We instantly regretted our little party the moment we woke up in the morning, after less than two hours of sleep, still feeling a little dizzy after all the alcohol. Just how many bottles did Connor manage to stash away? And how? Maybe it was better we didn't know. Not to mention I had a little different problem to deal with in the form of angry Nolan, growling in my general direction first thing in the morning. When we fell asleep, I was lying between him and Az, which didn't seem like a big deal to me, but when I woke up Nolan did not share the sentiment.
"Nolan, what's going on?" I asked, still drowsy from my sleep or lack of thereof, breaking his line of sight as he glared at Az, who woke up with what I could only call a smirk. Seriously, what was their problem?
I didn't get an answer. Instead, the two exchanged weird glances and then Devan hissed at all of us to get our asses into the dining room for whatever scraps were left for breakfast. We walked through the hallways like a group of exhausted zombies and after we managed to eat, we made a collective decision to take the morning off as we returned to our room and crawled into our respective beds, determined to not get up until after lunch.
"Freya will train with the rest of us today. It's time we saw what progress she's made," Nolan spoke as we were all getting ready for our training session later that afternoon, the aftermath of our little party thankfully long gone.
"I don't recall ever giving you the authority to say what's best for her training," Az replied, clearly annoyed.
"I don't recall you being ranked high enough to stop me," Nolan snapped back.
"And I don't recall being a piece of meat tossed around like a ball, but here we are," I stepped between them, fed up of this little pissing contest they seemed to have going on. I could tell the rest of the group was now watching us, likely amused at whatever was going on. While I stood between the two males who seemed to be hellbent on murdering each other with their stares.
"You're right," Nolan said finally, his voice strained. And thankfully, Az nodded. Good. Az was my teacher for now, and of course I listened to him in the sparring ring. Just like I listened to Nolan whenever he trained me. But I wasn't their toy. If they wanted one, they shouldn't have trained me and given me the confidence to begin with.
"I'll train with everyone tomorrow. Today we will all be useless anyway," I decided and left no room for argument. It was clear neither of them was happy about the arrangement, but they said nothing. And so back to the small gym I went, for another day of practice with Az. If I was to spar with all of them tomorrow, I wanted to be as ready as I could be. Show them that I would not hold our group back.
"Again," Az said as we both got back on our feet. We were now both dripping with sweat and I was panting heavily, but I said nothing as I charged again. We were training in the dark now. I was learning to rely on all of my senses as well as putting my stealth training to use.
"Focus Freya, you're letting anger get to you again," I heard him behind me before I could sense him.
"You're frustrating," I hissed trying to reign in my emotions and focus. I was getting better at it, but I was still far from perfect. There was no way I could surprise him with an attack of my own. It was something I had to come to terms with if I ever wanted to get myself in control of the situation. I was not stronger than him. Yet. I couldn't be. Where he had years of brutal training, I had cheerleader sessions. I couldn't simply surpass my teacher in the matter of months which we trained. But I didn't need to. I needed to best those who will face me in trials. Overpower or outsmart them. Az was a bar set very high. Much much higher than I could possibly achieve in just a few months. Once I realized this, it became slightly easier to control my frustration and helplessness and I slowly began to read his movements. I was now capable of standing my ground, of defending myself. And that was a huge step.
When I returned to our room completely exhausted, almost everyone else already left for dinner, except for Nolan. Aaron asked if I was going for a swim with the twins after, but I was too tired for it today. All I wanted was to crawl into bed next to Nolan and sleep through the night. As magical as our little party was the night before, it probably wasn't the smartest idea ever.
"Please love, go take a shower first, you smell awful," Nolan practically pushed me away when I ran up to him for a quick kiss.
"Well, thanks," I mumbled and gave him a pout. How rude. He never complained about my sweat when he trained me. I was pretty sure his problem was more in the scent of another male on my body. Especially after what happened this morning. Still I took a shower before confronting him.
"Nolan, what's the deal?" I asked when I walked out of the shower.
"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.
"You and Az. Does it bother you that he trains me? Are you jealous or something?" I asked, my second question being more of a joke than anything else. But his silence which followed spoke volumes.
"Oh," I managed to get out. So, that was the issue.
"Look, Freya, I know that we never really defined this... whatever this is between us. And I know you don't owe me anything. You haven't found your mate yet and..." I put my hand over his lips to silence him.
"There is no 'yet'. I told you this before," I reminded him.
"You can't know this. Just because you weren't born and raised here doesn't mean the Goddess didn't intend for you to end up here. Your mate could be waiting for you in Midnight City. Hell, it could be any of the guys. And we never discussed this really, but you are the best thing that happened to me since SHE died. I guess I just don't want this, whatever it is, to be over yet," he said. I could tell he was struggling to find the right words. The big bad wolf was at loss for words.
"Look if it were any of the guys, we would've known already," I sighed and sat next to him on the bed. I understood his frustration. I didn't know how to label what we were myself. We were more than friends, we slept together at least whenever we could have at least a little privacy, we acted like a couple. But there were no love confessions, no plans for the future, nothing like the bond mates are blessed with. There couldn't be. His mate was long gone and mine likely forever lost.
"That's not how mates work," he sighed, "you don't always know right away. For some it snaps into place much later than others and for some, very few, but they exist, it never happens at all. It's unusual for mates to meet and for both of them to know right away. A lot of it depends on where you are in life. Just because one is ready for such commitment doesn't mean the other is, too. Having a mate is the greatest gift Goddess bestowed upon us, but if you rush into it, if you're pushed into it, it can also become the greatest burden. That's why it's so rare for us to mate young. You have to be in the same place for it to happen the right way."
"How did you know your mate was... well your mate?" I asked and instantly regretted it. What if I brought back all the painful memories? If I did, he didn't show it.
"When I met her, I should have killed her. I shouldn't have felt anything at all for her. Yet, I couldn't. It was not love at first, I just simply couldn't hurt her. And I made excuses for it in my head. That it didn't matter, that she was just a human and wouldn't live long anyway. But then I found myself drifting towards her. Searching for her in crowds I knew she couldn't be in. And when we met again, I knew something was different. She smelled amazing and not in a delicious meal kind of way. Her touch would make me shiver. She'd leave me breathless by merely looking at me. It was harder and harder to not go and seek her out, to not touch her, be around her. And when we kissed for the first time, it stopped being me, all that was left was us."
"I resisted marking her, because I wanted to first find a safe place for us to live. It was an agony to be away from her. Now I know why. Mates aren't supposed to separate. Once the bond forms, it's impossible to walk away and move on. It's a double edged sword. On one side you have a companion forever. Someone who is your other half and who loves you unconditionally. On the other side, it changes you. Especially if your mate is different in nature. They take a piece of you and you never get it back. And if you lose them, there is this pit of darkness and agony inside your soul which can drive you mad. It drives me insane everyday. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to lose a mate you actually got to mate with."
Nolan looked so vulnerable when he spoke of her. Of what he felt towards her. His lost mate. My heart ached for him. But I also realized that whatever we had, it really was just temporary. Because I could never compete with her. And I didn't want to. I wasn't jealous or angry over it. But at the same time, I wished I could know that feeling someday. To be the one instead of just the backup like I was to Collin and now Nolan.
***
So... any theories? Do you think you know Freya's mate? Does she have one?