bella | purse dog
Astrophile- someone who loves the stars
•••
{tw— suicidal thoughts & mentions of child abuse}
The stars. The nights— sleepless nights where all I could think to do was stargaze, it bought me peace. whenever my father was drunk and would get mad I would climb up to the roof and watch for hours on end. the calmness was the only thing i felt for years. looking at the stars made me feel.
for so long I was numb to feeling anything, during my fathers beatings I wouldn't cry just take it as he relentlessly hit me — never giving me a break.
I eventually became numb.
numb to feeling
numb to touch
numb to the world
There were times where i wanted to quit, get it over with but that would mean the bitches at school were right. I was exhausted with life. I was simply exhausted with living.
But I'm happier now. I still have my days. It's like the world is failing, the stars falling as i hold onto my last breaths. The suffocating feeling of life. Where I feel dead. No one quite understands. They say they do but they don't.
After the Leo guy came and found us, giving me his number and the address to the place, we all rushed home — deeming that our clothes weren't party worthy.
Party worthy? is that even a thing. ha like i care.
We are all on our way to the party, its on the rich side of Paris, y'know like Marilyn Monroe and Coco Chanel.
Shut up Marilyn isn't even French. Never mind but where the rich bitches live.
I think because I literally grew up dirt poor, that I crave that feeling of contentment, I wanna live the life of a rich girl. I wanna show them all that I'm fucking better then them.
I've been told to go to a therapist for obvious reasons, but I fucking hate talking about my feelings let alone talking to a complete stranger. Nah baby not on my to-do list.
It seems pointless. I've gone once and nearly threw a lamp. This motherfucker really wanted to tell me what I feel. I think the fuck not.
We pull up to the address and it's buzzing with life. People out in the yard and on the roof. People dancing and grinding on each other. People literally having sex in front of everyone. No fucking self respect
"DO A FLIP" I yell up at the people on the roof.
That would be cool.
"FOR YOUR NUMBER??" I hear a distant voice yell back.
"NO DON'T ACTUALLY! YOU'LL DIE" I say and Amelie yanks on my arm, rolling her eyes as she pulls me into the mass of sweaty bodies. The smell of sex, drugs and alcohol filling my senses— instantly relaxing me. Even though it shouldn't. it makes me feel alive. Partying and drinking always gave me relief. Helped me forget.
I pride myself in being kind and caring but that doesn't mean i don't like to get drunk off my face.
We all look hot as fuck and I can already feel eyes on me. I haven't talked to Ares since I saw him win, not gonna lie it was hot seeing him like that. In his comfort zone.
"I'm getting a drink" I say, making my voice louder as I yell over the music. Amelie and Chloe nod there heads and let me go as I make my way over to the makeshift drinks table filled with colourful bottles.
Walking through the crowds, I pour myself 6 shots and down them like water— feeling the liquid burn my throat. Pure euphoria.
With the alcohol coursing through my veins, I make my way over to the dance floor that lays in the middle of the room.
Swaying my hips to the music. Letting my body take over, not think twice when I feel a pair of hands on my waist. They hold me in place as I grind on their dick, turning around to face the man I'm met with the guy from the race.
"Leo!"
A small chuckle emits from his lips, "Actually it's Theo but you can call me whatever"
I shrug and look up at him through my eyelashes, and a smirk graces his lips.
"Can I kiss you Bella?" He asks and without responding I crash my lips into his. Wrapping my arms around his neck, pushing us impossibly closer together.
We kiss on the dance floor, ignoring the noise around us as we dive into each other. His tongue slips across my lips, begging for entrance— which I grant him instantly.
I don't notice as he pulls me down onto the one of the couches that line the walls and onto his lap. I grip his jaw and grind on his lap, feeling him get hard underneath me.
I'm pulled off Theo's lap, by another pair of large hands— those time firmer as they set on my hips, lifting me into their arms, bridle style baby.
"Theo she's drunk" the mystery man says.
Damn. I was always into hot and mysterious.
"So am I" Theo says, slurring over his words as he stands up, stumbling over his feet in the process.
I look up and the hot mystery guy and smile when I notice Ares, he must know Theo.
"Ares! It's been so long" I yell out to him and he winces at my loud volume before saying some things to Theo. What he is saying? no fucking idea i blocked it out ages ago.
Fuck me for not being able to hold my alcohol, you would think I'd be use to it by now.
" Where are your friends darling" he says looking down at me while I play with the ends of my hair, I look up at him through my eyelashes again and tilt my head to the side.
"Look for a ranga, most likely sucking some chicks face off"
He lets out a low groan of annoyance before setting off looking for Amelie.
I hear more hushed conversations, and something about if you hurt her then I'll shove my foot so far up your ass it comes up your mouth?
Foot up ass? Sounds like twitter porn.
I feel my body being lifted into a familiar sports car and I look over at Ares, he's driving with one arm on the wheel and the other on the shifter, the sleeves of his button up rolled towards is elbows-- the veins of his arms revealed as he concentrates on the road.
Hot.
I admire the god of a man, he had a jawline to kill for and his hair covers the majority of his forehead and don't even get my started on his eyes. Fucking Mesmerising.
"Is it to early in our friendship for me to call you pretty?" I say to him— voicing my thoughts as I look over at him, a cocky smirk take over his lips and he glances over at me.
"Yes. But it's okay cause you probably won't remember this" he says and I just hum in response, looking out the window as I watch the world go by— the street lights illuminating the sidewalk.
An old couple walks hand in hand, laughing at a joke one told.
Why is an old couple up this late, I look over at the screen that sits up front of the car and see it's only 10pm.
I straighten my posture, "Fuck Ares I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to cut your night short, I didn't know it was so early. And I didn't mean to get drunk, actually I did but not the point an-"
"Your rambling" he says shortly, averting his gaze from the street over to me.
"Right sorry" I say awkwardly, looking out the window. I hear a soft chuckle, did he just laugh?
It's so pretty. Fuck everything about him is pretty.
The car comes to a stop and Ares rounds the car, opening the door open for me and hauling me into his arms. Ascending the long stair case, Ares opens the door at the end walking into the apartment.
Its beautiful.
Sky high glass windows adorn the outskirts —giving a view of the Eiffel tower, he carries me past the kitchen and down a long hallway into a bedroom. I don't have time to look around until am placed softly onto the bed in the middle of the room, I sink into the silky covers that welcome my body like seccond skin.
Forgetting about everything.
"I'll be back" a raspy voice says to me, followed by a door closing. not even 10 minutes later a elderly lady comes in with some clothes in her hands, she has pepper grey hair and laugh lines around her face and eyes with a motherly smile on her face.
"chère is it alright if i change your clothes?" the elderly lady says, a thick french accent swallowing the words that flow freely from her lips.
She begins changing me from my clothes after I nod my head and leaves straight after not uttering a word.
The door opens again and a shirtless Ares walks in. holy fucking shit. fuck me.
He grabs his pillow, only now do i notice the blanket he's holding — he kisses my temple, his lips lingering longer then it would be considered friendly.
He begins walking back out before i grab his forearm, he turns his head towards me, silently asking me to continue.
"Please stay. I don't want the nightmares tonight"
His eyes soften at my word and he sighs — not arguing and pulling the covers over his toned body as we lay there in a comfortable silence, listening to our hearts beating.
•••
The sun shines across my face into my eyes and I snuggle into the pillow beneath me, wrapping my arms around it.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
What the fuck.
I sit up from my position hastily, looking around in a panic until my eyes set on the man beneath me. Ares
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck
I stand up quickly and look around the room, I'm in a big shirt that reaches my thighs and a pair of boxer shorts.
Better be fucking clean.
I grab my dress that lays on the ground and try my luck at sneaking out. Did he take advantage of me?
that hurts my heart.
Questions swarm around in my head, begging for the answers of what happened
I grab my clothes quickly before making my way through his house, I don't look around as I don't want to wake up the sleeping man that is a room away from me.
My head pounds as I make my way down the busy streets of Paris, cars honking, the chatter of old friends meeting up only to see me doing the walk of shame.
Fucking hell.
I walk down the Main Street, passing multiplier streets until one catches my eyes
A pet shop
Emotional support animal. I think the fuck so.
•••
"Bella, why the fuck is that in your arms" my cousin calls out as she looks down at the puppy that's cuddled up— sleeping against my chest.
"That is named Angie, and she's our new dog" I say, smiling widely at her
"Gosh, it's fucking adorable but why"
"Emotional support?" I say but it comes out as more of a question, Amelie laughs and she shakes her head in amusement.
Well Angie, welcome to the family.
Angie^^^
Bella's dress^^^
Amelies dress^^^
HEYYY MY LOVES💘so like 4k reads, wtf thank you all so much. no joke you all mean so much to me.
also i read all your comments and that shits funnier then me and my cousin on Christmas, funniest shit, and also follow my tiktok for like content and shit ig? shameless self promo,
{ _dilligaf12 }
this girl who i used to be friends with texted me the other day saying she wanted to get closer but she's like best friends with the people who caused my depression and trust issues so i don't wanna trust her obviously but idk. lmk what you think I should do
also your all really fucking cool, so just wanted to remind you and bye, lmk what yous think. no fake hoes here.
💘💘
2059 words