Chapter One Hundred Four
Eli
I think I might be asleep and dreaming right now. I swear I just heard Dani say she thinks she loves me. It takes every ounce of my strength and training to keep my heart rate steady and to stop me from jumping with joy right now. I want to believe she said that; I'm pretty certain those words left her mouth. I'm not so sure she meant to say them out loud, but I'll take what I'm given. It's a major step forward for Dani. I'm sure she doesn't understand the things she's feeling. I mean, I didn't know what true love felt like until I met Dani. Not that I knew exactly what it was when I first felt it. How much harder must it be for her to comprehend everything she's now experiencing. I don't doubt for one second that she has feelings for me. I know that is true. I just don't think she knows what she's feeling or how to express that. I'm waiting for the day she can freely tell me she loves me, but I won't put pressure on her or expect it to happen. I want her to do that in her own time, otherwise she won't really mean it. It has to be natural for her, and that may take some time.
Still, even if she just said those words in a dream state or subconsciously, she said them. I'm not imagining that just because I want to hear those words, right? I've never suffered with a wild imagination. I've always been a bare facts and real events kind of guy. I see it as it is, and that's how I tell it. So, I'm pretty sure I didn't make it up. That leaves me with an amazing feeling, almost like I'm floating and I'm sure I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
As I wake up, I'm aware of something tickling my chest. I fight every instinct to jump up and see what it is, because I know Dani's in bed and I don't want to scare her. Instead, I just lay still, waiting and listening to my surroundings, hoping to find out what it is. When my mind clears a little, I realize it's Dani's fingers and she's tracing the splatter of freckles on my chest. I almost smile at the thought of it. I don't know where her courage has come from, but I'm not about to stop it. I do, however, have to focus on something else so I don't get too excited at the endearing moment.
I hear her whisper, "This one could be a star. If you draw a line to here, then it makes a big star. I think this one could be a dog. I like dogs..."
This is actually too cute and I really want to tell her so, but I'm worried it'll stop her from her display of affection. I simply lay still, waiting to see what happens next. I feel a tiny tap on my skin, where my heart is located and Dani's words almost make me inhale sharply.
"This is your best part. I know I can't tell you this normally, well, I sort of am, but you won't know it. Your heart is just amazing. I don't know why or how you decided to help me, but I am so grateful you did. You have such a big heart and I only hope I can give you mine someday. One day, when I'm not so scared or unsure, maybe it'll all be different."
She places a brief kiss over my heart and I can't fake it anymore. I stretch and groan, like I've just woken up. I crack my eyes open and Dani jumps up. She doesn't look scared, more like she's been caught out.
"Hey."
I eye her cautiously, like I'm confused about her movement away from me.
"You ok, baby? Did I do something I shouldn't have in my sleep?"
She lets out a long breath, "No sir. Just didn't know you were awake."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
She eyes me carefully, and I ensure that my features are blank or confused looking, so she doesn't know what I heard. She must decide everything is safe, because she says, "It's ok, Eli. I just wasn't expecting you to be awake already. We don't have to get up just yet."
She lays back down, so I open my arms, inviting her to curl up with me. She hesitates and then accepts the invitation. These gestures seem to be getting easier for her.
I ask, "Did you dream last night? I don't remember waking up."
"Not really. I did, but not as bad as they usually are. You were in one of them."
"I was?"
I'm shocked at how easily she admitted that, but I can sense her embarrassment.
"Yeah. You were in my apartment with me."
"A memory?"
"No. We were there after everything had happened. Like Sam was telling me to do."
"How did it turn out in your dream?"
"Not as bad as I thought it would. Eli?"
"Yes baby?"
"I'll do it. I'll go back there, but only if you're with me."
"Of course I will be. I would never make you do that on your own."
She whispers, "Thank you."
I kiss the crown of her head and I'm sure she snuggles closer to me. It makes me wonder if she had other dreams last night, causing this sudden change in her. I know she's been much more comfortable with me and she's been better with my actions of affection, but she hasn't really made any move to instigate it herself. Maybe that's all about to change.
I run my fingers down her arm absentmindedly and ask, "How long until we have to actually get out of bed?"
She glances at my watch before answering, "A half hour."
"Good. I can close my eyes again for a little while. You ok with that?"
"Yep."
I swear Dani holds me a little tighter than usual. Maybe her nightmares were worse than she let on. Maybe she feels like she can express her feelings a bit better. Whatever it is, I'm not going to complain. Instead, I wrap my arm around her even more and squeeze her closer to my side. I hear her take in a sharp breath, but then I hear her whisper, "It's Eli. It's only Eli. He's not going to hurt me..."
I smile as I close my eyes again. I love the fact that she knows I'm not going to hurt her. I love that she trusts me so much. Everything about this morning has been amazing and I'm not sure anything can ruin that now.
When we get into the precinct, we're just at the top of the stairs and my hand is on the door handle. I'm ready to open the door, when Dani says, "Eli?"
I pause and face her, "Yes baby?"
She hesitates and then places her hand on my chest. "Please be careful today. I don't know why I feel like I have to say it, but I'd be annoyed with myself if I didn't. You'll be careful, right?"
"Always, sweetheart, always."
She smiles, "You said that before. A long time ago. Those exact words."
"I did?"
"Yep. The day we found out that bank was owned by the Russian businessman. I told you to stay safe."
"You truly are amazing, Dani. So beautiful and so amazing."
She blushes at my words, but reaches for my hand. Possibly as a thank you or maybe it's for my benefit, almost like a reward. As we step onto our floor, she keeps our fingers entwined and I bite back a groan. This woman will be the death of me. She's so beautiful and her new confidence is starting to drive me a little crazy. I would never admit that to her, but I can't help but think it.
I see Ash and the team eye our hands, but Dani still doesn't let go. I notice that she falters a little, but I give her hand a squeeze to boost her confidence, and I lead her to her desk. The Cap is waiting and her greets us before saying, "Ramirez, a word. Dani, the IT department called about your threat analysis program. Can you call them back please?"
"Yes sir. Were there problems?"
"I don't think so. They couldn't understand some coding or something. I don't really understand that talk."
She smiles slightly, "Yes sir. I'll get to it now."
"Thank you. Come and see me after you've settled?"
"Of course. Coffee?"
"Yes please. Captain Greggson is here too. He'll probably want coffee too."
She nods and snatches up her phone as we head to the Cap's office.
Captain Greggson gets straight to it, "It's all set up for Monday evening. You'll only have 3 hours to question all 3 of them, so you need to make it count."
"Will do, sir. We have permission to do whatever we need to to get a result?"
He eyes me closely, "Within reason, Ramirez. Don't ruin it all at the last lap. Have you thought of setting a trap for this Ivankov?"
"A trap?"
I'm not liking the sound of this. His next words confirm my suspicions.
"Yeah. Get word out that we have the witness and see if that makes him surface."
I bite back my initial response and take a deep breath before answering, "They know we have her. They know she didn't die, I'm sure of that. But if you're asking me to put Dani in danger; to deliberately put her within their reach, then I'm going to have to tell you no. I won't do that. I won't even put that suggestion across to her. You don't know what these people are capable of and I'm not going to risk them getting her again."
"I appreciate that, but I had to mention it. What happens if we can't get an answer out of these guys, Lieutenant?"
"I'll deal with that if or when it happens. I'll find another way if they aren't helpful. But I'm telling you now, I won't put that woman in any more danger. It's not going to happen on my watch, and don't think my men will do it either. None of them will be ok with putting her in harm's way."
"I understand. You better hope you get these guys to flip, or we've still got nothing."
"I'll make it work, trust me."
There's a knock on the door, ending the conversation. The Cap and I both know it's Dani, so nothing more is said about the case. She brings coffee for the three of us and while she sets the two Captains' coffees on the desk, she hands mine right to me. I smile and thank her in Russian.
She nods and whispers back in Russian, "Everything ok?"
I reply, "Yes ma'am. Just trying to sort out some kinks in a case. It'll all work out."
She nods again and leaves the room. Captain Greggson voices something we're all probably thinking, "She's different. She looks good."
I nod, "She's recovering well."
"No lasting effects after her surgeries or anything?"
Depends what his definition of that is. Not that I'm going to reveal any of that. I simply say, "It seems like everything is fine."
"Good. Well, I'll leave you to your work. Give me a call after you've been to Rikers."
"Yes sir, will do."
The day passes far too slowly for my liking. I want to get the weekend through, so I can get this visit to the prison over. I'm not going to tell Dani about it. One, I don't want to worry her and two, I don't want to scare her. I want her to continue on her recovery the way she has been. She's been so different these last few days and I don't want to do anything to upset that.
When we get back to my parents house, my pops informs me that he and my ma are going out for the evening. Some charity event the hospital is hosting. So it'll just be Dani and myself at the house. Dani and I are cooking dinner when my mom step into the kitchen to say goodnight.
Dani gasps at the sight and she gushes, "Connie, you look beautiful!"
"Thank you, dear. I haven't had to dress up like this in a long time. I wasn't sure this would even fit anymore."
My ma is wearing a cobalt blue dress and she actually does look pretty amazing.
Dani speaks up again, "Well, you look beautiful."
"Thank you."
My pops enters the kitchen with a smile on his face, "See, Connie. I told you you look amazing."
I don't know when I turned so emotional, but as I look at my parents and the love they share for each other, I notice how much I want that for Dani and myself. Even after all this time, through my pop's time in combat, after raising three children and dealing with everything they have, they still love each other just as much, if not more. That's quite something, especially in today's world, where it seems to be a throw away society.
"We need to go, Connie. The board won't be too pleased if we're late."
We share goodbyes before they leave and then it's just Dani and myself in the house.
It feels a bit weird to have the place to ourselves now and I ask, "So, what do you want to do tonight? They won't be back until very late tonight or early hours of the morning."
She shrugs, "I don't know. What do you want to do?"
"I'm not sure. It's weird, huh? Having the place to ourselves again."
"Yeah. I'm so used to your parents being here. I never thought I'd be able to say that."
"I have to say, I am so proud of you, Dani. You have changed so much in the last week or so. I truly am so proud of you."
She blushes and I know my words have affected her. She whispers, "Thank you. I really am trying."
"I know you are and it shows. How would you feel about making that trip to your apartment tonight? We don't have to if you're not ready."
"Maybe. I have to prepare my mind for that. Can we decide after dinner please?"
"Of course. Let's see how it goes."
We continue to prepare the food and then we sit to eat. As we're cleaning up the dishes, Dani whispers, "I'll go tonight, Eli."
"You're sure? I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you into doing this."
"No, I'm sure. Well, as sure as I can be. Then we can put it up for sale and start afresh in the new house."
I smile brightly at her, enjoying the sound of those words as they leave her mouth. She still wants to buy the house with me, even after all this time thinking about it. She's had weeks to back out, to get frightened by the prospect, but she hasn't. That makes me feel special.
"You want to go now?"
"Yes sir. Eli?"
"Yes baby?"
"Can Beth come over for dinner next Sunday? Do you think your parents would be ok with that?"
"I'm sure they'd be more than happy to have Beth over. I bet they'll be glad to meet the woman who helped you so much back then."
"Would you ask your mom please?"
"Of course."
I grab my badge and my guns, putting one in my shoulder holster and my backup piece just above my boot. Dani eyes me closely, so I explain, "I don't go anywhere without them, you never know if you're going to pass a crime in progress. You ready?"
She nods, but I know she's nervous. She doesn't really want to do this, but she's trying to be brave. I don't know if that's purely for me or to get some closure for herself. Whatever the reason, I'll give her as much support and comfort as I can to make this process as easy as possible. I know it's not going to be easy, but I can at least try to help her through this.
As we pull up to Dani's apartment building, we sit still and silent for a few minutes. My cell rings, breaking the silence. Arrows number flashes on my screen. It doesn't have a name attached, just his number. A safety precaution him, Ash and I take. No names linked to numbers; that comes from our time in the Marines.
I pick up the call, "Hey, what's up? Everything ok?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing. I've just seen you pull up at Dani's building..."
Despite the situation, I chuckle. "Really?"
"Yeah."
"I should have known. What are you doing, Arrow?"
"Casing the joint in the hope that someone comes back. I think someone has been watching the place, so I wanted to see if I could follow them."
"Any luck?"
"Not so far. Still working on it. Do you need back up to go in there?"
"No, I don't think so. I'll let you know if I do."
"Scott told me about your plans for Monday evening. I wish I could join you..."
"But then they'd know your face."
"Exactly the reason why I can't go. I'm sure I'd get clearance, but I can't risk it. I'll be watching your back tonight, LT."
"Thanks, I appreciate it."
"Tell Dani I said hi."
"I will."
As I hang up, I pass Arrow's greeting to Dani and I see a softness in her eyes. She actually does really like him. She's only met him the one time, at least that's the only time I know of. While I'm pleased she seems to like him, the curious side of me wonders what their exchange was like. It makes me wonder what he did or said to put her at ease with him.
"You like Arrow, Dani?"
"He's a good guy. He's done a lot for us. I might not be totally comfortable around him, but I think he's a good guy."
I smile at her response and kiss the palm of her hand. She continues to amaze me every single day. I wouldn't blame her if she never trusted another person, let alone another man, after everything she's been through. But every day she shows a little more trust in me, my family and my friends. My heart swells with the thought as we slowly make our way into her building. I'm on edge, expecting something to go wrong, but hoping it doesn't. Still, I feel somewhat better knowing Arrow is out there, watching for any sign of trouble.