| Saturday. . .
Anxiety rolled through her veins as Riley got off the city bus and slowly walked down the sidewalk toward the edge of downtown where the private clinic was located. When Javen called the day before to set up an appointment, he was informed that someone had just canceled their afternoon appointment for today at 4:30 and he eagerly filled Riley into the slot.
Here she was with a thick wad of cash—that she knew for a fact Javen didn't earn himself since he always complained about being broke—in the pocket of her joggers and uneasiness rattling her nerves. She didn't want this baby, but she was conflicted. Not just because it was the product of rape, but because she wasn't sure she could handle the aftermath of the abortion. She heard some stories of women battling depression and regret. She didn't possibly want to be one of them.
She saw the brick building with its tinted glass doors and windows just down the block. It didn't appear anything remotely close to creepy like she thought it would as the building was well-maintained and was in a decent area. Her apprehension lowered a little, but only for a mere second before it skyrocketed once again.
Her heartbeat thumped so fast and loud it made her ears ring. She almost backed out of it, but then paused for a moment to cajole herself forward.
At the same time, however, she wanted to keep the baby. Her deep love of children ignited an argument inside her mind as she debated if she really wanted to go through with it. The potential child didn't ask to be here nor did she feel completely comfortable to go through such a procedure before it even had the chance to live, but she didn't want to subject it to such an unstable life.
She was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
"Hi, how are you?" The receptionist warmly greeted her after she walked into the air-conditioned lobby that chilled her skin through the thin clothes she wore. "Do you have an appointment today, ma'am?"
"I'm fine, thanks. Um, I have an appointment at 4:30 today." Riley softly spoke, then rubbed her throat as it still felt tender from all the screaming last night.
"And what's the name?" The brown-haired lady continued to ask.
"Riley Smith."
The receptionist nodded her head after verifying her name in the system, then handed her a clipboard to fill out her medical history and answer some questions once she signed in.
"Just turn this in right after you finish filling it out, and we'll go over it together."
Riley responded with a weak smile as she took the clipboard and sat in an isolated corner, crossing one leg over another. She nervously bit down on her lip as she positioned her hand to start scribbling her information, but she couldn't help but let her eyes wander around the room.
There were a few other girls and women sitting around waiting to be called back. One particular girl looked barely older than sixteen as she sat next to an older woman that Riley presumed was her mother. She glanced back down at the clipboard and slowly completed her information. She got up and turned in the clipboard, then talked to the receptionist for a bit before sitting back down. She grabbed a celebrity magazine to rid her mind of the anxiety.
Occasionally she would check her phone for the time since she arrived about an hour and a half early to keep herself from psyching out. On top of that, any time away from the very person that caused her various amounts of pain was heaven.
Her eyes eventually wandered away from the magazine and back around the small waiting room. The turquoise colored walls were practically bare except for maybe three paintings and small wall decors, making the overall environment bleak. Services the clinic offered played on a television in another corner, the monotone of the woman's voice droning on through the room.
As the clock slowly neared 4:15, Riley's eyes watered as she looked down at her flat stomach where the small life was growing inside her. Could she really handle going through with this? What if Javen got her pregnant again right after? Was this even the right decision?
Without a second thought, she quickly got up and left the building. As soon as the door shut behind her, she ran. Away from the fear. Away from the anxiety that weighed heavily on her mind. Away from the potential loss of her child.
She ran until she was out of breath and sat slumped on a bench near a couple of store-fronts and restaurants. She wiped at her teary eyes and pushed back her disheveled hair from her face. Realizing what she just did, she wasn't sure that was the best decision, but she wasn't going back.
"Riley?" That familiar, fluttery voice asked. A bit startled, she looked up to see Michael standing there with a bag of food in his hand from Arnie's Burger Joint. His curly hair was pulled back into a low bun and he was dressed casually. "Where've you been? I haven't seen you in days and you've been avoiding my calls."
As low-key excited as she was to see him, she wasn't looking forward to the prying. And this wasn't the best day to catch her on either, but simply being around him pushed every troubling thought away from her mind. She needed that.
She gave a small shrug, then averted her gaze to the cracked asphalt. He sat down next to her and she nervously smiled. "I was just... taking a break and focusing on myself." She couldn't come up with an excuse on the spot. She was too physically and emotionally drained to think of anything.
He placed the food between them and the delicious smell of onion rings and a double cheeseburger filled her nostrils. "Just taking a break?"
"Yeah. You don't believe me or something?" She asked him, raising an eyebrow.
He just shrugged. "I didn't say that. I just thought there was more to it than that."
"No." Her stomach loudly growled and she placed her arms over her torso in embarrassment. She stared down at her black sneakers.
Michael silently grabbed his bag and opened it up to hand her the foil-wrapped burger he bought. She shook her head and politely declined as she pushed his hand away.
"Ry, I'm not gonna let you sit here and starve. If you don't want the burger, I can just get you something else." By this point in the time that she'd known him, she knew he wasn't going to give up trying to convince her to eat. She deeply exhaled.
"You don't have to spend money on me, Michael." She said quietly while slowly meeting his gaze.
"But I want to and I don't mind. What do you want to eat?" He took her hand into his, and she felt her heartbeat quicken at his touch and blush fill her cheeks. His skin was smooth, warm, and inviting. It made her eyes water a little.
"Whatever you're eating." She softly spoke and he smiled, pulling her up with him and leading her into the restaurant behind them.
🥀
"Slow down, girl." Michael chuckled after he watched Riley stuff her face as if she hadn't eaten in days, which she really hasn't. "I don't want you choking on your fries."
The ridiculous diet Javen had her on was practically starving her and it was slowly starting to show just a tad since a few of her clothes felt a little looser on her than normal.
She flushed with embarrassment and slowly put her burger down after finishing the last of her fries. She sipped her drink to wash down the food. "Sorry, I haven't eaten much because of the diet I'm on."
Michael tilted his head slightly with crinkled eyebrows as he handed her a napkin to wipe the mustard from the corner of her lips. "What? Ry, you don't need to be on a diet. You're fine."
"Thanks." She wiped the mustard off and cleaned her fingers from the grease, then sighed afterward. She looked thin and she felt thin, but Javen consistently calling her fat throughout the week was beginning to make her subconscious believe it was true."I don't know, I've been feeling a little chubby lately."
Michael straightened up in his seat and shook his head, reaching over to gently touch her forearm. "Baby girl, you're perfect the way you are. Don't change anything about yourself, okay?"
She blushed again and silently nodded, moving her arm so their hands could meet. He slowly intertwined their fingers and she smiled, trying her damndest to hold back tears. Staring into his beautiful brown eyes and being in his comfortable presence, she wanted to just babble everything that was bothering her to him. She needed someone to talk to but she couldn't burden him nor could she tell him anyway.
Especially that she was pregnant. The thought of losing him, one of the most supportive people she currently had in her life, scared her. She couldn't even imagine his reaction; all she could picture was the disgust etched across his face once he would become informed that she was pregnant with another man's child.
"A penny for your thoughts?" He smiled, and she shook her head.
"I'm just happy to be here with you." She said instead, and he brought her hand to his lips to kiss each of her knuckles softly. Her smile widened and as much as she didn't want to, she eventually had to slowly pull her hand back to finish her food.
He continued to watch her eat in silence, noticing that she wasn't scarfing down the food as fast anymore. Several questions bubbled within him, but he didn't want to risk upsetting her. Her odd behavior lately bothered him more and more each day.
"So, everything's good, right?" He asked softly and she nodded with a mouth full of food. "Lately, you haven't mentioned that asshole that kept blowing up your phone. He finally decided to leave you alone?"
The reminder of the situation she was in triggered a burst of sadness and she could feel her eyes watering against her will. Trying her best not to break down in front of him, the muscles in her jaw suddenly tensed and her throat tightened.
Michael's eyes widened when she dropped the half-eaten burger on her plate and she placed a hand over the base of her neck as if she was choking.
"Oh, shit!" He cursed before quickly sliding out of his booth and pulling Riley to her feet. He carefully put a hand against her chest and bent her slightly forward before delivering a few back blows between her shoulder blades.
Bits of the burger that were lodged in her throat tumbled onto her plate as she coughed. She gritted her teeth from the pain radiating throughout her back from Michael's life-saving technique coming in contact with a few hidden bruises.
"You alright?" He asked with genuine concern, and she slowly nodded. Nervously, she took a look around the restaurant and thankfully no one was around to witness her moment.
He loudly released a breath of relief, then gently grabbed the bend of Riley's elbow to pull her to sit down next to him. She gave a shaky sigh when his hand gently rubbed her back in small, slow circles; his soothing, loving touch seemed to ease the pain away and she gratefully welcomed it.
"What's this diet you're on that's making you eat like you haven't eaten a day in your life? You never used to eat like that." He asked and she gave a tired shrug. With a frown, he reached over with his hand to cup her chin and turn her gaze onto him. "Ry, you really are fine the way you are. You're healthy, in shape, and have an amazing figure; I don't know who or what made you think you're not beautiful, but ignore them. You're gorgeous."
She didn't speak, but instead leaned over and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. He held her close and gently ran a hand over her hair. He whispered a few more sweet compliments in her ear before she finally decided to pull away with teary eyes.
"Let me buy you something to take home with you." He offered, but she shook her head with a small smile and a touch on his cheek.
"No, I'm fine." She lightly pecked his lips, then moved out of the booth. "I should go, sorry."
"Wait, let me walk you out." He said and she agreed. He quickly cleaned up their mess, then took her hand to walk with her out to the nearest bus stop a few blocks down. The brief conversation between them was airy and light, which she was thankful for.
The dread of Javen possibly looking for her wasn't even on her mind. She just focused solely on Michael and his utter kindness. He sweetly secured her hand in his as they watched the bus slowly make its way down the street to them. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?"
She nodded. "I'm sure. I'm not going home, anyway. I'm just going to hang with some friends."
"I can drop you off, y'know." He pulled her closer by her hips and she smiled small.
If she didn't run the risk of having Javen see her getting out of his car, she would've jumped on the opportunity to spend more time with him.
"I know, but it's okay. I really appreciate it, and the fact that you fed me. I'm just gonna pretend that whole choking ordeal never happened." She said, then met his eyes when he squeezed her hand.
"Remember what I said, alright? Get off that diet and take care of yourself."
She nodded. "I will."
"Good." He leaned down and kissed her softly, feeling her melt into him. He pulled back just a tad, letting his lips brush lightly against hers and slowly letting her mind swirl with desire. "If you come with me, we can keep doing this in my car."
She leaned back in and kissed him one last time before playfully pushing him away by his shoulder. "Don't tempt me, Jackson."
He chuckled and smiled as she reached up to wipe some of the lip gloss off his lips. "It was worth a try."
She looked back and saw the bus getting closer. She turned around and hugged him tightly. "Thank you."
He firmly wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead before gradually letting her go some seconds later as the bus began to screech to a halt. "You don't ever have to thank me, I'll do anything for you."
"Yes, I do. You're such a blessing." She said, giving his hand a soft squeeze. It was his turn to blush. "I'll see you at school Monday?"
"I hope so. Your beautiful face is the first thing I want to see Monday morning."
"I'll make sure of that." She winked just as the doors opened. She quickly kissed him again to his surprise, then boarded the bus. She spotted an empty seat toward the middle after paying her fare. She sat down and saw him still standing there, waiting for her to leave.
She gave him a small wave just as the bus began to move and he blew her a kiss. She blushed for the millionth time that day as she pretended to catch it, causing them both to laugh. As he slowly began to grow smaller in this distance, her eyes watered. The happiness and security that she felt around him had now vanished as quickly as it came, and left her vulnerable to the destruction of her fallible mind.
🥀
Riley didn't go straight back to the apartment after getting off the bus once more. Instead, she went to the park on the other side of town, a few miles away from where Javen lived. About two hours had passed since she ran from the clinic and Javen was blowing her phone up consistently to the point she just simply put him on ignore.
"He's gonna be so pissed when I get back." She worriedly mumbled, her stomach flipping at the horrid thoughts of his angry reaction.
She sat on a bench facing the playground where several children ranging from about three to maybe middle school were playing. Parents were sitting down keeping watch or participating in the fun. Riley felt a small smile subconsciously form.
Then she frowned.
She thought back to the life in her stomach and felt tears prick at her eyes once more. She was clueless as to what to do and what was ultimately best for her.
She could abort the embryo and be free of the burden of raising a child, but the possibility of what she did could follow her for the rest of her life. If she kept it, she could possibly be reminded every day of the psycho that raped her whenever he felt the need to.
She needed someone's advice, even if it was a stranger. But she decided against pulling a random person aside to ask for their opinion. Instead, she grabbed her phone and unlocked the screen where her phone revealed she had at least sixty missed calls and one hundred text messages. All of them from Javen.
She bypassed it all and called one of the few people she truly trusted.
"Ry?" Michelle asked after picking up. "Where have you been? We've tried calling you and coming by your house."
Riley sighed and brushed over her worry. "Are you busy?"
"Not anymore. What's up?"
"You don't have to drop anything for me, M." She said, not wanting to feel like a burden on anyone. That was the last thing she wanted on her plate.
Michelle shook her head although Riley couldn't see her. "No, I'm not doing anything. What's going on, Riley?"
She bit her lip, then deeply sighed. "Can you meet me at Boulevard Park? I'm here near the playground and I just really need someone right now."
"Of course, give me a few minutes. I'll text you when I get there."
"Okay." They exchanged goodbyes and Riley deleted the call history as she impatiently awaited Michelle's arrival. She occasionally glanced over her shoulder in case she spotted her or that particular someone that kept blowing up her phone and sending her text messages that consisted of nothing but capitalized words. Pissed was an understatement for Javen.
The soft breeze blew wisps of her curls and she brushed them away when they began to tickle her face. She nervously tapped her shoes against the dirt and wrung her hands. A mixture of anxiety and relief settled over her when she saw Michelle pull into the parking lot after twenty minutes and her phone vibrated with a message from Michelle this time which she also deleted.
She stepped out of the car wearing a simple attire of white high-waist jeans and a cream-colored sweater. She wasted no time to approach Riley who stood up as soon as they were mere feet within each other. Riley threw her arms around the girl she now considered as one of her best friends and struggled to hold back the tears as Michelle held her.
"Are you okay?" Michelle asked, pulling back to look at Riley and her question was immediately answered non-verbally. She could tell Riley was far from content from the tears pooling around her bottom lids. "What's going on with you, Ry?"
Riley sighed again as some of the tears fell and trickled down to her chin. "You have to promise that you won't tell anyone, and I mean nobody."
"I can't make that promise if it's something serious. Girl, you've been skipping school like it's a death wish if you return."
"Michelle," her thick voice wavered, "please. You have to keep this promise. I can't tell you if you don't. You're the only person I'm comfortable confessing to."
Michelle held her gaze and could see the deep pain residing in her brown eyes. She reluctantly gave in and nodded. "Alright, I promise. Let's sit down."
They both sat on the cool bench and the silence between them was awkward for a bit until Riley finally found the courage to reveal some of the truth.
"I'm pregnant." She felt light-headed every time she mentioned it. It still felt so surreal that she was actually carrying a life inside of her.
Michelle audibly gasped and almost choked on air. She held her hand over her chest as she stared at Riley in utter disbelief, unable to process that the girl who could barely imagine dirty thoughts unless Michael was around, was pregnant. "By who? Michael?"
"No." She shook her head, blinking back more tears. "I would rather be having his baby, though. At least he isn't a rapist."
"Rapist?" Michelle's jaw couldn't slack any further. "Oh my God, Ry, why didn't you tell us? We wouldn't have judged you."
"He'll kill me." She plainly said while staring down at her shoes.
Michelle was trying to fit all the pieces together in her mind. From Javen suddenly appearing at Riley's door one night, her odd behavior that couldn't be explained, and some of the bruises that would sometimes appear but she would brush off as her being too much a klutz. Maybe Jay was onto something this whole time.
"Does all of this point to Javen?"
Riley met her gaze for a split second before looking away. "Yeah."
Rage enveloped every fiber of Michelle's being. Jay was definitely right. "That piece of shit violated you and got you pregnant?"
She shamefully nodded. "I don't know what to do. He gave me money for the abortion, but I couldn't go through with it. I... I just don't know."
"Where the hell did he get the money? Abortion is crazy expensive."
Riley stared into the distance at the kids. "It wasn't earned legally, I'll tell you that much."
"Geez," Michelle shook her head at all the news she was being bombarded with and ran her fingers through her loose curls. "Do you want the abortion? I won't judge you because I can't imagine being in your shoes."
"I don't know, I really don't. When you think about it, it's just an innocent soul mixed up in all this mess. But I don't want to give birth to a baby that might resemble Javen and deal with the reminder for the rest of my life. I could give him up for adoption, but how would I know if he'll go to a good home and not get stuck in this shitty care system?"
"That's true..." Michelle trailed off with a frown before she suddenly perked up and smiled. "Wait. You said he?"
For the first time since she left Michael's presence, she smiled, too. Her hand gravitated to her stomach. "I have a feeling it's a boy."
"If he gets older, you're gonna have to fight off all the girls. I know that boy will be extremely handsome based on your looks alone." Michelle giggled, causing Riley to laugh and blush. "Girl, people are gonna probably just think you made that child alone."
Riley chuckled, her smile slowly widening at the imagination of her son's physical looks. The curly jet black hair, brown eyes, beautiful smile, and olive skin tone. In her mind, he looked nothing like Javen. Based on that description, she was reminded of Michael instead. "It's crazy how I'm picturing him and he looks more like a mini-Michael."
Michelle smirked a little.
"I was actually with him earlier." Riley brought up, receiving another shocked look from her. "I had run from the clinic and he happened to be around when I was near the bus stop."
"And you didn't tell him?"
Riley gave her a look. "Michael wouldn't have let me leave his side if I told him. And despite how small he is compared to that jackass, he'll probably try to rough Javen up and I can't let Michael get hurt."
Michelle stared down at the ground and sighed. "Are you staying with him? Is that why we can't get in touch with you?"
"Against my will." Riley muttered.
"And what about the day me and Jay came by his apartment? You weren't there." She mentioned.
Riley looked down and picked at her nails. "He had let me go home... but after that, I've been forced to stay with him."
Michelle gritted her teeth and shook her head, making her curls sway. "Ry, I can't let you go back there. You and future Casanova are in danger with him around."
Leave it to Michelle to make Riley smile during a serious conversation.
"Future Casanova?" Riley weakly smiled before frowning again. "I know he's unstable and dangerous, but that monster is unpredictable on who he'll go after. He knows where all of you live. He threatened to hurt my parents. As much as they get on my nerves, I can't let anything happen to them."
"Then we have to tell somebody."
Riley abruptly turned her full body towards her with a haunted look. "You promised you wouldn't tell; I trust you to keep it. Please, just let me handle this, okay?"
Michelle loudly sighed, irritated that she was held under such a commitment. "If he does anything to that poor baby or you—"
"He won't." Riley tried to assure her, but Michelle wasn't satisfied.
"You don't know that, Ry. Not for sure. As you said, he's unpredictable and I'll be a fool to let you go back."
"Just trust me. Let me deal with this." Riley pleaded, finally glancing down at her phone after almost an hour. The notifications altogether exceeded 300. Her vision blurred from the thick tears crowding behind her lids and she struggled to swallow the growing lump in her throat. "I'm also really scared of Michael finding out I'm pregnant. And not just him, but my parents, too. I have no idea how any of this is gonna play out."
Michelle suppressed her deep frown as she reached over to hold Riley's hand and give it a soft squeeze. It comforted her a little, but Michelle could tell she was still deeply troubled. "Listen to me, you were assaulted. If Michael really cares about you as much as he claims he does, he'll still be there for you no matter what. As for your parents, I can only hope they're just as understanding. You didn't ask for any of this nor did you deserve it. Nobody deserves this."
Large tears suddenly rolled down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away before they could drip off her chin and deeply exhaled. Feeling Michelle squeeze her hand again produced a weak smile. "Do you think I should get an abortion?"
"Personally... yes. You're still young, taking care of a baby—especially one conceived from rape—is a lifetime commitment, and you run the risk of him sharing similarities with Javen. That's not even a fraction of what you'll possibly deal with if you decide to keep him." Michelle said as she held Riley's doleful gaze.
Riley eventually looked away and stared down at her shoes.
"But," Michelle began, making Riley look back at her, "if you do decide to abort and we don't get you away from Javen quick enough, there's a possibility he could get you pregnant again and you'll be going through this once more. You need to get help, Ry. Can't you call the cops or something?"
She bit the inside of her cheek as she felt a tinge of anger wash through her. "They didn't take me seriously the first time I told them I was in danger. They gaslighted the hell out of me and acted like I was over-exaggerating about the stalking. I went to different people and each time, they said I needed more proof or they can't do anything until something happens."
Michelle deeply furrowed her eyebrows. "They told you verbatim they couldn't do anything... until something happened?"
Riley nodded with a quick, sharp exhale. "And because of that, I ended up being attacked and pregnant. I refuse to go back and have them look down on me, victim-blaming me like they do most rape victims."
"But you didn't do anything. You were literally minding your business and he went after you unprovoked."
"It doesn't matter. They'll find some way to spin it all on me; it's happened to other women." She said as Michelle stared at her with a disheartened look.
"If you can't go to them, could you try a domestic violence hotline or something?" She asked, though Riley looked conflicted about that, too. "You need help from someone that believes you and understands what you're going through."
She nodded, although she knew she was gonna try to still handle it herself. Javen frightened her more than she cared to admit, and his unpredictable retaliation was the main reason why she continued to keep everything under wraps.
"Thank you for being here for me, I really do appreciate it." Riley said with another weak smile. "But I gotta go."
Michelle frowned again before pulling Riley into a tight embrace and briefly touching her stomach. "Just be careful."
"I will. Keep that promise, okay?"
"Yeah..." She uneasily answered. Sooner or later, she knew she would eventually tell someone. This was too big and serious of a secret to keep to herself. Riley may end up mad, but at least she would be protected and away from Javen. "Will you be at school Monday?"
"Mhm, for sure. I'll see you then." They hugged again and Michelle hesitantly left her side, leaving Riley to take the bus toward her unknown fate.