This pic is from the internet!
I'm sorry if there are mistakes, it's after midnight, my eyes burns but I wanted to give you guys a new chapter <3
!!!TW!!!
I relapsed again. Yesterday I got the message that I was sober for 4 months. Now I'm back by a few seconds. I'm scared. I'm scared to tell Natasha about it but I promised her so I had to. A few days ago I asked her if she would be disappointed if I relapsed and can't stay sober and she answered no. Then she added that she would be disappointed in herself if I didn't tell her. So now here I am. I have to tell her I relapsed and I fully know that it will trigger her in some way because she isn't well herself. I know she is having a dark time again. I finally fall asleep from exhaustion.
The next day, I know I have to tell her but how? Today I have a day off so no one would be worried if I don't leave my bed till noon. I just lay there and stare at the ceiling. I start to imagine a dragon who is very strong but also kind. I sit down on my desk and start drawing it. After that, I imagine they would snuggle up to me and give me back my strength. Dragons have always been my favorite. Without realizing I drift back to sleep.
A knock wakes me. "Y/N?" I stand up and open the door. "Yes?" I ask tiredly. "I wanted to look after you because you didn't show up at lunch. Are you ok?" Wanda asks me worriedly. I didn't dare to look up at her once. "I'm fine, I fall asleep." I mumble. "I can see you're not. Do you want me to phone Nat?" "NO, no. I don't wanna bother her. I'm really tired, is there something else?" "No but-" "Thanks for checking on me, see you later." With that I closed the door again and went back to bed.
Natasha pov:
Wanda
Wanda:
Hey Nat, is there something important right now because if not would you please come home. Something is wrong with Y/N, she didn't talk to me but even without entering her mind, I know it would be very dark. She told me I shouldn't phone you because she doesn't wanna bother you but this way I don't phone you and you're still informed because I'm really worried.
Me:
Thanks Wanda, I'm on my way.
I first informed Maria that I need to go because of Y/N. She is good with her and knows about her struggles so it of course wasn't a problem to her. She told me to keep her up to date.
After that I phoned Fury and he reacted the same way, Y/N was like a daughter to him. He would never admit it and because of his way he acts on people she wouldn' believe it but for Maria and me it wasn't so hard to recognize. I jumped on my bike and drove home. I am so worried about her.
Y/N pov:
I couldn't fall back asleep. All the feelings came back. It was overwhelming and way too much. I went to the bath and without thinking, I took the blade out. One, two, three,...seven new cuts on my inner arm over my wrist. I let myself down to the ground, just sit there and staring into nothing. I didn't hear the knocks on my door or someone open it. I just feel two warm hands on my shoulder pulling me into a hug. That's when I snapped back again. I tried to steady my breathing again and to calm myself down. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." I whisper. "It's ok honey, it's ok." She pulled away after I calmed a bit. "May I?" She asks carefully and takes my arm as I nod. She always takes care of my wounds to show me that they are like the wounds after a Mission and just the fight brings the difference because one of them is inside and the other outside.
After she is done she picks me up and carries me over to the bed where we snuggle up together. She kisses my forehead over and over again while she whispers sweet nothings in my ear. We just enjoy our togetherness.
I calmed myself in her arms and I felt loved and safe. "Tasha?" "Yes sweetheart?" "Would you mind helping me out with a little project, I want to try if it helps me." "How can I help?" She asks with a warm and loving smile. I sit up, take her hand and walk over to my desk. "Wow, did you draw this?" She asks as she sees the dragon and I shyly nod. "This looks amazing." "Thanks. Uhm so I thought because dragons are my favorite, I could let him speak with stuff I don't see about myself but you and that's exactly where I need your help. Would you mind filling up the speech bubble?" "I will gladly do that." She smiles. She gives me a kiss on my head then she sit down and starts writing.
Now everytime Natasha isn't there to comfort me, I look at this picture. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't but I love this picture.