There were shrieks and shouts. The moment seemed like a blur; it all happened in a flash. What did I ever do? What have I ever known? I could not escape it and I doubt anyone could, yet I still had my sanity unlike the rest of them. At least I tried to convince myself otherwise. Everything I had ever known had been questioned. Were they always like this? Then again none of it seemed real. The sound of the horrid screams still remained in my mind. It haunted me day and night. My worst nightmare became my reality. It felt like the world had turned its back on me. The pain, the ear-splitting screeches, the terror- I never recovered from that night and neither did everyone else.
They're all mental.
———————————————————————-
"Come on, Holly! Pick up the pace!"
"Pansy, exactly where are you taking me?"
"This way! I need to show you something," Pansy bellowed, grabbing my arm and forcing me to follow her.
We pushed through several groups and crowds of students passing by until Pansy finally stopped in an almost deserted corridor.
"Pansy what-"
"Here!"
But there was nothing there. The only thing that stood in front of me was an oak door.
"There's absolutely nothing here," I said.
She sighed as if frustrated. "See this door right here?"
"Yeah... what about it?"
There was nothing special about the door and although it was Hogwarts, I doubt it led to anywhere magical. I had no desire to see whatever laid behind the average wooden door.
Besides, I had much better things to be doing. It honestly looked like a regular door to me. Nothing out of the ordinary was to be seen.
"Well get this! Yesterday I came by this very same door when I had just lost my potions textbook. Somehow I got lost and entered this room. When I entered, the place was full of spare textbooks."
"You brought me over here to show me an old storage cupboard?"
"I'm not finished!" exclaimed Pansy, " But when I came by here today, it was no longer a storage room but a loo! I might have needed to go at the time."
So... what are you saying?"
"I'm saying this room gives you what you need. So do you need anything?"
"Therapy," I answered, " Let's see what's behind here today."
But when I opened the door, there was nothing but a solid stone wall. I stared at Pansy.
"I don't understand," she said, "It was right here! Do you need anything besides therapy?"
"Not at the moment, but I doubt that's why it is not working. Maybe you were in two different corridors at the time. Or perhaps you're just delusional."
"I am far from delusional! I am almost positive it was here. I remember specifically-"
"Ah! See. Almost positive," I said with the raise of my eyebrows.
Even when I tried to walk away, Pansy still continued to insist that what she witnessed was true.
"Just ask Dumbledore!" I shouted.
"Dumbledore doesn't know anything!" she protested.
"It's his school! I would think he knows a thing or two about his own school."
She still would not not trying to convince me of this magical room she supposedly found. Finally, I got so aggravated that I made her leave. It is not that I do not believe in magic, I just do not believe Pansy.
I did not want to waste my precious time on Pansy's silly shenanigans. Honestly, the girl needs therapy more than I do.
When that situation was all said and done, I went up to the place where I loved to escape reality- the Astronomy Tower. Just to think I found my first love up in the Astronomy Tower made my heart melt. It sounded so romantic. It was romantic. However, once I got up there, I realized I had company. I glared at him for at least ten seconds before I recognized who he was.
"Hello Kasper."
The boy was very tall with dark black hair and rich brown eyes. The thin, tall boy turned to meet my gaze. He look startled for a second but once he saw my familiar face, his expression became bored once again. I supposed I must have scared him.
"You know it is literally twenty degrees outside, right?" I asked, wrapping my coat tighter around me.
"What do I know?"
Snow was falling from the sky and Kasper's fluffy hair laid caked with snowflakes. There were even snowflakes in his eye lashes. The air was chilly and winter fresh and the landscape just below us lay covered in clean white snow.
"Mind if I accompany you?" I asked politely.
"I suppose," he answered.
It really was not like I had to ask for permission to stay. After all, the Astronomy Tower is open to all students during the day. Unless it is ten o'clock, then you must be in your common room/dorm. But out of respect, I asked for Kasper's permission anyway. You never know when someone wants to be alone or unbothered.
"Exactly how long have you been up here?" I asked as I stepped closer to him.
"Not too long."
I was afraid to ask but I did anyway. "Is something wrong?"
Something is always wrong.
Kasper gave me a sideways glance. He appeared disinterested and tired. I only continued to be friendly but I felt as if I was annoying him.
"How's it going with Harry?" asked Kasper, ignoring my question.
Why was he asking?
"We are great friends," I said.
I was not ready to tell the whole truth.
"Oh come on I know about you two."
"What are you talking about?"
I still continued to play it off and dismiss his accusation, although it was true. But how would he even know?
"Don't play dumb with me."
"How did you-"
"I have my ways."
"Please tell me how you know because it is supposed to be a secret."
"Well that's no fun if it's a secret."
"Kasper-"
"It's clearly obvious that you and Harry like each other. You don't do a great job at hiding it."
I rolled my eyes. Of course out of all people Kasper found out. If it was that obvious, I just wondered how long it would be until someone else discovered it.
"You haven't told anyone, have you?"
"And if I have?"
"Kasper, please stop-"
"No. I haven't told anyone. Why does it matter?"
" 'Cause if you do it will be the last words spoken out of your mouth. Understand?"
"Yeah."
I did not really think Kasper understood but he never talked to anyone anyways. He was usually a loner and closed off to others. I have tried to help him somewhat but my all my attempts failed.
"Well, I should head out. It's getting sort of cold. I'll see you later."
"Goodbye Holly."
I felt as if I needed to leave Kasper alone for now, especially when I knew what he was thinking. I tried to bring it up but he refused my question.
Is something wrong?
I hated it for him. It was as if he still held onto those hidden scars as they only cut deeper and deeper. His past seemed hard to forget.
I knew how it made him feel.
They're all mental.
Do you think we're mental?
I wanted to tell Kasper to come inside before he froze to death but instead I let him be. I did not want to push things any further. I wanted Kasper to be ok but I knew he was not.
I honestly had nowhere to go on particular so I went on my merry way throughout the castle. As I was walking, however, Harry came bolting towards me.
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you! Where on earth have you been? And- oh ( Harry gently skimmed his knuckles across my cheek) , you're freezing!"
"Woah! I'm sorry I was up in the Astronomy Tower. Is everything alright?"
"Everything is ok. I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the Gryffindor party with me."
"There's a party?"
"Yeah. It's supposed to be for just Gryffindors but I also wanted to take you."
"Oh I would love to come. What time?"
"Seven. I'll see you there."
He smiled and walked off happily. I was then officially going to my first Gryffindor party. Wait. Did Harry just ask me on a date? And I did not even realize it! This is even better! My first date and Gryffindor party- both two in one! I continue walking towards the Slytherin common room after Harry went on about his way. Once I got there, the place was already overflowed with people and loud conversations. The common room even glowed brighter than usual and the noise was overwhelming. Suddenly Blaise stepped in front of me.
What now?
"Hey Blaise. What's up?"
"Hey. I was wondering if you had any idea what Pansy was talking about. Whatever it is, she won't shut up."
"Just ignore her. She's delusional. If she asks you to follow her anywhere, don't."
"But exactly what is she talking about?"
"Oh it's..."
My words trailed off once I caught sight of Draco. He stood only a few feet away behind Blaise, his expression dark. He was looking at me. Was he still mad? I have avoided him all day but I still do not want to deal with him. I've had quite enough of Draco. And he had absolutely no business staring me down the way he was.
When I did not speak, Blaise turned around to see what I was glaring at.
"Please excuse me," I told Blaise as I stared right back at Draco.
But even as I went away, I could've sworn I still felt Draco's eyes transfixed on me.
Just a few moments ago I felt as if me and Draco were having an intense staring contest. Now I'm worrying about what to wear to me and Harry's date. Am I supposed to dress fancy or casual? Harry never specified any details about dressing up or even the location. I just assumed it would be held in Gryffindor Tower.
I searched entirely through my wardrobe but I simply had nothing to wear. However, when it came to the last minute, I threw on a plain red sweater and a white tennis skirt. I wanted to match the Gryffindor theme.
Once more, I have one more problem to worry about and that was escaping the common room unseen and unnoticed. I assumed my best bet was to risk it and make a run for it. Although, dashing across the common room seemed a bit suspicious. Instead, I casually walked around, pretending to take a stroll around the area. Just in case, I searched for any sign of Draco but I did not find him anywhere. I continued on doing my best to not appear suspicious and I managed to make it out. Because you never know who is watching, I needed to come up with some type of excuse in case anyone asked. I will just say I had a late night detention. Yeah, that makes sense.
I did not run necessarily but I did rush quickly through the corridors. I was so excited and nothing was going to stop me or come in my way. And at first, I was immensely excited, but once I reach the painting of the Fat Lady, I realized Harry had never told me the password.
"Hey Holly. May I ask where are you going?"
"Hey Fred. Harry invited me to some kind of party. Is that alright?"
"Of course! Any girlfriend of Harry's is a friend of ours!" said Fred, really putting an emphasis on the girlfriend.
Then Fred recited the password and the painting swung open at his words. Not even having entered yet, I stood marveled at the entrance.
"Well. Go on then," said Fred, playfully pushing me inside.
I felt alive once I stepped foot in the Gryffindor common room. I could not believe I was actually there. A great smile was plastered on my face for I could not contain my excitement. The place was far more amazing than the Slytherin's common room. The large room was located in a high tower, so there was natural light. Tonight, the moon shone brightly through the open windows. The place was also much more cozy and the atmosphere felt warm and welcoming. Multiple candles lightened up the room and music played in the background on the small record player.
"I'll go get Harry for you," offered Fred.
"Thank you Fred," I replied.
Just a minute later, Harry walked up to me with the most adorable smile on his face.
"Holly!"
"Harry-!"
Before I could say anything, he pulled me into a nice quick hug.
"Hi!" I exclaimed.
"Hi. I'm glad you were able to make it. Here- would you like something to eat?"
Harry grabbed my hand and lead me to a nearby table. The table was notably long and made form oak wood. On the table, there were cinnamon rolls, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate strawberries, lemon cakes, cherry pastries, and banana pudding. Towards the end of the table lay pitchers full of drinks and empty cups, ready to be filled. I grabbed a little bit of everything.
"I really uh- I really love your outfit," said Harry in a sincere but awkward way.
"Why thank you," I said, " You don't look too bad yourself." I winked.
"Oh hey Holly."
I turned around on my chair to face Ginny.
"Hey Ginny! Having fun?"
"Loads of it. See you later."
And off she went.
"Are you and Ginny really good friends?" asked Harry.
"Well not at first. I was a bit rude but we've grown quite fond of each other."
"That's good."
"Hey! Excuse me, but I don't think I've seen you here before. Are you new?"
The boy who was talking to me had brown hair and a muscular body. Harry knew who he was but I sure didn't.
"Oh hey Oliver," said Harry, "This is Holly. She's my girlfriend."
The guys name was Oliver Wood. We actually started talking to each other. I realized he had a major obsession with Quidditch.
"Yes, I believe you would be an excellent Quidditch player," said Oliver in the middle of our conversation.
"What makes you say that?" I asked curiously.
"I don't know but something tells me you would do great. Say, have either one of your parents played Quidditch during their time at Hogwarts?"
Quidditch. Parents. My parents?
Focus Holly.
"No, I don't think so."
"Well I would still definitely consider doing tryouts next year. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go celebrate the victory of our last Quidditch game."
Oliver went away.
"I forgot you guys won," I said as I turned to Harry.
"Yeah. Why do you think we are having a party?"
"I don't know," I admitted.
"I'm going to beat you in Quidditch though," said Harry with a smirk.
"We'll see about that."
Honestly, he was probably right. After all, he has been playing since first year but of course I was not going to admit it.
Not too long after that, I spotted Kasper standing in a dark corner. As usual, he was alone. I studied him for a while but I was never able to catch his gaze.
"Do you know him?" asked Harry, looking right at Kasper.
"Yes," I replied," He's my cousin."
"Really? I didn't know that."
Kasper was wearing fancy black pants and a white dress shirt. He was also holding a glass of some sort of liquid.
"I'm really sorry Harry, but may I please go and speak to him. We are family after all. I promise it won't take long."
"Sure. No need to ask for permission. I'll be over here when you are done."
"Ok thank you. I promise it won't take long."
I walked towards the tall, lean boy standing up against the wall.
"Hey Kas."
"I didn't expect you to be here," he said, taking a sip of whatever was in his glass.
"Harry asked me to accompany him on a date," I explained, "What are you drinking?"
"Fire whiskey."
Kasper took another sip from his now half empty glass.
Of course I thought.
"You know that's not good for you, right?"
"Oh well. I'll take my chances."
And he chugged the rest of the drink.
"So... enjoying the party?" I asked.
"It's alright."
"Well you are standing alone in a corner all by yourself."
"Oh really! I had no idea!" Kasper exclaimed sarcastically.
"But you could come and hang out with me and Harry if you would like. I'm sure he would not mind."
"No thanks. I'm fine. Besides, shouldn't you be with Harry."
"Well yes, but I wanted to come talk to you, but I suppose if you want to be alone then I completely understand."
"No," he let out, his voice rough stone, "Stay."
I honestly wondered what to do in that moment even though his instructions were clear. Stay. That word pricked something inside me. He wanted me to stay. He did not want to be left alone after all. He needed me.
His eyes appeared empty and bloodshot. I now questioned if he was even sober or not. But I felt so sorry for him. His hair was a mess and if he kept drinking he was going to have a terrible hangover in the morning. He pleaded with me with just the painful look in his eyes. I needed to make sure he was alright.
"I'll stay," I replied.
I promised Harry I would not be long but I supposed he was going to have to wait.
"I need to tell you something," he breathed.
"Are you... drunk?" I asked cautiously.
"Holly, that's the only drink I've had. But I plan on getting drunk later."
"Well what is it you have to say?"
Kasper let out a loud sigh as he placed his empty glass down on the table. He did not speak but he stared down at his empty cup, probably thinking about the many more drinks he was going to chug.
"Go on," I spoke.
He ran his hand through his black hair, his hand gently shaking. He still refused eye contact. I wondered how serious the thing he wanted to tell me really was.
"Would you like to sit down somewhere?" I offered.
Kasper replied by silently shaking his head no. Still, no word emerged from his mouth but I continued to wait patiently.
"You can tell me," I whisper.
I was doing my best to reassure him that I was there for him.
"Before I left for school back in September..." he began.
"Mhm."
"My parents told me I have to get the Dark Mark once I get home."
Suddenly my reality shifted.
Screaming. Agonizing pain. Nightmares. You-Know-Who.
I began to process it all over again.
"No-" I gasped.
"And there's nothing I can do about it."
I did not know what to say. I was speechless. This early? He is only fifteen! Kasper seemed unfazed but I knew deep down he was angry about it. He was so so tired. And now when I looked at Kasper, I no longer saw the depressed teenage boy who planed to get drunk, but I saw the little boy with terror in his eyes and tears streaming down his cheeks. I saw the boy who had just lost all his hope and happiness. I saw the boy whose dreams crushed right before his eyes.
And I was the girl who had to witness and bear the same thing.
———————————————————————-
"Are you alright?" asked Harry.
"Oh yes I'm alright," I replied.
"You don't look alright? Were you... crying?"
"Oh um- I was actually laughing so hard that my eyes started watering."
I covered the pain with a fake smile and kissed Harry good night. It was not until I reached my dorm did I break down.
————————————————————————
Authors Note: Please don't lose faith in me there will be some interesting scenes between Holly and Draco. Speaking of Draco, I present to you Chapter Nine.