Ashton's POV:
I've officially been with Sage's pack for two weeks. In that time, I discovered it to be called the Western River pack based on their positioning in regards to the biggest river in the area. It's been the most peaceful and best two weeks of my life.
Not only am I now allowed to stay in the same room as my mate, but I have also had full meals and haven't had to guard a room full of Omegas and keep them from leaving. I am also an official member of this pack, as Sage's mother has accepted me and the other Alphas, as well as the Omegas who didn't belong to a pack.
However, with all of these things going well, I know Sage is worried about me. Ever since my fight with Ethan, I haven't left the pack house. I've mainly been in Sage's room, reading through the books that he has.
I learned to read when I was younger, before I was taken to the pack where I grew up. It took me a while to regain the reading skills that I had when I was young, but as soon as I got back into the groove, I've been reading every book Sage has in his room.
Honestly, I am hiding from the rest of the pack. I'm scared they won't accept me already, and I have one Alpha who I already know hates me. Plus, why should I leave when I have books at my disposal and I get to be surrounded by my mate's scent all day?
Sage is at a meeting right now to discuss the arrival of warriors from another pack whom are here to collect the Omegas that have been saved as well as their full moon ceremony. During the ceremony, they all pay respect to the moon goddess and thank her for their blessings, and it is a night where everyone is brought together.
It makes sense that we didn't have those at my old pack; there was nothing to be grateful for.
A knock at the door pulls me away from the pages of the book I'm reading and I see Owen poke his head in the door.
He and I have gotten closer over these two weeks whereas in the past he used to be close with Ronaldo and I with Liam. Since we've been in the same house, however, I've spent some of my down time with him whenever Sage and Zach have pack stuff to do.
Ronaldo has visited as well, but he's pushed the past to the past and has been able to move on. Maybe it's because he's older than myself and Owen, but he's thrown himself into training and working with the pack to become one of the warriors.
I wish I could move on like him and not have the demons of my past haunt me.
"Is Zach at that meeting as well?" I ask, and Owen nods, sitting on the floor.
Now that we have mates, we both understand how awkward it is to allow someone who isn't your mate on the bed. It makes it smell weird and it makes me feel more possessive and jealous when I'm cuddling with Sage and smell Owen.
"We're both going to have to attend them in the future, apparently," Owen says.
I already knew that.
With Sage and Zach's positions, Owen and I will be brought to meetings and trained to assist in protecting and guiding the pack. The very idea of it is terrifying to me, but I'll have to learn how and I can't throw away responsibilities because I'm afraid.
"How fun," I say in a flat voice, continuing to read my book. "Are you going to that so-called full moon ceremony?"
Owen grins and nods. "Obviously!" He then looks at me with a curious look. "Wait a minute... are you not going?"
"I... I don't know," I murmur, closing my book.
"You haven't left this house in two weeks, Ash! Come on, you can't hide in here forever!"
"Yes I can."
Owen scowls. "And leave your mate out there without any protection?"
"Trust me, he would have to protect me if we went out," I say, my face heating up. "He can handle himself just fine."
"It was worth a shot," Owen says, leaning back against the bedpost. "I was going to go to the meeting today, but I don't want to until you go."
I crawl under the covers and lay on my back, looking up at the cream colored ceiling. I haven't left this room for the last day and a half so I've only been in pajama pants.
"Thanks, Owen, but you can go if you want. I don't know why it's taking me so long to cope," I say, closing my eyes.
"You saw Liam murdered in front of you," Owen deadpans, making me wince. "Of course you're struggling. Ronaldo guided me and he got to come with me... you didn't get your mentor to come with you. I know Liam would have given you some good advice if he were here."
That hurts to hear, but he's right.
I've gotten so much more comfortable around my mate, but we still haven't been intimate past cuddling and forehead kisses. I'm still holding onto my past and I need to move on because it's putting a wall between myself and Sage, but I don't know how to just forget when I caused so much pain to innocent Omegas.
We're quiet for the next half hour, with Owen watching movies on the TV in Sage's room and me continuing to read until Zach and Sage enter the room.
"Figured you'd be here," Zach says and Owen gets up to go cling onto his mate. "Come on, baby."
Owen blushes at the pet name and leaves with Zach, holding his hand and grinning.
I wish I could make Sage smile like that, but I'm still wary of affection and taking that big step forward to leave my past behind.
"How was your meeting?" I ask, trying to open a conversation which I can tell surprises Sage a little bit because he usually initiates.
"It was boring," he responds, laying down on the bed beside me and staring at the ceiling. "I would have rather been here."
My face warms up and I smile at him. "Really?"
"Yeah, I missed my books and my bed."
My smile drops.
"That was sarcasm, Ashton," Sage assures me, scooting closer to me and laying his arm over my stomach. "We should go out and do something."
"Uh, I'd rather stay here..." I murmur, tensing at the idea of being out in public.
Sage sighs. "Will you at least go to the full moon ceremony?" he asks. "I know you're anxious and I want to give you time, but you need to take the leap of faith that some point, Ashton. It saddens me to see you waste your freedom hiding in here because you're afraid."
Why does he have to be able to read me?
Liam was perceptive, too. It was my least favorite quality of him because I hate when other people can read me and not let me keep my secrets.
"I'll go to the ceremony," I agree reluctantly. "It's in a few days, right?"
Sage smiles, his grin making me feel warm inside. "Yes! You'll go?!" he asks eagerly, and I wish I was better so I could make him this happy all the time.
"Yeah, I will. What do I have to for it?"
"You don't have to do anything!" Sage exclaims, climbing on top of me before he blushes and slides off. "Sorry, I got a little excited there. Uh, you just have to shift into your wolf form and then we go into the clearing and howl together. It connects us."
I smile at his adorable excitement. "And you're sure that you... want me there?"
"Of course! Why wouldn't I?" Sage's eyes harden before he seems to realize what I'm thinking. "What happened to those Omegas wasn't your fault and Ethan won't bother you."
My fear doesn't disappear but I do appreciate how Sage is willing to support me and protect me.
•••
The full moon is at its height in a few hours and I'm pacing the dining room while Sage is upstairs washing his hair. He was training earlier and said he didn't want to be gross before going and praying to the goddess.
I showered earlier today and I'm nervous to be around Sage when he's naked. I'm not even sure he wants me around him while he's naked.
"Sweetheart, you're making me anxious with your pacing."
I jump and turn around to see Sage's father, Alder, standing at the island and drinking from a teacup.
Sage looks a lot like him, but he has the same golden hair that his mother has. His father has a graceful aura about him and I have a lot of respect for him.
"I'm sorry," I say, sitting down at the kitchen bar.
"What are you so nervous about, Ashton?" Alder asks me kindly, pouring me a cup of tea as well. "The ceremony is meant to be a happy night for us to come together. It will mean full acceptance to the pack when you and the other new Alphas howl with us. It offers a spiritual connection as opposed to my mate simply stating that you now belong to our pack."
I sip the cup of tea, trying to relax. "I know, but... I'm sorry, but I don't feel like I'm good enough for your son. I'm so anxious about this pack and being good enough to belong here and-"
Alder lays his hand on top of mine and it helps to relax me a little. "Ashton, you're his mate. You are enough for him. We all have issues and things we wish we could forget, but it does not make us less than. Sage would not want you fearing you're not enough for him. Besides, when you are ready, I will start training you to be the next Luna and you still have a few years until Sage takes over, and even then you will have our support. That is plenty of time to learn and you have the support of the whole pack."
"Thank you," I say, sighing in relief because he really has helped me. "I swear I will work as hard as possible."
"Heal yourself first, sweetheart. Your healing should be your priority, and then after you can focus on your role in this pack."
Sage comes running downstairs with a bag. "I packed pajamas so when we shift back we can change right into our pajamas and go to bed," he says, his hair still wet and dripping down his face.
I run my fingers through his hair, spiking it up and making him growl and wipe it back down.
"I'm going to dry it!" he exclaims, handing me the bag. "Don't spike my hair."
"It's cute," I say, and Sage blushes and bites back a shy smile.
It's something I learned over the past couple of weeks; I'm nervous when it comes to complimenting my mate, but whenever I call him cute or compliment him, he gets all flustered and blushes. It's adorable, but I'm wary about when I should compliment him and I don't want to go too overboard.
We eat a small meal with Alder before we go outside to shift. The Alpha, Hazel, can't join us for dinner because she's doing a last patrol before the ceremony, and I'm secretly thankful for it because she's the most intimidating woman in this pack that I've met.
Reaching the clearing is nerve wracking, since the whole pack is on their way and there's a lot of people. Of course, I stay right by Sage the whole time and he leads me toward the center of the circle where Hazel is sitting with Alder beside her, and he's leaning into her chest.
Since we can't speak in wolf form, we're much more affectionate. Sage leans against me and nips my neck, getting me to look down at him. He licks my muzzle and I rub my nose against his cheek, letting out a please rumble.
Sage's tail wags and I find it adorable. We lay down on the ground, waiting for the rest of the pack to show up. Sage keeps nipping my ears and getting my attention, not that he ever lost it to begin with.
Hazel leads the howling when everyone arrives, and I follow Sage's lead, howling with everyone else. It's a shocking feeling; I didn't realize how connected this could actually make us, but I feel as though my heart is opening up and so many emotions are flooding through me right now.
Sage leans against me and it feels like electricity is shocking me and connecting me emotionally to my mate. It's as if nothing matters but my mate and my connection to him, and I know everything is going to be alright somehow.
When the howling is over, everyone begins to act like pups, tackling each other and and playing. Of course, Sage joins and gets me to play with him, Zach, and Owen.
Sage starts whimpering at some point, which gets my attention immediately. He goes over to our bag and shifts back, pulling on his pajamas. He's grabbing his stomach while I follow his lead and sit beside him.
"Are you alright?" I ask Sage when a sweet scent hits me and causes fear to course through my body. "Oh no."
Sage winces. "It's fine, I just need to get home. It's just preheat right now, Ashton," he says, but I scramble away from him.
How did I forget Omegas have heat?!
Of course my mate would go through one, and I'm so scared. It smells amazing and is pulling me and I want to be with him and soothe the pain, but I can't. It'll make me just like the leaders of the old pack who raped and abused Omegas.
What if I got carried away and hurt him?!
Alder and Hazel rush over to us when they see me backing away from Sage and I can tell they both catch a whiff of the aroma.
"Oh, goddess," Hazel murmurs. "Fantastic timing, Sage."
He gives her a thumbs up. "Thanks, mom. Ashton, help me get home," he begs, but I shake my head and stay back.
Rejection and betrayal flash in his eyes and Alder takes over, accompanied by the Beta, Matthew, and his mate, Pauline.
Hazel puts her hand on my shoulder as they carry my mate away.
My inner Alpha is livid and I want nothing more than to be with my mate, protecting and soothing him, but I'm too afraid.
"You should be with him, Ashton," Hazel says, glancing back at the pack where half have shifted to go home and many are still playing in their wolf forms. "You're his mate, and even if you two don't go all the way, your scent will still soothe him."
I shake my head. "I appreciate your words, but I can't. I can't go near him right now. I... I can't do it," I say, my voice breaking.
My tears aren't for me when I feel them fall; they're from realizing that I've let my mate down once again.