You
What if? There were so many what if's.
What could have been? There were so many of those too.
You had found yourself missing Loki. You really had loved him, and now that he was gone, you missed him. Even with all the lies, he had grown on you.
And you don't know if that made you love or hate him.
A part of you wanted him to come back, even once, just to say goodbye once again. You felt like everything was heat-of-the-moment, and you found yourself having regrets about how it turned out. Even with Amy's advice ("ditch him for good- you're too good for him, queen!") you weren't sure how to really think. After all, Loki was the God of lies. He wasn't the good of plants, or light. He was the God of lies, and mischief. How could you really know if anything that he said was truthful?
Even the part where he loved you. Was he really being honest, or was all just a lie like everything else?
Though you had suspicions about Loki's true nature, the fact that you met a God was still leaving shock in your head. You hadn't had the time to process it yet, and it was all coming back to hit you now. You met a God. An actual God. And he had (possibly) loved- no, still loves you. You didn't know how to feel about that. A part of felt happy, a part of you felt frustrated, and so on. It was a tumble of emotions, all fleeting through your mind at an incredible rate, not staying long enough to truly hit you deep in the chest. Everything felt surfaced, and fake.
You felt fake. And it was all because of Loki.
As you lay on your bed, you decide to just sleep. At the moment, you couldn't do much else. At least not for a few days. You have work on Monday. Thankfully it was only Saturday.
Loki
"She feels all of these emotions because of me? How interesting," Loki mumbles. He's currently outside of your bedroom window that you had forgotten to pull the blinds down on. At the moment he was disillusioned, so even if you looked him directly in the eyes, you wouldn't see him. And you couldn't sense him either- you didn't have a bond with him, and nor were you magical yourself. One day, however, he would love to have a bond with you. Usually the thought or mere notion of marriage would make him disgusted- who could live with just one person? But now that he'd seen you, marriage didn't seem so bad.
At the start, he had wanted to break you. You were a carefree spirit, who even though had seen some tortures of the world, still continued to blossom and live as happily as she could. Loki had seen that and had felt like absolute shit. Who could truly be happy with their lives? And that was why he had resolved to break you.
That was until he started to know you. You weren't perfect. Far from it. And you weren't happy, either. It was all a façade, to turn people away from knowing the real you. But he had managed to worm himself deep into your heart. At least enough for you to unravel many secrets.
Admittedly, Loki had many regrets in his life. Ones that he learned to live with because he couldn't change the past. What's done has been done, and we'll leave it at that. No point thinking about it now. But this... this feeling, was all new. Loki felt an immeasurable regret when he left not even too long ago, and sought to fix it. This was something that he could surely fix- he had many tricks up his sleeves. He felt a surge of determination in knowing that this was salvageable. Most things would sadly be out of his control, but this time he had the cards. He would create his own path with the woman in front of him, and remove one extra regret from his life.
Loki continued to watch you through the window, making sure to not make a sound. He wasn't the one who had no feelings, he realised. It was too obvious- he deeply cared for the girl, you, even to the point of love- which, in reality, scared him a little. Scared him, a God.
Well, he didn't feel too much of his Godliness at the moment. He hadn't felt much else other than affection where you were concerned.
Loki was willing to win you back. Even if it was nigh impossible, with how he left you, mercilessly. Even he had to admit that what he did was horrible- he barely explained himself, not even elaborated and showed his true feelings before leaving you to your own thoughts and emotions. Something that was most likely considered to be, from what he knew of your world, a 'dick move'. Loki fully agreed.
It would be a lie if Loki had to say that he hadn't thought about turning himself into an illusion of someone else and meeting you again, even if it was under more lies. But that's where the thought had ended. Hadn't you had enough of all the lies? His whole relationship with you had been built on the foundations of lies- at least, from his side. But that was a regret that he was willing to make a difference of. The man made himself a new motto- if you can fix something, take no hesitation in doing it.
Loki decided to be his true self. No lies. No deceiving. Just his bare self.
Loki swallowed. This would be the hardest thing that he has ever had to do. but he was quite determined to see it through. The God took one last peek at you through the window before leaving, a plan forming in his mind.
He could find love- a true, heartbreaking, soul crushing love. And you could possibly learn to love him again.
All in due time, of course.
You
"I feel like a broken down rollercoaster," you mumble to yourself as you wake up. You found that expressing your emotions out loud to yourself helped you through situations where emotions are a prime factor, which is what you are doing as of this moment. "I feel like runny shit."
You head to the shower to lazily start your day. This would not be a productive time for you, and you felt like you needed some rest from people. Amy was good and all, but you needed alone time to recharge your emotions, as they were currently feeling drained- or in other words, like a dumpster fire. But surprisingly, you felt quite motivated when thinking about self care. You smile to yourself. You were sure that another day of Netflix and processed food would do wonders.
And besides, there was only one way to test that theory. And that was to do it in practice.
You have a abnormally quick shower, finding comfort in the fact that no one was to disturb you at all. Today was a new day- a whole day away from all the bullshit that had happened before.
You, for one, could not believe what Loki had done. Who in the hell walks away and says that they'll never see you again after dropping such a bombshell? Did he had no feelings in regards to your mental health? What were you supposed to think after finding out that your partn- ex partner was an actual God? And the God of lies, no less.
What a bloody joke. The highest cabinet in your kitchen was looking very sweet right now. All the alcohol you could want, at the touch and mercy of your hands and mouth. You could drink everything away, remember a simpler time, and only access your pain through distorted dreams.
But you remembered your motivating self care thoughts from before, and abstained from the thing that would only bring temporary comfort, and even more pain in the long run.
You so very wished that Loki could have elaborated. Why you? Just because you had spirit and a sense of freedom meant that you were the one? There are many women out there, surely, that have the same personality as you. You weren't special. But you were. For you had not only met, but dated a God. Even if it was Loki, it still qualified. You felt a sense of unexpected pride bloom in your chest. Maybe you should go for Thor next, if he is truly as real as you now believed him to be. Thoughts of you becoming a God-dater drifted into your head and you grinned. What a legend you could be.
Too sad that you had decided to abstain from dating for a while. You wanted to find yourself again, and enjoy what life has to offer without someone else dragging you down. After all, you wanted to find someone that lifted you up, and you wouldn't find that by moping around. No, you were going to get back onto your feet and show the world your resilience. And then, only then, would you look for your soulmate. Because you knew, deep inside, that even though other people could and can make you happy, only you could create permanent happiness within yourself. Not many things in life are permanent. But your core, your very soul and being, was as permanent as you were going to get on this Earth. And you wanted to be the best that you could be, and flourish without a God of lies tracking on your heels.
But first, you wanted ice-cream. Maybe a little moping was okay. After all, you did just go through a breakup. Your feelings are entitled.
Baby steps, you think. Baby steps.
I'll make it one day.