch him closer to the aid your body so desperately yearns for as it begins to grow cold at the lack of life to its name.
"Just shut up. Do me a favour and leave me alone." His heavily sullen words inject a blue in the people that stare in the room. Uncertainty lingered in their eyes as he had openly sat a barrier on top of their observing selves. His body was cold-stricken. His body to others was no more than a withering, ghoulish shadow that infiltrated the dulled night as he swiftly darts out of the hoarded venue. His graphic hands filled with the weight of you - his soulmate.
—
His knuckles cling desperately to the leather wheel as he sped to a point his arms felt as if they were to no avail any longer. Eren felt as if his efforts were not enough to revoke the guilt he held for leaving you to go on your own. He knew better than to allow your frame to explore in an area you hadn't fully disclosed. This all seemed to narrow down to him, narrow down to him allowing you to leave him so he could make you proud by seating himself beside your parents, his mind packed with the thought of you.
Even now his mind was sufficed with you, in sadness and in gentle warmth.
"Cʼmon," Eren proclaims in a tone where his voice settles at a higher octave. His frustration layered onto him as a car remained slow ahead, restricting the view of what he wanted the most within his life: a hospital. A hospital that was fated on treating the ill that is buried inside of your body, that is laying in a state that death neared. Eren couldnʼt sever the pain within his heart as the song I love you so played within the car. It motioned for tears to be pulled from his eyes in frustration as he sped. His bruised hands collided against the wheel as tears departed from his eyes as if it was a ghost meaning to find its way into the premises of night.
The song was one of your favourites. One you would happily share with him as you lay on his bed, a certain giddiness approaching you as the song played. Though Paris in the rain was the song that binds the two of you into a serene paradise, this song also held a space within your heart as Eren seemed rather attached to it. His viridian eyes would become illuminated as he became attentive to the beautiful song. His tender head would always slumber in your lap as his mind rested in silence, only the music and you engulfing him, as it did now, contradicting another. One reeked of pure tranquil, flowers metaphorically circling the atmosphere. The other seethed with solemn, crimson blood thickening within the tarnished air, arid screams circling.
"You canʼt die on me, Y/n. Iʼm not prepared to go yet, I need you. Why am I only realising now that I canʼt live without you?" Erenʼs words are faint as the music trickles from the speaker, the phrase 'please let me go' playing as he turned to observe you, the cloth of his shirt wrapped around your neck, blood collecting itself in a bundle as it strained through.
"When you wake up, weʼre going to stay together, I wonʼt let you go. Just please let her stay. I may not be the worthy one, but to me, she is everything, she is the one." Eren allows a warm tear to escape from his eye as he begins to remember the memories you both shared.
He remembers the moment you allow him to find comfort in your arms as he silently cries to his heart content, despite the faint connection between the two of you in that era of time. He remembers the Netflix sessions the two of you would have every time he would peer into your room, waiting for the slight notion in your frame as you altered your head movement, your eyes meeting with his own. He remembers the moment you remained beside the pool moments before his birthday ended, your head buried into his comforting lap as the weed hit the two of you, in love with the shared silence between you two.
He remembers it all. Everything about you as heʼs the one time brought you to, despite the illness in your greetings; there was always fondness.
Erenʼs the illuminate moonlight, that is gifted generously to your youthful river, endowing and planting a blazing light in your river. Gifting it a mesmerising cerulean hue that meshed with the same source happiness shared. Though he was the moonlight to your river, the reflection he allowed to bless and light up the water, isn't as nice and noticeable when the water is murky, pointing to a solution where the river requires guidance.
"You know I won't let you die. I may have almost failed Zeke once, but not you. I won't fail you, my dear." Eren's unsure what overcomes him as he swiftly drives, adrenaline within him as his arms begin to ache. He swiftly glances at his mutilated knuckles, guiding him back to an abyss of cerulean. The sight of the hospital isn't even in view as Eren hoped for it to be. He moved at a speed that was most definitely far from legal. If you were awake at the current moment, your screams of fears would have embedded into his mind as he softly laughed, as he always did.
As the blurred atmosphere skimmed by, his phone vibrated against his pocket. It elicited a frustrated scream to depart from his lips at the overwhelming situations that piled onto his frame as he drove. He had so many issues arising whilst he drove. He honestly felt as if he should give up at this point, gift you and him a trip to a place where the living wouldn't discover the both of you. Everybody always wanted him for favours, but you wanted him for his sheltered heart. Eren's phone never once cooled down from the vibrations as he was fixated on the road, attempting to restrict himself from tears as he thought about you. But it almost reduced him to tears as you laid behind him, life loose against your fingers.
Eren pulls the phone out of his pocket with one hand, stopping it to his side, bringing a voice to his ears as the person spoke on the other end of the phone.
"E-Eren, tell me you're safe? I hope you and Y/n are willing to send me photos from tonight. I got to put it in our memory box, for all of us. Eren, you there? Earth to Eren, Sasha here." Eren feels himself begin to slowly crumble as Sasha speaks, resulting in Eren pulling over at the side of a narrow road. His soft, jade eyes were lost with tears as Sasha continues to speak in oblivious, lowering his resolve as he felt rather selfish for stopping at the side of the road. He felt pathetic for his eyes being stained with tears inked with sorrow, as he couldn't hold his end anymore; it was all too much for him.
A blinding light absorbed Eren's eyes as he shielded his eyes, a broad hand coating his face as a subtle pounding was met on the door, causing him to greet the window in subtle shock.
"Open up the fucking door, Eren! I'm driving the two of you to the hospital because you're too careless. Now get out of the car!" Levi feels as Eren opens the car door, slipping his phone into his pocket as his eyes met with Levi's in subtle shame for not finishing his mission. Levi always had to come to his aid, in sickness or on basic terms.
Eren opens the door for Levi, tearing his eyes away from you as a panic attack begins to distract his happiness, eager to allow sadness and a tightening feeling to overwhelm him. Levi holds you with gentleness as he places you inside of his car, his eyes on Eren's as Eren was hesitant to meet with your resting self as he knew he would ache to join your state, just to be with you.
Levi placed you down with gentleness into the free seats, placing a seat belt onto you to secure you from any more accidents occurring. He gestures for Eren to settle down into the seat beside him as he closes yours and his car door. He starts his car as he picked up his pace on the road, sighing as Eren buried his head in his hands, reclining in his seat as he began to release his tears. His body began to not feel like his own as he hadn't cried in front of anyone but you recently. It left him feeling rather fragile in the process, as there was no mould, in his mind, to rekindle broken parts of himself into one.
"Usually I wouldn't want to see you cry, Jaeger, but cry now. If it makes you feel better, I fucked up Brandon's face, even more, he wasn't supposed to be there." Eren tilts his head, eyes glassy with gloom.
"How did he get in?" Eren murmurs, his eyes complex with a versatile of emotions whilst Levi focused on the road, in need of a cigarette as all he wanted to see was for you to open your eyes once more. "He stabbed the two bodyguards. That motherfucker is being left there to die, his bratty sister fled, fled back to the dorms I assume." Eren's fists ball up as he's glossed with frustration.
"Don't get worked up, buddy. I'm sure when Y/n gets up she'll fuck her up. I practically raised her, so I know she will. Her parents will be by soon, but her mother is on a rampage for Amilia, she will not rest until she's either dead or beaten. As for Brandon, her mother wants him left there for dead, he won't be waking up anything soon." Levi shrugs, a slight smile slipping upon his lips as he glances at the road, a smile gentle against his lips as he sees the sight of the hospital so near in his window screen.
"We're here, Jaeger. Grab her, gently, and go inside. I'll be here, I need a cigarette." Eren nods in a distressed motion. He swiftly leaves his side of the car before he opens the car door to your side. Placing you into his arms with gentleness before he closed the door; he silently let a thanks slip by his lips.
"Get your knuckles cleaned, too. It's disgusting, Jaeger." Levi investigates his pockets for a cigarette stick as Eren lightly nodded turning away. The rain was harsh against him and you as he darted towards the luminous light of the hospital, hope caressing his state as nervousness overtook him.
—
It had been several hours that had skimmed by and Eren remained in the waiting room. Waiting for news after his knuckles had been treated. He glanced at the bandages tightened around his lanky fingers as he sat next to a little girl who remained sickly looking. Her appearance dimmed to the cruelty of what Eren assumed as cancer, but her smile seemed to take away from the fatal sickness that clung to her. "Hey, what's your name? You look sad, you okay?" Eren glances over to the girl, a light sigh leaving his continuously licked over lips.
"Eren. If I was okay, I wouldn't be here." Eren regretfully sighs, only for guilt to penetrate him as he realises his words, harmful words that were rather tone death, yet truthful.
"Sorry," The little girl chuckles in her seat at the weariness in Eren's face. Her hazel eyes curiously set on him as he glances at the bland ground.
"It's all good, minus leukaemia kicking my ass," Eren's rather off-put at her indecent vocabulary for someone of such a young age, but it seems the girl is already aware of why his reaction was so unsettling, so she forged together a sentence of truth.
"I'm going to die, Eren. So I have to do what I have to do to complete my short life goal." Eren beams at the girl, his lips curling into a soft smile as she pulled a smile-earning face at him, loosening his tightened demeanour an ounce.
"What is your name?" Eren blurts out, curiosity getting the best of him as boredom overtook him. The daunting silence of others kneaded him in spots that he found maintained an unpleasantness.
"Eden. Name your child after me, Eren. If you ever have one." Eren chuckles, slipping a note out of his pocket and handing it to the girl. He handed it with a slither of hope for the girl resting in his mind. He thought the child deserved nothing more than happiness that would guide her to a whimsical serene.
"Eden, buy yourself anything you want. If your mum asks, say a fairy gave you money. This is our secret, okay?" She nods, disruption thick within the air.
"Eden, Leac?" A nurse calls out, causing the little girl to stand and adjust her barret as her mother regrouped with her, pressing a light kiss against her cheek as they disappeared with the nurse.
"Remember me, Eren!" Eren softly waves to the girl, his eyes now beginning to make contact with the noticeable bulge of his phone in his pocket.
It gifted him nothing more than a well of anxiety that pools within him as he glances at the dozens of missed calls from everyone that remains around him – worry stricken among them. He finds opening it a downside to himself, but at the same time, he needed to soothe how slow the duration of time was as it was buffering. He's rather scared as his eyes meet his screen as he settles the phone on his lap. He's careful with the bandages against his fingers whilst he subtly grimaces at the thousands of messages spread throughout his phone. He felt uneasy at the sight of so many notifications dancing within his view sight.
He couldn't restrict himself from answering Connie and Sasha's shared message, despite him leaving Sasha to the darkness of her own mind as his sobs remained a mystery to her hours before. His text was rather simple. It was short as he was bruised with fatigue, so, so desperately trying to hold himself together: 'I'm at the hospital with Y/n, right now. crazy ex. I beat him up. she got stabbed/slashed. now they're tryna stabilise her before they try to repair the damage that dude had done.' As Eren sent his text, a reply was sent with immense speed. A speed so quick, he barely acknowledged time to sigh. 'Not my girl, Y/n. Hospital name? I need to see my spouse.' Sasha's rather quick to respond, her messages frequent; they consistently poured in a hurry.
Eren sighs to himself, tiredness becoming more present within him as he sat there, waiting; blood still remained smeared upon the darkness of his suit, but his mind was drawn away from that factor. He responds once more, his licked-over lip fitting between his teeth as he remained cautious with his response: 'I haven't even been allowed access to Y/n's hospital room; she's not even stable. But it's the hospital near the venue. If you come, don't invite Jean.' The text was read, a small emoji being sent as Eren turned off his phone screen, unmotivated to attempt to read the rest of the messages on his phone as he should have brought himself to. He could only sigh at the thought of tarnishing the quality of his promise ring, that blood coated. But at least they allowed him to keep it, instead of cutting it off of his finger - well solely because he refused to have them cut the band off, so he endured the pain of them pulling it off.
—
Another five hours had skimmed by and still no news was exchanged with Eren as he remained still in his seat. The scenery of people was now fresh, and not once did that little girl he met, ever once leave the hospital after her check-up. Leaving Eren partially sad as he wanted to see her walk out, a big smile adorning her face as she exited the building, the light fresh against her features despite the disease that gnawed at every fibre of her being. Eren couldn't handle the lack of information being shared with him, nor information on your condition. He was heavily worried, sleep not prominent in him as his eyes resembled ones of a siren's.
He glanced at his phone in his hand, his left leg vigorously beating against the ground as he could feel the sensation of tenseness around him, he didn't enjoy the sensation the littlest bit. The messages that settled inside of his phone, he decided he wanted to open them to steer his mind away from the length of time he had been there for. So he did just that, starting with Armin. Knowing a subtlety would rest in his tone of text; it was something inconsistent, short, and draws you in at an instant: 'Sasha told me everything. Are you okay? I know how everybody has been asking about Y/n, but what about you, Eren? You can't have been fine after that, and don't lie.' Eren lied to himself about the subtlety of Armin. Armin was subtle in moments when Eren was calm, not a traumatic event lingering in his mind.
'No. I'm not fine. I can't lose her, Armin. I can't lose the person who taught me how to practically value love, and how easy it is to fall in love. How easy it is to be someone whose morals could be changed. How beautiful it is to have her in my arms, shying away from the coldness of the room. I honestly don't know how to feel, but I don't care about anything unless I get to be with her." Eren feels tears build up in his eyes as he releases fragments of detail about the two of you to Armin, partially over sharing your beautiful moments with another. Armin couldn't help but find himself ablaze with a sombre mist as his throat tightened with fear, the fear of Eren fitting into the shell of his old self. 'We're coming, Eren. Knowing you, you're probably still wearing the same outfit covered in blood." Eren finds himself subtly chuckling at Armin's words, confusion striking his body as he wouldn't find himself laughing at words that should pain him.
'I am, Armin. Please be there soon, I don't know how much longer I can wait, it has been over thirteen hours.' Eren sighs, the phone slipping down into his lap before his voice heightened to a shaky tone, restricting him from even pursuing the thoughts in his mind. His mind laid relapsing on the event that occurred, wondering if he hadn't left your side, would you still be laying at his side? His broad hands bandaged around your waist, the skin of your waist resting in his hands as you pressed against him, sentiments of peace radiating off of you.
—
"Eren?" Eren's head veers in another direction as he notices Sasha. His eyes scarcely greeted with her own as he was too tired to even want to focus his body. Armin remained behind her as he glanced at a distance, his face tainted with a subtlety of guilt.
"I hope that this is all a lie. I hope she isn't actually like this, dying. You know, I never imagined Y/n getting attacked like this. She took lessons to fight, but it seemed she was never able to get away from the person who hurt her. I hate how fate is, she has done nothing. She may not be the most innocent person, but she has a beautiful soul." Sasha begins to tear up, growing frustrated at her lack of assurance to maintain the composure of the atmosphere.
"Sasha, it's okay to express yourself. You don't need to feel as if you're having to make sure everything is okay," Armin speaks up, his cerulean eyes dim as he wasn't aware of what he felt. A large portion of his body felt scared, yet a fragile portion felt regret as he held his head in his palm. Regret for not asking you further into your situation when he had the chance.
"I know, Armin. But what will I do if Y/n dies? Mikasa is too scared to even leave her room as she can't deal with the reality of what might occur. She's barely coping with the loss of her dad, and she can't handle this, too." Sasha pauses, continuing on in a subconscious rant as responsibility always laid on her.
"What about Connie? He's slowly beginning to change after the news. Jean too. He has barely slept, or anything," Eren listens in on Sasha's words, a subtle feeling of loneliness engulfing him from the lack of inclusiveness in Sasha's statement as her tears began to pelt down her face - as if it was a valley.
"What about me? What about the fact that I had to witness it? The fact that I don't know what happens after? It feels like you sometimes dismiss me, Sash. " Armin sighs to himself as Sasha's eyes meet with Eren's in hollowness.
"I never said you were holding up well. If I was to pity you, Eren, you would have a go at me. If I don't let you sit in your thoughts sometimes, I'll end up overwhelming you. And, I don't want you harming yourself to ease your pain." Eren casts his eyes on Armin, almost expecting Armin to say something beneficial.
"Don't look at me, I have nothing to say. It's between the two of you. Sasha, is Connie coming out of the car yet?" Sasha sighs, the smooth pads of her fingers resting on her forehead as she struggled to maintain the baggage of the situation.
"I tried to convince him to leave the car, but he won't," Sasha's tone curls and crumbles as there was no positivity that lingered within the situation. The outcome was bound to be dreary.
"Is Jean still with him?" Eren's frame tightens at Armin's words. His eyes bore into Armin's as he had specifically asked them all to not bring Jean with them. As though you had forgiven him, Eren was hesitant to face him, as the grudge was firm against him.
"You brought Jean? I said to not bring him here." Eren's eyes meet Sasha's before they fixated on Armin's. His head shifts to the side as Armin fiddled with the ends of his shirt, unable to think of a good reasoning as to why he didn't suppress Jean into submitting to him, staying home, treading on a parallel path.
"You let this happen. Why did you let him here? You guys know, know what's happening." Eren towers over the two of them, his surge of anger not matching his body as he was too tired.
"But what about those who want to visit her? Jean's one of her closest friends. She's known him for ages, Eren." Eren draws in air through his mouth, his lips narrow as he spoke, angered at the lack of understanding.
"So what if she's known him for ages? You know what he's done to both of us, right? How he used the feelings we felt in an attempt to burn out our flame? What about our history with him?"
Sasha's firm now, her eyes holding no lightness. "Eren, Y/n will manhandle him, when she wakes up. I know he tried to sabotage you guys, but please, just don't do anything stupid. You guys can brawl when this is all over, but remember, in the end, she's yours." Eren's eyes widen slightly, his finger curling as he listens to Sasha's words, a light smile slumbering against his lips. "Hm, she's mine."
"When did you get your knuckles cleaned? I never noticed that." Eren is hesitant to speak, his thoughts wove into one, intangible. "I was forced to get my knuckles cleaned." Sasha laughs slightly, sighing as she pressed against her seat, glancing at the aglow ceiling.
"I'm not surprised. Tell me they didn't throw away your promise rings?" Eren shakes his head, turning to Armin briefly before to an exhausted Sasha.
"Never. She'd never forgive me, and I wouldn't forgive myself." Eren felt uncomfortable about divulging deeper into the situation. He didn't want to be rude, or selfish, but he liked it whenever you would have little moments to yourselves. Sharing made him realise how much he misses you, but he needed to clear the bad omens from his mind.
"You know, she told me she loved me before she became faint. She was scared. She asked for me to remember her; it was the type of I love you where you were unsure if you were gonna die or not. I was stupid to not realise she was bleeding to death whilst she held me, tryna stop me from murdering him." As Eren speaks, he settles in a chair beside Sasha, feeling two other presences overwhelm him.
"Hey, I finally got Connie out of the car. Oh, shit." It's Jean. He remains tense behind Eren, a gesture away from leaving if Connie wasn't there.
"What happened? I only got told the news. Eren, why didn't you tell me?" Eren side-eyes Jean, irritated at how dense he chose to be.
"You really want to ask me that? I don't understand you, Jean. You tried to fuck up me and Y/n, 'cause you were too late. Then, you beg for her forgiveness and everything, even though she wanted some space. Why would I tell you if she might not want to see you?" Eren could only display disappointment, his heart too burned out to mix his dimming anger with his sullen sadness.
Jean's eyes trail along the ground as he's whirled in by the words, his derealisation contrasting itself as he finally felt how it felt to feel the frustration Eren felt. The frustration of someone who desperately tried to redeem themself from unrequited love, using a needle and thread to form their own pattern, only for it to sever, knotting in another. Nobody craved to have a messy stitch, it was unpleasant against the eye. "I'm sorry, Eren." Eren's eyes thrive in disappointment.
"So many people deserve an apology from you, Jean. I saw Allie the other day and your daughter, she has your eyes. If you saw her, through my eyes, you would see how she's slightly the splitting image of you. I held her in my arms. It shouldn't have been me, it should have been you, ages ago." Jean could only listen in on Eren's words, his heart shedding of layers the further Eren spoke.
"Describe her to me, Eren." Connie remained behind Jean, finally coming into view to sit on Sasha's lap, savouring the thought of placing his weight on her body to frustrate her.
"Her face isn't long like yours, it's a nice sort of round. Her hair was in box braids with small colourful beads on the end. She's brown-skin. She has Allie's nose and I presume lips and brow structure? You should see her yourself. She's your mini-me." Jean sighs to himself, his head between his hand as he murmurs. "What have I done?"
"Enough to have the woman adjust on her own. She gave birth with not you beside her, her mother. Despite being mildly wealthy, she still gave up her future. When she fell into labour, your name is what she wanted to call. Not to a person who wasn't there, living their life as if they hadn't ruined another. You sent money, whilst she struggled. And despite that, she still wanted to keep in contact with you, as she wants to start fresh. But you still think Y/n will love you? You had it all in front of you, but you fucked up, Jean." Jean's throat grows arid as he glances at Eren, his lips parted in denial. His eyes bounce along the room as he gulps, gulps as if he was unsure, despite the range of fates that lay ahead of him.
"Holy shit! And you said you wanted to have kids, but you're a deadbeat, dude?" Armin's eyes cast over Connie's, levelling a sense of intimidation over him as he wanted to watch the scene unfold, being more informed than he was before. "Sorry, Armin." Connie anchors his mouth closed, allowing the humour within him to die down momentarily to focus on the heavy, atmospherical tension.
"Can I have her number...?" Jean is unable to focus. His mind is so chaotic, he blurts out the first thing that comes to his indecisive mind. Praying that they don't think less of him, despite the glance Armin delivered to him; his porcelain hand was soft against the bridge of his nose.
"You want it now?" Eren scoffs with ease, unable to be a sort of patronising to keep up with Jean and feed into the victim complex he so dearly clutched upon.
"I do. Anyway, how do you feel about the anniversary coming up? You know I can't leave you on your own." Eren flicks between his memories, growing frustrated at his lack of co-operation with his mind. He was heavily out of tune with the reality that bludgeoned him with brute force.
"What do you mean? I'm confused." Eren fixated his gaze on Jean, his demeanour far from soft, rather on alert. "Zeke's anniversary. The one we would celebrate? Where we would go to a baseball game on the anniversary of when he almost died?" Connie's eyes widen, locking with Sasha's at Jean's words.
Eren pauses, his face reaching a paleness as Jean attempted to let out a gentle smile. "It... honestly depends how long Y/n's in here for. I promised Zeke I would," The trio sighed in relief, relieved at the fact that Eren hadn't taken offence to Jean's words.
"I'll buy you that thing you always wanted. I promise." Eren nods his head, his light smile fading as he says his words, "Don't think I've forgiven you."
"I know you haven't, I'll make it up to you," Jean begins to peel the skin by his cuticles, resulting in Sasha shifting Connie out of her lap and standing.
She puts her hand over his own, "Don't." Jean sighs, running a hand through his hair before Sasha journeyed to sit back down again, the time heavy against her chest, as she was unsure how long had passed. She wanted a conversation to brew between all of you, but what was there to muster in a time that held sadness?
—
Five more days had passed and you remained unconscious, showing no evident signs of ultimate survival. Eren dreaded the thought of being away from you for a vast amount of time, fidgeting with the plush he had purchased for you, unable to fall asleep without the comfort of your arms. Though he was allowed the chance to visit you, he was unable to face you properly without being able to see you awake, grinning at the stupid things he would say. He disdained it. He was struggling heavily without you. But despite that, at least he had another piece of you: the wallpaper from when you both watched Netflix.
He hadn't contacted anyone, despite Sasha practically pounding against his parentsʼ home, calling out for him. He hadn't picked up a proper meal in a few days, unable to glance at the counter he had perched you up against once; it all overwhelmed him as if it was the storm after the calm. If you had seen him now, god would you beat the brakes out of him for being this worried about you, risking his health and safety. He could barely even do anything except sleep in the hospital room, waiting for you to wake up. Tell him you were ready to watch something, fight someone, cry over the littlest things; he misses it all.
He couldn't endure it anymore, the worse began to get to him; he hated it. He always felt tears begin to fall from his eyes every time he hesitantly walked into your hospital room. He didn't want for him to tear up, as you weren't there to collect his tears, assuring him he was fine. You only laid unresponsive on the bed, your skin colour slightly greyish, resembling one who had perished. It made him sick that you weren't active, rather fighting for your life, your signals mixed. It reminded him of Zeke when he was in the hospital, a few rooms away from yours.
Despite the silent nights, Eren still stayed in the room, with only his jacket to cover his frame as he slept. He couldn't sleep in his room as it reminded him of you. So what harm was there staying with you right now, praying for the best? Sometimes he regretted sleeping in the same room as you as your parents attempted to visit, wanting to engage in a conversation with him, but he shut everybody out. He was too out of it to maintain communication. He just wanted you. How were you so far away yet so close in reach? Why didn't you wake up for him? Tell him it's all okay? Tell him to not be afraid? But he knew you'd never say that. Never.
A knock was present against the door, causing Eren's eyes to shift in an instant, anger seething through him as he wasn't fond of being bothered at this moment. He watched as the door shifted open, his eyes, present with eye bags, not shifting from the person, only maintaining their posture.
"Eren, it's my turn to visit her. Go with Sasha and go home and get rest," Allie states, causing Eren to boar his eyes into her, irritation etching at him — he didn't want to leave you.
"Give me ten minutes. I just want to be with her, Allie." Allie finds herself growing gloomy at Eren's words. It was the same words Jean had spoken of. It was the unspoken of to her.
"Just stay with her... Eren," Eren's eyes linger with confusion at her sudden change in demeanour, but he finds himself unable to care, just wondering when fate would alter at his request.
"Thank you, Allie." He observes as Allie fades away, closing the door behind her. He shifts his eyes to his bandaged knuckles, admiring the subtle cuts he had engraved into his hand; he was falling into his old habits. Eren hated harming himself, but there was no one to stop him, so he did so anyway, finding a relieving feeling in it.
Though he was aware it would cause an itching feeling in his hand a few days later, he didn't care. He found the feeling of knowing he was hurting himself good enough, as he knew he was not enough at this moment. He knew this because he didn't save you, he hadn't stopped you from going up to the rooftop. He didn't raise a brow in concern when you left, or what took you so long. He thought he had earned the rights to harm himself, not the rights to remained scarless. He hated to admit it, but he liked the feeling of the blood angry against his inflicted wound, dripping as he turned it to the side. It was a fucked way of feeling pain, but he wanted to do it. God did he want to bleed so bad right now. Fucking die.
He wanted to harm himself right now. He felt guilty, even though he knew it wasn't his fault. If it wasn't his fault, why did he still feel as if it was on him? Was it because he hadn't done enough to prevent it? But that wouldn't make sense, as he can't decide what happens, only changing the path of his future. But he couldn't change the path to your fate. He fought for your peace every single day, making sure you had the best, yet he couldn't stop the person you openly feared. Someone you would get hysterical over, someone who restricted Eren from sometimes fully viewing all of you, or you being unable to accept his compliments — as he had structured trauma within you. Brandon had built you to break you in front of yourself or another.
Eren couldn't control the guilt, the urge overtook him. He wanted to curl into a ball, cry into his mother's arms like he used to. He didn't want to be here, to be the one watching you suffer, he wanted to be the one in the hospital bed, not you. But he can't change fate. He can't physically replace the trauma that was inflicted on you. The hospital bed carries your fate, and well, his eyes, his mind and body carry the memories of you. As Eren focuses on you, unable to keep his eyes awake, his phone pinged. He swore to himself he had put it on do-not-disturb; who would turn it on for him? He kept it off, he swore, he promised, he was sure of it.
Then he realised, it hit him. It was you. It was a voicemail, from you, but how? How was that possible? How could you send a voicemail without recording it on the spot? He was hesitant to play it as he was unsure if he wanted to hear your voice now as you were out cold; it felt wrong.
"I should open it. She'd want me to. She'll beat my ass if I don't." He intakes the air, his fingers trembling at the sides of the phone as he gulps, closing his eyes as he had to mentally guide himself to endure the unknown words.
He taps harshly against the phone, closing his eyes with roughness. His brows crease as he flinches at your voice exiting from his speaker.
"I'm sorry, Eren. I didn't mean for this to happen if it did. Something's going to happen to me, I'm not being paranoid. I've had a feeling something was going to happen at the masquerade and I have a feeling it will happen. I'm strapping a knife to my leg, but I know that'll do nothing." Eren grits his teeth, unable to breathe as you continued to speak.
"Don't hate me. I'm just making a guess, and I didn't want to worry you. You know how you get when you're worried, right? You're cute when you're worried, but still, it scares me when you are." Tears stretch down his face, despite him wondering how he was still crying, he had drained himself from it. He was still a cry baby at heart.
"Now I'm even more worried. You're in a hospital bed now. I'd rather be paranoid over you than not know if you'll wake up again. You're stupid, Y/n, beautifully stupid." Eren chuckles to himself, his face reddening as he used the side of his hand to rub away at his tears, finding himself pathetic. He shifts in his seat, breathing heavily as he attempted to find the light in the situation, but none laid. He hadn't realised the voice mail hadn't ended.
"Just remember I love you, Eren. I'm not selfish, but don't love anyone but me." He smiles at the end of your message, feeling himself lighten up as you were the only person he could ever love.
"I can't love you fully if you don't wake up. If you saw how you looked right now, you would be fighting any breathing thing." He glances down at the phone, smoothing his hand over the screen repetitively as he was unsure if he should replay it again, as your voice seemed to calm him down. Calm him down from the memory of it all. He could only wish you weren't worried in that voice mail, only your tone being gentle.
"Goodnight, M'lady," Eren whispers, pressing against his jacket as he adjusted to fit into the uncomfortable spacing of the chair.
Eren rested far from comfortable in this chair. He was relieved that he was allowed to sleep in the chair, but he was only able to get sleep as he was nearby you. He got at least three hours of sleep in the chair. It was a short period of time, but he was scared, scared that someone may attempt to infiltrate the room you're in, to cause harm. During the time he remained awake during the nocturne of night, was where he would read a book he had brought with him. He hated the thought of using his phone in times he wanted to be alone. Oh how much did he want to break it, but it held images of you.
"I can't sleep, I'll read. She loved this stupid book anyway." Eren presses his jacket against his chair, shifting lightly before he opens the book, resuming on what page he was on the night before. He read through a page, scoffing at the fact that a vampire prince saves a random girl from dying at her sister's wedding. "She wants to die? I don't blame her, her family got bodied by vampires." Eren mutters, his finger roaming the page as he read on, finding himself intrigued with the vampire prince and his female accomplice, that fight for Y/n, wanting to allow her to taint her innocence.
"So she's surrounded by vampires and werewolves? No way he just did that. No way." Eren chuckles as he divulges deeper into certain parts, his brows creasing in confusion or interest. "Stupid guy if you ask me. Is he? I've never done something like that before. Never mind." Eren corrects himself as he realises he had ripped your clothes before, too horny to wait for you to slowly peel them off. He grows crimson at the thought, sighing before he turned to glance out of the window.
The sky was soft against the window. Yet, it was dull, missing a few hues that brightened it. He wondered how a sky failed to maintain its enthralling hues; why did it grow bleak on all of his dark days? It never made sense to him. It made him rather uncomfortable at the fact that the sky would reason with his moods, either taunting or siding with him in the process. It either rendered him helpless or rendered him into a sort of calm; there was no in-between.
"The sky is boring, but it's beautiful tonight," He flits his eyes onto you, tears building in his eyes. He didn't want to cry, he was tired of it. It did nothing for him, so he didn't want to feed into it, but his body disregarded his main thoughts, projecting physically what he truly felt.
"I wish you could see the sky tonight, you would have loved this." Eren grits his teeth, his vision blurring with tears as he holds the book in place. His tears land on a page, directly above the word: hell. He scoffs, allowing his tears to stream as he knew, knew, once he cried, it wouldn't stop. It never did.
He thought he'd be chuckling to cure his pain, but no, he was crying, reacting the opposite way he had adjusted to. He was confused, honestly confused and conflicted on how to feel. Oh how much he hated it. How much it kept him up at night.
"How I hate it here. Just come back to me, Y/n," He murmurs, too sullen to glance at you resting, unable to hear him. "I just want to hold you, kiss you, watch something with you. What are you even seeing in your state? What are you experiencing? So many things I want to ask you, but you can't answer." Eren hates how deep this one-sided conversation is. He just wants it to be two-sided again — like it always was. He didn't want to feel his Adam's apple shift after he swallowed because he was talking to himself, he wanted it to shift when he engaged with you.
"It has been almost a week, and you're still out of it. Please, come back. Come back to me, my love." Eren subconsciously bends the page of the book, his inpatient side infiltrating him. He was waiting for so long, just to get nothing, nothing that would secure your return. Just that stupid steady heart monitor nearby you.
"I miss you so much." Eren feels his lids begin to grow heavy as he speaks, his words sprawled as he began to lose consciousness. "No..." Eren sighs as he's pulled into a dark abyss, signalling he was asleep, though he didn't want to be. But this was his three hours of sleep period, a period he couldn't control.
—
He could hear the tender crashing of the ocean. His nose was entrenched with the scent that caressed the beach, bringing nostalgia. The scent held peace; it was pleasant against the softness of his nose. He was rather confused about where his body was located, but it didn't take him long to realise where he was: the beach in his parentsʼ home country: Germany. He wonders how many people are here beside him, but it doesn't take him long to find you approaching him with an overfilled bucket of tender sand. And then it hit him, he was buried in the sand by you, as he had requested for you to do.
He observed as you chuckled, planting a soft kiss on his lips before you attempted to finish carving the weird design onto his body. He's so eager to speak, so he does so, finding rooted comfort in this realistic situation that played on in front of him.
"So, what's the pattern you're going with? I've been stuck here for a while." Eren groans, watching as you titter above him, wiping a streak of sand against his forehead to annoy him. Annoy him in a way he would flush a beautiful tint of red, shifting his face in annoyance.
"I want to turn you into an orc, though I can't make you green. I can draw your abs and all, too bad it won't be the full thing." You remove the sand off of his forehead, pressing your lips against his once more as he stills himself.
"I'd make a beautiful one, mhm?" You caress his chin, gesturing for him to entwine his eyes with yours, "You'll make a beautiful anything, Eren. You're beautiful, regardless of what you are." Eren turns at your compliment, his eyes tearing up as there were two different versions of you right now, but he wanted to savour this one. The one that guaranteed him peace, no worries, no people, just the two of you.
"Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong? You really are a cry baby, Eren. Crying over the littlest things I say. Who hurt you?" You ask him, wiping away at his tears with a gentle smile. It was the moment his tears embedded into the sand that everything went wrong. He watched as your expression began to slowly blur as you continued to ask him, wondering why he was unresponsive to you, enclosed in a maze of uncertainty.
"Eren? Eren? Eren? What's wrong? Answer me! Answer me!" He grew Ill at the sight of your disproportioned face. It was as if his mind was attempting to make him forget you, warp the mental images of you into something that differed from your beauty.
"I'll get help, wait here." He watches as your blurred figure frantically wisps away, only for the atmosphere to angrily redden. He watched as the gentle skies were now submerged in red, the sea fuming, ablaze with hatred – his hatred. He waited and waited, and you never came back, rather he was stuck to watch as the storm raged on, the water closing in on him slowly as he was stuck. He attempted to shift out of the sand, but to no avail. He called for your name, patient for an unguaranteed response, but nothing, only the daunting laugh of someone who remained in an unseeable abyss.
He glances at the tainted water crashing against him. He only accepts his planned fate, feeling as the red sea overtook him, guiding him over to you who remained in stillness, your heart carved out of your chest. He attempted to scream underwater, only for him to feel his own heart being tugged out of himself, desperately fitted into you. He watched as you inched closer to him, swimming eagerly to reach him. You're stressed, not a single hair of yours laying flat as you were desperate to reach him. You filled his chaotic vision as you planted your own tarnished heart into him, gifting him partial life.
As you did so, your cheeks puffed as you couldn't breathe in the dyed water. His eyes grew heavy, flickering between memories that remained behind you - memories of you and him. Sombrely, he observed, his fingers pruned as he neared closer to you, gripping onto you in closeness before his lips met yours; his hands were callous against your face, drawing blood as his state had changed. He became hot with anger, bubbling the crimson liquid to a degree you writhed in panic, engulfed by the embedded anger he failed to subside.
Eren was embraced with panic as he wrapped his arms around you, attempting to steady you. He miserably failed in doing, bring burn marks and bleakness to your frame - he spread an unknown toxin within you. His eyes were overwhelmed with the sight of you failing to swim up, to press your lips against his own, despite the ablaze touch he held, fuelling the humidity of the water. You were seconds away from falling unconscious, but you held your own in the water, also meeting the memories behind him, only tearing as if it was fire greeting the ends of newly-formed paper.
You brought your lips against his own, once more, wincing at the brutal warmth as he held his hands against the side of your breasts, unable to reach the lower portion of your body. He burns into your flesh, eliciting panic to arise within him as you cry in pain. Your fall is inevitable as he propels himself to race after your sinking frame, searching for you in the ablaze, red sea. But all he caught fragments of, was your memories growing faint against him. He heard a swift 'I love you, Eren' before his sight was engulfed with flames, gesturing that you were gone, far from being with him at this moment. His screams proclaim through the water, the vibrations coursing through and feeding into the anger of his sea; he could make it calm, but he failed in doing so. This was his hell, a hell without you, a hell-born from his uncontrolled anger.
His sight grows black as his sea loses colour, unable to detect what he was feeling as it remained scattered, unknown. All the hues are painted into one, bringing an unpleasant hue to infiltrate the atmosphere, only to turn black. Eren woke up swiftly with a sharp gasp. His eyes warmly brimming with tears as his eyes sweep around the room, yearning to see if you were in a single piece, no other pieces of harm inflicted upon you.
As he did so, he stood up, moving closer to your hospital bed to study your face. He watched your heart monitor machine, only for it to increase subtly as he rested his hand in yours, amused by the feeling of your hand, after being astray from it for a while. He pressed his soft lips against your forehead, only for you to lightly stir, before slowly beginning to attempt to open your eyes, overwhelmed by the complexity of the lighting of the room.
—
His beloved stirs awake, but her awakeness is not guaranteed. Her eyes may stir open but manifest no trust in the illusion in front of you, as everything alters, for better, or for the worst.