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Healing
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Chapter 27: Healing (London's POV)
I stood in front of the mirror while Ronan stood behind me, zipping up my dress while glancing at me in the mirror. "Are you okay?" he asked, pulling my hair behind my shoulders.
I didn't answer and held his gaze in the mirror. "Do you think I'm okay?" I questioned. I don't know what to feel or what I am feeling. I feel sad, guilty, frustrated... angry. At myself for not taking care of Dad. At Dad for not taking care of himself. At the doctors for not being able to save him. "It's not fair," I mumbled, "it shouldn't have been my responsibility. He should have taken care of himself, not me," I spat, grabbing earrings and pulling them on.
"You don't mean that," he whispered. "You're just upset right now. You know you don't mean that, London."
"I was such a bad daughter," I sniffled, blinking back new tears.
"London, you were the best daughter he could have asked for. Especially after your mom..." he trailed off with a sigh, turning me around to face him. "You didn't do anything wrong. You actually did everything right, okay? As best as you could. And Ryan loved you with his whole heart. You are not allowed to blame yourself right now, I'm not going to let you do that. Don't do that, please. You know you deserve better than that. None of this is your fault, you hear me? None of it." He held my face, forcing me to look at him.
I grabbed his arms while he wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. "You're just saying that," I sniffled, trying to pry his hands off but he didn't budge.
"No," he replied sternly. "I'm not. London," he paused, staring at me, "I love you. I'm here for you."
"I'm not ready to do this," I mumbled, biting my bottom lip to keep myself from crying anymore.
"I know. But you'll get through it. I'm here, my family is here for you. Anytime you need us, we're all here for you. We all love you. And I'm in love with you. And I don't care how long it takes, I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise?"
He nodded. "I promise." He kissed me softly and kissed my forehead after pulling away. And then we left for the funeral...
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One month later...
I woke up on my own, no alarm, nothing. I stretched in bed while reaching over but felt nothing but my sheets. I opened my eyes, realizing he wasn't here. I sat up and grabbed a hair tie, pulling my hair up in a ponytail before climbing out of bed and making my way to the bathroom. I freshened up but couldn't be bothered to change as I went downstairs, barefoot. I could hear him shuffling around in the kitchen. I made my way over silently, going to stand beside him.
He got a little startled but then looked at me and let out a soft sigh. "Hi," he exhaled.
"Hi," I mumbled, staring at the pan where eggs sizzled.
He slowed down the heat and turned to me. "Good morning," he gave me a smile, putting his arms around my waist and pulling me into him. I put my arms around his torso, resting my cheek against his chest while he rested his chin on the top of my head. "How are you feeling today?" he asked, drawing circles on my back.
"Fine," I mumbled, closing my eyes.
He took in a deep breath, pulling away to look down at me. "I'm making eggs. Sunnyside up."
I smiled softly, sitting on the countertop beside the stove, watching him as he got back to cooking. He finished cooking and grabbed two plates, handing me one and then leaving the pan in the sink before standing in front of me, both of us eating in silence.
It's been a little over a month since Dad...
Ronan hasn't left my side once in that time. He's practically moved in here and only goes to his house when either both of us are going to meet his family or when he needs something that he forgot. I love him with every bit of my heart, he's my whole world, especially now that Dad isn't here.
But I've started to feel like a burden on his shoulders. I'm holding him back from doing everything he might want to. He's been told so many times by his family and even he thinks that it's his responsibility to take care of me, which it might be but only to a certain extent. I don't need him sacrificing things for me, even if that's just time.
"Ronan."
"Hmm?"
"I think you should move back to your house."
He stopped eating, staring at me and putting his plate down on the counter behind him. "Why?"
"It doesn't feel fair. I'm taking up all your time, you're basically babysitting me. I feel like... a burden."
"Ah," he mumbled in realization before walking closer. He took the plate out of my hands, putting it on the counter and then pushing my knees apart, grabbing the back of each knee and pulling me closer to the edge of the counter till he stood between my legs, my hips meeting his. "Well, you're not," he replied. "You're not a burden. You're my girlfriend."
I blinked, staring at him.
"And you need me. That's it. I want to be here when you need me, London."
"But I..."
"Stop." He held either side of my face, shaking me lightly. "Would you have left if I needed you? Just because it took up some of your time?"
I shook my head softly.
"Exactly. Right now, you're healing."
"Healing?"
He bit his lip in thought and hesitated. "What happened was a big deal, London. And you truly are the strongest person I've ever met. You're doing so good and I'm so proud of you. And I am not going anywhere."
"Are you going to live here forever?" I chuckled softly.
He nodded. "I'll move in, in a heartbeat, if you ask me to." He took a step back and we finished eating while talking until I hopped off once we were done. He left the dishes in the sink for the time being and towered over me, staring right into my eyes. "I lost something," he mumbled.
"What?" I frowned.
"Where is it?" he asked himself, patting his pockets. I watched in confusion. "Do you have it?"
"What?" I questioned, scoffing.
He patted my front pockets and then my butt, keeping his hands there.
I stared up at him, smiling. "I don't have back pockets in sweatpants."
"I found it," he grinned.
"What?" I laughed, pushing him off.
He reached up, poking my right cheek. "That dimple."
I beamed up at him, feeling my stomach flutter and my cheeks grow warm.
"You know what your mom told me once?" he asked.
"My mom?"
He nodded. "She told me that if someone put both our smiles together, they'd get one big grin. Do you know why? Because you only have a dimple on your right cheek and I only have one on my left. She said if someone combined our smiles, it would be one dimpled grin."
"When did she tell you that?" I asked, lifting my brows at him.
"When you weren't around," he smirked.
"And how often did you hang out with my mom when I wasn't around?" I narrowed my eyes playfully.
"I would help her carry her groceries sometimes. She told me when I ran into her at the store. I helped her come home but you were out with your dad that Sunday, so I didn't get the chance to see or tell you."
I pulled up my sleeves since I was wearing his full-sleeve t-shirt and started doing the dishes. "God," I sighed, "my mom loved you, didn't she? Maybe more than me," I snorted.
He laughed, watching me while leaning against the counter. "It's only fair considering how much my family loves you."
"I don't have a family anymore though," I smiled sadly, scrubbing the plate clean before handing it to him.
"That's not true," he shook his head, drying the plate. "My family is your family. You're my family. We've been together for so long, we're practically married."
I chuckled, "We've been together only a little more than a month."
"Not if you count the four years before that."
"What about the four years in between, hmm?"
"So pessimistic," he clicked his tongue, nudging my hip with his. He put the plate in the cabinet and then leaned down to my level as I dried my hands. "Nothing beats the four years we spent together," he emphasized his words, talking slowly. "Understood?"
I met his eyes, holding his gaze. He lifted a brow, leaning forward so we were exactly eye to eye. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his while grabbing his shirt, pulling him closer. His hands flew to my waist as he stumbled forward but caught himself. I took a few steps forward, moving us away from the window because I know Nonna likes to use that window to check on us.
She comes by every day to see how I'm doing.
His back hit the wall before I stopped, both of us catching our breath. He blinked slowly, staring at me and then nodding slowly. "I think you understood," he cleared his throat.
I let out a short laugh, staring up at him. "What?"
"I love you," he said quickly.
"I love you t—"
He grabbed the back of my neck and leaned down, his lips crashing against mine as he kissed me eagerly. It's been a while since we kissed like this.
This past month, I've been fragile, bursting out into tears at the smallest of things. I've been trying not to think about it and it's working for the most part. Plus, Ronan always being here to distract me helps.
A small moan crawled up my throat when he slipped his hand under my shirt, digging his fingers into my waist and he smiled into the kiss in response, chuckling.
.
.
.
.
.
Chapter 27
It's them. They're endgame.
Well no shit lmao this is a romance book written by me
next chapter: normal