REMUS WATCHED JULIA'S sobbing figure from the porch. Cassie had run back into the house in tears and locked herself in the room leaving Remus quite perplexed as to what could have possibly disturbed the girl so much especially when she just went to the market.
Julia didn't enter the house at all. Remus had seen her walk towards the house while he read the paper on the porch swing but as soon as her eyes met his resting figure, she turned away and marched to the nearby pond, seating herself and letting her emotions flow.
Remus was finally informed of this cold behaviour between the mother and daughter when Cassie came down half an hour later remembering she hadn't kept the ice cream in the freezer - having dumped all the groceries on the kitchen platform before running up to her room and changing out of the men's clothing.
Taking a cup of ice cream for herself, she off-handedly mentioned to Remus how yet another person lied to her about their past relationships.
"Weren't you just crying a minute ago?" Remus asked, looking thoroughly confused over how calm and collected Cassie was looking after just almost having a breakdown.
"Yes," Cassie nodded, failing to see his point as she licked the ice cream off the spoon.
"And you're done wallowing?" he asked again, still reeling from the sudden change of countenance.
"Remus, that was a minute ago. Right now, I want ice cream. Now I'm going to go back up to my room, finish this cup and reply to Fred's letter that just came in," she informed, beginning to walk up the stairs.
So that's what changed her mood, thought Remus to himself.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Cassie added, whirling around to face him as she reached the landing, "The World Cup is this year and Fred's got me tickets, so I'm going with the Weasley's, Harry and Granger,"
"Goodness knows why Granger was invited, she doesn't even like quidditch," the Black murmured to herself while walking to her room without waiting for Remus's response.
Remus stared at the empty spot where Cassie once stood, taking in exactly what happened.
"Teenagers scare the living shit out of me," he sighed before making his way out of the house to talk to Julia and confirm his suspicions over this fallout at the market.
He stopped before her quivering, huddled figure, confused on whether he should inform her of his arrival before sitting down next to her or-
"You can sit," Julia answered for him, not even turning behind to check who it was.
"Cassie said you lied about something," Remus stated matter-of-factly as the two stared at a duck swimming in the pond with her children. It was ironic for them to see a happy family while they sat there, with every member of their family dead and deceased.
Both Julia and Remus hated seeing content families after the loss of their loved ones (for Julia her parents and Felix and Remus, Cassandra Prewett). But they both, over time, learned to cope with it and accept the fate of what they could never have.
"I bumped into Joon," Julia sniffed after a moment. On hearing his name, Remus's jaw tightened. None of the marauders forgave Joon for what he did to Julia. If Remus would've been there today, Joon would have gone home with a bloody nose, and everyone knew Remus to be the one abstaining from violence whenever and wherever he could.
"He has a daughter now," she added, making Remus scoff.
"That makes two of them," he said in return, "Yoo Chang has a daughter too. Cho Chang. Ravenclaw. I taught her this year. Seeker, just like her bastard of an uncle. I have a feeling Harry fancies her,"
"Yoo was kinder. He was a nice boy. Still keeps in touch with me to date. He knew about Felix. But I don't think he told his brother," Julia nodded, smiling slightly at the memory of her ex's brother. Yoo had always been her favourite. They had a sibling relationship and if one could say, they were closer than Joon and Yoo ever could be. It was very fitting when he got sorted into Hufflepuff. He possessed a very kind temperament and always strived to keep everyone around him happy.
"Joon asked about Felix; asked how his son was. I told him the truth. I told him Felix was dead," Julianna's voice cracked as she uttered the last word. The loss of her son still hurt her, which is why she preferred to lie and tell people that part of her life never occurred. But unfortunately, all the lying caught up to her when Cassie overheard her.
She could understand Cassie's pain. It was just yesterday when Cassie asked her mother about her previous relationships and Julianna lied through her teeth saying Sirius was her first relationship, omitting her entire history with Joon and the real reason she and Sirius fell in love.
She had wiped out the entire emotional bond that connected Sirius and herself, just to not feel the pain of telling her daughter about the stillbirth.
Meanwhile, Cassie sat on her bed, pondering over her late half-brother and Joon. She could understand why her mother kept this from her but she most definitely didn't appreciate the lies. She never once read her mother's mind because she trusted her, despite not knowing a thing about her. But here she was, eating ice cream while staring out the bay window overlooking Julia and Remus talking.
She could see her mother repenting it. She could see the hurt in her eyes. But Cassie was fed up with people lying to her and keeping things from her. She wanted to trust people and somehow, the only one she could ever trust was Fred Weasley.
He accepted her for who she was - with all her faults and cracks.
He saw through that cold-hearted, emotionless exterior and knew the girl had feelings that she didn't like getting toyed with.
He respected her, her decisions, her knowledge and her power.
He made her feel valued for herself, and not just for being the most powerful witch in the world.
He made her happy. He made her forget about what she was sad or mad about within moments.
He made her feel safe and involved.
And that's all that she ever wanted.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ⁅ - ෴ - ⁆ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
JULIA KNOCKED ON her daughter's door. She had finally decided to come inside with Remus after twilight. She felt slightly better, opening up to someone and letting them in on matters that weighed her down every single day. Now, she just had to come clean to her daughter.
"Go away," Cassie said knowingly. She'd caught her mother looking up the window while they walked back towards the house and knew that very moment she was going to come and ask for forgiveness.
"Joon and I began dating during the summer of 1974," Julia said instead. It was a thing she did when it came to explaining herself to the Blacks. Both Sirius and Regulus weren't ready to ever listen to the explanation and would always shut the person out. So instead of wasting time in saying 'just let me explain myself', Julia would just begin with the explanation, knowing that they would be listening to her from behind the door just like Cassie was right now. Leaning her head on the door, the Potter continued.
"His younger brother, Yoo was my partner in Herbology and I knew of Joon from him. When I went over to his house for a few weeks during the summer holidays, Joon and I kissed and confessed feelings for each other and soon began dating. We were happy together. Our families liked each other, my friends approved of him and so did James and the marauders. He made me happy and that first year of our relationship was probably the best year I'd spent with him.
My fifth year started and Joon began getting influenced by peer pressure. All his friends were losing their virginity and Joon didn't want to feel left out. He respected my decision and wanted to wait till I was ready but I was too blinded by the fact that I needed to make him happy. So I made him happy. Unfortunately, we didn't use protection that night and when I realised I missed my period, I had a panic attack. I was fifteen and I wasn't ready to have a child. I had OWLs that year and I was keen on becoming an Auror. Having a child at that fruitful age would just be an obstacle to my planned path of success. But regardless of that path, I'd always wanted to be a mother; and at that time, I really thought Joon was my everything and we could perhaps have a family together. So I decided to keep the baby. So what if it was way too early in our lives? I had Joon; or so I thought.
I was still scared so I hid my pregnancy from everyone till I was three months in. It was Sandra that noticed my weight gain and asked me if I was feeling well. She has noticed my dizzy spells and queasiness but didn't want to disturb me until I felt sick while teaching her Herbology. She was the first person I told about my pregnancy. I didn't know it then but Sirius and James had overheard me that night.
Four months in, my belly started showing. When I told Fruga and Heidi, two of my friends about my pregnancy, they both abandoned me, calling me a minger and a slag. That was the time I slowly and steadily began spiraling into depression. My anxiety and panic attacks increased in number and I was even more scared to tell Joon about my pregnancy. While having one of my attacks with James around, I told him of the baby. He was disappointed in me but didn't say anything, knowing very well of the mental turmoil it would give me.
As the fifth month rolled in, I finally got the guts to tell Joon about it. I wrote him a letter, not wanting to face him and hear any ugly words. I sent it to him and watched him read it in the Great Hall, his face getting paler by the minute. He asked me to meet him at the Astronomy Tower later that day. When I met him, he begged me to tell him it was a prank. He told me how he wasn't ready for this and how it was all my fault for even agreeing to do it. He told me he hated me for doing this to him especially during such a time when everyone was fearing for their lives while Voldermort ensued chaos outside. He'd already lost his cousin sister and now he had the burden of this baby and me. He walked away from me that night, leaving me in tears.
The next day I got a letter from him, in which he apologized for all the harsh words he had said. He told me he slept over it and finally concluded that maybe having a baby wasn't a bad idea. He then proceeded to tell me that he was leaving for America with his family till the war was done after his seventh year ended. That part, however, was a lie. He left me a month later but kept in touch, writing letters every week. He promised me that he would be there for the delivery of the child and would be the best father he could be.
By the time I was seven months due, it was getting difficult for me to keep up with school. I still didn't give up. I gave my OWLs eight months due and got eight Os and one E. Despite having the best scores one could ask for in such a state, I dropped out of school after that year, planning on getting homeschooled till my seventh year. I deemed it important to be there for my child and that I could manage with some homeschooling.
Mum and dad knew about my pregnancy since James wrote them a letter on my behalf. They supported me, which was everything I could ask for, even offering to take care of the baby so that I wouldn't have to give up on Hogwarts.
Summer came and I was weeks away from my due date. Mother found out I would conceive a boy and James could not be more excited to have a nephew. But there were a few things I couldn't help but notice. Joon's letters had slowly reduced in numbers, with the last letter congratulating me over my OWL scores. Secondly, Sirius was extraordinarily involved in helping me out since I couldn't move around much due to the pregnancy.
A week before the due date, I received a letter, a howler rather, from Joon, however, it wasn't written by him. It was from his mother. Its contents revealed that Joon had lied to his family and told them the baby I carried wasn't his but he still wanted to father it. Mrs Chang called me an insolent brat, a manipulative drab and a trollope. Her voice still echoes in my mind during my darkest hours. That howler pushed me further into depression. During that one week, Sirius was there by my side the whole time, and he was the only one who understood my pain. I had been an unwitting witness to all the harsh words his mother called him in public and he would often come to me when he needed to vent over his pathetic excuse of a family.
My due date arrived and mum, dad, James and Sirius were in the room with me as I went into labour. James fainted two minutes in while Sirius lent me his arm to squeeze to death as I pushed. The baby was born but it never kicked or cried. I was knackered after the delivery so I passed out. When I woke up a few hours later, I heard the most devastating news. My son, who I'd planned on naming Felix, was stillborn.
That was what crossed my silver lining that stopped me from falling into depression. I began isolating myself from the world and barely came out of my room. I would seldom stop crying. It felt like the worst day of my life, every single day; like everything was falling apart and nothing was of worth even if it was. Numbness. I wanted to feel something. I didn't care if it was happiness, sadness or anger. Anything was better than the numbness I felt. It was like dragging around a massive stone, holding me back and weighing me down. I was surrounded by people that loved me, who wanted to help me out of this, yet I felt so terrifyingly alone and lost.
I was withdrawn, irritable, tired, anxious. My panic attacks happened almost every day. My room became a reflection of my mental state. Messy, dark, dusty, gloomy. I didn't feel like living. Nothing felt reason enough for me to live.
School started and James and Sirius were forced to return to Hogwarts. Dumbledore managed to let James come every weekend to try and make me feel better but I didn't care. He would bring me gifts and goodies from the marauders. The only thing that I would take from those hampers was Remus's stack of chocolates. The sweetness of the chocolate was the only thing that I could feel, so that's what I would eat.
Sirius came in one month and managed to let himself in somehow. He told me how everyone was worried about me and how they all cared. He then pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his jacket and handed it over to me. It was a letter written by the marauders and Sandra's friends, each of them listing fifteen points about what they loved in me. At the end of the letter was Sirius's fifteenth point. It was a drawing of me sitting on a swing, laughing as flowers fell on my hand from the tree above. I recognized it from the muggle park near Grimmauld Place. I'd never been there so I could only assume he'd drawn it purely out of memory. Reading that letter and coming upon his sketch, I couldn't help but finally smile. When I cried that day, I cried purely out of happiness.
Sirius began visiting more often and I was slowly started coming out of my room and talking to people more frequently. Everyone noticed the positive effect he was having on me. Eventually, I became better enough to join Hogwarts again. So I rejoined school, continuing my education with James's batch. Sirius and I became closer in our sixth year and well the rest is history.
I'm sorry I lied to you, Cassie. It's just- I have you now and I don't want to think about that terrible time in my life anymore. I didn't mean to be dishonest with you and keep you out of my life especially since I was never there for you for all these years. I'm really sorry and I hope that someday you can forgive me."
Julia's last statement however was answered when the door flung open to a tearful Cassie grabbing her mother into a hug. Because for these two, a hug meant much more than words could ever say.