I fastened the buckle of my high-heeled sandals and stood up. They had a slim black heel and a clear plastic strap over the toes. They were the last thing I had brought in London, before my big financial crisis.
As I looked down at them, I remembered the day I brought them in a vintage shop in Notting Hill. Jemima had asked me all parentally if I really had eighty pounds to spare on heels.
I had become quite annoyed with her as the truth was, I had known deep down that I should have been saving. I mean, my student loan would be stopping that term, and without a job, I was sure to be broke. But that day, like a lunatic, I had felt Jemima's role, as my best friend ought to be to encourage my impulsive shopping, and not to be so boring.
I wasn't one hundred percent sure if I even liked the shoes, but Jemima's response had prompted me to rebelliously take them to the counter and pay for them.
On the tube journey home, I had thought about them sitting there in the plastic bag, and had secretly regretted buying them. Are they even that great? I had thought with dread. And, am I seriously going to wear them? They were not that practical for London unless you caught cabs everywhere, which I certainly didn't.
And as it happened, I hadn't worn them once, until this evening. I had come across them that afternoon still in that same plastic bag, as I had sorted through the suitcases containing all my possessions from London.
I thought it would be only fitting to premiere them tonight, as I was on my way to meet Jemima. I wondered if she would remember them and gloat. She had been right, and I had been wrong. As usual.
This all got me thinking about what she would say if I could tell her about Llyr, Spirit and my whole secret underwater escapades. She would probably give me some very practical advice, along the lines of 'forget about the entire thing.'
But in my head, I was already taking her imaginary advice. I had already decided that I was going to forget everything.
I had been back on Starfish four days now, and I had spent the majority of it in a daze. At times I thought I had dreamed the whole thing, or taken some kind of hallucinogenic drug. I had been a mermaid, or if Aisling was right, I was still a mermaid. Me? Crystal White from London... It was just nuts.
If I had not seen George the other day down by Seaman's Lodge, I would have written it all off by now as some kind of mind-trickery. Yet George had made it feel as real as it had been.
I had brought myself to ask him about Llyr and the wedding, but he did not have any news on the matter and said his mother had not called for him since the wreck-party.
During the past week, I had thought about Spirit and our little romance, and I have to admit, I still felt the same ripples of excitement when I played back any of our time together in my head. Yet annoyingly, it was still Llyr that domineered my thoughts. Even another hot mer could not eclipse him, it seemed.
He was still there in my mind and in my heart, and it was gnawing at me, just like before. One day I had stared out of my bedroom window and gazed out at the navy blue waves. I had thought about him underneath them, now married, maybe even far away on his honeymoon.
I had become so frustrated I had kicked a hole into a cardboard box and then I had stomped on top of it until it was flattened. I just needed for it to stop it now. I had done everything to be with him again, but it had just not happened. There was truly no other option now but to move on. If I wanted to live a happy life, I had to forget about everything associated with him, and sadly, I had come to realize that this included all the other merfolk that I had come to know and love.
There was a knock at the back door, and I teetered downstairs on my heels. I could see a familiar shape through the glass pane.
"Rosie!" I cried flinging open the door. I had not seen her since my return as she had been on a business trip in America. She had swung by to collect me so that we could go and meet Jemima in a pub in Coney Bay.
"Oh...my God!" she screamed throwing her arms around me.
When she withdrew from me, I saw she had tears in her big brown eyes. "Sorry," she sniffed, "it's just, I've been so worried about you. Do you know what it's like to be informed that your friend has become a mermaid?"
I laughed wearily, "I imagine it's a bit of a head fuck."
"Uh-huuuh!" exhaled Rosie, wiping away a tear. "Anyway, the taxi's just at the end of the jetty, so we'd better go."
***
During the twenty-minute ride over to the mainland, I was able to give her a brief summary of my time under the sea. There were more tears, gasps, and screams.
"I can't believe you ended up getting off with Phantom!" she shrieked as we neared the mainland.
"Spirit," I giggled. "And yes, neither can I... he's way nicer than I thought he was, though, lovely actually - although a bit of a player."
"Oh, now don't you go having another mermance on me Crystal White," scolded Rosie. "I've had quite enough of that for one lifetime."
"So have I, hun," I sighed, as we began to slow. "So have I."
It was just as we were pulling in that I was able to thank her for having my back with the parents.
"That was a really good tale you cooked up, by the way," I said, reflecting on the story she had constructed with George about me being on the festival trail with no phone. "Tots believable, even if they did bollock me when I finally called them."
"I bet!" cried Rosie. "They must have been peed off!"
"Indeed," I sighed as we clambered up the sea taxi stairs and onto the harbor walkway. My father had yelled at me, before passing the phone to my Mum so that she could also yell. They had done about five rounds of this, before deescalating into laps of stern words. I had listened silently, not bothering to argue back. One way or another, I knew I kind of deserved it.
Rosie and I walked across the harbor, and I asked her for a lowdown on the situation with Jemima. During my phone conversations with her, she had been very calm and sympathetic, explaining that she totally understood and that we could discuss in person.
"I mean, what on earth did you tell her?" I asked, incredulously.
"Oh... Err," Rosie began, looking down.
"Rosie?" I said worriedly.
"I-oh dear... I... you understand I had no choice?"
I stopped in my tracks and stared at her, awaiting her explanation. This does not sound good.
"Crystal!" came a familiar shriek. I looked up, and my heart both soared and sank at the same time. Jemima was racing towards me with open arms. She looked exactly the same, in her favorite grey t-shirt dress and Converse trainers.
Before I could say a word, she had thrown her arms around me, and I hugged her back, feeling a surge of comfort. Now it was my turn to cry as I realized how much I had missed her.
"I'm so sorry," I said as I buried my face in her shoulder. "I'm the worst friend ever."
"Oh Crystal, you are the bestest friend in the whole world," said Jemima, putting her arm around me as we walked along. "I mean, what happened to you was not your fault."
Oh Gosh, what has Rosie told her?
***
We had spent the evening chatting in the pub and drinking pints. Jemima told me all about her wedding plans so far. The wedding would be in the spring, and it would be in St Carolina's which was some way down the coast. This brought me a little comfort, at least I would not have to come to Starfish for the wedding.
It felt nice to be with my girls again, although something still felt... how can I put it? Out of joint, maybe. Everything was strange to me, drinking liquid from a glass felt like an entirely new experience.
Rosie spotted some friends by the bar and dashed over to speak with them, leaving me and Jemima on our own.
"I'm so sorry about everything," I said again. "I mean, I can't believe I missed your engagement party, you don't know how guilty I feel."
"Do you seriously think I went ahead with the engagement party without you?" exclaimed Jemima.
"Err... well..." I stammered faintly. "So, what exactly did Rosie tell you?"
"Well, she told me about the ambulance coming to your house that morning..."
"Ambulance?" I whimpered.
"You probably don't remember much, I know... but you were in quite a bad way, Crystal."
"Mm," I managed to emit.
"I mean, it's completely understandable, with the finals, the breakup and the move, it was all just way too much."
"Yes," I said tensely. I was beginning to see where this was going.
"Stress can definitely push you over the edge, hun, I mean, I would have had a meltdown too," said Jemima soothingly. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. A couple of weeks in hospital was just what you needed."
"Exactly," I said slowly.
"And don't worry, I know you didn't tell Rosie instead of me. She said that the only reason she knew about it was because of the ambulance coming to the island to collect you."
I nodded mutely. "Yep," I said, eventually. "That's exactly what happened."