𝟘𝟝𝕩𝟘𝟛
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Amber jolted awake as she heard screaming coming from Natalie's room. It took her few seconds to realise what it was happening. She rushed outside her room and down the hall to her mother's room.
Natalie was still sleeping. But the screaming didn't stop. "Get away from her." She kept yelling. "Amber."
"Mom." Amber talked, too scared. She wasn't sure what to do. "Mom, I'm here." But Natalie couldn't hear anything. Deep into sleep. "Mom, please go back to sleep. It's just a dream." She told her, like Natalie did when Amber was little and was having nightmares. "Mom." She gently touched her shoulder and Natalie woke up with a gasp.
"Amber?" Natalie questioned when her daughter was the first thing she saw. She sat up and wrapped her arms around her daughter. She hugged her tightly, scared of losing her after the nightmare she had. "I'm so sorry, honey." Natalie took deep breaths, trying to calm down.
"Are you okay?" Amber asked.
"Yeah, honey. It was just a bad dream. Go to sleep." Natalie ran her fingers through her head and fell back down on her pillows. Amber left the room, not sure what to do. And as the minutes kept passing by and Natalie couldn't fall back to sleep, she got up and started her day. At 3 am.
She took a shower, she made breakfast, she even cooked lunch for a change. She got dressed, she took the dog for a walk and by the time she felt herself getting tired again she had to go to work.
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The next morning, the chief had gathered everyone for a short meeting. He had planned out a new set of rules, that everyone needed to execute in order the hospital could get back to its former glory. "Hey, you hear anything about what the new rules are?" Hahn asked Mark who was sitting in the row beside her.
"Last I heard you were at hand-holding, foot rubs, and lots of late-night gab sessions." Mark bent over and replied lowly to her.
"Excuse me?" Hahn asked.
"You're talking about the Chief's new rules." Mark realised. "Thought it was you and Torres." The two women had started dating.
"Listen up!" The chief walked outside.
"I've been wrong before." Mark muttered and looked to his left, noticing Natalie resting her head on her palm with her eyes closed. "Nat." He said quietly, trying not to draw attention. The Natalie he knew would never fall asleep during work.
"What?" She jolted awake and looked around horrified. "Bloody hell." She mumbled and looked at Mark. "Thanks."
"We're busy people, I'm gonna try and be brief. I am implementing a new teaching
protocol here at Seattle Grace. Some of these rules are new, and some are old and are
going to be newly enforced. First, second and third-year residents will no longer be allowed to de facto specialise. The practise interferes with the development of a fully-rounded surgical education. No more. Personal relationships, personal loyalties and personal favourites will no longer be a factor in our training programme. Attendings, you will spread your wealth of knowledge equally among all of the residents. In addition, we'll refocus our attention on patient communication and bedside manner. For some of us, this means learning the lost art of humanity and compassion. For others, this means learning how to treat patients without becoming emotionally involved with them. This is a surgical programme. Psychiatry is on the fifth floor."
"Maybe I should pay a visit." Natalie said under her breath. Her sleeping problems have only been turning worse and she wasn't sure what kind of test she should ran first.
"Let's not confuse the two." Natalie turned her attention back to the chief. "In addition, residents, your interns reflect on you. If they fail, you fail. If they succeed, you succeed. Attendings, that goes for residents as well. Teach with enthusiasm. Learn with enthusiasm. We are surgeons. We cut out malignancies. Let's start at home, people." He finished off. And Natalie wondered what kind of teacher she could be when she could barely keep herself together.
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Natalie was at the lobby, charting. She had been avoiding the O.R. at all cause. Until someone realised that she did that. She didn't want her sleep problems to cause anything serious to one of her patients.
But that day was not her lucky day, because Lexie Grey walked up to her needing her assistance "Dr. Turner, I'm working with Shepherd today on a pain patient, and I read this article while I was helping George study..."
"Pathetic." Natalie commented, not taking her eyes away from the papers in front of her.
"Yes. I know, I'm pathetic." Lexie agreed. "I did read this article." She continued. "I do have a photographic memory. Chief's on his new thing with the interns to be heard..."
"Grey, use fewer words, please. I have a headache." Natalie sighed and took a sip from her coffee.
"I think he needs a cardiothoracic surgeon, meaning you." And Lexie had taken a particular liking in the female doctor, finding it refreshing to work with her. Plus she loved the advice Natalie gave.
And Natalie couldn't back out, so she agreed to check the patient out with Lexie, hoping that she wouldn't mess anything up. And she hadn't messed up since her intern year.
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After a sort visit at the patient's room, Natalie figured out what she needed to do to fix the problem, but the hospital was going through a whole new tragedy with leaking water following around, so until it was fixed Natalie was hiding out at the attending's lounge, trying to get a nap at the couch.
But it was hard for her that day to find some peace and quiet.
Mark Sloan walked inside, knowing that he would find her there. It wasn't unusual for Mark to notice everything Natalie was doing. He couldn't help it. And now he had noticed that she hadn't been doing well. "Any chance you wanna tell me what's going with you?" He asked closing the door behind him.
Natalie opened one eye and groaned when she saw Mark. She turned her back on him and put the pillow on her face. "I've just been having trouble sleeping. That's all. Don't you ever stay awake at night?" She asked in a muffled voice.
"Yeah, but for a good reason. Done it with you sometimes." Natalie could basically see his smirk even with her back turned on him. So she couldn't help but throw the pillow right on his face. "Hey!" Mark complained.
"You are annoying me." Natalie sat up and glared at him.
"I know. I love it." He smiled and just stared at her. For a little too long.
"Don't do that." She warned him when he gave her that look that made her heart beat a little too fast. "You and I are not going to work, you know that."
"You actually don't know that." Mark corrected her.
"I know that, because nothing works for me. Not even sleep." She stood up and walked out of the room. Making Mark more worried than before.
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The flood was under control for the time being and Natalie had scheduled the surgery her patient was waiting for. "Grey." She called out the girl that found out the cause of the patient's pain. "Mr Patmore's condition is extremely rare...and you nailed it. You can scrub in." She said, hoping that at least one of them would be excited about this.
"Now? You're doing the surgery now, with the flood?" But Lexie was not excited. Because she had promised George that she would help him so he could write his intern test.
"Flood's contained. Our man's been in pain for seven years. See you in surgery." Natalie turned around to leave.
"I can't. I'm sorry." But Lexie stopped her. "But I'm really busy helping the Chief... the Chief's intern. I... Thank you, but maybe next time?"
"No, Lexie, there won't be a next time. Pathetic." Natalie shook her head and walked away.
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But for Natalie's luck the surgery didn't happen. Hahn needed the O.R. for an emergency and since all ORs were out because of the flood, hers was the last one. And she gave it out without much fight.
"How'd it go?" Lexie found the doctor outside of the hospital. Ready to leave. Natalie gave her a look without answering. "I know. I'm pathetic. And George doesn't know I exist, I missed my surgery. Could you tell me how it went?" She asked.
"We didn't get to do the surgery." Natalie replied, hiding the fact that she was thankful for that, because she could barely keep her eyes open. "Mr Patmore's been shipped off to another hospital. And he will be out of pain by this time tomorrow."
Lexie seemed disappointed. Disappointed, mostly at herself; that she turned out a surgery like that. Disappointed that her patient didn't get to have the surgery performed by Natalie.
And Natalie noticed.
"Lexie." She smiled at the younger woman. "It's not pathetic being in love with someone. Pathetic is putting yourself second. Pathetic is not realising that you deserve better. Never settle for second best Lexie. Never."
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𝟘𝟝𝕩𝟘𝟝
Natalie had woken up way too early that day. And since for once Amber was sleeping without interruptions, she wrote her a note and put it on the fridge, letting her know she left early for work.
She was planning on hiding out in the on-call room for few hours, but in her luck, Mark was already there. "What are you doing here?" She asked him.
"I had an early morning palatoplasty." Mark replied to her. He was half laid on the bed, reading a magazine with Derek's face on the cover. "See this? The Shepherd Method?"
"Yeah impressive" Natalie said looking at the cover and sat down next to Mark. His and Meredith's clinical trial had been published. "I wanted to sleep." She informed him.
"Sleep. I won't bother." Mark moved over making more space for her to lay down. "Think they airbrush these pictures? The man does not have one pore." He commented and Natalie gave him a look. "I am not leaving, I was here first." Mark reminded her. "Come on, you've slept next to me before."
"You know what?" She asked annoyed. "I am going to get coffee." But before she could open the door, Callie burst inside.
"God, I've been looking everywhere for either of you. And you're both here." She realised. "Wait, are you guys sleeping together?"
"No!" Natalie said.
"Not anymore." Mark said at the same time.
"Seriously Mark?"
"Both of you owe me some explanations." Callie looked between the two of them but she was too occupied with her own relationship to care about theirs. "Last night, Erica and I..." She paused. "We... We did it. Sort of."
"Congratulations?" Natalie wondered.
"No. No, no." Callie shook her head. "It was not good, at all. I choked. I... couldn't go down there. I tried, but it just felt so weird and clinical, like gynie rotation." She sighed at the memory. "I left this morning before she got up. I couldn't even face her. What if... What if me and Erica, what if we are a mistake?" Callie wondered and in that moment Mark got ready to leave. "Where are you going?" Callie asked him.
"I can't talk about this."
"Come on!" Callie argued. "You love talking about this stuff. Girl on girl, it's hot."
"Two girls getting nasty and loving it? That's hot. One girl talking about how much it sucked? Depressing, and wrong. Just wrong." Mark said and walked out of the door, leaving Natalie behind.
"I just wanted to sleep." She said and Callie looked upset. "Look, ugh..." Natalie sighed. "It was your first time. Remember your actually first time. It felt awkward and weird, right? That's the same, every time it gets better. You just need to learn and get familiar with this new thing." Natalie wouldn't leave anyone without an advice.
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Later on, Derek had met up with Mark and Natalie to rant about his fight with Meredith. When their clinical trial got published, there was no mention of Meredith and it obviously bothered her. "She's barely a second-year resident. I made the virus." He rambled and Natalie rolled her eyes at him.
"She assisted. When Michael Jordan scores no one cares about the assist." Mark agreed with him and kept his face on the laptop. He had been doing research for his own clinical trial. He hadn't said anything but Natalie saw.
"It's always Scottie Pippen." Natalie butted in. "The assist is very important."
"You know what I mean." Mark told her. "These women, they overthink everything."
"Excuse me?" Natalie snapped. "That girl worked her ass off for you and you got all the credit." Natalie reminded Derek.
"I would've gotten the blame had we failed. Simple: I'm an attending, she's a second-year resident." Derek argued, but there was no use. Natalie had the answer ready.
"Who you're living with. That's not simple, it's messy. If it were me I'd start with thank you. You'll be surprised how far that one goes, especially with us silly, emotional, overthinking women." Note the sarcasm.
"Somebody's cranky today." Derek pointed out and looked over his friend's shoulder. "What's that, experimental treatments for cleft palates?"
"He's working on his own clinical trial." Natalie exposed him.
"I'm just doing a little research." Mark defended himself.
"The very sight of me reminds you that you've not made one worthwhile contribution to medical history." Derek mocked him.
"Get out."
"You should read my article. It'll enrich your life, make you a better man."
"I'm saving it for the bathroom." Mark grunted making Natalie chuckle.
☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
𝟘𝟝𝕩𝟘𝟞
And as the days kept passing by, Natalie's sleeping disorder was getting worse. Once the sleep walking started. Amber had been trying to stay awake at night, help her with anything she needed, But that night she had fallen asleep. And Natalie almost had an accident.
"Mom, why don't you call aunt Bella?" Amber asked her mother that morning. Natalie's little sister was a sleep specialist. But Natalie hadn't talked with her in a while.
"Amber I'm fine. I am handling this, okay?" Natalie tightened the grip at the cup of coffee she was holding, once she felt her hand trembling. Her hands never trembled.
"Mom, you were sleep walking. You almost fell down the stairs. Just call aunt Bella." Amber was trying to reason with her. But it was impossible.
"I am not calling her, okay? I always try to keep in touch with her, but the one time I needed her, she wasn't here. So I am not calling her, I am not texting her, I am not emailing her. I can figure this out just fine. End of discussion." But Natalie was stubborn and hurt that her sister wasn't here not during her divorce and not during the time Amber was away from her. So she didn't want to ask her for help.
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That morning Natalie decided to talk to the chief about part of her problem. She needed to stay away from the O.R. for a while and she knew that. "Chief, could I have a word?" She called out and noticed a redhead man next to him.
"Natalie perfect time." Webber said and called out for Derek and Mark who were walking towards the elevator. "I want you to meet the new head of trauma at Seattle Grace. Major Owen Hunt, you remember Derek Shepherd, Mark Sloan. This is Natalie Turner." They all shook hands politely.
"He stole my patient."
"Mine, too." Derek and Mark said the one after the other.
"Now you'll get a chance to steal mine." Owen tried to make a joke. Derek and Mark were not big fans of him. On the other hand Natalie was excited to meet the man who did the pen tracheotomy.
"You can steal one of my patients, I am a big fan. I loved the pen tracheotomy, found it really resourceful." Natalie smiled.
"Seriously?" Mark muttered to her and she only shrugged at him.
"I just talked to a friend of mine at the d.o.h. Now that we have Owen, we are being reclassified as a level I trauma unit by the end of the month." Webber informed them.
"Perfect. Welcome Dr. Hunt. If you'll excuse us for a second." Natalie said and Webber walked a little further away with her. "I know this isn't a good time. But I've been having some sleeping problems lately, but I think I need to stay away from the O.R. until I get it under control." And Webber was not happy, especially since they had number 12 haunting them, but he also recognised how mature and professional Natalie was with this, so there was no way he wouldn't be understanding with her. "Don't worry I already have someone in mind who can help me."
Natalie was going to call her sister at some point, just not yet.
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"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Amber asked for the tenth time that night. She had made plans weeks ago to have a sleepover birthday party at her friend's house and there was no way Natalie would let her miss it.
"Yes honey. I feel better today." She had only learnt to mask it a little better than before.
"Can you please call aunt Bella?" Amber asked.
"I'll think about it." That was the best she could do in that moment.
"Ugh." Amber groaned at her childish behaviour. "If you need something Rosie's house is not that far away." She reminded her.
"I know where Rosie's house is. Just go and have fun. I'll enjoy my wine and a movie."
"Okay, okay. Mulan please keep her company." Amber petted the puppy. Natalie was still not very fond of her. But she would always make sure that she ate and she was always the one who took her for morning walks. So that was a start. "Bye, love you." Amber gave her a short hug.
"Love you too." Natalie called out as Amber walked out of the door. "Don't even think about it." Natalie talked to the puppy as she tried to climb up the couch. "I don't know what my daughter let's you do when I am out, but this is my couch. You sit on your bed, got it?" The puppy only whined in reply. "Look, we can keep company to each other but you will not sit on the couch, that's all I'm saying."
The brief conversation with the puppy was cut short when the doorbell rang. "Hi?" Natalie said confused when she opened the door and saw Mark standing there. "What are you doing here?"
"You texted me to come." Mark said like it was obvious.
"No, I didn't." Natalie argued and it took her seconds to realise what was happening. "My daughter sent me a nanny." She sighed. "She stole my phone. She had made plans weeks ago to stay over at a friend's house and she didn't want to leave me alone. I guess she sent you."
Mark chuckled, liking Amber more and more. "Glad she did."
"No, you can go. I'm sure you have more important things to do anyway, like sleeping with Callie." No matter how many times Natalie would say that she didn't care. she cared. A lot.
"Does this bother you?" Mark couldn't help but smile, recognising that she was annoyed by it. If he could read one emotion on Natalie better than anything else, that would be annoyance. And that because he was the one who annoyed her the most at the beginning.
"Pff, what? Of course not."
"You were the one who told me to not wait for you." He pointed out.
Yeah, because if I told you to not sleep with anyone else until I feel ready to be with you, you'd do it, Natalie thought. "Whatever, I was going to order pizza, do you want to come inside?" She said instead.
"I'd love to." Mark walked passed her and inside the house.
"Since you're here." Natalie tried to downplay the invitation.
"Since I'm here." Mark repeated.
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The couple had shared two pizzas and a bottle of wine while watching a movie. Mulan had ended up snuggling next to Mark on the couch, as he kept on petting her the whole night. And Natalie eventually let her lie down on the couch.
It was getting late and Natalie was getting visibly tired, as she kept yawning. "Do you want me to go?" Mark counted three yawns at once.
"No, it's fine. You haven't finished your wine yet." Natalie didn't want to be left alone, but it was not easy to admit that.
"It's okay if you're tired." Mark looked at the time. "It's way after midnight."
"I'm fine." She yawned again.
"Nat, you wanna tell me what's going on? Your kid didn't want you to be alone for a reason. What is it?"
Natalie looked at him for a second before finally sharing what was happening to her. "My insomnia turned into night terrors. I think it's just stress, you know having a little trauma after everything that happened. And Amber is worried, and she had figured out that there was something going on between us, the last time she saw us in the hospital. So I'm sure that's why she texted you."
Mark couldn't help but smile, thinking that Amber was okay with them dating. The problem was that Natalie wasn't. "Nat, you can always talk to me, you know that, right?"
"I know how to fix things by myself."
"Doesn't mean you have to." Mark caressed her hand. "How about you go to sleep and I'll stay here, just in case." He suggested.
"You don't have to." Natalie whispered.
"Don't you get it? I want to." There was a small pause. The two adults just staring at each other. "Go. I'll be here."
"I-I'm scared Mark." Natalie admitted and didn't move from her seat. "I feel like the first time I had a nightmare when I was a kid. Only ten times worse. And I don't want to go. I feel like I'm losing my mind."
"You're not losing your mind." His other hand moved up her cheek. The slightest touch making Natalie breathe a little easier. "You just need to rest. And I'll be there, to make sure that nothing interrupts your sleep."
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And just like Mark had promised her, he was there to take care of her. He was lying on bed right next to her, holding her in his arms. "Thank you." Natalie whispered, and Mark tightened his grip around her, bringing her closer to his side.
And for a while Natalie slept peacefully and for a while Mark stayed awake, just staring at her and making sure that she wasn't going to wake up screaming. That she was going to stay calm. Because that's how he always wanted her to be.
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ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴏʀɪᴇꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ɪ ᴀᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜɪꜱ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴀᴛᴀʟɪᴇ?
ᴀꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ ɴᴀᴛᴀʟɪᴇ'ꜱ ꜱɪꜱᴛᴇʀ ɪꜱ ᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ꜱᴏᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ꜰᴏʀ ʙᴇʟʟᴀ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇʀ ɪꜱ ᴊᴇꜱꜱɪᴄᴀ ᴅᴇ ɢᴏᴜᴡ.