At the crack of dawn, the beams of sunlight began to light the dark sky. The purple lightened to lighter shades of orange and pink as the yellow orb began to rise. The glow from the sun cast everything in a gold hue, and the warmth began to chase away the coolness, warming my face.
I stared out of my window. It was silent inside my room. Exhaustion weighed down my body. The lack of sleep was due to the turmoil in my mind. Luke and Kevin had already started to wiggle their way into my trust. And, damn, did they make me want to trust them so badly.
These men were dangerous. Everything about them seemed to seep into my thoughts when I'm unaware, but I knew that I didn't belong in a palace like this. I don't belong where people act nicely behind a smile, waiting for one to mess up. I once was imprisoned in a place that never accepted me and being accepted here made me want more.
Amara, I spoke to my shifter. What should I do?
Purple eyes looked at me in understanding. Sang, you belong with them.
I frowned. Belong? I don't know that word. The only time I felt like that was when I escaped to the forest. That place was my home, and I wasn't sure I wanted to stay here.
I don't know if I belong, I murmured.
Amara sighed. You can if you open your heart to them. Remember, I'm always on your side.
A knock of the door interrupted my conversation with Amara. My door creaked open, and Nathan opened my door with a wide smile on his face. "Good morning, Peanut. Rise and shi- geez, you look like death."
"What happened?" He spoke with such a concerned voice that I blinked at him in muted surprise.
"Stuff." I could see him thinking, but I didn't really care. I was tired. So tired, yet I knew that I couldn't take a rest. If I did, I would be tempted to just stay there forever, ignoring everything because I knew that Amara could take care of it.
"Is it about Kearn and Luke?" Nathan asked but I shrugged slightly. "We already know. We don't really mind Luke going into the Rest." He went silent when I didn't respond. The air between us grew awkward, and he fidgeted. "Breakfast is almost ready. I think everyone is getting ready for school. We'll see you in a bit?"
I nodded, and a few moments passed before he spoke again. "Sang, are you okay?"
"Yeah." I spoke and frowned. It sounded so unlike myself. "Just tired."
Nathan hesitated before stepping back and closing the door. When he disappeared, I took that moment to crawl out of bed. These men were making me want to fall into their arms for comfort.
I quickly took a shower. I glanced at the mirror and smiled in satisfaction when the red in my eyes wasn't so prominent. Karen quickly dried my hair with her wind magic and pulled it back to a simple yet elegant looking twisted ponytail. Once I was in my uniform, I made my way towards the dining room. The fifteen men were inside, talking a bit muted unlike other days. It might have been Kearn instead of Luke eating with them or it might have been what Kearn said about our conversation.
When I went to get some food, fingers gently brushed against my arm. Glancing up, I was met with Luke's features with black hair that was pulled back into a half ponytail and midnight blue eyes. I knew it wasn't luke who was with me but Kearn. "Was last night...?"
I shook my head. He seemed worried that he had crossed a line. "No. No, last night is not why I'm in this mood. I get like this sometimes. I just need to get some sleep. I'll be back to normal tomorrow."
His eyes narrowed, and his lips turned downward slightly into a frown. "You make it sound that you're forcing yourself to be whatever this is."
Sighing, I tilted my head back to look out the window, knowing that the others were trying to distract themselves from eavesdropping. "Sometimes, it is. Right now, I'm tired of who I am. I sometimes ask myself if it's worth it."
"Worth what?" His thumb rubbed small circles against my skin.
"Worth living. I don't really do friends," I gave him a depreciating smile. Before he could say anything, I stood up, disconnecting his hand around mine. I sat down beside Corey and Raven who both smiled at me.
I didn't want to converse much, and they must have gotten the hint when they weren't offended by me not talking much other than yes, no, or grunting- which made me sound like North or Brandon or Raven or Axle or Marc when he's not caffeinated (god, so many of them grunt instead of using real words). When the first class started, I fell asleep, not caring if Professor Morris would bitch at me or not.
The class ended without much fanfare. It wasn't until I had to go to the restroom when things went down. There was something about bathrooms that attracted a lot of drama. And that drama came in the form of Jade and Marie.
"Ugh," Jade spat in disgust. "I can't believe that I have to share basic necessities with commoners like her."
Marie snickered. "She can't help it. She has whore blood through her. It's not like she knows that these things are too good for her. I think a bucket and dishwater is more suitable for her."
I rolled my eyes. I was on edge all morning, and if they pushed me one more time, they won't survive. I pressed my lips together in agitation when they wouldn't move from the door. "Excuse me."
"I will," Jade smiled. "If you kneel down and beg for forgiveness."
I huffed and looked up at her with a stare that made the two of them falter. "Please, move before I make you."
Marie snarled. "You think you can demand things just because you're fucking the prince and the others. Do they know how much of a whore you are?"
I smiled sickeningly sweet. "Marie, why do you keep calling me a whore? Is it because your mom is so much worse? Did she tell you that your so-called father is not actually your father because she couldn't keep her legs closed? Did she ever tell you that she had sex with a noble who promised her riches and a noble title only for him to disappear? Did she tell you that you were a product of their whorish ways on the day she was to be wed to your so-called father?"
Marie stepped back. Her face growing pale. I smiled viciously. "Or is it because you follow her path? Weren't you the one who lost her virginity to a soldier at thirteen years old just to be one of the cool-kids? Weren't you the one who slutted herself to the boys of the town? And weren't you the one who just came here after having sex? Dear Marie, I can smell the sex off of you. So, tell me, my dear fake sister, who is the whore here?"
Amara whooped inside my head. Yeah! Rip her a new one!
Marie's face turned a splotchy red as she shrieked. "How dare you!"
She tried to smack me but I caught her hand. I could see my glowing purple eyes in her wide eyes. "No, how dare you! How dare you say defaming things about our Crown Prince, our future king! Do you have no respect to our future ruler?"
"Fuck you, Sang! They won't like you! It'll be just like before. Sad, lonely Sang wanting a friend but they betrayed her. It'll just be like that. They will abandon you just like w-" Before she could finish, she yelped as the door was pushed open violently, knocking into Marie and Jade. They collapsed onto the floor with whimpers and glared at the person who was keeping the door open. Nathan's bright red hair and blue eyes greeted them, and Marie paled. Nathan's blue eyes seemed to glow in anger and we could feel the waves of power that were emanating from him.
"I was wondering what was taking you so long," Nathan said in a gravely voice that portrayed his anger. "Imagine my surprise when I heard a troublemaker say degrading things about our Crown Prince and his guardians."
Marie scrambled to her knees. "Forgive me. I did not mean to say that."
"But you did," a new voice spoke. Marie grew white when Headmaster Roberts stepped into view. His mouth was set in a deep frown, and his blue eyes seemed to radiate anger and disappointment. "Marie Sorenson, you have verbally attacked Ms. Armani twice in the past few days, and have remarked many negative things about Prince Gabriel and his trusted guardians. You have violated many rules with your explicit activities, and I have no choice to expel you from the Academy. You will be escorted from the campus immediately and will never be allowed onto the campus."
Headmaster Roberts turned towards me and bowed. "Ms. Armani, forgive me for not preventing these situation from escalating."
I shook my head. "It's fine. I just need to get out of here."
Without anything else said, I stepped by the four and the gathering crowd and left. I don't know where I was going but I just had to escape from everyone. I found a way to the roof and breathed. It felt so weird being alone after being around people, but I welcomed it until I felt a presence behind me.
"Growing up, I was lonely and longed for friends." Nathan was silent behind me, listening, so I continued. "All my life, I was labeled weird. Different that no one wanted to be around me. I just wanted a friend. I wanted to hold hands and laugh. I wanted to play in the stream and pick flowers and make flower crowns. I wanted so much but there was no one. When I was seven, a family moved in the neighborhood. There was a girl around my age, and she was sweet. She was the first person to reach out to me and treat me with kindness. A few weeks later, we were playing hide and seek. I was hiding, and she couldn't find me. I was about to jump out when I heard her and my sister and her friends talking. They invited her to play with them and she just left. She left me while I was hiding and if I didn't overhear her, I would have stayed there all night."
Emotions welled inside of me, growing too great that tears began to leak. "I thought that I was finally going to have a best friend. But she was only using me. She got my hopes up so much then she destroyed me. She made me realize that I would do anything to hang onto a person who didn't want me and that I was stupid to long for someone to be there with me. I got used to that feeling. I got used to it-" I turned towards Nathan whose eyes looked wet. "-until you guys appeared. Sometimes, I think that you guys are just using me because I'm powerful and make a great asset. Then the next thing I know you guys are doing things that make me want to trust you. I'm on edge thinking that the shoe will drop, and you'll leave me like everyone else."
"We won't do that to you," Nathan said. His voice cracked and his hands twitched as if he wanted to reach towards me but didn't want to impose on me.
Tears gathered in my eyes. "I know that. My head knows that, but my heart doesn't."
Nathan took a step forward. "You don't have to give us your heart, Peanut. Let us prove that we are worthy of your trust. Let us prove that we are not like your past."
"Why?" I whispered as I cried more. "Why does it have to hurt so much when I was so used to it? Why did you guys have to ruin everything?"
Nathan's arms came around me and I collapsed, clenching his shirt in my hands. Fuck being strong or emotionless. I deserved to cry and be angry. "Learning to trust others when you've been betrayed so many times will reopen scars that were closed. It will hurt because it does. I don't know how to help you, Sang, but me and the others will be there for you in any way we can. We can take your tears, anger, and even distrust as long as we can be there for you."
I laughed slightly even as tears ran down my face. "That sounds so toxic."
He huffed in laughter. "It might sound like that but it isn't. Learn to depend on us. You aren't alone anymore."
He was solid against me. He was my stronghold when I was lost in my emotions and he held me through my pain and sorrow. He held me close to his chest even as my tears dried and my eyes drooped. "Nathan, I'm tired."
He nodded. His cheek brushed against my hair. "That's fine. Nap, Sang."
"What about class?" I murmured as my eyes began to close.
"You know everything. I think you'll be fine. You might have to tutor me."
I smiled tiredly. "I will."
"Sleep, Sang," He whispered.