They made their way into the kitchen and Five grabbed a breadboard, setting it on the table. As he walked towards the fridge, Adriana stared at him, trying to figure out how he knew her.
"What's the date?" Five asked. "The exact date?"
"The 24th of March," Adriana answered.
Five nodded. "Good."
"You know me. How?"
Five smiled and replied, "I can't tell you. I'm sorry."
"That's a load of stupidity."
Luther frowned. "So are we gonna talk about what just happened?" Five didn't answer. "It's been 17 years."
Five scoffed at Luther's words. "It's been a lot longer than that."
He spatial jumped past Luther to get to the cupboard and Luther muttered, "I didn't miss that."
"Where did you go?" Diego demanded.
"The future. It's shit, by the way." He jumped back over to finish his sandwich and locked eyes Adriana. "You want one?"
She nodded slowly. "I'll try one. Thank you."
As Five made Adriana a sandwich, Klaus raised his arm. "Called it!"
"I should've listened to the old man," Five muttered. "Y'know, jumping thorough space is one thing. Jumping through time is a toss of the dice." He looked back at the sandwiches, then finally noticed Klaus' choice of outfit. "Nice dress."
Klaus smiled and swung the skirt in his hands. "Oh, well, danke."
From her chair, Vanya said, "Wait. How did you get back?"
Five glanced at her. "In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time."
"That makes no sense," Diego deadpanned.
"Well it would if you were smarter."
"How long were you there?"
"Forty-five years. Give or take."
Luther sat as Adriana smirked.
"What are you saying?" Luther asked. "That you're 58?"
Five scoffed. "No, my consciousness is 58. Apparently my body is now 13 again." He took a bite of his sandwich, offering the other half to Adriana.
"Thank you," Adriana said.
Five smiled at her. "You're welcome."
"Wait. How does it work?" Vanya wondered.
Five stepped away from the table. "Dolores kept saying the equations were off. Eh." He took a second bite. "Bet she's laughing now."
Vanya and Adriana's brows furrowed. "Dolores?"
Five said nothing and picked up a newspaper. "Guess I missed the funeral."
"How'd you know about that?" Luther asked.
Adriana met his eyes. "The future, idiotule."
(you idiot)
Luther glared at her as Five said, "Heart failure, huh?"
"Uh-huh," Diego agreed.
"No," Luther replied at the same time.
Five clicked his tongue. "See? Nothing's changed."
He began walking away and Allison called after him. "Uh, that's it? That's all you have to say?
"What else is there to say? The circle of life?"
Luther let out an annoyed huff. "Well. That was interesting."
Vanya left the room and Adriana rolled her eyes.
Pogo looked back between the group. "We should join the others outside."
They made their way outside and Adriana stared at Ben's statue.
Klaus had a pink umbrella which Adriana found amusing.
Adriana tugged her cardigan tighter and Klaus said, "Would you like to share my umbrella dear?"
She shook her head. "No thank you. I rather like the rain."
Luther was standing in the middle of the courtyard, holding their father's urn.
"Did something happen?" Grace, their mother, asked blankly.
"Dad died," Allison told her. "Remember?"
Grace focused on the ground. "Oh. Yes, of course."
"Is Mom okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, she's fine," Diego reassured. "She just needs to rest. Y'know, recharge."
"Recharge?" Adriana asked.
"She's a robot."
"How strange."
Pogo turned to Luther and said, "Whenever you're ready, dear boy."
Luther let out a breath and opened the urn. He tipped it upside down and the ashes fell into a pile on the ground.
Adriana laughed at his epic failure to think logically. While there was rain, there was no wind.
"Probably would've been better with some wind," Luther muttered.
"Fara rahat," Adriana agreed with a smirk.
(No shit.)
He glared at her. "Would you shut up."
"No."
"Does anyone wish to speak?" Pogo asked, looking between the group.
No one said a word and Pogo shifted slightly, letting out a sigh. "Very well. In all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today. For that alone, I shall be forever in his debt. He was my master, and my friend, and I shall miss him very much. He leaves behind a complicated legacy-"
Diego cut the chimpanzee butler off. "He was a monster."
Klaus laughed at Diego's statement.
Diego glared at the ashes. "He was a bad person and a worse father. The world's better off without him."
"Diego," Allison warned with a look.
"My name is Number Two. Y'know why? Because our father couldn't be bothered to give us actual names. He had Mom do it."
"Would anyone like something to eat?" Grace asked.
"No, it's okay, Mom," Vanya answered with a smile.
Grace smiled back. "Oh, okay."
Diego stepped closer to Luther. "Look, you wanna pay your respects? Go ahead. But at least be honest about the kind of man he was." He thrust a finger at the pile of ashes.
"You should stop talking now," Luther warned.
Diego glared. "You know, you of all people should be on my side here, Number One."
Luther closed the gap further. "I am warning you."
"You still respect him despite the fact you know he never loved you. You believe he thought of you as a leader, but you know he knew you weren't. After everything he did to you, he had to ship you a million miles away."
Luther's teeth clenched. "Diego. Stop. Talking."
"That's how much he couldn't stand the sight of you!" Diego cried, hitting Luther's chest.
Luther swatted Diego's hand away and Diego dodged and punched Luther.
The rest of the siblings stepped back and Allison and Vanya pulled Grace away.
"Boys. Stop this at once!" Pogo demanded.
Diego and Luther continued their fight.
"Come on, big boy!" Diego taunted.
Luther lifted a hand to punch Diego, but the latter ducked and hit Luther's back numerous times.
Diego stepped closer to Ben's statue. Luther raised yet another hand to punch him, but Diego moved aside at the last second.
Luther's punch hit the statue, and the statue fell, causing Ben's metal head to hit the ground.
"And there goes Ben's statue," Allison muttered.
Adriana looked between the siblings. "My God you're messed up. No wonder my parents kept me away from this place."
17 Years Ago
"Nietzsche once said, "Man is a rope, stretched between the animal and the superhuman. A rope over an abyss. It is a dangerous crossing, a dangerous looking-back, a dangerous trembling and haltering.""
Sir Reginald Hargreeves was standing at the top of the stairs, holding a book. Vanya stood on one side of him, a whistle around her neck.
Vanya blew the whistle.
About a quarter of the way up, Five spatial jumped to the second flight of stairs.
Diego pouted and tattled, "That's not fair. Five's cheating!"
"He's adapted," Sir Reginald reasoned.
Five beat his siblings. Klaus and Ben came in second and third, and the final three got fourth through sixth.
"So not fair," Diego muttered.
---
The members of the Umbrella Academy, excluding Vanya, got umbrella tattoos.
Vanya, who stood on the stairs, drew an umbrella on her arm where the others had their tattoos.
---
Adriana was seated at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.
Allison walked in and asked, "Where's Vanya?"
"Oh, she's gone," Klaus replied.
"That's unfortunate," Five muttered bluntly.
Allison nodded. "Yeah."
"An entire square block, 46 bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, but no, not a single drop of coffee."
"Dad hated coffee."
Klaus laughed, strumming the ukulele. "Well, he hated children too, and he had plenty of us."
Adriana glanced at Five. "Griddy's is still open. I've got to practise, but I'll see you later."
Five nodded. "Yeah, sure."
---
Adriana made her way to the dance studio and turned on an epic version of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy and began dancing.
A couple hours later, the music stopped and she turned to see Five. "What is it?"
"Ana, the world ends in eight days."
"You can't just drop news like that. What are you talking about?"
"The end of the world is in eight days."
Adriana's eyes widened and snow flurries began circling around the studio. Five silently pulled her into his arms and the snow flurries slowly dissipated and she relaxed in his embrace.
"Can you stop it?" she asked softly.
"I don't know," Five admitted. "I hope so."