Antigonism (I met a man who wasn't there)
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...
(By William Hudghes Mearns.)
Chapter 1
The nightmares were always there in the huge room I shared with the rest of the girls in the sleeping hall. But this was a new story and I knew that it will make me more of a freak than I already was. It did not just not make sense but it tore my broken world into pieces.
Creatures of the night just don't exist!
It all started with a sweet day; a warm and a cool breeze with the normal food that we eat to survive. We do chores in groups following the normal work timetable.
Another thing that was on our routine was church; an old building that was built in the 16 century and it had stayed in work for many years. The church had soothing lyrics and humming of the church choir. There was a long wooded chair that the audience sat. They were covered with nuns, children and men and women. The eyes of the one leading the song were closed and her fingers were silently moving through the piano. I could see passion fron her eyes.
The choir finished with a loud sign and a unison of happy applaud from the audience. The priest was talking judging from the movement of his lips but I was too consumed in my own world to see people rising up from the wooden chairs.
It felt like I had lost time while day dreaming of the outside world. Ever since i was brought here, I was never allowed to move out of this place. Well, technically, we were all not allowed.
"It possibly could not be any different from this place, right?" I thought.
The sunday service was over before I even noticed it and everyone left the church.
Children were moving around playing that game called, hide and seek, one little boy bumped on my feet. He fell down and got up at the very moment and went away with giggles. I sat on a large table and above me was wall that had words printed in black, " St Peters orphanage" in big bold latters.
The weather was the same and the sky had lightly covered the white clouds. The birds were louder than usual, that day. The day was going perfectly. I was going down the hill from where the church was at and going towards the orphanage hall. From a corner of my eyes, I saw sister Theressa having a conversation with the priest, father Peters XVI. Her eyes were on me throughout the conversation. Another sister coughs and that was when sister Theressa moved her eyes from me.
The priest walked away with a frown on his face and sister Theressa turned her back and started to whisper with the other sisters. That wants new to me.
The night of that day was extremely cold and the thin and light duvet could not make much of a barrier from my petite body and the wild cold in the room. I suspected that the room had an unwanted open space, maybe more.
The weather made it hard for me to sleep so were the loud snores from across the hall. The bulbs were always switched off at that time of the night and the moon was shinning through the closed window. The darkness was moving everywhere in the hall. My eyes could not make out much light than the light lay at the far end where the window was at.
The darkness had always freaked me out because my eyes see things that should not be. When I open my eyes, I see creatures wandering around the hall. I told sister Theressa when I was ten but she said that I was Just being paranoid, "a couple of years will take away that damn fear, child" she said. Yet there I was, afraid of nothing but the dark.
And that was when I heard it, wild foot steps outside the sleeping hole, through the corridor that would lead you in different doors, sadly, the door of this hall was one of them. My heart automatically started to race. My face was already sweating and it was ironic that I had been complaining about the unfriendly weather. I was freezing awhile ago but then fear had made me to melt from the internal heat.
The footsteps sounded like they were not far from the door of the sleeping hall. They sounded slow and rhythmical. The toes slapped the floor and that waken something inside me. And the weight of the feet made the impact sound like a lightening. It was night and I was supposed to let myself rest. But then there it was, outside the door, there was a possibility that there was someone or something.
It could have been anyone, the priest, my mind reasoned. He might be here to pray for us so our sleep could be blessed, right? That was my mind trying to tell me that I was just being paranoid over mundane matters. Even if my mind reasoned with me, I was still frightened.
I covered my face with the duvet hopping that the duvet would protect me from the mysterious someone in the corridor. But again, the duvet was relatively thin.
I heard the footsteps stop. I assumed that they stopped just outside the door. A wave of cold air gave me goosebumps. I heard rats running and hitting the walls with there legs. They were running away from somewhere going towards the back of the room. I opened the duvet slowly and I peeped to see what was really happening but there was nothing, no sound at all.
I went back in the covers and listened. It was so cold now, not even my internal heat could broke this new wave of wild cold.
I got tired of waiting and then I decided to try and get some sleep. I was on alert but I still felt my eyes become heavy. I tried to sleep but I could not. In short, sleep and I wanted two different things.
I opened my eyes. I had slept! I know, I slept. " I dont know how long but I did" I thought. I did not know what was making my heart to race that way. I woke up like I was having a nightmare but I did not remember seeing anything in my sleep. Something in my mind turned. It was like a revelation or maybe it was a mare thought.
I had sat down on the bed after waking up with so much fear. I decided to lay down but let the duvet hung low over my body. It has covered my body except my neck and head. I looked at the window, I could still see the moon peeping through the window, it was still dark outside. I always wondered why they don't put a curtain on the window.
A sound at the door made my heart that had just started calming down into yet another race. I wanted to go check but I did not have enough courage to move from my bed and by that I mean I did not have courage at all.
According to the sisters, "you should never go toward danger". "If your hunsh tells you to go and then later tells you not to go, follow your soul" said sister Lisa, a short fat lady that liked to tell us stories of the so called outside world. So that is what I did. I covered my face with the duvet but I still left a little space for my eyes to see.
I heard the door handle being squeezed to open, slowly and a tall figure came into view. I could see its eye glowing like blood. I could not see anything else but the eerie red, red eyes.
I just saw a tall figure with bloody eyes!
The absence of light made it had for me to see this creature's face. The moon was only shining through the window towards a different direction. I could not see it clearly but I had a feeling that it was staring at me. I could feel deep down my soul that it was looking at me.
I finally covered my face from this creatures and right there, foot steps started again. This time they were not far away and this time they were more bizarre. It was in the same room as me. The footsteps sounded louder each second. The silence of the night made the movement loud. I felt like it was a trumpet for my departure to the ends of the world. So that was how I was going to die.
Where would I go if I die. Father Peter's said we will go to heaven or hell, depending on our works. That got me thinking of what I do. But them, the thought of death reminded me an idea, I would meet my family, if there were there.
It was time to top thinking of hell or heaven. It was time to start thinking about the matter at hand; the matter of having no barrier to protect me from this creature.
The duvet was removed from my face, slowly. I was faced with a smiley face of something very tall. The smile made my stomach turn.
I saw it! That was no human.If it was not a human, then what was it? It had canines that were visible from the wide grin. It had pointed ears and an old broken face, probably from a blood bath.
It made an evil chuckle and whispered, "you, I have found you!".
It had removed the duvet from my face and therefore, there was nothing to make a barrier between my fragile eyes and this monster. My eyes were face to face with its red eyes. It did not hold a grumpy face, but weirdly, it was smiling. The smile was dry and cold. It did not hold any humour and it gave me more fear. Did I mention about the caninets, sharp, very sharp two canines?Yes, from sides of the mouth.
The face was covered with scars. They looked old and some looked more resent than the other. On the side of the right eye was burnt. My little eye had seen enough for the tonight.
If its plan was ending my life, it had to do it. It might actually hear my thoughts cause its ears were relatively pointed.
It was still chuckling and smiling. Its fingers still a couple of meters from my face "Yes me" I answered in my head. I waited for my death impatiently.
"And everything was just chaotic"said a voice from some where. I don't know who was that but I knew that I was no longer in that dark room with a scary tall figure of a being.
I was outside. We were under a huge tree with a broad shed. We had surrounded sister Lisa as she spoke. I don't know what she was saying but considering the fact that I had no idea I got there, I just kept quiet and repeated these words for a million times. "I am not a freak, I am not a freak, I am not crazy. I just lost track of time. It happens to almost everyone".
I had a lot of questions of how I got myself from were I was but I just decided to let it go and enjoy the bright day.
I went to school that was under the orphanage. It ended peacefully, with no drama or whatsoever. I did not know what that teachers were saying but I knew what I occupied myself with. I let my mind go wild during all classes, although except one, Historical Culture and Wellbeing. It was a weird subject that had all things that are just crazy but they were fun. When the teacher, sister Lisa, would teach, it would feel like a novel with hidden secrets.
That was probably the only thing that I heard in her class that day, "how to survive from being feast to pack of wolves" things like that. Sometimes I thought of how the world beyond these gates is like. "How are the schools there, do they teach things like historical culture, science and so on?"
I became tired of asking myself meaningless question and I decided to go to my favorite hung out spot, mine and my imaginary friends' spot.
I walked on grassy road and stony ground chantin unknown humming. I made it as low as possible so that I would not create unnecessary attention.
I reached the place, it was in the woods where there was a clearing. It was like a small hill and it was rocky. If I would stand on the place I would see far places. I had seen a building that looked to be so far from here but it still looked huge and one could say that it was a castle.
I stared at the castle and smiled.
This place was serene where nature was silently looking aftet me. The wind brew on my body and I closed my eyes as embraced the amazing air.
There was something about this place that made me feel a sense of connection with something I lost long time ago, something deep in my soul. I would love to live all my life in this place but considering about my fears of the darkeness, that wish was unattainable. I also knew that sooner or later, I had to go back to the orphanage. Well, it was something that was bad in many ways but it was what I had, it was home, it was enough.
I got up from the rock I had sat on , I brushed dust off my body and rushed back to the track towards the orphanage hall. I made sure not be seen because if father Peters or any of the sisters or the security had seen me, they would have surely punished me severely. They would put me among those troublesome kids that wonder in the forbidden ground. Father Peters had said something like 'it was holy' or something but something was fishy from the way he said it.
Walking back was always frightening cause I was always alert so that I might not be caught.
I reached the place I had found myself seated earlier. That place where there was a huge tree. Little kids usually play there and the end of the ground is connected to the orphanage (sleeping) hall and the cafeteria. From where I was standing, I could see the church half way. The other half of the church building had been covered by sleeping hall. And to the far end there was the offices of the leaders of the orphanage; the priest, and other six people. One of those people was sister Theresa.
The ground was empty, it always has kids running from all corners. I never dared to go to chat with people my age because of my previous encounter. They would bully me until all the blood from my system drains. But that day was different. I could not see anyone. It was empty. Something like that had never happened.
"Where is everyone?" I asked loudly to myself. Clearly, it was a prank. How could everyone disappear. What would be the explanation. I took a deep breath when because my heart was beating get fast.
It seemed that breathing in and out slowly did not help my suffering mind.
The kids that always bully me were not on there regular spot. These ones could vanish to thin air that way my life could be more of good than bad. I became hopeful that my life would become pleasant after all.
The air was extremely cold and a deadly silence was all over the place that was always chaotic. I could only hear the sound from the huge wind. It sounded like faint whispers or it was just my fears trying to get the best out of me.
I let my feet hit the ground with heavy speed towards anything that looked like a door. I continued to run as I waited to feel secured and safe.
A woman peep through the door of the cafeteria. I think I saw terror in her alert eyes.
Someone glabbed me from my back and did not get the chance to be thankful that I was not the only one here. You know what, forget that, who is this person anyways. This unknown person came out from literally nowhere and dragged me to where the woman was. Well, where she was because when I was being dragged towards the cafeteria door by this mysterious person which by the way is probably the strongest person in the world, she was not there. I couldn't blame her, I think I would have ran too.
I was pushed in through the partially open door.
Once I was inside, the door was shut loudly. I frinshed from the husky sound the door made.
Opposite to me was Sister Lisa, whom I hardly recognised cause she looked too young. I remember that I saw her peeping through the door.
Sister Lisa walked fast towards me, her face no longer had wrinkles, it was fair. I think she was around in her late 40 and so, I heard that she was older than she looked.
That day she looked so young. Her face was relatively young, like a twenty year old young woman. She looked confident and strong. She took fast steps towards me and cautious and slow at the same time.
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