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You had not seen Bang Christopher Chan in a very long time.
Two years, to be precise. Two years of studiously ignoring, avoiding, running away from anything that reminded you of the scars that ran down your back and sides. Two years of having no contact with one of the kindest people you'd ever met in your life, just because of the memories you tied to him. Because of the person he was friends with.
In truth, Chan was one of the kindest people you'd ever met, and he didn't deserve the way your lungs twisted and recoiled when you laid eyes on him, nor the way your skin prickled something fierce when he took a step towards you, the surprise in his eyes morphing almost instantly to concern at the way you paled. He didn't deserve the way you took a step back, throat going dry, mind snapping into panic mode. Not at all. Chan had never done a thing to you.
However, sometimes even kind people don't get what they deserve.
You didn't trust yourself, you and your dry throat, quick-beating heart, to speak, but it seemed your sharp tongue had a mind of its own, snapping angrily in the face of fear.
"What are you doing here?"
You yourself were shocked at how your voice was colder than ice and yet just as brittle, just as unforgiving as you raised your chin, hating the way your lungs twisted angrily in retaliation in your chest. You expected more cracks in that voice. You expected more delicate fragility, the way you sounded when you were trying very hard not to cry.
You did not expect this... fierce surge of anger.
"I—" he spluttered despite the icy front you'd just shoved in his face, blinking in bewilderment and unable to answer your quietly cold question as Aurem pretty much looked like she'd been thrown into a horror movie. Chan involuntarily let his eyes flicker over your frame, taking you up head to toe. You wished your mind was working enough to decipher his expression, a little soft, a little something else, but all your energy was being focused on one thing.
Don't think of him.
Chan isn't him.
DON'T panic right now, you can break down when you go home.
Typically, this was not really how your panic attacks worked, but you sure as hell were going to try.
"It— wow," Chan said quietly, not even noticing the way you involuntarily stepped backward, skin feeling clammy and cold as watched you, a small pout on his lips, "it's been a while, Y/N."
There was a moment of odd, charged silence as you regarded him and Aurem stood there, frozen. Clearly, without a shadow of a doubt, cursing this man for asking for notes, of all things, with you right there.
You knew you didn't have the right to be mad at Aurem. Chan was kind and always a good sport, someone people couldn't help but gravitate towards because of his contagious smile and laugh. You couldn't control who she talked to, who she decided to be friends with.
However, that didn't stop you from being a little bitter about the fact this man's presence was this close to humiliating you in front of the entire campus because if you fell and began gasping because of a panic attack, people tended to believe you were at least a little possessed. Even without some Greek monster invading your body.
At your lack of response, Chan sighed, then shot you a weak, sad grin when he looked up again. "Surely you haven't forgotten me, Y/N?"
No. You hadn't. Flashes of memories still crackled angrily through your head at the very sight of him, asking your breath short and head spin.
That was the problem.
You hated it .
You couldn't help the scoff that left your lips then as you looked away, hugging your arms around your midriff for a bit of support against the nausea beginning to rise in your gut. "Would it even be possible for me to do that?" you snapped, voice coming out harsher than you intended it to as you shook your head, "Do you really think I could, even if I tried?"
Aurem winced, reaching out to you and gently touching your shoulder at the rawness coating your words.
Chan flinched as if you'd slapped him.
You glanced around, the permeating light of noon warming your back and illuminating the people around you still walking across campus. You couldn't say your interaction with Chan wasn't attracting at least a few stares, but you had to admit you couldn't care less at the moment when your knees genuinely felt like jelly and were this close to giving out.
You could only grit your teeth, breath rattling too much in your lungs for you to even attempt to force words out, his gentle words and bouncy hair setting off too many memories for you to think straight.
"Dude, watch it, your girl—"
"Stay out of it, Chan! Damn f*ckin' straight, she's my girl, not yours!"
"Look, I—" Chan frowned and ran his hand through his hair, shaking his head at your cold, almost angry attitude that completely juxtaposed your pale, pallid skin and the tremble in your hands. "I get why... why you don't want to see me, Y/N, I do, but..."
At the way your eyes hardened— because obviously if he knew then WHY WAS HE STILL HERE— he rushed to finish his sentence, stumbling over his words.
Except you didn't even hear them.
Chan reached out to gently touch your shoulder, and you felt a jerk go through you where his fingers rested on your collarbone, feeling like fire against you. You yelped, jerking away and stumbling back, the edges of your vision going fuzzy with an irrational terror.
His touch physically felt like it burned, and you stood there, frozen with the most evil sort of fear you'd ever experienced.
"Little b*tch, how many times do I have to remind you that you belong to ME?"
Aurem finally decided to intervene, quickly tapping Chan's arm and shaking her head. "Chan!" she hissed, a little agitated as she glanced at you, clearly distraught and not thinking clearly, "Chan, enough! What are you doing?"
"Aurem, I'm literally just trying to set things straight—"
Everything you heard now felt like you were underwater, limply floating. Your legs went weak, heartbeat steadily rising to a rapid, painful flutter.
"Don't touch me," you whispered, jerking back, but his arm stayed.
Chan looked up, bewildered, as if he didn't hear you right. "What?"
And all of a sudden, something cut through your bubble with a spark, a flutter that made you blink.
Taehyung's presence behind you, sparking with blatant fury, was suddenly all-too-obvious.
"She said," a deep, dangerous voice resounded from behind you in a quietly furious growl, basically dripping pure, unadulterated anger as long fingers curled around Chan's wrist and ripped his arm off you so forcefully he yelped, "don't touch her."
Undoubtedly, you should have felt the presence behind you long before Taehyung's decidedly pissed-off snarl cut through the air like a knife, but your vision was too fuzzy around the edges, your heart beating far too quickly, your skin far too cold and pale. You wished you even had the strength to appear strong right now, but you felt like it'd been sucked right out of you.
It took you about 0.02 seconds to figure out that Kim Taehyung had enough impulsivity and fury crackling from every pore in his body to make up for it, though.
"Get the f*ck away from her," Taehyung snarled for reiteration, the books in his hands forgotten as he had reached behind you and all but thrown Chan's hand off your shoulder, making him stumble with wide eyes. Anger flooded the previously-stagnant mind-link between you two, hot and sharp at the same time as he pulled you back, standing protectively beside you with a raised chin and a vein popping in his neck as he glared at Chan.
Even though the soft fuzz that was beginning to cloud the edges of your vision because of your shallow, almost panicked breathing, you knew that if you were Chan, you'd have run. You didn't even have to look at Taehyung to know he looked positively unhinged— and yet you threw him a glance anyway.
The angry, slashed 'v' of his eyebrows cut through his forehead, red hair shoved roughly out of his face to reveal the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he glared at Chan. There was a tick to his jaw, a sharp heaving of his breath, and you blinked, frankly a little taken aback.
Chan, on the other hand, bless his poor heart, looked a little terrified as he recoiled, eyes going almost comically wide.
Aurem did too, looking a little shell-shocked, although the reason for that (ODDLY GLEEFUL) stricken expression was unclear.
"Woah, dude, I'm not doing anything to Y/N," Chan's easy, naturally sweet voice was placating when he got over his initial terror (he'd never really been one for horror movies either, poor thing), hands in front of him and gently furrowed brows accentuating his concern. He glanced at you, still silent and surely still pale, and let a sad look flit over his face. "I just... wanted to talk to her..."
You would have felt guilty had you not felt so damn dizzy.
Taehyung turned to you as you inhaled deeply for stability, the wobble in even your lungs accommodating to the oxygen making the clench of his jaw go hard, flinty. But when he gently touched your shoulder, brushing away a strand of your hair and calling your attention to his eyes... the softness in them nearly made the way you were desperately trying to fight off your sickening panic fade.
"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, dipping his nose down to deeply look into your eyes. Fuzzily, something clicked in your whirling head— he was here for you. He'd felt something, sensed something in you, distressed. His deep voice shook you from your thoughts. "Is he telling the truth? Is something wrong?"
You didn't answer for a moment, blinking and the lump in your throat making it hard for you to breathe, let alone speak, and he took your answer for denial.
His eyes lit furiously again as he clenched his jaw, ferocity all but sparking from his skin, head snapping back to a faintly distressed Chan and muscles coiling taut as if about to lunge.
"You son of a—"
Without thinking, before he could throw a punch and cause mass panic when Chan's nose broke under his fist or something, your hand lashed out and you tightly laced your fingers with his.
His skin, you noted a bit deliriously, was lightly calloused, rough, and yet soft at the same time. His long fingers instinctively curled into yours, dwarfing your smaller hands as you held him back, shaking your head.
Nose still flared, Taehyung's head snapped to you.
"Tae," you said quietly, the words feeling so much like they were sapping the last dregs of your energy you didn't even notice the incredulity in his eyes, the way they widened and lit at the way you held him close, pulling him back, "leave it. Stop."
A heartbeat passed as he stared at you, as if waiting for something.
And then another.
"I—" Taehyung blinked, shaking his head after a long moment, gaze flickering down to where you held his hand, his larger palm engulfing yours as he tightened the grip you'd initiated. "But he—"
You shook your head, locking gazes with Chan as he watched, and yet you involuntarily clutched Taehyung tighter, leaned into his sturdy frame for support. He gave it to you, instantly, not a heartbeat of hesitation in the way he gently shifted for you.
"It's okay," you said quietly even though you most CERTAINLY did not feel okay. You looked up and exchanged a charged look with Chan in front of you, a lingering glance Taehyung didn't miss. He rolled his tongue into his cheek, jaw tightening, but you just ignored it and brushed his palm gently. "Chan..." the words caught in your throat, and you let out a long sigh. "Chan's a..."
"An old friend," the man before you finished with a faintly sad tilt of his head, a small, rueful curl of his lips obvious when he looked up at you, then at Taehyung still sparking hostility and protectiveness over you.
You didn't deny it, and managed a small huffing chuckle under your breath, only the slightest bit bitter. Sure. You could say that.
"I'm sorry for freaking you out, Y/N," Chan said quietly after a moment of awkward silence, shifting on his heels uneasily as Taehyung's glare on him never wavered, "it's just... good to see you again. It... I hope you're doing alright. It looks like you are. That's good, it's— it's good."
Chan's nervous rambling made you soften a little bit. You'd have to be a monster to not feel guilty at the way your old friend— now ex-friend after the... accident that had made you sever ties with everyone and everything that had relations with him— looked like a kicked puppy when you'd coldly blown him off.
After all, you'd been friends once.
There was a moment of silence before you finally let out a sigh and swallowed the lump in your throat, the erratic beating of your heart making your arm wrap around your midriff and agitatedly tap at your sides.
Taehyung's hand gently closed around it, patiently unclenching your fist and releasing your nails from your skin, sending a wave of dizzying sparks to your head.
"I've been better," you muttered quietly, shaking your head as you locked tired eyes with Chan, "but... I've also been worse."
Chan swallowed, gaze flicking to the protective way Taehyung towered behind you, the way he looked at you, the way he so blatantly touched you. An amused huff of breath left him as he observed, and he looked down before glancing back up.
"I'm glad," he said, running fingers through his blonde hair gleaming almost wheat-gold in the afternoon sunlight, "truly, I'm really happy you're better. To be honest, the boys would be too."
Your spine stiffened against Taehyung's chest, and the demigod glanced down at you in concern for half a second as Chan kept talking.
"They miss you, you know that?" he chuckled a little, corners of his mouth turning up into a wry smile. He observed the way you shrunk back, going pale, and let out a sigh, looking sad. He shot a glance at Aurem, who'd frozen, and laughed dryly.
"I'll be more careful asking you for notes next time, Aurem," he smiled in his ever-easygoing fashion, even though there was a slump to his shoulders. His eyes flicked to you again, and he grinned, even though there was a shadow of sadness in his irises. "And, Y/N? If you ever want to come see us, you'll know where to find me."
You simply stared at Chan as he tipped his head a little cheekily at Taehyung and turned on heel and left, hair glowing gold.
There was a moment of still silence as he walked away.
Something deep inside you that you'd been holding upright with every fiber of your being, against the tremors that threatened to send it sprawling as the memories of times you'd rather have forgotten surfaced, collapsed.
You inhaled, deep, shuddering.
"Oh god," you mumbled under your breath, now barely able to balance on your feet had it not been for Taehyung's firm support next to you, "oh god."
"Love?" Taehyung's faintly alarmed voice rang briefly in your ears before you felt him steady you, make you face him and his strong frame, eyes big and glowing honey-bronze in the noon light dappling shadows over his frame. "Love, are you alri— oh..."
Taehyung swallowed harshly, face falling as you curled in on yourself, involuntary flinching a little away from his touch as your skin burned, prickled fiercely in memory. A stab of hurt all but punched you in the gut from the demigod in front of you, but it was quickly overshadowed by concern.
You heard Aurem rushing to your side before you saw her at your little flinch, her panicked trance broken as she saw you blinking fast, fingers going relentlessly fidgety. Her small hands quickly pulled you away from Taehyung, rubbing gentle circles on your back as you tried to regain control of your breathing.
"I'm sorry," she whispered softly, just loud enough for you to grasp her words, guilt woven through every syllable she uttered. You knew her doll-like face would be genuinely distressed right now, a little devastated. You knew she hadn't meant for this to happen, and you knew Aurem.
Sadly, you didn't even have the strength to goddamn f*cking breathe, let alone tell her it was okay.
"Y/N?" Taehyung reached out to you after a moment of silence as you stared at the floor, feeling positively sick to your stomach, but he paused midway and drew his hand back at the way you stiffened slightly, looking a little crushed. Aurem's gaze flicked to him and wavered into something like pity.
"It's not you, Taehyung," she reassured him quietly, shaking her head even as she gently gripped your arms, stabilizing you. With careful, practiced movements (because, much to your self-loathing, both Aurem and Hana had done this for you before— that is, dealt with you and your inconvenient fits of panic), Aurem made you shuffle your feet forward at least a little. "Taehyung," she reiterated marginally more firmly at the way he pursed his lips and looked down, eyebrows slashing into a furrowed, distressed 'v' in the middle of his forehead, "Taehyung, now is not the time to get upset over the fact she doesn't want you touching her, for God's sake! Help me."
The demigod glanced up, confusion coloring his gaze as he raked scarlet hair out of his eyes. "Help?" he echoed.
"I'm going to go get Hana," Aurem retorted quickly as she gently pulled you away from plain sight, further from the stray person happening to pass by and observe you. She peered into the lecture hall you'd just exited, confirming that it was empty with a quick sweep of the room when she opened the door. "Just... just stay with her, alright?"
The tremble in Aurem's hands betrayed how she was faking her calm, collected voice. Taehyung noticed, pursing his lips at her distress and gently, carefully, pulled you away from her, back into a seat on the first row. He gauged your reaction— when you failed to shy away from him, the palpable relief in his demeanor couldn't be masked.
He got the sense this was a little different from the time in front of the club when you'd panicked, letting him hold you for support because you'd needed it then. This wasn't just a memory— this was a person who'd sparked a sort of fear in you Taehyung could hardly bear seeing.
"Alright," the demigod murmured, lowering his eyes and keeping his voice even as he pulled his hands away from you, careful. He glanced at Aurem with a tight smile. "I've got her. Don't worry."
Your pink-haired friend nodded sharply and quickly left, steps thudding quickly and purposefully, shadowed by the loud thud of the door closing behind her.
The silence she left behind was loud enough to sting.
A/N: I don't like this chapter and I hate how long it took to write T-T but yk what I'm done fretting over it please enjoy. You guys have no idea how much I missed you all! I want to get involved in the wp community again and participate in awards but ugh my 2 APs and 3 honors classes are acting up. Free time lmao what's that.
But anyways... how are you guys? I missed you and can't wait to hear from you!
Stay turned for the next chapter, it'll be... interesting ;)
—MARE