"The end of the day." Reagan stares at the line of our group, confused but then again knowledgeable of where the heIl this is leading when I feel the sweat on my brow turn cold. "End of the day, Jesse's not back, you all die."
Sh1t.
Sh1t, sh1t, sh1t, no.
"Unless we can find him, or he comes back of his own accord."
"What do you mean find him?" Carol frowns in the sun. "We're going to go out looking for him? We'd need guns to defend ourselves against the-"
"Walkers, I know. Don't need to worry. Each of you going will be given an escort with a loaded weapon as you muddle through. I want you to check everything and everywhere. He can't have gone far. Now for some, we're going to be checking in that neighborhood from before. He might be there." Reagan begins piecing groups together, his family and friends outnumbering us by a handful of extras that are more than willing to point rifles at our backs while we look for the 'murderer'.
"How do we know your men won't kill us first chance they get without your permission?" Sasha glares, breathing in the same moment Reagan stares over his men, all of them giving assured looks they'd never do such a thing.
I'm not so sure though. I'm just worried sick wondering where me and Carl will be in all this.
I can't believe this is happening. Jesse, gone, who knows where, and the group, in chains again. Honestly though, if Jesse didn't kill the girl Jace said he killed then who did? What if it was just some random walker taking a nibble?
Ugh, the idea makes me cringe.
There's just no way I'm going to feel ok again until this is all over. When I'm either set free or dead. Hopefully not the latter.
Hopefully I'll live through this fvcking mess like I've been lucky to do in the past.
Dammit.
"Spes, Judith, and Carol however will stay here until we return."
-Carl's P.O.V.-
My face feels like it's been drained of blood when I hear what Reagan just said, my neck becomes hot and sweaty with nerves and I'm so close to having a mental breakdown that I start counting the number of tiles at my feet.
Spes and I. We won't be there to have each other's backs. She'll be here, with all of Reagan's men and family, friends and people I don't know and can't trust. It'll just be her and my little sister along with Carol.
"Why not me?" The widow of our group asks, blue eyes fierce but calm.
"Because you're smart. I've known survivors like you, and I can't let you out there where a man with a loaded gun is right by your side. You'll be staying here, taking care of the child."
"And why not me?" Spes pipes up, drawing my attention back to her when I spot Jace lurking around on the skirt of both groups, his waist decorated with my gun and Spes' saber, his hands all over my knife before prancing over and smiling at me, seconds before standing next to my girlfriend.
It's Tyreese's hand on my shoulder alone that keeps my figure from attacking him right here in front of everyone, killing him and leaving him with only his gums to chew mush for the rest of his crippled life, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing.
None the less, it's already killing me, to see him whispering something in her ear that makes my face burn at the cheeks, hands shaking with a need to use them on his neck.
What the heIl does he think he's doing?
She looks terrified.
What did he-
"We'll be fine Carl." Tyreese tries to reach me but he's not getting through. All I'm seeing is some as$hole getting too close to my girlfriend and the elements around me, the heat, light, sun, everything, it's overwhelming me and I'm starting to hear a whistling sound...like I'm in shock or like I've just heard something erupt in the air.
Fvck.
"We begin now, and if he's not back by this afternoon...you can have a final meal before saying goodbye to each other for the last time. I will grant you, Rick, at least that." Our warden brushes by dad, both leaders exchanging a glance like they're trying to figure out who is more insane.
I don't know what either one of these men are capable of. I don't know what I'm capable of or any one of us, really. Every day we're finding new ways to surprise ourselves, but I know that I'm capable of killing whoever necessary to keep my promise to Spes and myself. We both have objectives leading to our number one priority, which is ourselves...and I won't jeopardize that for much longer.
Dad knows what he's doing.
I trust him, but I won't for much longer.
"You ready?" Jace pops up beside me, grinning and fresh faced with the wind blowing his bangs to the side while my long locks shuffle about against the center of my cheeks. I don't know why I didn't follow my desires and just let go of my restraints to grab my gun and fire a round off into him, maybe I was thinking of my dad preferring me not to, who knows but, I couldn't after I saw Spes' face, her expression uncertain and frightened about whatever it is Jace said to her just now, and I knew, I had to be there for her, reassure her from a short distance if not directly.
Baby...
"I love you." My lips form the silent message to her, yanking a tear away from her lashes when I see her nod and clench her jaw, Reagan's family passing different weapons and water canteens for the long day ahead.
I don't want to leave. I want to stay here, but I know if I even try, something bad will happen, and I'm sick to my fvcking stomach thinking that, so for now, I'll go quietly, Jace beside me, talking my ear off the entire time as we go down the main road, my father offering a look telling me he knows how this will end, he knows I'm scared for Spes and he knows that everything will be ok, because he probably has a plan.
To be honest, I think I'd just be ok if we found Jesse and somehow proved him innocent.
I don't know what's going to happen, but I know something will happen.
So I guess for now, it's just a wait and see.
-Spes' P.O.V.-
"Get me her bottle." Carol nods over to an object sticking out of a bag while she changes the diaper for Judith, finishing up by the time I sigh and hand over the thing for her to feed her and sh1t. All the while I'm losing my mind and can't keep still.
I feel sick.
I've been feeling that a lot lately.
"Spes?" Carol calls to me, interrupting my lovely time of sitting on the bed in agony, holding my head and lightly rocking back and forth to at least try and ease my freaking mind. Gosh there won't be any of that though will there?
"Yes?"
"Do you want to hold her?"
"I'm good." No need to think about that, I'm anti-baby. Have been ever since the first one I held without wanting to threw up down my bra.
"You need to know, we're going to be ok." The lady that I once spoke to a long while ago about how she was run over by a car, reassures me that this whole fvcked up nightmare will pass, and for a strange odd second I believe it, because I've seen what can happen out here.
I've seen what we could accomplish when push comes to shove so I know, for sure, that it's possible. Maybe even simple but these people are nuts.
Jace is nuts.
And...that could ruin everything.
Anything and everything could be ruined.
I can't help but, even now think about the future. Say we do make it out of here, which I sure as heIl hope so, but what next? What about after? By now my father should be finding his way to us, or around the area, leading towards both our desired destinations that will put us all, specifically me and Carl at risk.
I can't go over this enough in my head to see how dangerous everything is.
To me especially.
Me and all the people linked to me of course.
It's just too much, everything that's happening. If Jesse comes back now, we might be ok, but if he doesn't, we'll all die. Then again, if he does come back now, it wouldn't matter.
Not to Jace.
Not about what he said to me.
Fvck.
Fvck!
I'm going to be sick!
"I'm going to be sick Carol." I lift my eyes to her, watching me without panicking the way Estela used to every time I'd get a shot or change in my prescriptions. Not this lady though. Carol just looks at me, straight faced, and doesn't say a word for a full minute, till she breaks the silence.
"Now's not the time. You can be sick later, but not now." Ok? "Now, you have to get your head in the game, and wait it out till we make our move."
Or till Jace makes his...those words compelling me to disobey Carol and throw up right on the bed, but I resist the urge and feel a heat and sweat break over me instead along with my shivering fingers, till I see the scar on my wrist, and I wonder, if Carl's looking at his right about now too.
Seems, this might've been a good idea anyway.
____________
-Carl's P.O.V.-
"So, how did you and Spes meet?"
As if I'd tell you.
"Was she always so...feisty?"
You haven't seen anything yet.
"Why does she have this saber?"
To kick as$ in unique style.
"Did you know I asked her to my room last night?"
"Yes." I quickly reply, looking over to my dad and Reagan conversing while going through different isles, probably threatening each other while figuring out their motives, which is pretty obvious given the circumstances, while us, their sons, exchange a few sentences even though most of them are in my head.
The small gas station that Regan insisted we search through was empty except for two walkers that my dad was instructed to take out, the white tiles dirtied by their dark red fluids, spreading away from knife wounds in their skulls that made Jace turn pale the second he saw it.
I couldn't help but feel disgusted by how ignorant he is to this stuff. Spes was the same way but it was different with her, even when I didn't like her, it was different.
"You know, I'm surprised you managed to keep from hitting me up until now, Carl. I underestimated you."
"You really shouldn't. Only reason I haven't tried is because I'm waiting." I push past him, giving him the attitude I've been holding back by ignoring him unless it's to spit hateful words in his way of pace.
"Don't you think that, maybe you've underestimated me though? I mean, you think that I'm just this, nice guy that is just in love with your girlfriend, but-"
"I don't think that." I turn around to shut him up, looking at him face to face with my hat on my head and his hand on my gun. "I think that we both know each other for who we are, and that, you shouldn't think what you see is the sum total. You're still underestimating me." I shake my head, glaring a bit before turning to walk around, hearing the sound of Spes' sword unsheathe behind me.
So that's what he wants.
"Is that what you told Spes?" I turn around without a care in the world, my straight face unhinging Jace's so he blinks and lets me slap my girlfriends weapon away from his weak grip, drawing attention to us both. It's gonna suck if I broke that. "You told her you'd kill me out here?"
"Dad!" Jace yells when I think back to Spes' frightened face, her fear for my safety unreal because of this fvcking as$hole, and I've had enough. I'm throwing my weight towards him before anyone can stop me, his head hitting the floor so hard I think I hear something crack when I begin projecting the few moves Spes taught me from our time alone in the hotel room, the most effective way to hurt someone with my fists, releasing a large amount of tension built up inside of me with the first impact of my punch against his jaw, nose then ear, all the force I can manage damaging Jace when Reagan's hands grab my arms and struggle to lift me.
I just lost control, and it felt good.
It felt good, to finally let at least a fvcking ounce of my hate for this world, this place, everything, out at last, leaving physical evidence of my temper on Jace's face, bloodied and soon to be bruised while he holds his ear.
"We're leaving! Rick! Take your son and get him the heIl out of here! We're going back, now!" This Reagan as$hole tosses me forward but I don't fall, and instead walk back to stand beside my father that taught me well while we both watch Jace get pampered by his dad.
I can see it, so clearly.
The differences between both of us.
Yes, we're similar in the fact that, my mom, and dads wife, is gone, but that's the only thing we share in common. The rest is a world of difference, with me, stronger than Jace, more true than Jace, better than Jace. Because Jace, is nothing, but a shell.
Jace is nothing.
He's nothing.
Not anymore, and not ever.
And definitely, not after he dies.
Because I'm going to kill him.
_________________
-Spes' P.O.V.-
"But she's innocent. I think."
"No one's innocent nowadays. That's something you'll have to learn out here, no matter what happens you have to learn to put everyone's best interests at heart, regardless of who gets hurt. In this case it's you and me doing our part on this end of the job for those people out there. Can you do that?"
Normally, or rather before this, if she'd spoken to me like I was 11 years old the first day I met her, I'd have been offended, but now, knowing all that that implies, I'm not so damm sure that I'm up for this, but as Carol so clearly explained, I have no choice if I want to accomplish my goal.
"Everything we accomplish, it's focused on getting to the main thing right?" I scoff, looking at Carol stare down at me given I'm not her height but about two or one inch shorter. Damm she's kinda intimidating. Funny how I never noticed before.
"You wanted to get to D.C. for Judith, for all of us, future's that you saw possible." She reminds me. "You're not allowed to give up now. Whatever you can do, do it. Even if it makes you guilty, do it."
Do it, so I can be who I want to be with Carl one day.
20 years from now and more.
Forever.
"You don't come back from this, right?" I speak of our mutation into cruel beings, the behavior I've seen in us all, more or less, everyone, doing things that I do and don't know about, as I'm finally included.
"No." She waits. "You don't. Ever."
"Hmm." I nod with a smile that holds no happiness. "Just what I thought."
And already knew.
-Third Person P.O.V.-
As both comrades tended to the baby, remaining as inconspicuous as possible, the food left for them gone leaving them only forks and spoons, both Spes and Carol readied themselves for the visit from Mama B who brought them the tray in the first place, sitting in silence till the door unlocked and the short, sweet woman with no hatred or weapon on her waddled into the room, giving both guests in her mind a smile with a twinkle in her brown eyes, reaching for the tray that only had spoons on the dishes.
"Eat good?" Mama B turns to Carol, smiling and nodding, hoping that they both nourished themselves well enough, an instant prior to the elder warrior slowly getting into action, shutting the door to keep all 3 of these strangers shut off, 2 on one side, 1 on the other, oblivious as to why she'd been singled out to use as leverage, and she never knew a fork could look so dangerous, when directed straight towards her throat, a threat on her life, if she didn't do as both these people said, turning the tables considerably.
"Spes." Carol called out while Mama B put her hands together, begging them in Spanish not to kill her while she cried, innocent and sweet her entire life, not accustomed to the world because of the protection her nephew Regan had provided for her. She was scared, and both Spes and Carol were ready to take advantage of that fact, even if it made the younger of the three sick with guilt, her humanity even at this point still more intact than her comrades. "I want you to go with her, make her tell you where they put our weapons, then come straight back, armed and ready with as much as you can carry. We have to have some stored for the rest when they get back."
"Why don't we just take the place now?" Spes intensely wonders. "There's 5 people besides her here, tops. If we have the guns and put them out front, both of us keeping an eye on-"
"Waiting for them. It's a gamble. Reagan could be unpredictable. Then again, family being used against him, it's a better idea." Carol mumbles, nodding. "Get the guns, come back here, we'll escort the rest outside and wait for them."
"Ok. Mama B." The younger of the two turns to the frightened woman that wouldn't dare risk her life or the other women in the house. "Donde estan las pistolas?" She asks, using her bilingual ability as an advantage, urging her cultural kin to take her out of the room and do as they say, so no one will be hurt unless necessary.
And it was easy then, leaving Carol alone with Judith while both the old woman and 15 year old went in search of the groups weapons, dodging and bypassing the other 5 or few people that were busy toiling for the next meal, bringing them closer and closer to the goal sullied but desired.
Carl was right.
Rick did have a plan, more or less.
And it's working out, perfectly.
_________________
-Carl's P.O.V.-
"Nothing on your end?" My dad walks toward Tyreese, seeing him shake his head burns my last hope that we'll find Jesse, and I'm wondering if he's even still alive at this point, and if so, where the heIl would he be? Why wouldn't he come back?
I know he wasn't on my list of top 5 in the group, I barely knew him except for the times he was talking to Spes, one of them being him slapping her, only to have her slap him back, but even so, I know that, he's a good guy, and he was Spes' first ally, so I know that he needs to be found.
He's one of us, and we don't leave people behind.
Unless we can't help it.
"Times wearing thin Rick. We're giving up the search, going back. You'll have your last meal there and you won't have to worry about justice being incomplete. Since Jesse raped one of ours, we'll take it upon ourselves to even the scores. Even your son, could help some of our women with their, needs."
In this instant, I'm waiting for dad to snap, wondering if he'll be able to keep his composure like he's managed in the past, so thankfully he keeps calm this time while I slowly stand to walk away from overhearing them, all of us being rounded and herded back after meeting at the center of the neighborhood from before, going to the hacienda, my feet not able to move any faster even though I want to fvcking run and make sure Spes is safe.
Knowing her, knowing Carol, they're both probably ok, but in the back of my head, I keep getting this feeling. Like something's really going to happen.
If we're going to keep from dying, something probably will happen.
And there's Jace, holding his nose with a bloody rag pressed up on his upper lip, teeth yellow near the gums and I keep staring at him, crying silently and walking like he's one of those dead heads, in pain, while I'm smiling at the idea of Spes being proud of me for finally beating the sh1t out of this guy that's been bugging us from the start.
She's probably going to be a little unhinged though when I tell her how much farther I plan on taking my anger out on him. End result being that I kill him.
I guess this is the monster in me, not doing what's necessary, but doing something that satisfies my lust for blood that I've been denying ever since I killed that first guy outside the prison. Hopefully though, Spes never sees that side of me, the part that enjoys all of this, craving it, liking how it's made me, even though I slightly wish I could be more like Spes.
Still, it's no good chasing the past.
I am what I am, and I'm not at odds with that anymore, because it's letting me keep everything I have now, and everything I want to have in the future.
That's for damm sure.
__________________
"Carl." I turn my head to glance at my dad, stopping before I draw any suspicion given we're surrounded by people that are just waiting to pull triggers...at least, I think. Come to notice it though, none of these people actually look eager to start a fight.
I don't know if I'm right, but I've had my share of people that are able to kill us and the ones that don't even look up for it. I guess I get those vibes now and, these people...
They aren't sending out the threat that Reagan is.
"Yeah?" I whisper.
"Be ready. When we get back and they start settlin' in again, we're gonna find an opening to turn the situation. Keep on your toes."
"Got it."
I take a moment, looking side to side, examining the trails we're following, till at last we begin to head closer and closer towards Paradise, almost an hour passing since we left the search area, finally seeing the place, our destination, possibly our death home a second until I spot something way across the fields.
What...is that?
It looks like someone running.
Ok, it is someone ru-Spes?!
"Spes?!" I widen my eyes, the thickness in the air slicing open when I break formation, slowly walking then running forward at the sight of my lover hurrying my way, running like there's no tomorrow, and she looks so beautiful, so safe.
She's ok.
"Carl!!" She's smiling.
Oh that's right...She thought I was going to die.
She thought...
"Spes!!" I use the heIl out of my legs, their length carrying me faster and faster so that the distance between us shrinks, wind going by my ears so abruptly that I feel like I'm flying, stopping just in time to make myself steady and absolute for Spes to reach me, jumping up only the moment before leaping into my arms, and it feels so good to hold her right now, feeling her inhaling like crazy from her physical exerts, when she starts to laugh.
Laugh like, she's never laughed before, a genuinely happy and innocent laugh, like something funny just happened, unbelievably hysterical, until she starts sobbing, relieved of everything that she's been mentally tormenting herself with considering she really must've thought I was dead.
Spes...
"Spes. I'm ok! I'm here!" I feel her legs secure around my waist and her arms hug my neck when she continues battling her emotions between relief and happiness, tears and laughter. "I know. I know." I won't even move.
I don't want to.
I'll just wait till I have to. I'll hold her here. I'll carry her back, both of us together.
"It's ok." I console her, pressing my palm on her head while she breaks down completely. "It's ok. We're ok. It's gonna be ok." She nods, believing me, when I start to wonder how she got out here in the first place. "Come on. Do you want to go back?" I ask her with my softest voice, laughing when I watch her look at me like she's embarrassed for crying on contact. "Baby?"
"Mm...yeah." She wipes at her eyes. "Yeah. They're waiting."
"What happened?"
"We found a way to get the guns back. Use family against Regan." She sniffs, still jumping here and there from the tears rolling down her face.
I know it's probably not the time, but who knows when the time will be, so for right now, I'll allow myself to smile at how cute she is when she cries, even though I hate it that she had to.
"Dad'll be happy to hear that." I glance to the others, looking back when I feel Spes' lips kiss my neck. "I'm sorry."
"It's good." She shakes her head. "I just hope, this works."
"It has to. We'll make it work."
Hopefully, because here they come.
None of them aware what Carol is capable of, who'd she sacrifice or how her will, will bend.
Leaving Carol behind.
Big mistake.
Huge.
____________________
Chapter 55 should be up later today after I proofread it since it's already written. I hope this chapter was ok! Next ep is hopefully just as good. (boy if this one sucked that says alot XD) But either way! Hope you're all ready for it!!!