"Shaniyah Black."
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..........
Omniscient.
The house was getting colder as the days went by. She was alone, but she tried not to let it bother her too much. As the weeks went by everybody was almost always out the house, Shaniyah tried to focus on her work but also still be a mother to all of her children.
She worked for years to be okay and she couldn't give up now, no she had already failed her elder kids and she wouldn't do it again.
Even though she didn't take any drugs
Marcus would've been so disappointed if he saw the "person" she had turned into, barley any meat was on her bones anymore, her hair was always in a messy bun and it had been weeks since she even attempted to put makeup on
Her house door was being knocked on for a few minutes before she reached downstairs and opened it showing none other than Rena, she wore a black dress, with jet black boots and her hair was pulled jack into a slick ponytail.
"Niyah." She said with a smile
"What the hell are you doing here?"
She asked in disbelief but Rena just pushed her way through into the house
"What are you doing here?" She repeated, not hiding the annoyance in her tone at all.
Renas smile vanished when she saw how he daughter looked, she looked as if she died.
"Your father said he spoke to you and that you'd be alone for a while." She replied, "I thought you'd enjoy some company."
"Since when do you care that I'm alone?" She spat, Rena huffed already knowing that her daughter would make this harder then it needed to be.
"Ni"—
"Shaniyah." She said correcting her
"Baby Sh"—
"Just Shaniyah." She said with a small frown
"I came here to apologise, I haven't been the best mother lately and it's selfish you're going through such a tragic lost. I just want you to give me a second chance." Rena said softly
"Another chance?" She scribed, "I've already given you chance after chance, so no I cannot give you another fucking chance! I'm a grown women! Your a grown women! I won't and I can't keep letting you back into my life just for you to let me down." She spat and Rena flinched with each word
"Shan"—
"You need to leave."
"I'm not going anywhere until we fix this."
"There's nothing to fix! You broke whatever fucking bond we had and there's no going back." She screamed
She was tired of being ignored.
Her feelings were valid.
"Shaniyah you are making this harder then it needs to be! I'm here now and I'm trying to make up for not"—
"That's it! I don't fucking need you anymore! I'm a grown ass women with kids! I don't need you, where were you when I was so doped up that I couldn't see straight? Or when I was getting my as a eat every other day? Or when dad started running the streets twice as hard because YOU left him with not one but three fucking kids!"
She exploded.
"Get the fuck out of my house."
Next day.
Dejah came to visit and they were watching movies and talking about the old days when things were hard but good in a way.
Shaniyah missed the old her obviously not the doped up one but the one that didn't care, the one that didn't care who she hurt.
The less self aware one.
"I have to get back home because Myles will be calling soon to talk to the twins but Niyah just know that I'm sorry for just disappearing."
"It's fine."
"But it's not, I should've been here."
"No you had your own shit going on and plus I wasn't the greatest friend back then this break was needed. We're back and stronger than ever."
"Well I'll call you when I get home." She said walking away.
- Inside.
"You almost ready for diner?" Shaniyah asked
"Yeh, I'm just finishing this picture."
"Look it's me, you and daddy." She said and Shaniyah felt her heart start to hurt
"That looks amazing baby." She said with a tearful smile, "Mommy?" Serenitie called
"Yes baby?" Shaniyah asked
"Why couldn't the doctors fix daddy? You and nana say that if we pray really hard to god that he'll hear us and I did! I even got all my spellings right like I promised but he still took daddy up to hai castle." She asked looking up at Shaniyah with a confused frown
She chuckled a little.
"We don't get to live for ever baby."
"Why can't we? I don't like being sad."
She said with a pout.
"I don't know but I think the fact that we can't live forever, is one of things that make life so special." She said, (greys reference)
"But I don't like when people go to gods castle."
"I know but Impermanence is such a beautiful thing, If we could all live forever we'd spend so much time wasting time that we'd loose the ones we love instead of holding on tight while we still can." She said explaining the best she could
"Impermanence? I like that word." Serenitie said saying it completely wrong
"Me too."
"If I could I'd still fix daddy though."
"Me too."
"Well hurry up so we can eat." Shaniyah said standing up and when she went to leave but Serenitie called her again, "Mommy?"
"Mmh." She bummed
"I can cuddle with you like daddy use to and only sometimes give you kisses but not a lot because kisses are nasty."
"Thank you baby." She said feeling herself about to cry, she hated the progress of healing
It was like one day she would wake up feel like scything was fine, sometimes she's even forget about Marcus death not him just his but then a few seconds later all the memories would come crashing down and she'd feel guilty
••••••
"Yo Niyah!" She heard a familiar male voice called from the kitchen
"Neko?" She asked confused
"It's Friday, and on Fridays we eat what?"
"Steak." She whispered
"Yeah so turn that frown into a smile."
They had grown a friendship over the years but they were closer than ever before since Neko was really close with Marcus.
They were healing together. He had lost a brother and she lost her soulmate.
- Dinner.
"I'm not really hungry so I'm just go back up"—
"Um no you're not." Neko said
Shaniyah had spent a while preparing this meal so no she couldn't just go upstairs
"Too bad I wasn't talking to you."
"Little girl sit down." Shaniyah said
"What? I said I'm not hungry."
"And I said no so sit down clover."
"I don't want to sit here and pretend like everything good when it's clearly not! Look at you!" She screamed
She just wanted to FaceTime nova.
"I said no." Shaniyah said calmly
"I'm not fucking hung"—
"DON'T YOU SWEAR AT ME YOU LITTLE SHIT! DON'T YOU EVER RAISE YOUR FUCKING VOICE AT ME, I AM YOUR MOTHER!" She screamed
After weeks of being quiet and not reacting she had finally let her guard down and broke down, she threw the plate across the wall
"Everybody go upstairs." Neko said and they listened going upstairs, "Niyah?" He called but she just started to shake her head
"Oh my god!" She said with a laugh, "He- he died right in front of me." She said with a tearful laugh
"Niyah do you need to take a break?" He asked gently. "No- no I can't take a break because in real life the trauma doesn't stop! God doesn't work that way, because you can do every single thing right and people still die." She cried
She was broken.
She fell onto the ground before letting out a scream, a scream that would haunt any who heard it, the tears in her eyes felt endless as she cried.
Neko sat down besides her, pulling her body into his hugging her tightly, "I-I feel like god is laughing at me." She whispered
"I am ruined okay? I am dead, I am wrecked."
She cried into his chest
"Don't say that. You aren't ruined."
"I-I don't wanna do it anymore." She cried
"Look at you." Clover said walking back into the dining room, "Yo go back upstairs."
Neko warned but she ignored him looking other at her mother, "No! Look at you! you're pathetic!" She screamed
"I'm pathetic? I lost my husband! And the father of my children! and I'm pathetic? I don't get to be pathetic or fall apart because I have kids that need me including you!" She screamed
"Go back upstairs fore I drag up there."
Neko threatened
| A few hours later. |
"I'm gonna head out but I'll be back in the morning Niyah."
He said walking towards the door
"I have a baggy it's filed with a few pills."
"Okay." He said gently
"I don't know if I should throw them out."
"I've got the dead husband thing completely managed. I know people are worried about me, looking at me to see when I'm finally going to break but I'm good." She continued
And he just listened to her
"My mother s-she called me like ten times and went out her way try be there for me, Dejah she's been here 24/7. "
"It makes sense," She said nodding, "it's natural."
"The one man that's ever loved me and treated me right is dead." She said, tears started to fall
"I-I"—
"Shh." He whispered pulling her into him and they laid on her bed together
"I've never wanted somebody to just come back so bad." She cried
"I know, I know."
𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐚 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤.
Thoughts?
- Shaniyah And Renas talk?
- Shaniyah?
- Neko and Shaniyahs friendship?
- Shaniyahs talk with Serenitie?
- Clover?