Chapter Two: I Think I'm Okay
Halloween was rolling around quickly and the last three weeks at the BAU was keeping you hot on your toes with so many cases that you were barely home. It was nice to be away from the house and Axel, it gave you time to think about what you wanted to do.
After you signed the papers, Axel was neutral about the situation, glad you left that place as he said. Tonight, as promised, Penelope was throwing the get together. You begged Axel to go because you had never been with the team outside of work and used the, "I'm leaving soon" excuse. He said yes but no drinking or staying out late. The terms were thick but enough for you to be content with seeing the team.
It wasn't a secret that Hotch would be there, Axel knew this and you were very aware of the way he would act tonight: possessive. Sweat coats your palms just thinking that one wrong glance from Hotch could earn you a punch. Scared wasn't a term to describe the fear that was swarming you as you went to knock on Penelope's apartment door.
The wood door swung open to reveal Emily in a tight black dress, "Y/n! You came, I was hoping you would!" Emily hugs you quickly and turns her attention to Axel, "And I assume this is your boyfriend, Axel."
You nodded. He puts his hand out for him to shake, "That's right ma'am, what do you do for the FBI?" he asks as you step into the threshold of Penelope's apartment.
Every time he saw someone from work, he asked the same question. You always assumed it was just Curiosity for something he was unfamiliar with.
"I'm a SSA," Emily explained, leading you down a small hallway. "Most of us are other than JJ, communications liaison, and Penelope, technical analyst. We all have our own talents though."
You rubbed your hand up and down your clothed arm, feeling the thick sweater that was covering it. You ignored the gaze that Axel had on Emily's curves, she was an attractive woman and he always did this. Axels arm was secure around your waist with a bruising grip.
Once everyone came into view, they cheered in your presence. The hand attached to you gripped harder causing a soft gasp to slip out. Smiles roamed the walls of Penelope's apartment along with Halloween decor. A tree looking thing stood in the middle of her living room with candles and photos of people you recognized. Maeve, Haley, her parents, JJs sister.
"What's this?" you questioned.
"We are celebrating those who have died. I wanted to be spooky but this seemed like a good touch." Penelope explained with a sequel.
You smiled softly and reached into your pocket to retrieve our wallet. Inside was a photo of your mother and Sammy. Pulling it up, you looked up at Axel for permission to move. His grip loosens and you walk up to the tree, placing your mother's photo along with your sisters, by Maeve.
"How did they pass?" Hotch boomed finally. You sucked in a breath and turned around, not before being caught in Axels grip again.
"A house fire five years ago. My dad was working and my other sister was with her husband. They couldn't get out of the house in time," you say wiggling under his gaze, "everything is fine now."
Axel pulled you flush against his body, nails digging so deep into your skin that it started to draw blood. You hissed in pain as the team started their condolences. "Axel you're hurting me" you whispered painfully. He ignored you and pushed you forward by the bar.
"Make me somethin' I gotta call' ' he hissed. Tears brimmed your eyes and you felt the harsh gaze of Hotch on your skin. You cleared your throat and walked over to the bar, making a martini.
"Y/N, are you excited for Lakeland? I heard the cases have been piling up there, I'm glad you are doing what's right for you." JJ placed a soft hand on your arm.
You nodded with a smile, "Yeah, yeah. I've heard so much I feel like I'm becoming overwhelmed."
"You'll do great!" Penelope chimed in. Morgan and Reid were playing a game of cars, not listening to the conversation.
Your eyes caught Hotchs and you immediately broke the contact. You couldn't be near him, looking at him, talking to him, when Axel was so close. As you continued to make the drink, the team caught up on new cases and discussed having dinner for your going away. The idea was appealing and frightening at the same time. All day the team bugs you about seeing your house- well mansion- and insists on going over there before it is too late.
"I don't know guys, it isn't at all what you think. You might get let down," you laugh. "The kitchen is normal and it's smaller than Rossi's home."
It was a lie. Your house was three mansions out together. Axel wouldn't like the team coming over so you needed to brush that idea off before it bloomed into something bigger. It had been a few minutes since he left. There was no work to be called so you assumed it was your lawyer or something along the sorts.
"I doubt that" Emily rolled her eyes playfully.
"Why do you all think I'm a money tree?" you asked seriously.
The team shared a glance, "Because you are."
"Listen baby girl, you inherited millions of dollars for no reason with no terms really. You are loaded, rolling in dough, shitting money." Morgan called from the living room.
Yes, it was true. Despite what Lesly said, you didn't have to stay with his son to keep the money. So how did he take it from you? You shook your head at the thought. You were staying with him, caring for him, it didn't matter if you didn't have the money and you were angry for thinking you would run from him. He does give you everything, Axel is a lifeline to you. Without him you would be in the streets.
"Okay, okay let's get these shots going!" Penelope screamed, turning up the music.
A tray of fireball shots came around just as Axel walked into the room with a smug grin. You looked away from the shots and scooted by him.
Hotch watched your every movement like a hawk, taking note of body language and even the things you said. The way you brushed off the team going to your house, how you backed away into Axel, how his arm is so tight around you that you winced. His jaw ticked with anger. It wasn't that he hadn't a special feeling for you, he just had a theory, one he hoped wasn't true. Politely, he turned down the shot and kept his eyes on your pale body that shrunk slowly.
"A toast," Rossi announced for once. "to Y/n and her adventures to Lakeland. May they be full of winning cases and happiness! Salute!"
Each member held up their small shots while you held a small glass of water you picked up quickly. The smile on your face fathered but you quickly restored it and cheered on. Coughs filled the room after everyone took their shots with a laugh.
"Can we get out of here" Axel sneered in your ear. He wasn't asking, he was telling. You stumbled over your words, glancing around at the happy gathering. "Can we stay for a little while longer?" you pleaded.
He ran his hand up your hair, gripping at the roots underneath. "That wasn't a question, sugar. I'll start the car, be outside."
With that he was off. Your breath became jagged with rage as you reminded yourself of everything he did for you. Hotch watches closely, still not saying anything. His gaze was becoming uncomfortable to you. You said quick goodbyes and apologized for leaving so abruptly, blaming it on family problems.
"Where is the restroom?" you whispered in Penelope's ear. She smiled and pointed you down the hall on the left.
You slipped away from the stuffy crowd, laughing among themselves at Rossi's old jokes and wise stories as an agent. Paintings and photos of the team covered the light blue walls of her apartment and you couldn't help but look.
In every photo someone was touching someone. The physical platonic attraction they all had to each other was astonishing. It didn't take a profiler to see how close they were. Honestly, you barely knew anything about them, especially not Hotch.
"That was three years ago." a deep voice announced, causing you to jump away quickly. You turned to find Hotch, beer in hand and the other stuffed in his slack pocket.
You laugh breathlessly, holding a hand to your beating heart. "You scared me Hotch."
He hummed in response and started to stare at the picture. You knew you shouldn't be with him right now, let alone so closely. Axel would kill you for taking this long and it was frightening to know you weren't thinking hypothetically.
"You guys look so happy here. When was this?" you asked, taking note of the red and dark green dresses the girls were wearing minus Emily who sported a paint suit.
"Christmas, right after a bombing case. Strauss was on us and we needed some time out. I questioned myself too much back then." He spoke clearly and held the authority.
Your hands trembled with fear. You swallowed thickly, "They look up to you, I couldn't imagine them questioning you as a leader."
Clearly he was taking note of your frightened state with being in his presence. How easily you got scared, the trembling hands and shallow, rapid breaths you were taking. He couldn't help but think: what has Axel done to this girl?
"That day I sent in twenty SWAT agents, one of which was a good friend of mine,"
"Was?" you questioned hesitantly.
He nodded and ran his finger over the photo, "We didn't know about the gas lines, when Reid had called they were already too far to hear when I was yelling to abort." Instantly he dropped his hand like the glass was made of fire. "I remember every call to the families. I almost sent in JJ and Prentiss but chose not to last minute. Ten seconds is all it took."
You stayed silent, unsure of what to say. You glanced behind you, scared Axel would appear and rip you away from Hotch. "That doesn't make you any less of a leader. Mistakes are human nature and in your line of work, imagining a life without them seems wrong."
Both of your eyes locked for what seemed the millionth time tonight. Reluctantly you took a step back and cleared your throat. "I have to go. It was nice to see you again, Aaron."
He sipped his beer, nursing it slowly to prolong his time.
"Lakeland will be lucky to have you. One day I hope to see you in Riverside."
You couldn't help the blush that coated your cheeks. Riverside was above Lakeland in D.C. and getting there was so hard that you didn't even have it in mind. Guilt pitted your stomach knowing how big of a lie this is. If Lakeland found out you lied about them in any way, your dreams of moving onto something bigger would definitely be out the window.
"You're good at this kind of thing, you know?"
"I'm not sure I understand," Hotch says.
"Talking someone up, making them feel accomplished. I don't think people talk about how appreciative they are of you enough."
Thinking back to the time Hotch was talking to Gideon, he felt like Penelope was being praised. Being appreciated, even just by you, constricted his heart in ways he couldn't explain. He always thought the team had just looked up to him because he was the boss, however after hearing you say that, he couldn't help but wonder if that was the only reason. Talking and making someone do something they love is what he pushed the team to do. They have accomplished more and more with each opportunity he has put forward.
"I care about them more than anything," he says calmly. Seeing Hotch this laid back was relaxing, "And when I hear that, it makes me feel as though I'm bringing something to them."
"You have. JJ balances her family life and kids because you let her leave early always, Prentiss has alone time which you know it needed because you excuse her from certain cases. Morgan gets to have Savannah and a family. Rossi is watching you lead what he has created and Reid, well, he is getting back on his feet slowly under your watch. Penelope sees horrid everyday but the praise is validation. They know you care."
Seeing as the words poured out of your mouth was easy. You had wanted to say this for so long, everyone could tell Hotch beat himself down in such a grueling job. A small smile took over him as he continued to scan over the pictures.
"Thank you, Y/N."
"It's no problem," you checked your phone to see five messages from Axel, "I really have to go now."
He nodded and a formal goodbye wasn't needed as you rushed or the door, not prepared for what was in store for you.
A/N-
The next chapter is going to be heavy to say the least and I'm not sure what direction this story is going in but there is going to be a lot of angst. I hope you all are having a good day! <3