𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐚 𝐘𝗼𝐮

𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘺-𝘌𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

                   𝐃𝐮𝐫𝐡𝐚𝗺, 𝐍𝗼𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝗼𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚

"What's wrong baby?" I heard my mother ask from a distance, I sniffed burying my face deeper into my pillows.

I heard her footsteps walk further into my room making me instantly sit up, her face turned into a frown as she looked at me.

"Talk to me ba—I miss Paris" I cried cutting her off, she looked at me in awe as she walked over towards my bed taking a sit.

I was currently in my feelings because I hadn't spoken to Paris none what so ever nor did we do our normal check in time with each while talking on the phone, so I was bombed.

It didn't feel normal at all for us not to go a whole day without talking to each other along with him not returning any of my calls that'd he failed to pick up.

"Aww" I heard my mother cooe, I laid my head on her shoulder as she pulled me closer to her wrapping her arms around me. "Well, when was the last time you guys talked?"

"Last night" I answered. "We were on the phone talking but something's off with him because we'd usually stay on the phone and go to sleep but last night we didn't—and even before that, I tried my hardest to have a conversation with him but it was like he didn't wanna have one"

I sniffed as tears continued rolling out of my eyes. "It was so dry mommy and our conversations never be dry"

"What did you y'all talk about?" My mother asked lifting my face as she wiped away my tears.

"We talked about Kingston because he asked about him" I said, she nodded. "He asked if he was getting out of hand and if he wanted me for him to come and get him and I said no. Then, I tried talking to him about maybe helping me with Mulani and Glizmo's surprise gender reveal I wanted to plan but it was like as if he didn't wanna talk about none of it"

"It's like he's getting tired of me because we're on break or he's really finally realizing that he doesn't wanna deal with me anymore" I said crying.

"Break? You guys are on break?" She asked, I nodded.

"Yeah" I said. "And it's all because of some ugly ass little girl—Euphoria!" My mother gasped cutting me off.

"I'm really sorry but it's the truth" I said, she chuckled. "She made me think the worst about our relationship and so I got in my feelings about it, denying his role as my boyfriend and clearly letting my stupid thoughts take over my mind"

"No, now maybe it's my fault" I said, I looked up at my mother as she continued laughing. "How can you even find this funny mom?"

"I'm sitting here crying to you about my boyfriend and about how he doesn't wanna talk to me and you're laughing" I said releasing myself from her hold.

"Baby, you're going through the motions and I think it's funny because you don't know what to feel" My mother said, I sighed.

Maybe she's right

"But I miss him and now I don't think he misses me back because I noticed whenever we talk, he doesn't call me mama" I said sniffing. "Nor baby anymore. He doesn't call me mama and he always calls me mama"

"Awe, I so sorry stinky butt" She said kissing my forehead, I rolled my eyes. "But listen to me okay, that boy cares about you—And he wouldn't want you thinking the way you're thinking right now baby"

"But I can't help it" I said.

"And I know that, I'm sure he knows that too but he wants you to stop letting your thoughts get to you and actually talk to him. To tell him all of the reasons that's behind you thinking the way that you do. It's not that he finally realized that you're a lot to deal with or that you're too insensitive baby but it's just, he wants you to be able to look at yourself and him and not see any doubts" My mother said, I sat there listening to her. "I know Paris isn't tired of you and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even wanna hear you speaking that way—So within you guys being apart taking space from one another, he wants you to be able to do all the thinking you can in order to actually come to terms with things that has dealings with y'all's relationship"

"Okay my love?" My mother said lifting my chin making me look up at her. "Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"Just give it time baby and when y'all are ready, it'll be more than what it was before. This lil space thing ain't gonna work anyway not if he knew if this was how you were acting" she said, I nodded my head in agreement while wiping my face. I laid back onto my bed pulling the covers over my face while I grabbed Kingston pulling him closer to me.

I gasped as he wiggled away releasing himself from me making me sit up and eyed him. I looked at her with tears in my eyes as she sat there grinning making a cry escape from my mouth.

"Amour" She called out, I laid back down pulling the covers on top of me.

"Baby, maybe he has to pee or something—He doesn't like me anymore!" I cried cutting her off while she laughed.

"And he doesn't even have to pee because I took him out a few hours ago" I said, she sighed.

"Okay baby, well just lay down and take a nap or something" My mother said. "Alright, because you're meltdown is killing me girl"

"Yes ma'am" I replied closing my eyes as I turned on my side pulling the covers up over my face. I continued sniffing as I calmed down blinking my eyes while I stared at absolutely nothing but dark.

"Lord, please help my child" I heard my mother say leaving out of my room laughing, I sighed hearing my room door shut before I forced myself asleep.

•••

I laid in bed feeling nothing but exhausted as Kingston snuggled up under me while I scrolled on my phone reading Wattpad.

After my mini meltdown, it was safe to say that going anywhere was out of the question. My mother had suggested for me to get out and go somewhere so I wouldn't be in my room but that's all I wanted.

I was still in the state of going through my emotions about Paris and about how much I missed him. Although I tried many times to get my mind to drift off to somewhere else—I couldn't, it was like it was nearly impossible to get him out of my mind.

It seemed like every second I would wonder about him and what'd he was doing.

Beside of all the failing attempts of trying to stop thinking about him and our troubled relationship, it seemed as if everything around knew that I was having a hard time today.

My whole Instagram timeline along with Twitter and Snapchat were filled with couples.

It really didn't help for me to even look through any of my feeds because seeing all of the cute lovely things people shared with their partners only made me wish more than I already have for Paris to be here with me.

I looked down at Kingston hearing a whine escape from him making me place my phone away and lift him up.

"What's wrong stinky?" I asked looking at him as he looked around. I placed him onto my stomach and eyed him seeing his eyes watering making me place a peck onto his nose.

"Kingston you can't cry right now because then I will start crying" I said, I rubbed him as I gently scratched his skin. "I guess you miss papa too huh?"

I smiled as he simply just crawled up snuggling against my neck before sighing. I looked up at the ceiling watching as the ceiling fan spun around and around.

"Ugh, it's so boring" I said shaking my head. "I've never been this bored before in my life"

"Stinky, what should we do?" I asked rubbing Kingston, I looked down seeing that his eyes were closed making me grab him. "No sleeping, we already had a nap today"

"Should we go get ice cream or should we take a walk?" I asked looking at him before huffing seeing he was falling back to sleep. "Ugh, you're even more boring"

I grabbed my phone deciding to leave him alone as he slept on me breathing heavy, I giggled and shook my head as I went back to reading my book.

My eyes were furrowed as I tensely scrolled on my phone reading for what seemed like minutes turning into hours until a message popped up on my phone.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬❤️
Come outside

I sat up gasping and glanced down at Kingston seeing he was still asleep before I gently laid him onto my bed getting up. I walked over towards my window lightly pulling up a blind and peeped outside seeing that there was a car sitting in my driveway.

I stood there eyeing it, trying my best to figure out if it was him but failed due to the extreme illegal tint on the windows.

"Oop" I said looking over as I heard my phone begin ringing, I eased over and grabbed it from my bed looking at it before answering seeing it was Paris.

"Hello" I answered speaking into the phone.

"Damn, you was sleep?" Paris asked chuckling making me smile.

"No" I said shaking my head. "I was just laying down"

"Oh, come outside then. I'm out hea' in yo driveway" he said, I quickly slipped on my teddy bear slippers before walking out my room into the the bathroom looking into the mirror.

I knew must've looked a mess which I did due from me crying and being asleep all day.

"Okay, here I come" I said rubbing my lips together as I applied lip balm to them. I cheesed making sure my teeth were clean before quickly spraying some fragrance and nodding my head in approval.

I walked out making my way downstairs while I quietly tried passing the living room where Kareem and my mother sat laid up on the couch.

"Where are you going baby?" I heard my mother ask making me turn to look at her.

"I'm just going in the yard" I said, she eyed me before nodding. I quickly made my way outside but slowed my pace as I seen Paris getting out of the car.

I looked at him admiring how handsome he'd looked in his comfortable attire before looking at the car.

From what I seen I knew that it must've been new. From the clean shiny polished paint that I seen along with my reflection to the tires that looked nearly drove.

"I like your car" I said lowly as I stood there feeling the flurries inside of my stomach.

"Yeah?" Paris asked, I nodded. I watched as he walked over towards the passenger side opening the door before nodding his head. "Come get in"

I walked over and got in as he shut the door. I sat back looking around taking in the new interior design that covered the car and sighed once I seen Paris getting back in.

He started up the engine making me place my seatbelt on and quietly look out of the window as he backed out the driveway before speeding off.

I gently wiggled my leg as I began feeling anxious while we drove in silence.

I glanced over at Paris observing him as we came to a stop at a red light and watched as he sat there looking ahead while rubbing his beard. I let my eyes roam over his amazing features and bit my lip as I seen him lick his tongue over his.

"Whatchu' you staring fa?" I heard him ask chuckling making me look away. "Like whatchu' you see?"

"Yeah" I said lowly as I nodded, I continued biting my lip as I seen him glanced over at me while driving off. "Where are we going?"

He shrugged.

"No where particularly" Paris said shaking his head, I nodded. "You got somewhere you wanna go?"

"No" I said. "I'm good"

"I just wanted ta' talk ta' you and get you out of da' house while we did so" He said. "Cus' I know you been cooped up inside yo room"

I nodded.

"Why?" I heard him asked as he made a turn.

"I don't know" I said honestly, he eyed looking over at me. "I guess I haven't been feeling like going out anywhere"

"I feel you" He said nodding his head. "Ian' been feeling up ta' doing shit myself"

I frowned, I knew he was tired and I also knew that he'd haven't been getting any sleep. Just by the rasp in his voice and the little bub bags that were slowly starting to form under his eyes, I knew that he was having trouble with getting enough rest.

"You're not getting any sleep?" I asked looking down in my lap.

"Nawl..." He said.

"Why?" I asked, I looked over at him as silence yet began washing upon us.

"Just been up working top notch lately" Paris said. "So ian' really catching no type of sleep unless it's ah' nap but shit—I'm managing it. Ain't shit I wanna complain about"

I nodded, I swallowed the lump that formed down my throat. I'd admit that hearing him not complain about how much he missed me being there in order for him to sleep seemed liked the worst but I only continued to stay quiet and watched as many buildings passed by while he drove.

"You ate?" I heard him ask, I shook my head.

"But I'm not hungry" I said clearing my voice as I heard it crack.

"Why you not eating Euphoria?" He asked, I shrugged. "Mmcht, when was da' last time you ate man?"

"A day ago" I mumbled.

"What?" He asked looking over at me.

"A day ago" I repeated louder, I looked over at him as he hit brake slowing down but quickly looked away once I seen that he was staring at me.

"Dis' whatchu' doing now?" Paris asked, I rolled my eyes that were starting to water and shut them. "Why da' fuck you not eating Euphoria?"

"Take me back home" I said, I quickly wiped my face feeling a tear roll down my cheek.

I now was starting to get mad because here I was in what seemed like an emotional roller coaster state behind how much I missed him and how much it was killing me on the outside to be apart from him but he'd rather fuss about anything than rather what the actually problem was.

I didn't need him preaching to me nor did I need him catching an attitude with me because I wasn't going to have it.

"What?" He asked. "Take you home, fuck I'm taking you home fa' when it's clear dat' we need ta' discuss some shit cus' you not doing as needed"

"Omg—Just take me home" I said wiping my face as more tears instantly began rolling out of my eyes. "If this is what you want to do, I don't want to be apart of it. You're not about to fuss at me over something so small that could be so easily fixed when I should be fussing at you because of how you're acting with me"

"Oh word?" He asked as I sniffed. "So, you wanna argue when we can just simply talk shit out huh?"

"And I'm not fussing at you, I'm asking why would I take you home when it's clear dat' it's ah' lot of shit we need ta' talk about..."

"Talk about what Paris?" I asked. "You're not even trying to talk to me because you're getting an attitude over me not eating and whatever else it is that you're mad about..."

"I'm not mad" Paris said shaking his head.

"Well, it doesn't seem like it because your actions aren't giving what it's suppose to" I said sniffing as I blinked my eyes. I sat there looking out of the window noticing that we were now parked in a Popeye's parking lot.

There was a moment of silence as we both sat there—him sitting there leaned back into the seat while I sat there wiggling my leg crying.

It was clear that there was a lot that we both wanted to say but didn't know in any which direction to address it.

I, myself was afraid to spill and talk about how I felt because of how I'd thought the outcome would be while him—he was actually trying confused on what to say and do.

I really was trying my best to not read into the situation at hand like I'd usually do because I knew I had to limit letting my thoughts take over and make me believe what I thought.

But the more we sat there without any words being shared, the more my mind went crazy and anxious about wanting to know where we'd go from here.

I looked over at him seeing that he'd had his eyes closed before opening them and looking at me as if he knew that I was staring beforehand.

I looked away feeling his intense observation as he stared at me.

"I'm not mad at you, aight?" I heard him say, I nodded. "And I apologize ta' you if I made it seem dat' way but am I frustrated—I am because I thought giving you time and space would've been good fa' you but now ion' really know"

I hope he's not thinking about breaking up

What if he wants to break up with me?

"Babe, I really don't wanna break up" I said blurting out, I laid my head against the window crying with the thought of us actually breaking up still running through my mind.

"What makes you think we gone break up Euphoria?" He asked sighing, I shrugged.

"I don't know..." I said, I looked over at him as I heard him chuckle seeing he was shaking his head. "But you can't just break up with me"

"I'm never said dat' I was because I know dats' not never ah' option" He said. "But I also know what I told you and you know too—so ion' even know why you up hea' saying anything dats' even igniting ta' da' thought of us breaking up..."

"We not doing dat' so you can kill dat' thought" Paris said, I nodded.

"Okay" I said lowly.

"Communication, I think it's something dat' we need ta' work on whether if it's because of you needing reassurance or if it's just your thoughts dat' fucks wit' you and make you believe certain shit" He said shaking his head. "Ion' need you thinking about shit dats' gone make you doubt me nor our relationship—And dat' shit also retain ta' you and yo self as ah' person because ion' want you getting in yo head doubting yo self"

"But I'm trying to stop doing all of those things Paris. You can't just blame me for feeling a certain way" I said as I looked at my fingers.

"I'm not blaming you" He said shaking his head. "I'a never disgrace you from feeling da' way you feel—On any type of timing because I respect you and da' you feel but simply not telling me how you feel and why you feel dat' way can fuck me up..."

"It'll have me thinking dat' I'm not doing my part in dis' relationship due ta' me not knowing what's going on" Paris said, I nodded in understanding. "And I know da' problem isn't just wit' you not coming and talking ta' me because I can admit dat' I don't always come and talk ta' you about certain shit but I'm willing ta' work on it if dat' means we'll be stronger as ah' whole and our communication can get better"

"So, what are we gonna do?" I asked lowly. "Like where do we go from here?"

"We'll just continue ta' give each other space until we think we ready ta' go all da' way wit' dis' shit" Paris said.

"Do you think we'll still be able to see each other?" I asked.

"Ion' know" He answered, I frowned. "I mean we'll probably still see each other because of our friends and shit—You know everybody be at everybody house chilling and shit but other than dat' ion' know"

"I don't wanna do this papa" I expressed shaking my head. "It seems as if we're breaking up"

"But we not mama" Paris said, I looked over at him. "I need you ta' understand dat' we giving each other space. We taking time apart from each other so we can better our actions before getting back and going further wit' each other"

"But papa, it's literally been a whole month..." I said, he nodded. "How much time do you even think we need apart because I don't like we really need that much. I think we can do better being together and working it out that way"

"Yeah?" He asked, I nodded. "We just gone have ta' see"

"Okay, fine" I said rolling my eyes as he chuckled. "Whatever"

This is gonna take forever

"You overthinking" Paris said shaking his head. "Stop doing dat' shit. I'm not leaving you and you not leaving me. It's simple" He said. "Aight?"

"Yes" I said.

"Aight so, stop looking all sad and shit" He said, I smiled as he reached gripping my chin making me look over at him. "You still my baby"

"So, can I have a kiss then?" I asked pouting, I gasped as he bit his lips shaking his head. "Babe!"

He chuckled.

"No, because it's been a long time since I seen yet even kissed you and you're acting as if you don't wanna kiss me. It's not fucking funny" I said getting mad. "You're an asshole"

"Yo, watch yo mouth" He said smacking my thigh, I looked staring at him before sticking my middle finger up in his face.

"Don't touch me either" I said eyeing him as he just sat there looking at me before smirking. "If you can't kiss me, I don't want you touching me"

"So, it's like dat' now?" He asked, I sighed nodding my head.

"Yes. Until you tell me when this little break or space thingy—whatever you wanna call it is up to where I can kiss you, you can't touch me" I said, he chuckled. "You're laughing and I'm serious"

"No!" I said smacking his hand as it began creeping up my thigh, I grabbed it throwing it off of me making him smack his lips.

"Why you being mean?" He asked. "Mhm?"

I shrugged. "I don't know"

"But, are you gonna miss me?" I asked. "I missed you but I'm still gonna miss you because we're gonna be apart and I'm not gonna be able to see you as much as I'd like anymore"

"Yeah, I'm gone miss you" he said looking at me, I frowned looking at him so badly wanting a kiss as I stared at his lips but began smiling as he sat up reaching across the console placing a hand over my neck.

I moaned in satisfaction and closed my eyes when I felt his lips being connecting with mine. I reached over and caressed side of his face while the kiss deepened with our tongues exploring each other's mouth.

I opened my eyes as he pulled back and seen he'd was looking at me as he began pecking my lips.

"You fucking spoiled yo" He said pulling back licking his lips.

"It's okay" I said smiling while he shook his head. I giggled and went into thought thinking to myself.

I'm not doing this break or this lil time space he's calling it. I'm just gonna convinced and proved to him that I'm ready to be a whole with him because I know I can limit my overthinking, I just have to work on communicating with him and then we'll be good.

But I mean, it's not like he'll never say no to me

Why do you think he'd gave me a kiss?

𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐘-𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓
________________________________

•••

-𝙰𝚗𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜?

-𝙴𝚞𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚊 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚜.

𝙷𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚜 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐.

𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚟𝚘𝚝𝚎 & 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝!!
𝙱𝚢𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜🤎!!!