Takes place after All Might v AFO
TW: implied SA depression ptsd self harm
There are many fluffy moments between the two
Enjoy
Word count: 5609
3rd-
As the final blow goes, there goes both All might and All for One, at least for now. All Bakugou can do is stare at the screen. He feels angry and guilty and useless.
He feels a nudge on his hand an quickly pulls his hand to his chest. He turns and sees Kirishima looking at him a little shocked. "You okay bro?" Bakugou nods a little. "Let's head out before everything gets crazy." He says softly offering his hand to his bestfriend. Bakugou takes his hand reluctantly, but he knows he can trust Kirishima. Right?
Timeskip-
After everything settled down a bit and Bakugou was allowed to see everyone again, there were dorms established. But something was off. He was quiet.
No one ever really saw him. He didn't yell very much and he would avoid any and all touch that would come his way.
He would only interact with a select few people and would never touch them. He was in his room a lot.
What would he do in there? Cry.
He felt so guilty and violated. He ended Allmight and got- he can't even remotely think about it. Why him? Why was everything always his fault?
Bakugou-
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why do I villainize myself to the point of kidnapping? Would I really make a good villain? Do I really act like one? Why do I have to be so fucking weak? It's all my fucking fault.
I angrily wipe my tears and rest my hands on my thighs. I quickly retract my hands as I'm reminded of the hands of others on them previously.
I'm so fucking pathetic.
I can't even rest my hands before freaking out.
Maybe I deserved it.
After everything I've done.
Maybe I should take my own advice.
Maybe if I just..
I slip my waistline down past my thigh. I heat up my hand, not exploding anything, and place my burning palm onto my exposed skin. I feel it sear and sizzle and it hurts so fucking bad. But I can't seem to stop. I only feel it getting hotter till it's too much to handle and I have to pull away.
Looking down I see an almost black handprint, blood seeming to want to escape. And I'm afraid if I move an inch the burn will rip and bleed.
"Fuck." So I leave my pants halfway down and let myself fall asleep.
Timeskip-
We were getting ready for hero training, in the locker room. Where we all change in front of eachother.
So I'm my attempt to hide my mistake from the night before, as well as my bare body, I waited until almost everyone was out before I slipped my shirt off. By the time I was changing my pants only Deku remained. It seemed like he was waiting for me so I faced the locker and finished getting ready.
When leaving Deku caught up to me, walking a little close for my own comfort. He rambled, only leaning onto me more and I flinched away subtly. I may know his secret now but I really didn't want us being close physically as well.
He seemed to notice my distance and mumbled a "sorry Kacchan." Before continuing.
When we reached the practice zone we were put into rescue teams while the other half of the class would play civilians. I was partnered with Shoji. Other teams got announced, as well as civilians. Kirishima was one of the victims.
After the civilians were scattered we were sent to rescue as many people as we could. Me and Shoji managed to rescue Hagakure, with Shojis heightened senses, and Sato.
"Bakugou, I hear Kirishima under that collapsed wall." Shoji says to me pointing at a building down the road a little. We hurry over and begin removing rubble, mostly with Shojis strength. I see red and an arm sticking out and focus on getting him out with careful movements.
When I'm finally able to lift him, he pretends to be knocked out, so his limp hand lightly brushes against my concealed burn and I wince. Kirishima opens one eye to peek at me.
"You okay, man?" He whispers, trying to stay in character but also being concerned. I nodded and gulped at the sharp pain now in my leg.
"Let's get him to the safe zone and then continue searching." I say to Shoji gently handing over Kirishima. He nods and we rush over but my leg begins to hurt a bit more as I run.
And as if the heavens were on my side, as we get there Aizawa states Kirishima was the last person, and now it's time to switch roles.
When in place, I'm supposed to play a role similar to Kirishima. Stuck under something, more exposed but in a controlled house fire. Obviously it's controlled for the sake of safety but it's definitely hot. I'm not sure why they thought this was a good idea considering my sweat explodes but whatever. I'm meant to be passed out for the exercise.
And maybe it's fate but Kirishima and Asui find me. Neither of them are equipped for fire but they are able to rescue me and 'call for backup.' When Kirishima attempted to drag then lift me from the rubble my burn was cut on a piece of glass, that went through the layer of fabric on my legs. I groaned in pain even though I was meant to be knocked out.
"Omg Bakugou your leg is cut! Let's get you to First aid. I'm so sorry for dragging you!" Kirishima yelps and begins to rush.
"S' Fine Shitty hair." I mumble grabbing the cut and bringing my hand to my eye view to see blood. "S' fucking great."
I really didn't want to see Recovery Girl because of the obvious hand shape on my thigh. So I'll have to play it off and wrap it myself later.
When we finally reached the safe site, Kirishima layed me down gently, telling the first aid team what was wrong as part of the exercise. He then looked at me with guilt then ran back into the training.
It was then I decided my role was done so I get up and sighed. I see no one I would really talk to in the safe zone so I sat by myself as I waited for training to be done.
After about 30 more minutes I watch Deku carrying an injured Jirou with Momo on his tail. That was the last person so I waited for Aizawa to give us our evaluations and excuse us. Then we all head back to the locker rooms. I again wait a bit before changing, facing my locker and making sure to hide my burn when it is exposed.
As I slip my uniform pants back on I hear a, "Wait Bakugou." So I button my pants and turn to see Kirishima looking at me. I get scared because if the look on his face.
"What?" I mumble.
"We need to go get you cleaned up. Wouldn't want to infect that cut." He says, closer than before. I back up slightly.
"I'll do it in my dorm. I have a kit. L' be fucking fine." I grumble knowing he could either accept it in that stupidly obedient idiotic (super cute) way, or he'll be annoyingly hard-headed (really endearing) and make me go to Recover Girl.
"Okay!" He says with a smile that makes me sick (I feel a flutter in my stomach) and I look away from him. "Also can we study tonight? Mic's English lesson was super confusing today."
"Sure whatever." I say and grab my things beginning to walk out.
"Awesome man! You're the best!" He compliments as he slings an arm over my shoulder. I tense up and try to shift him off of me by rolling my shoulder and walking faster. But I feel the pain in my leg again and have to slow down. "Oops sorry didn't mean to put pressure on you." He says noticing this and removing his arm. I sigh.
We return our costumes to the classroom, some people still talking in there, grab our stuff and leave to the dorms.
The walk is relatively peaceful. Kirishima fills the void of silence with occasional stories of his day and I listen. When we reach the building, I go to the kitchen first to make food. As I go to open the fridge, kirishima walks in confused.
"What are you doing?" He asks leaning on counter head in hand, looking at me. I turn my head in a slight glance and quickly go back to the fridge. God he's annoying (he's so cute).
"Making fucking food. What does it look like?" I grumble back grabbing whatever milk I could see. I go towards a cabinet where I find just about every type of cereal because of course everyone here has different tastes.
"But we need to go wrap your leg! Just real quick I don't want you getting more hurt." He insists. I continue to pour contents into some bowl from a drawer.
"I'll take it upstairs then geez." I comply and put everything away. I grab my bowl and begin to head out. "Let's go."
Kirishima immediately gets up to follow me. He's so fucking obedient he's like a dog (I love dogs). We get to our floor and he leaves to his room quickly to grab the things he needs and leave the rest. I walk into my room and turn the lights on. I sit at my desk and begin to eat putting on whatever popped up on YouTube.
There's a knock on the door and I just yell "It's open!" I slowly eat my meal as who I am assuming is Kirishima walks in.
"Okay so I grabbed some extra first aid stuff just in case!" He smiles walking over and setting some stuff down. He is now in gym shorts and a god-awful hoodie. His fashion is horrendous (no seriously horrendous).
" 'Kay gimme a minute. My kit is in the cabinet in my bathroom if you wanna grab it." I say, he walks towards the door to my bathroom. I hear him open some things and move some things before he walks out again. I finally finish my cereal and sigh. "Turn the fuck around so I can clean it."
"Oh. Okay." He said confused but does so sitting on my bed. I make sure I'm turned away from his gaze before shuffling down my school pants to see my burn with a piece of glass cut through it. I open my first aid and pull out tweezers. I carefully remove any glass then grab the alcohol and a cotton pad. I clean the cut, put Neosporin on it then wrap a bandage tightly on it. I decide to put on comfortable clothing, grabbing some pair of sweatpants from the floor before switching my pants out for them. I see a comfortable shirt sticking out of my dresser and grab that too, taking off my uniform.
"Kay I'm good." I say to the bored boy on my bed. He looks at me and smiles. "Well are we studying for English or what?"
"Yeah yeah! Thank you bakubro!" He says scooting just slightly to allow me on the bed. He pulls out all of his things and we begin.
Everytime I would explain something and then he would try to do the rest, all I could do was look at him. His stupid sharp tooth. His stupid scar. His stupid pretty eyes. His stupid fucking side profile. I'm not sure if I want to punch him or kiss him.
Oh my god.
I look away from him.
Did I just think that?
There no way I like him like that.
I look back at him smiling at his paper.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
"Look I did it! I think I get it now! Thanks so much bro!" He smiles pointing his paper towards me, proud of himself.
"Good job." I reply. I feel a small smile but push it away as quick as I can. As a way to distract myself I cross my legs to get comfortable, but my foot hits my burn from under my sweatpants. "Fuck."
"Omg are you okay?" He asks worried, quickly putting his paper down and turning fully to me. His hand falls on my shoulder and I flinch. "Sorry."
"The fuck are you sorry for? 'S my fucking fault." I grumble quietly, scooting a little closer to him, testing the waters for his reaction and my own.
He won't hurt me.
"What's your fault?" He asks. My eyes shoot open.
"Nothing nothing." I wave him off. I quickly speak again so he can't talk. "So you got anymore homework or you wanna watch a movie or some shit?"
This definitely distracted him. He put his finger to his chin thinking. "Well our math homework isn't due till Friday so we can watch a movie." He smiles down at me again and I turn away to not get flustered. I grab my laptop and pull up some random streaming service.
"What movie?" I ask. I scroll waiting for something to catch his eye.
"How about spirited away? I haven't watched that in a while." He says. I nod a click it. I scoot slightly closer, and pull a blanket over us. The laptop rests on my lap. He leans back on my pillows pulling me with him, then take the computer and adjusts the screen. "Can you still see it?" He looks at me, leaning on his side. I nod and he plays the movie.
All I can think about is our closeness. He probably cuddles with all his friends but doesn't he realize that I don't and me not pulling away is special? I glance at him entranced in the movie. I guess not. I sigh and decide to just enjoy it. All my weight leans on him and I look at the screen.
He won't hurt me.
Timeskip-
I was having a particularly hard morning. From the moment I woke up to entering the classroom I have felt miserable. My burnt myself again last night so that hurts. And I was up late, so I'm tired. And I had a nightmare about... no stop.
Everything was just crashing down and I think Kirishima noticed when I walked into the classroom. "Woah hey bakubro, did you get sleep?" He asks touching my shoulder, I flinch away again. I can't help it.
"Yeah plenty." I grumble walking to my desk.
Class seems to drown on and on until hero training last period. I kept checking the clock and picking at the skin around my nails. One I ripped a bit too much and it bled a little, that's when I brought it upon myself to stop. I tried to pay attention but I was too in my head.
All of a sudden there's are shake on my shoulder and I flinch to look up at the person. "Hey are you alright Bakugou? You seem a little distracted today." Aizawa says looking down at me.
"Yeah I'm fucking fine." I mumble and look around noticing everyone else was gone.
"Well everyone headed to Base Gamma for training. Grab your costume and head to the lockers okay?" He answers as if he noticed my glance at the empty desks.
"Yeah okay." I grumble and get up, grabbing my costume and leaving the room. When I get outside I see Kirishima waiting for me by the door.
"Oh Bakubro! I thought you'd want to walk with someone. Let's do our best today yeah?" He smiles and my day feels slightly better.
"Yeah." I let out, feeling a little less tense. We walk side by side. He talks some nonsense but I'm still in my head. It was only when I feel his hand brush mine just slightly I was pulled out. I nonchalantly pull my hand away.
He's not gonna hurt you.
I rest my hand back by my side glancing slightly at him. He smiles at me and I do so slightly back. This seems to only make him brighter. He grabs my hand swinging them lightly. The rest of the walk was in peaceful silence. But I was freaking out.
Omg he's holding my hand.
Does he like me?
No of course not.
They said it best.
I'm a villain.
A monster.
We near the locker room so detach our hands and hurry to the door. No one else is in here. We must be late. I rush to change as quick as I can to avoid his questioning gaze. I face away from him, trying to change my pants as quick as possible.
I hear him gasp quietly and I shut my locker and rush out. As I was leaving I heard a quiet "wait." But I ignored it. He can't know. He'd never talk to me again.
When I catch up to the class I stand off to the side. I half listen to what All Might, our hero teacher for the day, explains. Something about a race with attacks from the outside. Basically like 5 people race while the rest of the class tries to slow them down.
Kirishima runs up to the group and looks at me worried but I put on my best bitch face and he goes over to Kaminari instead. He asks him something, probably what we are doing.
Our race groups get announced and everyone gets to their places. I was in the last race. I decided to just try and shoot AP Shots at people and keep it mellow today.
I felt slow and sad and tired. I knew I wasn't at my best but I couldn't show that.
As the first race begins I mostly watch until they get to where I am. I can tell a certain someone is trying to get near me, so I begin firing my shots so he doesn't get the bright idea to question me right now. I hear a sigh and footsteps leading away. I stop firing, as the racers had passed me.
The races continue until the end. It's finally my turn, along with some others but I'm not really paying attention. I prepare myself and then blast away as the alarm sounds.
I try to go as quick as I could but I felt so hazy, like I hadn't slept in days. I loose focus and forget one blast. My leg hits some pipe, but at the speed I'm going it was seriously bad. "Holy fuck." I groan out trying to get the end faster so I don't fall and look pathetic. As I finish I see a worried All Might waiting. I land as softly as I could but it hurts like a bitch.
"Young Bakugou, you hit that pipe pretty hard. You should go see recovery girl." All Might says to me.
"I'll be fine." I mumble and begin to limp away. Suddenly, my arm is around someone's shoulder.
"Omg Bakubro! That didn't look too good. Let me help you to Recovery Girl." I hear a familiar redhead say to me in worry.
"Whatever." Is all I say. He leads me back through the training zone to the school. Then all the way to Recovery Girl.
"Oh my what happened?" Said lady asks as we walk in. Kirishima leads me to a bed and helps me up.
"He hit his leg while going really fast. He was limping but he'd never admit that, right Bakugou?" Kirishima explains then looks back at me with a smirk.
"Whatever." I cross my arms as she walks over, she kisses my cheeks and I feel even more hazy then before.
"You might need to rest in here a while. Broken bones sometimes take more energy then necessary. Feel free to stay here till you feel better. I'll be in my office through that door, call if you need help." She says sweetly then walks away and into her office.
I sigh and stare up at the ceiling. I reach my hand to my previously burnt thigh and put a slight pressure on it. No pain. Well shit.
That means I need to do it again later.
"Hey Bakugou?" A voice startled me as he rests his hand on mine. "Can I ask you something personal?"
"I guess, but I'm not gonna answer if I don't want." I grumble still in a sleepy state.
"Well when we were in the locker room earlier and you were changing I noticed a big mark on your leg. I didn't get a good look but it looked like a burn. Are you okay? Like how did you get burnt like that?" He ask squeezing my hand a little. "And then you rushed away and refused to look at me after we held hands." As if he processed it as he said it he retracted his hand. "Does it make you uncomfortable when I like hold your hand and stuff?"
I try to process all of why he said. "Uh- I didn't quite catch all of that. Sorry. Recovery girl haze y'know." I slur out, 1 because I genuinely was talking like that and 2 to try and avoid the topic.
"I'm just asking if you are okay? And if you are comfortable around me?" He repeats patiently.
"Yeah I'm fine. And you don't make me uncomfortable, I'm just still stuck in my head about the League." I realize I said to much. "I don't really want to talk about it. A lot happened. I know I can trust you so you don't need to worry." I say re-grabbing his hand. "I promise you are okay."
"Okay. Just know whenever you are ready to talk about it, I won't judge you. I'll always be here. I'm one door away, so if you ever get too in your head just knock on the wall or come over or text me. I'll be there." He smiles at me squeezing my hand. "I promise."
I smile at that. I feel a weight of relief lift from me. I feel my eyes tear up. "Thank you." I turn away. I don't want him to see me weak not just yet.
"You are allowed to cry Bakugou. It makes you human." He says and pulls me into a hug. I let out a breath and melt into his touch.
"I know it's just-" I can't get it out.
"It's hard to let yourself feel vulnerable. I get it. But you don't need to be the tough guy around me, okay? You are still the awesome Explosion murder god to me." He jokes and I scoff a laugh.
Timeskip-
It was one of those nights. All I could think about was the League and their disgusting intentions and handprints. All over me. I felt gross and violated. I want to go shower and scrub my skin till I can't feel it anymore. But I can't get myself to move or stop crying.
I remember Kirishima's kind words and lean my hand towards the wall. Maybe he's awake. I knock a hard as I could in this state. When I hear a knock back I smile a little. I see my phone light up from near me on the bed. I grab it getting flash banged by the brightness. I turn it down a read the message sent by my neighbor.
Shitty Hair-
You okay?
I sent a quick message back.
Me-
No
Shitty Hair-
Want me to come over?
Me-
If you want to
I heard shuffling through the wall before his door opens and closes. He opens and closes mine as well, good thing I didn't lock it yet. I look over at him realizing I just invited him to see me at my worst.
"Hey. I'm right here." He whispers sitting on the bed.
"Im sorry I shouldn't have bothered you." I say back regretting my knock on the wall.
"It's okay, I'm glad you knocked. I couldn't fall asleep." He smiles and grabs my hand slowly. "Do you want to talk, or maybe we could just watch a movie?" He says softly.
"Just a movie for now. I don't want to be alone." I say scooting and making room for him to lay down. He grabs my labtop and opens it. It was already unlocked so he opened some random streaming service and scrolled for a movie.
"What looks good?" He asks looking at me a little.
"I don't really care. Put on anything." I say getting closer to him. I lean on him again, like last time. He puts on Kung Fu Panda and I laugh a little. "Solid choice."
"Thank you." He returns and scoots a little so we are more comfortable. I feel his arm sneak behind my back as he pulls me closer. "Is this okay?" He asks.
"Yeah." I breathe out looking up at him. He smiles at me and I feel myself fall harder. I smile back but turn to the movie. This is exactly what I needed.
By the time the movie was over, I was falling asleep. Kirishima was lightly rubbing my side with his thumb before closing the computer and reaching to put it on my bedside table. He leans back my way and puts his free arm over me. "How are you feeling?" He asks.
I feel better. So much better. "Good. I feel like I can sleep now."
"That's good. Want me to go?" He replies.
"No. This is perfect." Clearly I'm not in the right mind because there is no way I just said that out loud. Omg.
"Yeah it is." He closes his eyes and pulls the blanket more over us. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Timeskip-
It's been a while since our Kung Fu Panda night. We've had a couple more movie nights but I'm starting to feel like a burden. He keeps staying up because of me and my stupid emotions.
Why can't I just get over it?
Why does it still hurt to think about?
This night felt wrong. I knew I could message Kirishima but I don't want to be a bother. So I don't. Instead I opt out for my preferred way of distraction.
I pulled up my shorts and reach my hand down. Am I really going to do this after so long. He will be so disappointed in me. But I am a disappointment. I deserve this.
My hand touches my upper inner thigh as I heat up my hand. It hurts. I feel the regret sinking in. Oh god.
I was doing so good.
But I want to continue.
I reach my other hand down as well. Doing this to both at the same time makes me feel numb in my legs and I know I should stop. When I pull away my hands, I almost feel them rip from my skin. I look down at my legs and my tears wouldn't stop. I shouldn't have done that.
I can't move, afraid of the stretch tearing my skin. I feel sick. I need help.
I glance at the wall and my phone. I grab the device.
Me-
I'm so sorry
I did something bad
He replies almost immediately.
Shitty Hair-
What happened?
Are you okay?
Me-
I hurt myself
I'm sorry
I didn't want to
Shitty Hair-
I'm coming over
I sigh and look at the message. I guess this is the time he finds out. I owe him an explanation. I can't keep disturbing him like this. I heard my door open And I look up.
"I'm here. What did you do? I need clean you up if it's bad." He anxiously mutters out. "Can I turn on your lamp?" I nod hesitantly. He pull the switch and then looks at me.
I probably look pathetic. Tears down my face. Hands held in guilt. Handprints burned onto my thighs. "I'm sorry. I tried to stop but I didn't want to bother you. But I regretted it and I couldn't stop myself from texting you."
"Hey hey. It's okay. I'm not mad." He sits on the bed and holds my face, wiping my tears. "How long have you been doing this?"
"The night before that time I cut my leg on glass during training. When we were rescuing eachother." I avert my eyes from him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"It's okay. I get it." He sighs looking at my face then my legs. "Can I clean them? I don't want you to sleep like that."
"I can't move. What if they rip and I bleed everywhere?" I argue scared.
"Let's go about this slowly, okay? We won't rush anything." He smiles at me reassuringly. I nod. "Okay I'll help you stretch out your legs. Then I will clean and wrap them and we can go to bed. Sound good?"
"Yeah." I nod again.
"Can I touch your leg?" He asks worried I might freak out.
"Yeah I'll be okay." I mumble. I hold his shoulder with one hand and the other hold my leg. He reaches under my thigh and on my calf to guide my knee to bend slowly. Then he does the other.
"Okay I'll be right back." He gets up to grab my first aid. When he returns, he pulls out a cotton pad and alcohol. "It might sting so hold onto me if it hurts." I nod and grab his shoulder again. He begins to wipe down the burn and it hurts. I feel a tear making it's way out of my eye.
God I'm pathetic.
"You did great. I'll just bandage it then we can get you into a comfortable position." He does so and begins to guide me to a position I can sleep in.
"I'm so sorry for all of this." I say out of the blue.
"It's okay. I don't mind." He puts everything away and comes back over to my bed. "Want me to go?"
"No. You can stay if you want." I smile up at him. He nods and lays down next to me. "I know you aren't going to ask because you don't want to scare me but I think I'm ready to tell you." I look into his eyes and he nods for me to continue. "When the league took me, they called me a villain like them. Said I would fit in. It really hurt. And they did unspeakable things to me. So now all I can feel is their disgusting hands on me. I guess I didn't want them to have claim on my body so I burned my own hand into my leg. I've only done it a couple of times but it made me feel better knowing they weren't the ones leaving a mark on me. And then you said I could confide in you and it felt so good. Watching movies and cuddling with you are some of my happiest moments. But I guess I felt like a bother, after all these nights of you staying up to comfort me. So I didn't want to intrude tonight. But after I did it, I had an instant regret. I dont want to hurt myself anymore. I don't want to feel them. I dont want to be a villian."
I look up at him once again. He looks shocked.
"You don't think I'm disgusting because they touched me right?" I asked scared he is gonna leave me.
"What no of course not." He holds my hands in his. "I am so sorry you were going through all this alone."
"It's okay. And I wasn't alone. You made me feel loved even without knowing." I smiled at him a little. He smiled back and looked into my eyes. I feel like I got lost in his gaze. The moment felt fluffy. I didn't want it to end.
"Can I kiss you?" He asks suddenly. My eyes widen. "Omg I'm so sorry. You just poured your heart out to me and I asked that. God I'm such an idiot."
"Yes." I say.
"Yes to Kiss or Yes I'm an Idiot?" He asks sheepishly.
"Yes to both." I smile. His hands release mine and then hold my face pulling me closer. Our lips touch for a brief soft second before we pull away. But we quickly lean back into it. I feel in sync with him. I don't want this to stop. What if we stop and we never do this again. I peek one eye open and see the desperation and want in his furrowed brows. Yeah this will be a regular thing.
When we pull back I smile and laugh. "What?" He asks.
"It's just crazy how things work out. I've wanted to kiss you for so long but I kept telling myself things like 'he's so annoying' and 'he's stupid' everytime you smiled at me or I just found you cute. The denial was deep."
"Well I never had any denial. I've liked you since school started basically." He showed off. "So..?"
"So?" I reply with a amused smile.
"Are we like boyfriends? Best friends who make out? What?" He asks laughing rubbing my cheek.
"I like boyfriends." I reply smiling.
"Boyfriends it is then."
Hey so I didn't watch Mha for like a long time and I recently rewatched it and caught up so I finished this incomplete fic. I hope you enjoyed it❤️