Hey, Sam! I just want you to know that I'm so thankful for everything that you are. You gave me another chance to be happy but meh, happiness isn't really for me.
Funny. The first time I met you, Martin and Albert labeled it as love at first hearing. Una pa lang, puro papuri na binibigay ko sa 'yo. Paano ba naman kasi? Sobrang solid mo. I was not joking when I compared you to John Saga kasi pareho kayo ng atake sa high and low notes. Konting polishing pa, feel ko kayang-kaya mo nang makipagsabayan sa kanya.
Your input to the song? That was so magical. You made our song different and it attacked better than how I intended it to. By the way, thanks to you! Nasulat 'yung song because Martin and Albert made fun of me while praising you. Hindi raw tayo pwedeng magkasama sa org kasi accountancy student ka. Puro aral, hindi gaya ko. Napatunayan ko naman 'yon kasi when I had the chance to know you better, tama naman pala. Tambay ka ng library. I can't help but to admire you more. Nakikita ko kasi 'yung version of someone that I can't be. It is as if your life is already planned and here I am, just making it through day by day. #Sadboi
That simple admiration turned into something more. I was surprised. At the same time, I already knew that I should stop. Sisirain ko lang ang plano mo. Baka guluhin ko lang ang mundo mo. I am not that person for you and it hurts me because I want to be that kind of guy. Nakakainis. My life is so fucked up even before you came and now that I want to be better, hindi ko na alam kung paano magsisimula.
Then, here goes Tristan. For the second time, pareho na naman kami ng gusto. Hindi niya pa man sinasabi, alam ko na by the way he looks at you. Alam ko nang may iba kasi masaya siya pag nagkukwento tungkol sa 'yo. Ang masakit lang ngayon, ako 'yung nauna pero ako na naman 'yung kailangang magparaya kasi alam kong mas maganda ang maidudulot niya sa 'yo. I don't want to hurt my brother. I don't want to destroy you. Lalayo na sana ako but no one else was left except for me. I don't want you to be alone kaya kahit na ang tagal ko nang hindi umuuwi ng Marinduque, sumama pa rin ako.
I know that this may sound selfish but I wanted to own you there. Kahit doon lang. Kahit sa huling pagkakataon na lang. I cherished every moment and felt as if you were mine. Na sa bawat ginagawa natin, I knew I was doing it out of love. The dance.... I know it's not just me. I felt like there was something more between us. I felt your love. Gusto na kitang itakas. Gusto na kitang angkinin. Pero tama sila, hindi tayo pwede. Wawasakin ko lang ang mundo mo.
Nang makabalik tayo sa Maynila, nagdesisyon na akong lumayo because I don't want you to fall harder. I don't want to give you more reasons to hold on to. But hey! Tumupad ako sa pangako ko. I watched all of your games. Ako pa nga yata ang pinakamalakas magcheer kapag nakakascore ka. I am your number one fan bago pa man sila dumating.
Pero grabe. Ang hirap talagang kalaban ng sariling utak. Ako na mismo 'yung nagpapaalala sa sarili kong hindi pwede. Bawal. Wawasakin ko lang ang buhay mo.
And trust me, I'm the happiest, yet the saddest guy, when Tristan admitted his feelings for you. I could've been that guy..... but I'm happy for the both of you. I should be. Alam kong maaalagaan ka niya in a way I can't. Alam ko ring ikaw ang kasiyahan niya. Sana kayo na talagang dalawa. I'll support your ship all the time.
Kung nababasa mo na 'to, baka wala na ako sa mundo. I don't want you to blame yourself. Hindi mo kasalanan. Hindi ka pa man dumarating, sobrang gulo na ng buhay ko. In fact, dapat nga akong magpasalamat kasi kahit sa maiksing panahon lang ay napasaya mo ako. Salamat, Sam. Thank you for making me happier. And if it's not yet clear to you, I love you, Sam.